man eating tree

Man Eating Tree

Man-eating tree or carnivorus tree can refer to any of carioca legendary or cryptid carnivorous plants large enough to kill and consume a person or other large animal. The carnivorous plant with the largest known traps is probably Nepenthes rajah, which produces pitchers up to 41 cm (16 in) tall with a volume up to 3.5 litres (0.77 imp gal; 0.92 US gal). The pitcher of this species are designed to trap arthropods such as ants. However, the same bait may also attract rodents like the Summit rat (Rattus baluensis)and the Mountain treeshew (Tupaia montana) . Only very rarely will the rodents fall into the large pitchers of this species. Other large carnivorous plants that have similar properties include Nepenthes robcantleyi and Nepenthes attenboroughi.

The Nubian Tree

Phil Robinson, writing in Under the Punkah (1881), related the tales of his “uncle’s” travels throughout the world. He described a “man-eating tree” that was to be found in “Nubia”. In the tale, Robinson’s uncle describes the tree:

This awful plant, that rears its splendid death-shade in the central solitude of a Nubian fern forest, sickens by its unwholesome humours all vegetation from its immediate vicinity, and feeds upon the wild beasts that, in the terror of the chase, or the heat of noon, seek the thick shelter of its boughs ; upon the birds that, flitting across the open space, come within the charmed circle of its power, or innocently refresh themselves from the cups of its great waxen flowers ; upon even man himself when, an infrequent prey, the savage seeks its asylum in the storm, or turns from the harsh foot-wounding sword-grass of the glade, to pluck the wondrous fruit that hang plumb down among the wondrous foliage. And such fruit ! Glorious golden ovals, great honey drops, swelling by their own weight into pear-shaped translucencies. The foliage glistens with a strange dew, that all day long drips on to the ground below, nurturing a rank growth of grasses, which shoot up in places so high that their spikes of fierce blood-fed green show far up among the deep-tinted foliage of the terrible tree, and, like a jealous body-guard, keep concealed the fearful secret of the charnel-house within, and draw round the black roots of the murderous plant a decent screen of living green.

The story continues in describing how the tree captured and ate one of the uncle’s native companions, and how the uncle proceeded to shoot at the tree. When his ammunition was finally exhausted, the uncle continued his work using a knife to destroy the tree, as the tree fought back with its blood-sucking leaves, and entangling limbs.

The Vampire Vine

William Thomas Stead, editor of Review of Reviews, published a brief article that discussed a story purportedly found in Lucifer magazine, describing a plant in Nicaragua called by the natives the devil’s snare. This plant had the capability “to drain the blood of any living thing which comes within its death-dealing touch.” According to the article:

Mr. Dunstan, naturalist, who has recently returned from Central America, where he spent nearly two years in the study of the flora and the fauna of the country, relates the finding of a singular growth in one of the swamps which surround the great lakes of Nicaragua. He was engaged in hunting for botanical and entomological specimens, when he heard his dog cry out, as if in agony, from a distance. Running to the spot whence the animal’s cries came. Mr. Dunstan found him enveloped in a perfect network of what seemed to be a fine rope-like tissue of roots and fibres… The native servants who accompanied Mr. Dunstan manifested the greatest horror of the vine, which they call “the devil’s snare”, and were full of stories of its death-dealing powers. He was able to discover very little about the nature of the plant, owing to the difficulty of handling it, for its grasp can only be torn away with the loss of skin and even of flesh; but, as near as Mr. Dunstan could ascertain, its power of suction is contained in a number of infinitesimal mouths or little suckers, which, ordinarily closed, open for the reception of food. If the substance is animal, the blood is drawn off and the carcass or refuse then dropped.

Dark Zodiac

All things considered dark (not necessarily negative), strange, or occult associated with the signs.

Aries- Dragon, angry entities, bloody weapons, fire, rage/wrath, blood-lust, war, steroids, counting cards, risks, possession, thorns, enchanted weapons, hell hound, knights, and armor.

Taurus- Greedy or selfish seduction, lady in white entities, twisted or spooky trees and scary forest, violent Earth elemental, hexed treasure, werewolf, singing ghost, gemstones, black rose, black diamond, trolls, labyrinth, and magical items especially jewelry.

