Dude on Facebook: Electra and Catwomen say “whats up”
Me: Do they? Green Lantern, Fantastic Four (ALL OF THEM), Batman vs Superman, Suicide Squad, Ghost Rider, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Batman & Robin, Batman Forever, Daredevil, X-Men: Apocalypse, X-Men: The Last Stand, most of the various Spider-Man films, Superman 3, Superman 4, Captain America (1990), X-Men Origins: Wolverine, The Wolverine, Jonah Hex, Hulk, The Green Hornet, GI Joe, GI Joe 2, GI Joe refuses to fucking go away, The Shadow, Blade Trinity, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Spawn, The Phantom, RIPD, Judge Dredd, every goddamn Transformers film light them on fire, Iron Man 3, The Spirit, fucking Watchmen I apologize for reminding people that pile of garbage exists, Man of Steel, and more that I’m probably forgetting completely drown them out in a symphony of shit.
The reasons behind Wonder Woman's success over the 2016 Ghostbusters
-While the 2016 Ghostbusters are an imitation of the original with female leads, Wonder Woman is her own thing, not a copy of Super Man;
-Wonder Woman sends the message that you can have a good movie with a female lead while the female Ghostbusters tried to force the message that movies are only worth watching when they have female leads.
-Wonder Woman, a good movie, came after Man of Steel and Batman V Superman, two bad movies. 2016 Ghostbusters, a bad movie, came after Ghostbusters 1 and 2, two good movies.
So in honour of the new Justice League trailer, can I ask you what you feel are the top ten worst things about the DCEU movies so far?
*grins evilly, cracks knuckles*
Let’s get this one out of the way:
10. This fucking shot right here
“Pretentious” does not even begin to cover it. And that expression! I don’t have much nice to say about Henry Cavill in these movies, but I do enjoy his utter inability to hide his embarrassment at what he’s participating in at this moment.
9. The Why Did You Even Bother Club: Lois Lane, the Daily Planet, Rick Flag & June Moon, the media, the military, Congress…
Remember how The Avengers had this idea of Agent Coulson as the in-universe fanboy who understood the team better than anybody, and how the best part of Age of Ultron was the trip to Hawkeye’s farm? So why do the “human” elements of the DCEU feel so forced and stale?
8. Someone needs to go to jail for these action scenes
I thank the gods that I (unlike many of my friends) walked into Man of Steel sober, because Snyder’s destruction porn in that movie is a truly bad trip. Everything you need to know about the dude is in this juxtaposition: when he’s showing a building breaking apart, he wants you to see details, dammit, this is his canvas. When he has to cut to, y’know, humans, they’re dully shot and horribly lit, and his impatient desire to get to the next orgasmic splash-panel-shot is palpable. Elsewhere, the Doomsday sequence in BvS not only extends the plot far beyond its logical climax (the dictionary definition of overkill), it’s an unbelievably dull and drab nesting doll of mushroom clouds, pure headache-inducing sound and fury signifying nothing, my least favorite superhero throwdown on screen…until the Enchantress fight in Suicide Squad, which had me in tears in the theater, I was laughing so hard.
7. Pa Kent wants you and your children dead, you hear me? DEAD!
This may be the single worst aspect of Man of Steel specifically. I hate it on every level. I hate that Pa Kent spouts this BS, I hate that we’re supposed to take it seriously, I hate how it bogs down the post-Krypton story with no real weight or payoff (since we already know that Adult Clark is saving people by the time we get his Dad’s speech about not doing so), I hate that entire unbelievably dumb tornado scene, and I hate how freakin’ casual Snyder and Goyer are about death throughout this SUPERMAN STORY. Supes kills Zod, screams that scream…and then he’s downing satellites with a smirk, and biking through an apparently just-fine Metropolis, and hahaha look, glasses! Tone? Stakes? What are those? What was the point to him killing Zod other than Snyder getting that fetishistic close-up of the scream? Man of Steel was always going to be a bad movie, but this is where it became a Bad movie.
6. THIS IS KATANA
SHE’S GOT MY BACK
5. Batman v Superman is I Took Half a Philosophy Course, The Movie
Every single second of this insufferable thing is screaming at you to take it seriously. Every. Single. One. And it’s earned maybe 2% of the time, usually when it directly swipes a line from a comic. There’s nothing else to most of these scenes—just This Is Dramatic, with no attention put into the “this” from the basic “we need to care about these people” angle that Marvel generally has a lock on. The ambition falls flat. In particular, the worldbuilding sequences in BvS (the Injustice future, the Flash visitation, the videos of future JL members) constitute some of the clumsiest and most misguided scenes ever in a comic book movie, because they thoroughly ratfuck the tone, pacing, and focus in the most masturbatory manner imaginable outside of literal porn. (Has there ever been a less appropriate use of Exciting Pump-You-Up music than when Wonder Woman is…sitting at her laptop…watching QuickTime videos?)
