The amount of “it’s just a joke” comments I get on my posts here like yeah we know what it’s meant to be genius but that doesn’t mean those sort of “jokes” don’t have an impact on how society views marginalized people (or victims of rape, violence, etc….) or how those of us who don’t have the privilege to joke around about certain aspects of our lives feel when we hear them. Plus like, why even bother commenting?  Do you really think your “It’s just a joke” response is some new and exciting concept that is going to change all our minds? Just keep your mouth shut and let the grown ups talk. 

The worst thing about the “friendzone” isn’t that some poor guy didn’t get to have sex with the girl he likes even though he’s such a nice guy, it’s that some poor girl finds out one of her friends was only trying to be close to her with the hopes of getting in her pants. Any idea what that does to someone’s self-worth? Or are you too busy lamenting your unrewarded sense of entitlement? Fight me on this. I’m angry tonight and I will bite your throat out.

On a rare occasion, a woman will tell me that she doesn’t mind being objectified by men. To that I say:

That’s nice, but he’s not doing it because you don’t mind. He’s not waiting until he finds you, the (probably) only woman in the area who doesn’t mind. He’s doing it to every woman. He’s doing it because he wants to and he doesn’t care who likes it, and who doesn’t. He doesn’t stick around long enough to ask, he just takes.

anonymous asked:

Geekdom is the only place where socially shunned males can be save and be themselves. So when women, who exclude them outside geek culture, invade those save spaces and force the scene to conform to their wants and rules they leave the men with nowhere to go. Where can they flee? They're backed into a corner. Attacking invading women is not harrassment - it is defense. Women hate socially inept males. Why should they not hate them back when they try to destoy their only sanctuary.

Ok, where to begin with this trainwreck.

Gaming was never yours. Never. It was not designed as a safe space for guys free of women and you have no exclusive rights to the medium in the same way that no gender have exclusive rights to film and television. If women said you were not allowed to read books because that is their safe thing you would think they were ridiculous, you do not own a medium.

Women are not required to want to hang out with you in real life in order to game, that is another bullshit standard you apply to them and not to men. If a guy is a jerk whom you wouldn’t want to hang out with in real life you don’t throw a tantrum.

Women are not a hivemind, we each have our own individual thoughts and feelings and judge you individually. 

That being said, women don’t want to hang out with you, not because you’re socially inept, but because you are an entitled asshole who thinks that women owe you their time outside of games in order to be able to play games without hostility. 

If men weren’t hostile towards women, who have just as much a right to game as them, and weren’t so hostile towards the concept of fair representation then there would be any changes to the “scene” required, because people would already have a fair and fun experience.

Games are not your sanctuary mate, they are a product medium and never once has it been yours. Get over yourself.

People’s reactions when a woman says she isn’t interested in a man that is interested in her is absolutely terrifying and disgusting. They honestly think the man’s right to have her is more important than her lack of interest. Like, because he is interested in her he deserves to have exactly what he wants and she is supposed to just ignore her lack of connection and put her feelings aside and cave to his desires. ‘Give him a chance’ and ‘you might grow to like him’ and every other excuse in the book is just a dressed up version of ‘he wants you and your opinion and feeling don’t matter at all because your life is secondary to his’

I feel like almost all of the guys who’ve had an unreciprocated thing for me developed it because I listened to them and was emotionally supportive, etc., but they themselves never thought to do the same for me. Which ended up with this weird situation where I knew them super well but they literally had zero idea about who I was as a person other than “listens really well and is emotionally supportive.”

Like, they didn’t know the first thing about what was important to me, my beliefs, my family, my work, how I spent my time when I wasn’t with them. Because not a single one of them wanted  to know. They would just… never ask, or they’d ask politely and when I started to answer they’d show extreme disinterest and change the subject back to themselves.

But they still thought they loved me, because to them that’s all love is - being emotionally supported by someone. It did not even occur to them that the support could ever go both ways, and they were always bewildered about why I never loved them “back” - even though all they gave me to love was a person so self-obsessed that he couldn’t see me at all.

Emotional labour is so, so important to be aware of in relationships. It has to have some kind of balance, or the person performing it will just burn out. And a relationship consisting only of one person demanding and demanding and never giving back is not love. Love is not a demand. It can accept, and it can ask, but love listens, love cares about how its requests affect the beloved. Love wants to give back.

Overprotective Dad getting out the shotgun when his baby girls first bf shows up at age 14 isn’t ‘cute’.  Modest Dad telling his sweet precious daughter to cover up her shoulders isn’t 'sweet’.  Concerned Daddy wanting to know where his baby is and who she’s with at all times isn’t 'good parenting’.  Loving supportive father who gave his sweetheart a promise ring and danced with her at the chastity ball isn’t 'old fashioned but harmless’.

Fathers who think they are entitled to their daughters bodies are the scum of the earth and need to stop.

Does anyone else fill up with dread when you realise your guy friend has a crush on you, because you’re now going to be socially obligated to provide him with additional emotional labour if you don’t want to suffer social sanctions for not fulfilling your gender’s role of managing men’s feelings?

Men who are attracted to women routinely make their crushes a problem for the women they’re aimed at. If they possess the basic understanding that they’re not entitled to a woman’s interest - which honestly can’t be assumed - they still generally feel entitled to her time and emotional labour.