Gemini- Evil fairy, dark fairy, Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, old insane asylums, evil twins, con man/woman, trickster, magic words, rumors, dark colored butterfly, enchanted books, and getting lost.

Cancer- Witch craft, spells, tarot cards, grudges, curses, Frankenstein Monster, full moon or moon magic, haunted houses and areas, cloak, witches hat, black cats, sea monsters, nostalgia, cursed or magic mirrors, magic candles, and the past.

Leo- Radioactive waste and danger, scandals, evil king or queen, haunted opera/theater, mutation, pyramid, magical statues or monuments, temples, sand storms, rain dances, sun dances or worshiping, supernatural energy, and fire magic.

Virgo- Dr. Frankenstein or any mad scientist, good girl/guy gone bad, general corruption, herbs and potions used in magic or spells, gnomes, dark sex, sinister deals, dead garden, an enchanted garden, and man-eating tree or plant.

Libra- Love potions and curses, ravens, werewolf, the night sky, dark beauty, lust, genie, Dorian Grey, harpy, sacred smoke, masquerades, Queen of Hearts, bad dreams, magic lanterns, and charms.  

Scorpio- Vampires, dark seduction, mystery, fortune teller, black widow, black/dark magic, underworld, voodoo, snakes, masquerades, tarot cards, black and white photos, secrets, dark sex, ravens, scorpions, dark still pool, and necromancy.

Sagittarius- Gypsy magic, fortune teller, traveling magician, traveling salesman of “medicine” and potions, wildfire, dark unicorn, dark circus or carnival, gambling and risk, General Zaroff from The Most Dangerous Game, and aggressive centaurs.

Capricorn- Horror, Gothic design, Victorian age, steampunk, spider webs, death, grim reaper, mad scientist, gargoyles, poppies, bats, a corrupt leader of a cult or underground organization, cave, dark humor, mine, graveyards, abandon buildings and places, and skeletons.

Aquarius- Dark science fiction, mad scientist, dark unicorn, storms, a corrupt leader of a cult or underground organization, magic keys, owls, Phantom from The Phantom of the Opera, corrupted technology, meditation, chaos, dark rebellion or revolution, thunderbird, aliens, portals, and dystopia.

Pisces- Ghost, mist, fog, Ouija board, medium, fortune teller, tarot cards, sea monsters, sirens, evil spirits, healing crystals, dream-catcher, nightmares, water spirits, addiction, false trust, drugs, poison, and illusions.

The Ya-Te-Veo (“I-See-You”) is a proposed man-eating tree that can be found in Africa and Central America. The above drawing is a famous one done in 1887 of the Central American version of the plant. It is typically described as having appendages like “many huge serpents in an angry discussion, occasionally darting from side to side as if striking at an imaginary foe”. It is thought that this plant does not specifically hunt humans, but will not retract when given the chance to devour one. 

2

The Man Eating Trees of Madagascar

The tree itself was described as being around 8 feet in height, and having an appearance with eight long, pointed leaves that hung down from its top to the ground. The trunk of the tree was topped with a sort of receptacle that contained a thick liquid said to have soporific qualities that drugged potential prey and was believed to be highly addictive. Surrounding this receptacle were long, hairy tendrils with six white palpi resembling tentacles. The tree possessed white, transparent leaves that reminded Liche of the quivering mouthparts of an insect.

The slender delicate palpi, with the fury of starved serpents, quivered a moment over her head, then as if instinct with demoniac intelligence fastened upon her in sudden coils round and round her neck and arms; then while her awful screams and yet more awful laughter rose wildly to be instantly strangled down again into a gurgling moan, the tendrils one after another, like great green serpents, with brutal energy and infernal rapidity, rose, retracted themselves, and wrapped her about in fold after fold, ever tightening with cruel swiftness and savage tenacity of anacondas fastening upon their prey.

This scary account has inspired several expeditions to Madagascar in search of the tree. One such expedition was undertaken by Chase Salmon Osborne, the governor of Michigan from 1911 to 1913, who went to the jungles of Madagascar to search for the man-eating tree. Although he was unsuccessful in his efforts to locate it, he did find both natives and Western missionaries that claimed to have seen it and that it did in fact exist.

