man eating sharks

Osomatsu-san PS Vita game translation - Ichimatsu 11 - Rental Family

Ichimatsu: There there, kitty.  

Cat: Meow. 

Ichimatsu: Look it’s a stalk of foxtail. Is that fun? 

Cat: Meow! Meow! Meow! 

Ichimatsu: So that is fun. 

Cat: Meow! Meow meow meow! 

Ichimatsu: Hmm? What have you found? This is… Some kind of… screw? 

Cat: Meow? 

Ichimatsu: Hey, this isn’t food. I’ll feed you later, so hold on for now. 

Cat: Meow! 

Ichimatsu: Still why is something like this…? …Well, whatever. 

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It’s Spring Break! You know what that means: hot coeds getting loose on the beaches of Cancún and becoming imperiled in all classic beach slasher ways: man-eating shark, school of piranhas, James Franco with dreadlocks. There are so many films about vacations gone wrong, it’s a chore to wonder if there’s even such a thing as a movie vacation gone right. Amity Island and Camp Crystal Lake are out. So what does that leave? The ship from Wall-E? Hawaii with the Brady Bunch? A road trip with famous curmudgeon Chevy Chase? On this month’s live podcast Jack O'Brien and the Cracked staff are joined by some special guest comedians to figure out what would be the best vacation to take in a fictional universe.

Cracked Podcast Live: Best Fictional Vacation

Terrorist: First, you’ll be sealed in a reinforced titanium box. Next, you will be dropped into this bottomless chasm. Then, the chasm will be filled with water. Then, man-eating sharks and a giant squid will then be released into the water!

Natasha: Wait, if the chasm is bottomless, how can you fill it with water?

Terrorist …IT’S VERY, VERY DEEP, ALL RIGHT?! Lastly, I shall freeze over the water with a six-foot layer of solid GLACIAL ICE! ANY QUESTIONS?

Natasha: Not if you’re gonna get all snippy.

Clint: Eh, beats training new recruits, I guess.

anonymous asked:

The Doctor swallowed. "Yeah, no, I don't think this place is big on visitors.""You think?" Rose growled, tugging at her manacles. "What gave it away? The man-eating mantigators? The shark-filled moat?"The Doctor blinked. "No, actually, it was the big sign about two miles back that said trespassers will be arrested and tied to a banana tree at dawn.""What? Why didn't you say? Why did we still come here?"she demanded. The Doctor stared at her in disbelief "The banana trees, Rose!" - inbox buddy

Originally posted by meganimefreakx3

And definitely worth mantigators and a shark-filled moat. Thank you, buddy! This made me laugh.

Leverage Fic Recs!

because leverage is my home

Life in the Twenty-First Century - G - 4.1k - Alec/Eliot/Parker

Alec Hardison, if pressed, would probably suggest that he subscribes to a post-modern definition of identity.

safe as houses - G - 1.9k - Alec/Eliot/Parker

Parker and Hardison comfort Eliot, in their weird multimillionare-convicted-felons-who-are-planning-a-life-with-him kind of way.

Set right around The Rundown Job.

First on the List - E - 7.3k - Alec/Eliot/Parker

While he’s waiting for the men with the guns to decide what to do with him, Alec thinks about what he’ll do if he gets home.

No Robots Were Harmed In The Making Of This Story - M- 24.1k - Alec/Eliot/Parker 

Hardison built a robot to fight, but he gave it artificial intelligence to win. He didn’t expect it to come to life and for it to become such a big part of his life.

The Elephant in the Room (Is Me Loving You) - T - 16k - Alec/Eliot/Parker

The Greater Cityopolis City Zoo is getting an elephant for the first time in their history, and with is comes the new elephant keeper. And as Parker points out, “they’re elephants, so it’s clearly a huge deal.”

Phantom Striker - T - 15.8k - Alec/Eliot/Parker 

They said it was impossible, that three people couldn’t share a Jaeger. There was no way that three people’s minds could sync perfectly enough to work one of the machines. Especially if they weren’t related. But that’s what they did: they bent the rules.

Old Dog - E - 16.3k - Alec/Eliot/Parker

Eliot’s their hitter, and taking on any physical threats to the team is his job, but there’s something beyond professionalism – even beyond the obvious fact that Eliot relishes the fight itself – in the way he puts his body between Parker or Alec and any potential threat. Alec has a good view of Eliot’s back on a lot of jobs, and he reads something in the tight line of Eliot’s shoulder, in the slow turn of his foot as he steps into a fighting stance.

Something possessive.