They expect explanations, a chance to ask questions about her lack of interest, and perhaps even a chance to convince her to “give him a chance”. They expect to be let down in the gentlest, most complimentary way possible, to have their feelings managed every step of the way by a woman who did not ask for this interest or the job of handling it.

This is one form of male entitlement, a near-ubiquitous form of misogyny that’s so embedded it often goes unnoticed. Men, think critically about the expectations you have of a woman you’re interested in. Are you making your feelings her problem, or are you managing them on your own like a respectful adult?

No one likes to be rejected. But it’s not the job of the person rejecting you to comfort you about it or listen to heartfelt confessions they don’t want to hear. Your interest doesn’t mean they owe you. Find someone who consents to giving you that emotional labour; don’t demand it from someone you’ve trapped in an awkward situation. Let “no” be enough.

At its most basic level, all of this emotional labour is saying to another human being “you matter. I will take my time to show you that you matter.” And maintaining that glue is something that devolves mainly onto women, 24 hours a day. It feels like most men are taught (ex- or implicitly) to do emotional work only when it gets them something they want now, whereas most women are taught to do emotional work as part of an ongoing exchange that benefits everyone.

eee-in  asked:

you say you wanna destroy gender roles so why are so many women I go out with insisting that I pay on the first date? Apparently you're all strong independent women until it comes to paying for that overpriced salad you just ordered. women want men to kiss their ass and treat them like princess yet hate them at the same time. fuck right off

Are you aware that men get paid more than women? Are you aware that the work women do is consistently devalued not just on the individual level but on a massive scale that sees industries start to pay less and less as women take more and more jobs in them? Are you aware that computer programming as an industry gained not just prestige but MASSIVE wage increases when men began to move in and take the jobs that were previously held by women? Are you aware that there’s a huge wealth gap between men and women?

Are you aware of the pink tax,  whereby products intended for women consistently cost more than products intended for men despite costing the same to produce and despite women as a class having far less money than men as a class? Are you aware that women are socially sanctioned for not owning a wider selection of clothes than men, and that women’s clothes are more expensive?

Are you aware that women are socially sanctioned for not wearing makeup, something else that costs a lot of money, or shaving much larger parts of their bodies than men, which causes us to go through our (more expensive) razors/razor blades faster than men? Are you aware that women’s hygeine products are more expensive and that we’re socially sanctioned for not having long hair, something that requires, again, specific and frequently expensive products to upkeep?

Are you aware that these social sanctions don’t end with social ramifications, but can actually make the difference between a woman getting hired, fired, or getting a pay rise, because women who don’t perform femininity in socially accepted ways are considered less “professional”?

Are you aware that in order to have sex without ending up solely responsible for a child, women who are capable of pregnancy pay huge amounts of money for birth control and/or abortions, which aren’t covered under many insurance policies while the pills cis men need to get erections is covered much more often?

Are you aware that a man is more likely to be hired if potential employers know he has children, but that a woman is less likely to be hired if potential employers know she has children?

Are you aware that women have much less available money because we start off being paid less by our jobs and we’re expected to pay more as the rent for existing in the world as a woman?

Are you aware that despite all this, not all feminists expect men to pay for our meals on a date? Are you aware that not every feminist is even interested in dating men? Are you aware that not every woman is a feminist, and the women you’re dating aren’t automatically trying to abolish gender roles just because they’re women?

Are you aware that you are looking at a population of people who face significantly higher rates of harrassment, abuse, and rape, a population who is paid less and expected to pay more, a population who is tightly restricted by gender roles that expect us to do unpaid emotional and domestic labour for men like you who see it as your due, and your first fucking question is why our very top priority isn’t making sure you don’t have to pay a little extra on a goddamned date?

Fuck you.

We’re here to abolish gender roles. One of them is who pays for dates. But fuck you for thinking that should be higher on our priority list when that list is populated with things like “stopping rapes” and “making sure women are getting paid fairly in the first place”.

3

Watch Rand Paul Explain to a Female Reporter How to Ask a Question

“New presidential candidate Rand Paul’s post-announcement media blitz took an unsavory turn Wednesday morning, when the Kentucky senator decided to play journalism professor with NBC’s Savannah Guthrie.

Paul repeatedly interrupted the Today co-anchor, who was challenging him on sensitive policy matters, then snapped at Guthrie when she followed-up and pressed for answers.

Guthrie held her ground as Paul twice accused her of “editorializing,” or injecting personal opinion into what were really pretty simple, legitimate questions about his positions on aid to Israel and the Iranian nuclear negotiations. (He has shifted on both questions, hence the cranky responses.)

Paul responded by offering the veteran political reporter and former White House correspondent some unsolicited advice on how to do her job:

Not the first time: Wednesday’s exchange mirrored another short-tempered performance, during a Feb. 2 interview with CNBC’s Kelly Evans. Paul shushed Evans after becoming irritated by a series of questions about tax policy and comments he’d made about anti-vaxxers.”

Read the full piece and watch the interview here

To those people who read a story of a boy turning violent after a girl repeatedly rejects him and say, “Well, it’s her fault, because she should have just said yes and given him a chance…”

At what point is she allowed to say no?

If she’s not allowed to say no to the first date, is she allowed to say no to the second? The third? To being his girlfriend? To kissing him? To having sex? To meeting his parents? To getting married? To starting a family?

At what point would you find it acceptable for her to actually have an opinion on the direction her life is taking, the way she spends her time, or with whom she spends it?

And do you really think he’s suddenly going to take “no” well at that point?