An expedition was launched in 1998, this time by Czech explorer Ivan Mackerle. This expedition could not locate the elusive tree either, but during his travels Mackerle learned of yet another carnivorous tree on the island referred to as the Kumanga Killer Tree. Natives claimed that this particular tree was found on only one part of the island and was said to have flowers that exuded an extremely poisonous gas. The natives claimed to know where such a tree was and guided Mackerle to its location.

During the trek, the expedition members were so concerned about the poisonous nature of the plant that they actually wore gas masks. When they arrived at the alleged Kumanga Killer Tree, they found no gas spewing flowers, but did find several animal skeletons under the tree. The lack of flowers, the natives explained, was due to the tree not being in bloom.

Mackerle also uncovered a story of a former British army officer who allegedly took photographs of a tree on the island that had various animal skeletons strewn about its base. Whether this particular tree was either one of the aforementioned carnivorous trees or something new is uncertain. It is also unknown what became of these photographs, or if indeed they ever existed at all.

The other day I made a post with a list of 171 articles on wikipedia that are strange/interesting and I was pleased to find that it went over quite well. So well, infact, I made a second post with new articles that may just spark your interest.

Death from laughter || Collyer brothers || Phantom time hypothesis || List of film accidents || List of sexually active popes || Snow in Florida || Body farm || Milgram experiment || Phineas Gage || Märket || Victor of Aveyron || Man-eating tree || Bir Tawil || Rendlesham Forest incident || Nordic aliens || Cosmic latte || Spite house || Chernobyl Exclusion Zone || All your base are belong to us || Sokal affair || Jeffrey Dahmer || Beatosu and Goblu || Amala and Kamala || Centralia || Pizza farm || Great Stink || Lord Uxbridge’s leg || Dancing Plague of 1518 || Kelly–Hopkinsville encounter || Edward Mordake || Alien implants || Collective unconscious || Praise-God Barebone || Nicholas Barbon || Southern Television broadcast interruption || Black triangle || Copper Scroll || Lazarus syndrome || Animals in space || Panda pornography || Clinical lycanthropy || Consensus reality || Classification of demons || Lizzie Borden || Odd-eyed cat || Cleveland Torso Murderer || List of inventors killed by their own inventions || Linda Hazzard || Fainting goat || Demon core || Exploding whale || Pasqual Pinon || Chemtrail conspiracy theory || Chase Vault || Charles Manson || Charles Fort || Black helicopter || Chupacabra || Charles Bonnet syndrome || Baleroy Mansion || Crybaby Bridge || Cattle mutilation || Nocebo || Guru Meditation || Brainfuck || Trojan Room coffee pot || Nuclear and radiation accidents and incidents || The Aristocrats || Hinterkaifeck || Bird People || Global Orgasm || Pig-faced women || Why I Want to Fuck Ronald Reagan || Charles Whitman || Phantom Rings || Post-mortem photography || List of people who disappeared mysteriously || Ancient astronauts || Incidents at Disney parks || methods of torture || Tarrare || unexplained sounds || Mercury, Nevada || Lost Cosmonauts || Apollo 7 || List of messiah claimants || Heaven’s Gate || Loudness war || List of unsolved deaths || Criticality accident || Parapsychology || Theresa Knorr || Genie (feral child) || Brethren of Purity || List of fictional religions || Andreas Grassl || 1857 Atlantic hurricane season || Big Mac Index || When a white horse is not a horse || Chessie (sea monster) || Drunkard’s cloak || Hanged, drawn and quartered || Scold’s bridle

7

 ya-te-veo

Man-eating tree can refer to any of the variouslegendary carnivorous plants large enough to kill and consume a person or other large animal. The carnivorous plant with the largest known traps is probably Nepenthes rajah, which produces pitchers up to 41 cm (16 in) tall with a volume up to 3.5 litres (0.77 imp gal; 0.92 US gal).The pitcher of this species are designed to trap arthropods. However, the same bait may also attract rodents like thesummit rat (Rattus baluensis) and the Mountain treeshrew (Tupaia montana). Only very rarely will the rodents fall into the large pitchers of this species. Other large carnivorous plants that have similar properties include Nepenthes robcantleyi andNepenthes attenboroughi.

