man i can't spell for shit

The signs as things I've heard in the first week of college
  • Aries: "Hey don't judge my closet." "I can't. I used to live there!"
  • Taurus: "Plastic bowls are valid bowls!"
  • Gemini: "No, no. We're in college, just spike my drink without telling me."
  • Cancer: "Yeah! Then she went like legit missing for two years, and somehow she ended up here."
  • Leo: "I...uh...I...I WORE A SPEEDO!!!"
  • Virgo: "This tea bag looks like a tampon. It's a tea-tampon... It'S A TEAPON!"
  • Libra: *While walking around in a big group holding hands* "We're all walking around like big gay preschoolers."
  • Scorpio: "Would you wear this to see your professor?" *professor points to woman dressed provocatively* "Depends on the professor." "Depends on your grade."
  • Sagittarius: "What does he look like?" *professor points to screen showing a young man* "SINGLE!"
  • Capricorn: "Just do what I do. Get a punch bowl, put two redbulls, one and a half monsters, three 5hour energies. Then later take half a bottle of z-quil to bring you down... Works best in group shots."
  • Aquarius: "Drumline is the definition of going hard."
  • Pisces: "Your argument is invalid." "YOUR MOM'S INVALID." "How'd you know I was invalid?"

GO TO 2:45 GO TO 2:45 i mean watch the whole thing it’s great but HOLY SHIT DO NOT MISS 2:45-2:55

Zodiac signs as things my mother says
  • Aries: "that's the sound of spiders having sex"
  • Taurus: "that's not a bear it's a dog you dumbass"
  • Gemini: "I'm playing with candy balls
  • Cancer: "BE QUIET IM PEEING"
  • Leo: "I can't see Doodoo balls"
  • Libra: "I'm going call having sex "eating icecream "
  • Scorpio: *points to random person on the street* "that man just killed a bunch of people in that house"
  • Sagittarius: "I'd like you more if you get me a diet coke with extra ice"
  • Capricorn: *sarcastic tone* "oh that's lovely "
  • Aquarius: "you look like shit"
  • Pisces: "how do you spell 'artistic "