malcolm peters

The signs as Malcolm Tucker quotes
  • Aries: If you fucking try and fuck me, you'll find my fucking arse will fucking grow fucking fangs and fucking snap your fucking cock off
  • Taurus: Maybe you can download rice
  • Gemini: Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off
  • Cancer: Believe me, I'd rather slip into something a bit more comfortable, like a fucking coma
  • Leo: Trying to be me will fucking kill you. I'll give you 18 months before you're a washed out, weeping alcoholic
  • Virgo: I'd love to stop and chat to you but I'd rather have Type 2 diabetes
  • Libra: You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra
  • Scorpio: Okay people, wake up and smell the cock
  • Sagittarius: I will tear your fucking skin off, I will wear it to your mother's birthday party and I will rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling Bohemian fucking Rhapsody
  • Capricorn: You are a boring F star star cunt
  • Aquarius: You're about as funny as a blind toddler in a fucking minefield
  • Pisces: He's a fucking knitted scarf that twat, he's a fucking balaclava
  • [Sirius, James, Peter and Remus are being menaced by a pack of Slytherins, but they don't know who they're after]
  • Sirius: Merlin, they look mad. Which one of us do you think they want?
  • Remus: Prongs, it's obviously you. Those must have been Slytherin brooms you used that permanent sticking charm on to fuse them to the train tracks!
  • James: We don't know that! Wormtail were pretty fast and loose with that dungbomb slingshot the other day! How do we know he didn't hit one of them?
  • Peter: [looks at Sirius] What about you? How many people did you convince to buy those arithmancy pills?
  • Sirius: You know, our lives would be a lot easier if we didn't all pull this crap at the same time!
  • Remus: I suggested a rotating calendar years ago and you guys ignored me! And here we are!