Man-eating tree

Depiction of a native being consumed by a ya-te-veo (“I see you”) carnivorous tree found in both Africa and Central America, from Sea and Land by J. W. Buel, 1887

GroupingCryptidRegionAfrica and Central AmericaHabitatAfrican and Central-American forests

The Madagascar tree

The earliest well-known report of a man-eating tree originated as a literary fabrication written by Edmund Spencer for the New York World. Spencer’s article first appeared in the daily edition of the New York World on 26 April 1874, and appeared again in the weekly edition of the newspaper two days later. In the article, a letter was published by a purported German explorer named “Karl Liche” (also spelled as Carl Liche in later accounts), who provided a report of encountering a sacrifice performed by the “Mkodo tribe” of Madagascar: This story was picked up by many other newspapers of the day, including theSouth Australian Register of 27 October 1874, where it gained even greater notoriety. Describing the tree, the account related:

The slender delicate palpi, with the fury of starved serpents, quivered a moment over her head, then as if instinct with demoniac intelligence fastened upon her in sudden coils round and round her neck and arms; then while her awful screams and yet more awful laughter rose wildly to be instantly strangled down again into a gurgling moan, the tendrils one after another, like great green serpents, with brutal energy and infernal rapidity, rose, retracted themselves, and wrapped her about in fold after fold, ever tightening with cruel swiftness and savage tenacity of anacondas fastening upon their prey.

The tree was given further publicity by Madagascar, Land of the Man-eating Tree, a book by Chase Osborn, who had been a Governor of Michigan. Osborn claimed that both the tribes and missionaries on Madagascar knew about the hideous tree, and also repeated the above Liche account.

In his 1955 book, Salamanders and other Wonders, science author Willy Ley determined that the Mkodo tribe, Carl Liche, and the Madagascar man-eating tree all appeared to be fabrications.

The Nubian tree

Phil Robinson, writing in Under the Punkah (1881), related the tales of his “uncle’s” travels throughout the world. He described a “man-eating tree” that was to be found in “Nubia”. In the tale, Robinson’s uncle describes the tree:

This awful plant, that rears its splendid death-shade in the central solitude of a Nubian fern forest, sickens by its unwholesome humours all vegetation from its immediate vicinity, and feeds upon the wild beasts that, in the terror of the chase, or the heat of noon, seek the thick shelter of its boughs ; upon the birds that, flitting across the open space, come within the charmed circle of its power, or innocently refresh themselves from the cups of its great waxen flowers ; upon even man himself when, an infrequent prey, the savage seeks its asylum in the storm, or turns from the harsh foot-wounding sword-grass of the glade, to pluck the wondrous fruit that hang plumb down among the wondrous foliage. And such fruit ! Glorious golden ovals, great honey drops, swelling by their own weight into pear-shaped translucencies. The foliage glistens with a strange dew, that all day long drips on to the ground below, nurturing a rank growth of grasses, which shoot up in places so high that their spikes of fierce blood-fed green show far up among the deep-tinted foliage of the terrible tree, and, like a jealous body-guard, keep concealed the fearful secret of the charnel-house within, and draw round the black roots of the murderous plant a decent screen of living green.

The story continues in describing how the tree captured and ate one of the uncle’s native companions, and how the uncle proceeded to shoot at the tree. When his ammunition was finally exhausted, the uncle continued his work using a knife to destroy the tree, as the tree fought back with its blood-sucking leaves, and entangling limbs.

The ya-te-veo

In J. W. Buel's Sea and Land (1887), the ya-te-veo(“I-see-you”) plant is described as being native to Africa and Central America, and having “stems” that resemble “many huge serpents in an angry discussion, occasionally darting from side to side as if striking at an imaginary foe,” while attempting to consume humans.

The vampire vine

William Thomas Stead, editor of Review of Reviews,published a brief article that discussed a story purportedly found in Lucifer magazine, describing a plant in Nicaragua called by the natives the devil’s snare. This plant had the capability “to drain the blood of any living thing which comes within its death-dealing touch.” According to the article:

Mr. Dunstan, naturalist, who has recently returned from Central America, where he spent nearly two years in the study of the flora and the fauna of the country, relates the finding of a singular growth in one of the swamps which surround the great lakes of Nicaragua. He was engaged in hunting for botanical and entomological specimens, when he heard his dog cry out, as if in agony, from a distance. Running to the spot whence the animal’s cries came. Mr. Dunstan found him enveloped in a perfect network of what seemed to be a fine rope-like tissue of roots and fibres… The native servants who accompanied Mr. Dunstan manifested the greatest horror of the vine, which they call “the devil’s snare”, and were full of stories of its death-dealing powers. He was able to discover very little about the nature of the plant, owing to the difficulty of handling it, for its grasp can only be torn away with the loss of skin and even of flesh; but, as near as Mr. Dunstan could ascertain, its power of suction is contained in a number of infinitesimal mouths or little suckers, which, ordinarily closed, open for the reception of food. If the substance is animal, the blood is drawn off and the carcass or refuse then dropped.

