man i had such high hopes for this set but it turned out shithouse

Creepypasta #1081: In My Line Of Work, You'll Learn That Cheaters Never Prosper

Length: Super long

I’ve always found it funny that people like to call prostitution “the world’s oldest profession.” It doesn’t speak all that highly of the human race’s priorities, does it?

Paint on cave walls. Discover fire. Pay someone to fuck you senseless.

Get that in Latin, and we could engrave it at the base of every statue the world over - or better yet, build new statues, all shaped like giant brass cocks at full salute. That’s the human mission statement in a nutshell right there: here, we have two types of animal, the ones with the dicks, and the ones getting fucked by them. And we will always - I repeat, always - be the ones with the dicks.

Yes indeed, the world’s oldest profession. I can think of an older one, but we’ll get to that later.

It’s outside of a motel called Restin’ Easy that we lay our scene. Picture this: a gorgeous woman stands up against a sand-blasted brick wall, dressed to the nines in designer silks and a leather jacket. She’s taking a long, sincere drag off a slender cigarette, and leaving blood-red lipstick rings on the unburnt white paper of the shaft. She’s got the good looks of a 1960s movie star - a regular Audrey Hepburn in the making. Her black hair falls just above her shoulders, and sways gently in the night’s breeze.

That’s me.

The balding middle-aged man in the tan jacket with a face like a slapped ass, that’s Dave. Yeah, Dave with the greasy skin that tosses back the neon rays of the glowing “VACANCY” sign above us. Dave the big spender, flashing the wad of hundreds in his faux-leather wallet.

Dave the asshole. Dave the John.

“Crystal recommended you to me,” He says in an unbearably cocky tone, like I’m a new brand of aftershave he’s been meaning to try out for a while, “She said you do things no other girl will do. That right?”

“More or less.” I say, feigning a provocative grin.

When you’ve been in the business for as long as I have, you get pretty good at sizing up your customers with a glance. Sometimes, it’s necessary to survival - you look the wrong way in this line of work and you’ve got a seven-inch stiletto buried between the links in your spine. Sex does weird shit to people’s heads.

Dave, for all his faults, is easy to read. He wears a look of contempt, like he’s too good for the situation he’s putting himself in. He’s wealthy, and entitled. He doesn’t know why he’s paying for sex - a man of his stature should be beating the ladies off with a stick, surely.

He probably sells used cars for a living, I think, suppressing a smirk.

“What can I do for you that Crystal can’t, sugar?” I ask with an innocent flutter of eyelashes.

He grunts, one side of his mouth curling into a sneer.

Keep reading

I am a bouncer. A guy who bullied me at every opportunity in grade school came into the bar I worked at.

Backstory: I transferred to a private school in 6th grade. Because I was the new kid, I got picked on a lot. I mean A LOT. I admit, I was kind of dorky and chubby, but not so much as to earn this kind of taunting. My bullying was spearheaded by this one kid. We’ll call him Seth. Seth reminds me of Cartman from South Park, but not funny. Just mean. He would get all of his little cocksucker friends and follow me around at lunch calling me names, pushing me, making me feel like sh*t. Even the teachers wouldn’t do anything about it because Seth’s parents were very powerful and long time friends of this school. I only had one friend the entire year I was there because of him, then I transferred because I was being bullied so hard.

Present day: I am a bouncer at the local bar in college. I have outgrown my dorky and chubby stage. I was the team captain of the football and powerlifting teams. I won a national championship in powerlifting, and was an all district offensive lineman in high school and played D1 football for a little while. I am currently 6'5 240 lbs. Long story short, Im a big powerful dude.

So anyways, Im working on a normal night at the bar. Making sure everything is going smoothly when who would walk in but Seth. Seth has gotten fat. Seth is drunk. Seth is not doing well. I tried to be professional about it and just ignore him like I didn’t recognize him. A little while later Seth stumbles over to me and says “Hey! I remember you! We went to school together! It’s me, Seth!” I responded saying “Oh yeah, good to see you dude, blah blah blah” he said some more drunken banter and went off to play pool. Im above throwing him out for something he did 10 years ago. Well about an hour later Seth is shithoused. And he doesn’t like that he’s losing pool. So he starts sticking his finger into the face of the guy he’s playing and starts yelling at this guy that he’s gonna whoop his ass and whatnot. I looked at my coworker and said I got this one. I walked up to Seth and said “Hey man, I think it’s about time that you leave.” Seth looked at me and said “F*ck you, b*tch! I aint leaving!” I grabbed him by his collar and said “That wasn’t a request” Seth turns to me and says “You aint gonna do sh*t! Youre still a bitch like you always were!” So then Seth decides it would be a good idea to swing his pool stick at my head. I caught it. I thought right after “Holy sh*t that was the coolest thing Ive ever done in my life. Okay, now time to bounce this f*cker” He has attempted assault towards me, so legally I can hit back. I take my hand off the pool stick and uppercut this mother f*cker off the ground. As he’s laying there I grab him by his collar and start to drag him to the door. He comes to and squirms his way out of his shirt and stands up. I see my fellow bouncers come to help me and I hold up my hand to stop them. I want this a**hole by myself. Seth runs at me and tries to tackle me. I step sideways and send him careening into a trash can. “You’re not gonna win this fight fata#%!” I yell as he gets up. This is where sh*t gets real. Seth stands up and pulls a knife out of his pocket. This has never happened to me, but luckily I have knife on me at all times, so I pull mine out as well. We stand there for a few seconds when a police officer walks in to do his routine check of the bar. I know this officer fairly well as he comes to the bar often on his off days. The officer pulls out his taser and screams “Drop the weapon!” Seth does not comply. So the cop tazes his ass right there in front of God and everybody. He drops like the fatass bitch he is and gets arrested for armed assault. They run him through the system and it turns out that Seth is on probation! Uh Oh! So Seth gets hauled off to jail, and the police ask me a few questions about the situation. Everyone in the bar agrees with my story and there is a security tape to reinforce my story. The court date hasn’t been set yet, but I have to go and state my story as a witness or victim or whatever I am against ole Seth.

I guess I’m not a b*tch anymore eh Seth? Hope y'all enjoyed the story!