(disclaimer: i’m with the minority who believe the over-arching mystery of the series including all the background adult vfd members is not only fascinating but necessary to make the later reveals and overall series work. i’m also a little biased bc i’m heavily invested in the history/mystery surrounding the fire-fighting side of the schism. that aside, this will be a shit post as i’m excited and incoherent.)
every mention of beatrice (and bertrand) cleared my skin
warburton humanized lemony for me; where he was once an abstract concept narrating from a distance he’s more fleshed out, and wonderfully captures the tone of lemony
tl;dr he made me like lemony
lemony running from the authorities is a+ also i like how he fucks off without regard to all the evidence hes leaving behind lmao
i deeply relate to lemony in how i, too, suffer over beatrice
“NOBODY ASKED YOU” - edgar poe, a true icon
takes after his mother queen eleanora of the daily punctilio
count olaf being a petty bitch is everything to me
shirley st. ives is T H I C C hot damn yas mami bring it
jacquelyn (!!!) and gustav running around in the background trying to right wrongs and get the baudelaires to their rightful destination is a BREATH OF FRESH AIR
where i was once frustrated beyond belief that bad things kept happening to the baudelaires bc even vfd members seemed incompetent and stupid is one beef i had with the books
to see vfd members alerted to the fact that somethings wrong and then kicking ass + taking names behind the scenes is GREAT and makes it seem more plausible
I LOVE VFD MEMBERS POPPING OUT OF THE WOODWORK we get to SEE them instead of hearing about them after its too late
gustav is hot af??? and can get it anytime like damn daniel
lets pretend his death never happened
which brings me to:
is she kit snicket in disguise? she’s got blonde hair, has history with olaf, can beat his ass with one hand while he thanks her, etc
i could be wrong but let a girl live?? i’m thirsty for her at this point
ngl i fell for the whole baudelaire-turned-quagmire twist :(
i came out to ship beatrice/bertrand and i honestly feel so attacked rn
i was excited for the whole “beatrice & bertrand adventuretimes before dying tragically near the end of the series” thing like i imagined
WHY COULDN’T YOU CATER 2 MY INTERESTS NETFLIX i was so captivated :(
i!👏 wanted!👏 exposition!👏 on! 👏 them! 👏 ughhh
no beatrice in a dragonfly costume at the masked ball? no bisexual beatrice making out with r, the duchess of winnepeg?? no beatrice stealing esme’s sugar bowl??? unfriended blocked and reported
will they even give us flashbacks of beatrice next season? im salty
also dr. orwell dated bertrand? it ended in a lawsuit and plastic surgery?? omfg give this 2 me
cobie smulders is beautiful gahhhhhhdamn
mama quagmire slayed the entire show
like idk how they’re gonna make beatrice look cool in comparison to her
also: who knew mama quagmire had so much in common with violet?
both even came up with the same inventions
lmao why are the quagmire kids such squares??
i want to beat them up
they’re already making quigley stand apart to foreshadow his eventual separation from his siblings but dude was stone cold when he refused to hug his father lmao “WHATS WRONG WITH UR LEG DAD WHY ARE U SUCH A PEASANT”
I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR ESME SQUALOR CAMEOS
shes serving that beautiful cruella deville vibe. im Shook and Scalped
this is the esme we deserve! flipping thru a newspaper while she sets a house on fire….. elegantly draped across the seat in couture clothing:’) my wife
speaking of queen esme when is she going to burn violet’s horrible bright pink dress i was fucking squinting it was so obnoxiously pink
violet in high-waisted button-up flares is my Aesthetic™
i am So Ready for violet slaying the fashion game next season in cute plaid skirts
violet holding klaus’ hand is always pure and wholesome content
i love the baudelaires reclaiming their agency and fucking off by themselves to the lucky smells lumber mill bc yes
the baudelaires waiting for aunt josephine to leave aND THEN TURNING ON THE STOVE TO COOK A HOT MEAL i lost it @ my bby pack rats
mr poe eating chowder in the middle of a panic attack is Oscar-worthy
i loooooooove all the references to other books sprinkled in
we need that good exposition and foreshadowing THANK
tbh i hope daniel handler keeps taking liberties and including characters and references and adding more plot
otherwise the story quickly becomes a rinse-and-repeat and i was sick of that with the movie
next season pls deliver: beatrice, esme, kit (jacquelyn??), jacquelyn, mama quagmire, slaying us left and right, the denouement brothers, quigley and jacques, etc all working behind the scenes or in flashbacks, violet destroying everyone at prep school, cynical sarcastic baudelaire children
heavens no. for one she wouldnt hesitate one second to cherry bomb your sorry ass into takamagahara and second of all even if you die she reigns in heaven too so good luck getting out of that one.