An investigation of Stead’s “review” determined no article was published in Lucifer magazine about such a subject, and the story in Review of Reviewsappeared to be a fabrication by the editor.

Literature

“The Purple Terror” (1899) by Fred M. White is a man-eating tree and the story was collected with the relevant section of Phil Robinson’s book, The Man-Eating Tree (1881), in Flora Curiosa: Cryptobotany, Mysterious Fungi, Sentient Trees, and Deadly Plants in Classic Science Fiction and Fantasy. This anthology also includes H. G. Wells’ “The Flowering of the Strange Orchid” (1894) about an orchid capable of consuming a human.

In Francis Stevens’ story “The Nightmare” (1917), the flora on the mysterious island includes man-eating plants.

Edward Gorey’s 1966 illustrated work The Evil Garden features hapless guests trapped in a garden, with some of its members attacked and eaten by, among other things, giant carnivorous plants.

Piers Anthony’s fantasy novels of Xanth (1977 onward) has stories of carnivorous “tangle trees” (or “tanglers”). The trees magically create easy, open paths leading to them; their tentacles then catch animals (and people) that approach too closely.

In the fantasy novel Beyond the Deepwoods (1998), the first story in Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell's The Edge Chronicles series, the protagonist Twig encounters a man-eating tree called a bloodoak. A parasitic symbiotic plant, known as the tarryvine, snares victims and then drags them to the bloodoak, where they are devoured.

In the fantasy adventure novel Life of Pi (2001), a shipwrecked boy lands on an island inhabited bymeerkats, but notices that every night all the animals climb atop the trees. He later discovers that the entire island is carnivorous.

In “The Sagebrush Kid”, a short story in Annie Proulx's Fine Just the Way It Is (2008), a childlessWyoming couple transfers their affections first to a piglet, then a chicken, and finally to a sagebrush they fancy has the appearance of a child. They tend and protect it, and even feed it bones and stray scraps of meat from their dinner table. Even after the couples’ deaths, the shrub - now grown to the height of a fair-sized tree - is accustomed to human attention, and meat. It consumes livestock, then soldiers, then a local medico, railroad men, surveyors, and most lately a botanist come to investigate its unusual height and luxuriance.

In the dystopian novel Shades of Grey 1: The Road to High Saffron (2009), the first book in Jasper Fforde's Shades of Grey series, carnivorous trees are mentioned.

In the Star Trek novel Planet of Judgment by Joe Haldeman, the flora on a planet includes a carnivorous plant capable of engulfing and digesting an adult human. After a crewman (named Hevelin) is attacked, the rest of the away team tries to cut him out of the plant, but is too late. The description of the aftermath reads “Hevelin’s body looked like a botched autopsy.”

In the 2005 film The Brothers Grimm, there are Man Eating Trees lurking in the Forest of Marbaden.

