What are each of the four stages of beyhydration?
Stage 1: Denial and Disbelief- The Hive is seemingly calm and cool, believing that the previous era hasn’t ended. There is belief of some sort of intimate residency show or a DVD for a World Tour coming… but no, once the members of the Hive realize we are in a full swung Beyhydration, we move on to stage 2…
Stage 2: Resurfacing and Overanalyzing of Old Content- Due to lack of new content, the Hive begins to talk/blog about Beyoncé’s previous music, videos, movies, accomplishments…etc. An average member of the Hive usually does this starting with the most recent era, and working back to where it all began (9/4/81). Some members of the Hive even start to overanalyze Bey’s old content and demand justice for the wrong-doings of others toward Beyoncé. The Beyhive begins getting anxious and will sting any person that tests them like Kid Pebble or Mike “Gerbil-Man” Huckabee.
Stage 3: Absolute Chaos and Disbelief- Everything around you has changed. Nothing looks the same, nothing feels the same. You dance to keep from crying, but the tears still come. The existing hierarchy of the Hive collapses as some of its leaders get booted from tumblr, some of the members lose spirit, and some fade away altogether. Even worse, the Hive starts to attack each other for things like matching avatars, shady tags, or even brightening pictures of Bey too much. All of Bey’s old content has been overanalyzed so we obsess over anything we get; if Bey shows off a new weave or some inner boob, members of the Hive will have heart palpitations and die of excitement. We hardly see Bey anymore, but there is still hope because our fav is ethereal and everlasting.
Stage 4: Beytrayal and Hopelessness- After every YouTube video of WDYLM performances and every tour DVD have been watched thousands of times, members of the Hive start to fade. Unfortunately some members begin to pretend that they have new favorite musicians and their life becomes a lie altogether. While Bey gives us the bare minimum to keep living, we begin to stan for the people she loves, like Jay Z, Kelly, Michelle, Mama Tina, Blue, and even artists that remind us of the past like Sean Paul and Boots. The Hive reaches their lowest point as other artists have success and we can’t help but feel that Beyoncé is losing control of her world. We wait anxiously for her next career move, thinking everything that happens is a clue or a sign. We are weak, but we still stand together.
But it is in that moment that Beyoncé will strike again harder than ever, and the Hive will remain ever faithful.