Issun (normal size):
you could take him, but those paper cuts are gonna hurt like hell.
Issun (lucky mallet size):
dude. this guy tackled blight to the ground. IN ONE HIT. SOLO. NO MIST. he probably would have finished the job too if ammy hadn't held him back. stay away from the lucky mallet.
he'd probably be too condescending to fight you but seeing as he has 200 years of fighting experience minimum i don't see how that's a bad thing
bro. this chick literally revived a god. and not even at full power, oh no, that's when SHE WAS DYING. do not take on sakuya.
kick that fucking bear's ass you can take em remember the fucking beehive man kick that fucking bear's aSS JUST DO IT KICK THAT BEA
do you have a death wish
Mr. And Mrs. Cutter:
YES MAKE THEM PAY but from afar
punch all day long, he isn't gonna feel a thing. don't do it unless you want your self-esteem shattered.
not only would you get your ass handed to you but you'd also get charged with animal abuse 0/10 not recommended.
you could take her alone but you're going to feel watched by dogs for the rest of your life.
he's a ghost but you can try I guess
The Apple Guy:
you could take him at close range but you'd just feel bad i mean. come on. all the guy ever wanted was to sit down and share apples with you. come on.
The Spider Queen's Head:
she cant destroy you but she will destroy your pride when you inevitably run out screaming.
Ninetails!Rao (no fox rods):
hELL YEAH MAN SAVE HIMIKO AND STUFF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE JUST GO FOR IT
she always wins in the end. like maybe she'll lose but she will win somehow. don't do it.
you could but why would you he's like the chillest person on earth and is too busy collecting treasure to raise taxes so why
Rao (the real one):
have some decency man dont fight a corpse i mean seriously why do i even have to say this what could you possibly gain from fighting a corpse why
not directly but if you say it's so that kutone glows silver you'll probably get away with it.
don't do it you'll cause like a thousand changes in the time-space continuum and trigger like eight apocalypses just don't it's not worth it.
well technically yes but you're gonna die afterwards if the volcanoes don't erupt so. not to mention she's like five.
yknow i would have once said you lacked decency but things changed after the races in yoshpet. go for it. give her a reason to run.
no this guy will chase you around the whole village nonstop for four days if it means tanning your hide. just dont. take issun's word for it.
punch a grandpa in the face man
Ishaku (lucky mallet):
punch a grandpa in the face man
DEMON BONUS :
Actually, yes. Bring some insect repellant. A lot of it.
Yes, again. Bring some water. A lot of it.
you could take him with one hand but id be very dissapointed in you.
don't. besides the fact that you would definitely lose, why the fuck would you want to fight him again. you fought him like three times. is that not enough for you.
Ninetails (with fox rods):
you don't stand a chance but do it. I'll pay you. for himiko.
it's a joke from here on out man jUST DO IT KICK HER ASS
Lechku and Nechku:
You can't. But you can drop in at around four o'clock to get invited to a nice tea party.
fight the fishstick. just do it. get him outta the robot suit and his aquarium. have him flop around a bit just for fun. make people pay from entrance tickets and give out free popcorn. it'll be a blast.