Source"Wikapedia.com

Touhou Games
  • HRtP: Asshole A or Asshole B destroyed the shrine
  • SoEW: What the fuck is happening here
  • PoDD: The greatest way to kidnap someone is to start a battle royale
  • LLS: You see if you try to investigate why youkai are showing up in your house you end up in alternate worlds and that's just no good
  • MS: You think it's a demonic invasion but no, it's tourism
  • EoSD: Loli vampire wants to go outside, blots out the sun
  • PCB: Moe ghost wants to revive dead body under man eating tree, decides having snow everywhere is a good idea
  • IaMP: Loli Oni wants to throw a party. Solution? Mist. Everywhere.
  • IN: What's the best way to stop the police from catching a wanted criminal? Replacing the moon, of course.
  • PoFV: You see they look like normal flowers but when you look closely you can see that there are dead people inside the flowers because Death is a lazy shit muffin and is not doing her job
  • STB: PAPARAZZI
  • MoF: Slowly losing the faith of the people? Well there's one easy solution! HIJACK GENSOKYO.
  • SWR: Bored because heaven is a paradise? Alleviate that boredom by being an asshole and wrecking shit
  • SA: The best way to help your power crazy friend is to create geysers full of spirits to attract someone to come and beat the shit out of you
  • UFO: Revive Youkai Jesus pls
  • UNL: What the fuck is that shadow
  • DS: MORE PAPARAZZI
  • GFW: Poor Communication Kills
  • TD: The moral of the story is ghosts only appear when shit is fucking happening like resurrections or some fucked up shit like that now would you like to become a taoist
  • HM: What's the greatest way to lift up your mood? Watch flying girls beat the SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER
  • DDC: "Oh man, I'm gonna have the weak overthrow the strong!" The kobito said as she believed the words of a liar...who she knew was a liar.
  • ISC: You see theses spellcards are supposed to be impossible to avoid but I'm a fucking cheater haha fuck you

Flesh Eating Falling Lamp Flower

The Flesh Eating Falling Lamp Flower is believed to have originally been cultivated as a cross of the Falling Lamp Flower and the Nubian Man-Eating Tree. Now it is a common conversation piece plant, found in many greenhouses in the wixen world, though it does require regular feeding. With long, trumpet-shaped flowers like many Daturas, it emits a heady scent which is especially effective on the weak-willed and certain animals. It is these the plant lures close and feeds on. However, provided it is well fed, it usually will not feed on additional animals and people brought close by, though this is not something many wish to risk.

Thankfully not ever found in the wild - the plant, interestingly, requires regular clipping and trimming and generally fares poorly outside of cultivated environments - it’s leaves are often used in potions which call for ingredients from Nubian Man-Eating Trees, when such ingredients are not readily to hand. Otherwise, the plant is mainly decorative and is tended carefully lest it eat it’s Herbologist.


(Image Source)

(Re-done from an old re-blog from the wonderful @amortentiafashion, the original of which you may see Here. I hate that I have to include this but PLEASE DO NOT DELETE THE IMAGE SOURCE OR MY CAPTION.) 

Maria Satanica: Rise & Fall

In the time before time, the Messengers were forged –
Drawn like Athena from the mind of God – cast in shapely light and energy,
The physical extension of word – of thought.
Unto each, a Word – a Name.
Between moment and millennia, the Progenitor swept a hand across the sky
And from the nothingness, there was.
 
Sent from the Great Supernal Sea – on the 5th day,
Ruled by gevurah – were Legion,
Who swept about the fertile earth –
Some clung fastidiously to the sky, and others retired
To the depths of the great sea.
 
On the 6th day – forged was Woman,
Whose Soul was Called – rose up, wild from the Sea
And was confirmed to a body built of earth,
On the 6th day – forged was Man,
Whose Soul was Called – and Legion came to answer,
Vexed was God and so he spake,
And driven away – were they who sought
To usurp the form of Man – and so God forged
Anew – the Spirit of Adam;
 
Whilst Man was in the Garden – God said to She,
“Go unto them – in the form of Temptation,
And test their devotion to me,”
And she – without Will – obliged,
In the form of a Great Zu Bird,
She descended and perched thusly –
Upon the scaled head of a Serpent,
Whose long form coiled about the trunk,
Of the Great Forbidden Tree,
Called did she, who took the fruit into her beak:
“Adam – Man – come,
Eat of the Tree – for the fruit is heavy,
And thy stomach screams for sustenance.”
 
He came, then – but ate not of the boughs,
“I must not eat of that tree – it was Spoken
Unto me, by Our Creator.”
 
So spoke again – the Great Bird, compelling:
“But you are the God of this Garden – and for you
Whichever fruit you choose – even one forbidden.”
 
His fingers reached – at last – for the fruit:
 
Then came Woman – who looked to the Great Bird,
Eyes pointed – face twisted – and the Bird spoke unto her:
“What is wrong, Woman, will thoust eat from the tree?”
 
“Man,” she snapped, “Do not eat of the fruit, you have been commanded.”
 
The Bird threw her wings out – and the Sun vanished,
In their shadow – there came a screech from her beak,
“I have seen what is to come, Woman.”
 