I say goodbye but mean hello - M - 3.9k - Alec/Eliot/Parker

The Brew Pub is drowning in Christmas and Eliot’s pretty sure Parker’s idea of appropriate tree ornaments is going to get them all arrested. If that’s not bad enough, he’s been sleeping with Parker and Hardison, and in all the time they’ve been together he hasn’t once stuck around till morning.

He’s never come out and asked if he could stay, but they’ve never tried to stop him from leaving, either.

We’re Gonna Need to Steal a Bigger Boat - T - 10.4k - Alec/Eliot/Parker

Alec Hardison had given a lot of thought to how he would die. Death by cop. Thrown into the darkest hole Guantanamo Bay possessed. Heart attack from a lifetime diet of hot pockets and orange-colored chemicals.

He hadn’t considered adding death by weather-inflicted man-eating-sharks to the list.

(Or: Interspersed by media accounts of the incident, the tale of the Leverage team vs. Sharknado.)

there is no falling in love with you.

it’s  more like:
tripping on a sidewalk
but the sidewalk is
adorned with flowers
but i’m allergic to tulips

it’s like:
you waving at me, and then
realizing that you were waving at
someone else

it’s like:
being told that jack
dies in titanic before watching
it for the first time

you make it so difficult to love you.

it’s like:
it’s like running through
an un-obstacled field
and then hitting a wall

it’s like:
swimming into an ocean
full of man-eating sharks

it’s like:
being stuck at the
bottom of a well.

but i’m okay here, though.
everything’s better down here,
though.

honestly, i could count watching
paint dry an activity while you talk about
how the color resembled the walls
of her house (because in all of
the  ten times you’ve visited,
you only noticed it the 9th
time) if it meant i could sit
there watching paint dry with
you.

mysticmulatto  asked:

I really like your idea of bed hopping freelancers. So here is a fluff prompt: platonic cuddling freelancers.

Physical Therapy

(Credit where it’s due. Partially inspired by this post by @submarinefleet)

***

It’s a quirk of the Freelancer agents that none of them sleep alone if they can find a bedmate.

They all have their go-to sleep partners.  Maine and Connie are Wash’s personal favorites.  Connie is just the right size to hold in his arms and tuck up under his chin.  She wraps an arm around his waist and throws a leg over his, and with her head cradled into the crook of his shoulder, they can sleep like that all night without moving.

Maine likes to treat Wash as his own personal stuffed animal.  Wash has been spooned, flopped on, enveloped, laid on, used as a pillow, used as a blanket and, in a hideous reversal that York unfortunately got blackmail photos of, held close and tucked up under Maine’s chin.  The man is a cuddling machine, and he has no off switch.  Not that you’ll catch Wash complaining.  It unknots something deep in his chest that gets clenched tight when they’re away on missions for days, trying not to die while killing other people as effectively as possible.

“It’s pretty fucking odd,” Niner informs them during one of her spectacular time-killing rants on the way back from some destination they were ordered to rain hell on.  “I can’t tell if it’s a marathon orgy you assholes don’t have the courtesy to let me in on, or if you’re in some kind of nine-way poly relationship, or if it’s the galaxy’s laziest game of tag.”

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  • Rudy: First, you’ll be sealed in a reinforced titanium box. Next, you will be dropped into this bottomless chasm. Then, the chasm will be filled with water. Then, man-eating sharks and a giant squid will then be released into the water!
  • Napoleon: Wait, if the chasm is bottomless, how can you fill it with water?
  • Rudy: ...
  • Rudy: IT’S VERY, VERY DEEP, ALL RIGHT?! Lastly, I shall freeze over the water with a six-foot layer of solid GLACIAL ICE! [inhales] ANY QUESTIONS?
  • Napoleon: Not if you’re gonna get all snippy.
3

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it's kinda like the little mermaid except ariel might eat you (1/?)

Characters: Gabriel Reyes, Lena Oxton, Lúcio Correia dos Santos, Winston, Jack Morrison

Rating: T

Pairings: Gabriel Reyes/Jack Morrison

Description: an au from the r76 discord chat, wherein mermaids are a thing. someone take fic naming privileges away from me.

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / ?


Gabe sees some of the kids on the ground floor whisper to each other, pointing at the leopard sharks surrounding him in the Kelp Forest exhibit. God, this is his fucking favorite segment of the fish feeding at Monterey Bay Aquarium.


Lena says into the microphone with a chipper smile, “Now, I hear some of you saying that that’s a loooot of sharks in the tank! Gabe, are you scared that one of them might try to take a bite out of you?” She badly mimics a creature taking a big chomp. Some of the kids in the audience giggle at her antics.

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