You wanted Dimples Queen so here, I wrote you a thing =)
It’s not the words that throw her. It’s the way he says them, the way he casually looks up from his bubble bath, abandons his rubber ducky and smiles at her as he asks, “Regina, are you my mama now?”
She doesn’t know what to say to that, doesn’t think there’s anything that could have prepared her for such a moment, and yet it arrives, the emotional force of it punching her in the gut as she stares back at Roland’s hopeful face and tries her hardest not to tear up at the fact that he considers her family, that he considers her his mother.
“Sweetheart, you know you had a mama, right? Before you came here?”
“Yeah, but she’s with the angels now.”
“She is, and she watches over you every day.”
“I know, that’s why Papa said I have you now.”
“What do you mean?” she asks, confused, and Roland scrunches up his nose adorably, then looks back down at his bubbles and grabs the rubber duck again.
“Well, Papa said that mama watches over me, but that because she can’t be here, she sent me you.”
“Your father said that?” she gasps, unable to hold back the moisture that springs to her eyes.
Roland nods, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and he can’t quite fathom why she wouldn’t know this already. A few quiet moments go by, him playing with his bubbles in the tub while Regina sits idly by, lost in her own thoughts, and then he speaks again.
“So… are you? My mama?”
“I… do you want me to be?” she asks nervously.
“Well, yeah! But you have to marry us, first, Papa said.”
“Yep, both of us! He said we have to get a shiny ring and ask you, but it’s a surprise so you can’t know when we’re asking you.”
“Oh! Well, I guess we have to wait, don’t we?”
“But I want you to be my Mama now.”
She chuckles at his impatience, shaking her head as joyous tears escape her eyes. When Robin had suggested they move in together two months ago, she’d been scared, paranoid that at some point he’d see something in her that would remind him of her past, that would scare him off because he couldn’t possibly want to be with the Evil Queen, but now, now she’s just found out that he’s thinking of marrying her, that he wants this to be forever, and her heart swells with love for him, for them both.
“I have an idea,” she tells Roland, grabbing his towel and helping him out of the bathtub as he excitedly grills her for details. She says nothing while she helps him dry and dress, and it’s only when he’s clad in his pajamas and ready for bed that she settles him on her bed and opens the drawer of her nightstand, taking out a short braid made of twine, with colorful little seeds entwined into it.
“Do you remember this?” she asks when she shows it to him.
“It’s the bracelet I made you in the castle!” He nods enthusiastically. Regina smiles, then moves to tie the bracelet around his tiny wrist, looping it twice and then securing a knot that is strong, but not too tight.
“You said your papa is getting a ring, and that’s fine, but this is for us, alright? Just you and me.”
“Like a secret?!”
“Yes, our very own marriage proposal. This way, you don’t have to wait for your father to get that ring.”
“So we can get married right now?!”
“Yes, dear,” Regina replies with a giggle, and to her surprise, Roland jumps down from the bed, kneels on the floor in front of her and takes her hand.
“Papa says you have to kneel down and ask to marry a lady,” he explains, and then blushes as he looks at her and asks, “will you marry us and be my mama?”
She smiles, tearing up yet again as she gives him her answer, because this boy, this beautiful, perfect boy sees her for who she is, who she’s become, has no reservations as to her past or her reputation. He simply loves her, wants her in his life forever, and nothing will ever compare to that, to the unconditional love of a child.
“I’d love to.”
Here you get a baby Henry and his Mama because I have so many feelings right now, and I don’t know what to do with them?!?!!?!?! Roland and Regina?!?!!?!
Lulu swung her legs from a tree, normally pointed ears drooping sadly over the brim of her hat. This adventure wasn’t any fun anymore, she just wanted to go home and sit with her Mama. She wanted to hear her grumble, to ask where she’d disappeared to all that time, only to swoop her into a big hug and make her promise never to do it again. “I miss you Mama Bea…”