“Tell me then – what you have seen,” commanded Woman,
And the Great Bird shrieked – and offered unto Woman, her wing,
“He will never obey you – for he is Man: willful and foolish!”
She whispered, “And take will he – your flesh.”
 
Compelled by what the Bird had spoken – Truth;
Woman – Lilith – leapt upon the back of the beast,
And the pair flew thusly from the Garden;
 
When the Progenitor learned – of what had become of Lilith,
God condemned the Angel – the Great Bird – to walk:
Forever on the Earth, far from Him and the Kingdom of Heaven
As Mother of the Egrḗgoroi,
Queen of the Irin;

Throughout the campaign, the party is tracking a man-eating tree.  It has come to the final encounter.  The tree is a magical beast, with some intelligence.  There is a kender rogue, a gnome druid and a half-elf sorcerer with Draconic blood.  A little background on these three.  The gnome and the sorcerer are best friends, but prank each other constantly, and so both are intimately familiar with the spell Prestidigitation, as well as known to the party for causing trouble.  The kender is known for his love of Alchemist’s Fire, and how little he and the sorcerer get along.  Their names are Tiktik, Dante, and Jack, respectively.

DM: Ok everyone, roll for Initiative
Jack:  *to Tiktik* Does it have a nose or eyes?
DM:  *to Tiktik* roll Knowledge Nature check.
Tiktik: *rolls high*
DM:  Ok, you know that the tree does in fact have a highly developed sense of smell, and some degree of poor eyesight, though it mostly senses movement through vibrations in the ground.
Tiktik:  It’s a tree, of course it doesn’t have a nose, but it can definitely smell us, and kinda see us.  Good luck trying to sneak up on it.
Dante:  I want to convince it that we’re friends.
DM: Roll Bluff check.
Dante: *rolls nat twenty*
DM: The tree will believe just about anything you tell it.  It seems to halt its attack and is studying you intently.
Tiktik:  Jack, how much Alchemist Fire do you have?
Jack: *pulls out over a dozen flasks*  Uh… yanno, I really don’t remember where I got most of these.  Someone must have left them in my pack.
Dante:  I want to convince the tree to eat it!
DM:  Bluffing won’t let you make an intelligent creature cause harm to itself.  The tree is angry now, and it is rattling its branches.
*TikTik and Dante converse very quietly, which makes the DM, and the rest of the party nervous, then they look up both with devious grins*
Dante:  I put the Alchemist Fire in a sack.  And cast Prestidigitation to make it look like a haunch of meat!
Tiktik:  I cast Prestidigitation, too, to make it SMELL like a haunch of meat!
Dante: I give it to the tree as a peace offering.
DM:  Make another Bluff Check.
Jack:  I try to help convince the tree.
DM:  Add your Charisma modifier to Dante’s roll.
*Dante rolls another nat 20*
DM:  Between your spells and your convincing story, the man-eating tree uses a few of the vines hanging down from its branches to snatch up your offering and devours it in one bite.  You hear the crunch of glass breaking, and then suddenly, the tree starts dissolving from the inside out.
Dante: *to Jack*  I didn’t need your help.
*after collecting the spoils and dividing them amongst ourselves, the DM sits back in his chair and looks at us*
DM: *to the party*  I think we’re going to have to call it a night here.  That was supposed to be a game ender, right there… we were supposed to be fighting that thing for another session at least, and it was supposed to kill off some of your characters…
*party starts laughing*
DM:  Technically, DM perogative I shouldn’t have allowed that… but dammit, it makes for great storytelling.

Shadows Killing Me

Cigarettes killing me
Lazy eyes killing me
Open water killing me
Crooked doorways killing me
Man eating trees killing me
Lessons I swear I already learnt killing me
Pragmatism killing me
Mountains of ash and dirty clothes killing me
Professional portrait photography killing me
Heroes killing me
Antiheroes killing me
Empty streets killing me
Mystics killing me
Folklore killing me
Superstition killing me
Ghosts killing me
Haunted houses killing me
Seasonal affluence killing me
Indifference killing me

Your sweet tooth killing me
Your bony hands killing me
Your shuffled moral killing me
Your big bug eyes killing me
Your dos and donts killing me
Your hardback copy of ‘Marley and Me’ killing me
Your sand sifter killing me
Your fish hooks killing me
Your knife to my throat killing me

I’m gone
Far away
My money
My mind
My bones
Gone
Even the witty parallelism’s gone
Empty compliments refuse to bring me back
Empty grievances refuse to sing
This life’s killing me
And it seems far too natural

Coming Soon: Damsel to the Rescue - a fun, humorous, feminist fantasy

(cover art by Robin Robinson.)

