male feminists


Update: when I posted this last night, I wanted to add the quote below but it was late and I couldn’t find it at the time.

At the same time, in terms of some of the critical comments I’ve seen, I’d like to note that it doesn’t help the cause for us to turn on allies who haven’t reached “advanced feminist consciousness” yet. You have to walk before you can run.  I’m sure Will Arnett learned a lot at the march!

I’m not saying give him feminist of the year. I’m saying we’re trying to expand the amount of people who care about gender equality, and we can point out the missing piece of an argument without rejecting it entirely, like so:

“Hey it’s great that you care about your loved ones and don’t want to see them oppressed. I want to point out though that people’s worth shouldn’t be dependent on what they mean to us personally. Women don’t deserve rights because of how much they mean to men - they deserve rights because they are human beings. A caring person should care about justice and not just “what does this mean to me and my immediate circle.”

This way we’re not punishing people for taking a first step, we’re encouraging them to keep going on the path of awareness > empathy > action.

leftwing men are like:
  • men: I support women!!
  • women: stop making sexist jokes.
  • men: NO!!! It's funny to laugh at your oppression!!
  • women: Stop watching porn.
  • men: NO!! I feel entitled to consume women like sex objects.
  • women: Take our concerns seriously.
  • men: NO!! You need to be sweeter, nicer, quieter, actually just don't say anything that could make me feel uncomfortable.
  • women: You're not a very good ally at all. What exactly do you do for us??
As a male feminist ally you should:

•accept that some spaces/conversations do not include you

•not attempt to dominate conversations with your experience of the world

•be aware of your privilege and bring this awareness to any conversations

•not ever use the ‘not all men’ defence. ever.

•not discount to experiences of women because they do not fall into your personal experience of the world

A metaphor for men who would be Feminist Allies

Feminism is a house.

A house built by women, all the things in it were made or bought by women, women pay the gas and electricity bills, they stock the fridge, they do the cooking and the cleaning and the washing. If the roof leaks or a tap drips it is fixed by a woman and the people who live there are all women.

As a man and a Feminist or Feminist Ally, you are a guest.

It is not your house, you did not build it or buy it, nothing in it was bought or made by you or for you. You do not pay the bills and you do not run the household.

Sure being there has lots of good things for you, you are enjoying it’s hospitality, using it’s towels and shower, getting fed.

But it isn’t yours.

And as a guest you should behave with respect towards the house and its owners. You don’t critique the decor or complain about the food.

And as a guest, you are there out of the kindness and generosity of your hosts, and you can be asked to leave at any time, even for a reason which you don’t agree with, because it is their house, and you are a guest.

What men in Feminism so often do is treat it like it is their house. You walk in the door and start complaining that none of the post is addressed to you and that none of the shoes left by the door fit you. You insist that everyone watches your TV shows and demand that the owners make space on the shelves for you books and DVD’s. You tell the owners that the kitchen should be painted white instead of yellow, and then get out the paint and brushes and start re-decorating without asking permission. And then you ring up the utilities supplier and try to get them to change the name on the account to yours.

And then women stop you and say “This is our house, treat it and us with respect”.

And then you tell us that we should be grateful that you are here in our house, sleeping in our guest bed, eating our food and sitting on our sofa.

And sometimes you storm off and out of the house, slamming the door on the way, and then stand outside throwing mud at the windows, because how dare we decide what goes on in our own house and who inhabits it?

You are a guest in a house built by and for women. Remember that.

Treat us and our movement with respect, do not demand entry to it, any more than you would demand entry to someone else’s home. 

This house that we have built is the only place that we can be safe.

You have the whole world outside.

As we know, women have to break down many barriers on the road to success. One of those barriers is the way we are constantly reminded we are not men, as if it is a flaw. People call me one of the “world’s greatest female athletes”. Do they say LeBron is one of the world’s best male athletes? Is Tiger? Federer? Why not? They are certainly not female. We should never let this go unchallenged. We should always be judged by our achievements, not by our gender.
One of the reasons why Manuary is so important:

One of my friends was in love with a girl for a long time. Now they are in a relationship and he’s so happy. He wants to buy her roses, always talks about how wonderful and beautiful she is and treats her like a queen. It’s so sweet to see how much he loves her.

But then New Year’s Eve happened. It was planned that he spends his night with a friend but it changed last minute and he spent it with his best friend. When his girlfriend asked where he was on NYE, he told her about it, realized he hadn’t told her and apologized for not informing her earlier. She went completely nuts. Said he lied to her and that you always have to tell your girlfriend where you’re going. He apologized and asked if she could forgive him and she just answered “we’ll see”. She guilt-tripped him to the point he was almost crying and said shit about himself so maybe she could forgive him. He asked me what to do, I told him to ask her why it was so important to her to know where exactly he was and why she’s so upset now. Her answer? “You don’t know? Think about it 👐” He’s so afraid she’ll dump him for simply forgetting to tell her immediately that his plans changed.

Girls, don’t do this shit to your partners, especially when they apologized a THOUSAND TIMES. It can happen. Stress can distract you. They can’t always tell where they’re going. And if they ask why it upset you so much so they know what to do and what to avoid, fucking tell them and stop being so shitty. Being afraid of losing him? Having so low self-esteem that you’re afraid he maybe lied to you to not spend time with you? Or because he may cheat on you? No. Excuse. Tell him about your fears. Be honest and not a fucking controll-freak.

Guys, don’t let girls do this to you. Don’t let them guilt-trip you into thinking you’re a horrible person for not telling them immediately where you’re going. And if they dump you for this mistake, they weren’t worthy your time.

I’ve seen a huge amount of girls who are like this and they went from controll-freak to abuser. Of course not everyone is like this but they exist. It’s not okay to do this shit to your partner. And we need to teach men that they don’t have to put up with a woman like that.