malcolm peters

  • Peter, putting hands over Happy's eyes: Guess who it is!
  • Happy: It's either Peter or the cold hands of death.
  • Peter: It's Peter!
  • Happy: FUCK
  • Peter: Dad, can I have a story?
  • Tony: Once upon a time, there was a little boy that made his dad so crazy he decided to sell him to a circus.
  • Peter: An evil circus?
  • Tony: No, a nice one with monkeys.
  • Peter: Thank you.
  • [Sirius, James, Peter and Remus are being menaced by a pack of Slytherins, but they don't know who they're after]
  • Sirius: Merlin, they look mad. Which one of us do you think they want?
  • Remus: Prongs, it's obviously you. Those must have been Slytherin brooms you used that permanent sticking charm on to fuse them to the train tracks!
  • James: We don't know that! Wormtail were pretty fast and loose with that dungbomb slingshot the other day! How do we know he didn't hit one of them?
  • Peter: [looks at Sirius] What about you? How many people did you convince to buy those arithmancy pills?
  • Sirius: You know, our lives would be a lot easier if we didn't all pull this crap at the same time!
  • Remus: I suggested a rotating calendar years ago and you guys ignored me! And here we are!