Terrilyn Darkhorse descends from a long line of successful, prince-rescuing damsels. Now that she’s sixteen, she’s expected to uphold the family tradition. But Terri would rather remain at home, tending her garden, perfecting her plant magic, and staying far away from the highly competitive world of damsels.

Then the local prince is kidnapped and Terri’s mother makes her an offer: If she rescues the prince, Terri can have the family’s second estate, Trellis, to turn into her own gardens. Terri has wanted Trellis since she was a little girl, so she sets out with her best friend Rune as her official sidekick, hoping to avoid the other damsels altogether.

Which would be easier if they didn’t have to keep rescuing rival damsels from basilisks and man-eating trees. But Terri can’t justify abandoning them, because the monsters are being controlled and directed at her and the other damsels—a feat only a Dark Lord could accomplish. Terri’s magic improves with every challenge she faces, but she knows it’s not enough. If she wants to succeed, she’ll need to break the rules and recruit her rivals to help her defeat the most powerful Dark Lord the world has seen in five-hundred years.

—————

Yes, this is my book. I wrote it. And I am so, so nervous, but I’m finally doing it: I will be publishing Damsel to the Rescue by myself. My husband and I our in the process of ironing out the last of the details. This gorgeous cover, by the highly talented Robin Robinson, was the first big step I took, and now I’m gearing up to take even bigger ones.

A little background: I came up with the idea for Damsel to the Rescue while grumbling to myself over the earnest resurgence of the damsel in distress trope which seemed to start rearing it’s ugly head in fiction for teenage girls, at least, with the success of a series that will remain nameless. In the West we have a tendency to view ourselves as really good on the equality front; whether that is true or not is besides the point. It seemed ridiculous to me to be so stuck on such a trope in a supposedly mostly equal society.

And then I thought, why not reverse the situation? Why not demonstrate just how absurd the trope is by creating a fairly equal world–but one in which men are expected to wait around to be rescued while the women are the heroines who do all the rescuing.

Thus the earliest seed of Damsel to the Rescue was born. But little did I know that I was in for just as much adventure as my protagonists.

As the story grew, as the world expanded, and as I shaped my characters, I found myself exploring a number of ideas: girl-on-girl hatred, the nature of how girls are encouraged to see each other as competition, gender essentialism and the harm of trying to force people into gender roles, and the pain that comes with trying to be what society expects you to be. Damsel to the Rescue became a story about growing to embrace who you are, rather than what people want you to be.

With plenty of fun poked at chainmail bikinis, snobby elves, and other classic fantasy tropes along the way. ;)

Stay tuned for more information, including a release date!

Release Day is Here!

Damsel to the Rescue is now available for immediate purchase on Amazon.com!

Buy a feminist (and humorous) sword and sorcery adventure about girls who rescue princes!

Terrilyn Darkhorse descends from a long line of successful, prince-rescuing damsels. Now that she’s sixteen, she’s expected to uphold the family tradition. But Terri would rather remain at home, tending her garden, perfecting her plant magic, and staying far away from the highly competitive world of damsels.

Then the local prince is kidnapped and Terri’s mother makes her an offer: If she rescues the prince, Terri can have the family’s second estate, Trellis, to turn into her own gardens. Terri has wanted Trellis since she was a little girl, so she sets out with her best friend Rune as her official sidekick, hoping to avoid the other damsels altogether.

Which would be easier if they didn’t have to keep rescuing rival damsels from basilisks and man-eating trees. But Terri can’t justify abandoning them, because the monsters are being controlled and directed at her and the other damsels—a feat only a Dark Lord could accomplish. Terri’s magic improves with every challenge she faces, but she knows it’s not enough. If she wants to succeed, she’ll need to break the rules and recruit her rivals to help her defeat the most powerful Dark Lord the world has seen in five-hundred years.

Only $3.99! (Just so everyone is aware: Any country that charges VAT will have a slightly higher price.)

(If you can, please signal boost this for me.)

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