lance: man…… maybe i should tell people about how shitty and lonely i feel sometimes. i mean, they’re my friends… they care about me, don’t they? they’re always there for me, right? i should really stop just bottling eve-
Many days had passed and Harry was sitting into Sirius’ room, along with Ron and Hermione. He hated being into the Blacks house, especially because he felt so guilty about facing Sirius everyday and not telling him the secret he knew about him. It put so much pressure on him that he did everything to avoid his godfather during the Christmas holidays, which made him sad and anxious. He needed his presence more than anything but he couldn’t handle looking at him in the eyes with what he now knew. The first day when he came to Grimmauld place, he thought about telling at once Sirius. But the man didn’t seem to be in a good mood; in fact, he looked more depressed than he looked back when he got out of Azkaban. One night, as Harry came downstairs to get a glass of water after a nightmare, he surprised a conversation between Lupin and Sirius, as they were drinking into the drawing room together.
‘I tried to look for her, but it’s like she vanished into thin air’ he heard his godfather whisper.
There was a pause.
‘Come on Sirius, don’t get yourself into trouble just for her.’
‘Just for her? Do you know how much time I spent thinking she believes I am guilty?’
‘Why does it matter? You said it yourself, it’s been ages.’
Harry heard Sirius swallowing heavily his liquor.
‘What about me?’ he asked.
‘You are safe here. Don’t you think about going out of here ever again before it’s okay for you to do so’ replied Remus with a cold voice.
‘It’s like you don’t want me to see her. Is it? Are you hiding something from me? Is she okay?’ said Sirius, sounding nervous and angry.
‘Are you thinking straight, Pads?’
There was another pause.
‘The girl has moved on, don’t go trouble Y/N with your excuses and explications!’
‘What’s the matter with you, since when did you lose any empathy for your old friend? I just want to see her again, just one time, for Merlin’s beard-‘
‘She’s married Sirius! There, I said it. She has a life of her own now, she moved on, don’t go trouble her with the past! What are you thinking, that she was going to wait for you? It’s been almost fourteen years.’
Harry felt the tension in the room. For a few minutes, he wondered what was happening as he heard nobody talk anymore. As time passed and nobody move or spoke, Harry walked silently back into his room. He felt so sorry for Sirius he couldn’t breathe anymore, his chest hurt. How he wished Sirius knew that he had a daughter with Y/N, that he had a future of his own, that he hadn’t lost everything. He heard somebody opening the door. Hermione was standing in the doorway, looking at him curiously.
‘I thought I heard noise in here’ she whispered.
‘Couldn’t sleep’ replied Harry, trying to chase away his thoughts.
She looked at Ron who seemed to be lost into a deep sleep.
‘That makes at least two of us’ she smiled. ‘Mind if I come in?’
Harry shook his head and Hermione sat beside him on the bed.
‘Are you having visions again?’ she enquired.
‘No, that’s not it’ said Harry, feeling uncomfortable with what he just heard.
Hermione put her hand on Harry’s and looked at him with sincere eyes.
‘You know, you can tell me anything.’
Harry smiled back to her and they sat in silence, staring at the flames crackling in the fireplace.
‘Hermione?’ said Harry, breaking the silence.
She looked up at her friend.
‘What would you do if you knew a secret, a big one, that would change one’s perception on life and future?’
She frowned her eyebrows.
‘Who would it concerns?’ she asked.
‘I know something – something very important – but I’m not confident about telling the person it concerns, because I’m not sure how that person would react.’
‘Harry, you’re worrying me… Why don’t you just tell me what it’s about and I’ll try to help?’
Maybe he could tell Hermione. He looked at Ron, fast asleep.
‘Are you familiar with the other students? Other houses, other years?’
Hermione raised her shoulders.
‘I don’t know everybody, but I have a good memory.’
‘There’s this girl, maybe you know her. Second grade’ he continued.
‘Well, I came to know recently, something about her. Something huge.’
‘I didn’t know you were interested in gossip, Harry’ mumbled Hermione, not sure where her friend was going with this.
Harry sighed heavily.
‘You know Y/D/N Y/L/N?’
Hermione raised her shoulders again.
‘Long black hair, silver eyes. She’s pretty too. She’s in Slytherin.’
‘The name does ring a bell. But I’d have to see what she looks like, to be honest… Where’re you going with that Harry?’
Harry felt his hands becoming sweaty and his blood pumping loudly in his veins.
‘You wouldn’t have to get out of this house to see what she looks like…’ he whispered.
Hermione raised her eyebrows and waited for the denouement. Harry felt nervous, he wished she’d have put the puzzle pieces together by now.
‘Don’t make me say it, don’t make me say it’ he thought.
‘Wait a minute…’ he heard Hermione say.
She got up and started pacing in the room.
‘I think I know who you’re talking about. She has those shiny long black hair does she? I remember her cause the first time I noticed her, she was in the library and something about her felt very familiar when I glanced at her!’
Harry waited patiently for Hermione to figure it out.
‘The eyes, yes, the eyes. These silver eyes, well, her whole face expression, the smirk…’
There was a long pause. Her eyes widened and she put her hand in front of her now opened mouth, her expression shocked.
‘Are you sure?’ she asked, nervously.
‘Without a doubt.’
‘Does he know?’
Harry shook his head and felt his eyes burn.
‘I surprised a conversation and I asked questions to Lupin afterwards and pretty figured the rest myself.’
‘Then maybe you’re wrong’ suggested Hermione, not sure she really wanted to believe what she was just told.
‘No. Lupin confirmed it. He asked me to tell no one, but how could I keep this to myself?’
‘You need to tell him, Harry!’ said Hermione, hurrying to her friend, taking him by the shoulders.
‘How can I be the one telling him? How can I tell Sirius that he has a daughter he doesn’t know about?’
Harry heard the floor crack outside the room. Both he and Hermione jumped with fear. He stood up and looked into the door crack that Hermione didn’t close entirely. There, two pairs of bright silver eyes were shining into the dark, reflecting the dancing flames of the fireplace behind Harry’s weak body, surrounded by black fur all around. The big dog seemed to look blankly at Harry. Surely, Sirius had heard them say they weren’t able to sleep and decided to make them laugh by transforming into Padfoot, like he did some nights before. He started to walk slowly in reverse.
‘Sirius, I-‘ Harry tried to mumble.
But the dog had disappeared.
‘SIRIUS!’ he shouted again, waking up Ron and the entire household.
They heard a door being shut down loudly downstairs.
that bpd feel when you have to write notes to yourself like “stfu bitch, u love him” and “he’s gonna leave u if u don’t cut that petty shit out” in case you start splitting on your man nd feel yourself slippin into that bitchy mood
Friendly reminder that trans boys are still boys even if they are feminine, dye their hair with bright colors, call themselves boys instead of men, wear pastel colored clothes, and don’t give in to toxic masculinity and gender roles
Friendly reminder that feminine trans mlm are mlm and NOT girls fetishizing mlm relationships
Friendly reminder that feminine trans boys and feminine trans mlm are valid and are welcome in our community