4. Scene to scene, line to line, end to end, every storytelling decision in Suicide Squad is wrong
I don’t demand a movie make perfect logical sense for me to like it, and nitpicking about plot holes often aggravates me, because there are many more important things to making and watching movies. What I demand is that you not assemble your movie like a dozen different food-poisoning-induced fever dreams all happening simultaneously. When you have to literally actually reshow parts of your “villain launches their evil plan” sequence (kind of an important part of a comic book movie!) because it was so confusing and poorly communicated the first time through, you’ve lost any semblance of structural coherence. This isn’t clever nonlinear storytelling. This is an abysmal, abyssal editing fail. Honestly, given the garbage fire behind the scenes, Suicide Squad barely counts as a finished movie.
Final three slots reserved for the fatal performances. You know the ones.
3. How did you let Jared Leto keep doing this after day one
How did you not brain him with a shovel or something
2. Why, though
Why would you do this to us
And of course, at #1…
1. This ostensibly sentient block of granite you insist on calling Clark Kent
Ok, that’s not entirely fair. He’s poorly cast, written, and directed. The DCEU is fundamentally broken because its central character does not work. He’s got two modes–deadly boring and straight-up deadly–and neither is compelling. I’m far from the first to say it: this is a Superman for people who never liked Superman.
Berg: It’s a fun movie. It’s positive and optimistic. The early films may have been too dark in parts.
Johns: Most of the DC Universe is known as being a hopeful and optimistic place. It’s known for characters that are inspirational and aspirational. Anyone who knows and loves the DC Universe knows that a lot of that has to do with its hope and optimism.
“Suicide Squad” and “Batman v. Superman” made money, but critics hated them. Did you learn anything from the poor response to the films?
Berg: There are lessons from every movie. You would be silly not to analyze how a movie was received — what went right and what went wrong on the making of a movie.
On “Suicide Squad,” the movie did incredibly well commercially. It didn’t work narratively. You had some great casting and some great characterizations, but where the story fell down was on narrative, on plot. We could do better. “Batman v. Superman” was tonally dark. People didn’t respond to that.
Johns: “Wonder Woman” celebrated exactly who the character is, but looking at it, it’s not like we should change everything to be about hope and optimism. There’s nothing to change. That’s what these characters are.
Given the success of “Wonder Woman,” do you expect to make more female-driven comic-book films?
Johns: We’ve got a lot of plans for our female characters just because they’re great characters. There are many wonderful elements to the DC Universe, and one of them is that we have the best female characters, heroes and villains, in the world. No one is going to beat Wonder Woman and Batgirl and Harley Quinn.
Will Patty Jenkins be back to direct the sequel to “Wonder Woman”?
Johns: Patty and I are writing the treatment right now. The goal is to make another great “Wonder Woman” film. I had a blast making it with Patty the first time. We’ve got a cool idea for the second one.
Will Wonder Woman’s role be enhanced in “Justice League”?
Berg: Her role won’t change, but she was already playing a big role. People really responded to Gal [Gadot] in “Batman v. Superman.” We knew we had something special.
Joss Whedon is overseeing reshoots on “Justice League” and will write and direct “Batgirl.” How important will he be to the DC cinematic universe going forward?
Berg: He’s a big part already. We love him. He’s a great partner, collaborator; we want him to be ensconced. We bring people by, have general meetings and talk about comics and their favorite superhero movies. With Joss, he saw the master board, and he saw a “Batgirl” title and he said, “You guys seriously want to do ‘Batgirl’?” And we said, “Absolutely.” He said, “That’s my jam.”
So I posted about that cool parallel in Batman v Superman and Man of Steel, which I saw on twitter, where Lex says the “punishment for witches” (referencing Martha) is “death by fire” and how Lara was killed in a firey explosion in Man of Steel. It’s a really cool parallel.
Then @becominganoven pointed out to me that the musical motif that plays when Lex says the “death by fire” line is the same as the one that played during Lara’s death in Man of Steel. Check it out. In Lara’s death scene, it starts around 2:45.
Then in the rooftop scene in BvS, you can hear the same music when Lex says the line at 3:15.
I absolutely adore the way music is incorporated in this way. Music really is another character in DC movies. Clark’s birth mother was being referenced in this scene without a character directly referencing her. Clark lost one mother to that same music, and they played the same music when he was at risk of losing another one. Ugh, this movie.
“When Clark Met Bruce” in Superman/Batman Secret Files
Batman/Superman is clearly saying that Earth 2’s differences can all be chalked up to this small moment. It’s a world where Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent have been friends since childhood — where they were friends throughout their journeys toward becoming Batman and Superman. Earth 2 Superman can heal flesh at the cellular level with his laser vision: Being friends with Bruce — and his ambitious, analytical mind — has guided the Man of Steel into a precision-like grasp over his powers.
In turn, Bruce’s friendship with Clark has crafted him into an adult who is actually capable of trust and emotional self-reflection, and Gotham is safer when the Dark Knight’s life contains less anger and loneliness. He’s still dark, calculating and driven — but he’s married to the love of his life, Selina Kyle, and has raised their daughter from birth to be the first Robin.
In fact, Clark is married to Lois Lane, as well. On the whole, Earth 2 is a more technologically advanced earth, thanks to Wayne Enterprises breakthroughs, and a more peaceful one. Most major supervillains are frozen in a cryogenic prison and even Gotham City has torn down Arkham Asylum to build an amusement park.
And it’s all because Clark Kent asked Bruce Wayne if he wanted to play baseball.