making strangers laugh in public is fun

This weekend, I was able to get out into public for the first time in a long time. My brother had a small wedding ceremony and some low key activities with the immediate families. I cannot tell you how exciting it was that I was able to make the ceremony and visit/participate and I was so proud of myself for laughing, smiling, not holding anyone back from doing what they wanted to do. I forgot what it is like to be in public when people can tell you are sick – the stares and comments that strangers make. It’s not… fun, but I barely even cared because I was just so thrilled to be able to see my brother get married.

Physically it was very taxing, but, unfortunately, the physical strain wasn’t the worst that happened, but the unsolicited comments friends/family/strangers made about my illness. It was such an amazing weekend otherwise that I don’t want to mar it by complaining about how others treated me, but I decided it was time to address some of the judgements people make and some of the horrible comments people make to me (and I am guessing other chronically ill/disabled people).

Actual comments made to me this weekend (a lot of them have been said in some form or another at other times)


“You are pathetic. Everyone thinks you are pathetic. I am embarrassed for you. It is embarrassing. I am telling you because I care about you, and someone needs to tell you the truth.”

Not only is this not an exaggeration, but it isn’t the first time I have received a comment like this. I really don’t have a rebuttal because these comments are about how others perceive me and I can’t change their mind. I can say that I am fully aware that people feel like this, to the point where I tend to think it is secretly a majority opinion and the people who let me know are the ones who are being honest about how they feel. Maybe I am wrong, but it is one of the reasons I came out on Tumblr as being chronically ill. I’d like to help remove the stigma and, if nothing else, I am tired of being ashamed of it. But I have no delusions. Telling me this information, doesn’t improve my quality of life. I guess it’s good to be aware of how others see me, but it doesn’t change my health to know that people don’t like me being sick.

“You’ve been sick for too da@# long. If I were you, I would change my diet, change my mindset, schedule a new appointment every day. It is time to get better.”

This statement in many forms is actually EXTREMELY common. A few things. I don’t want to be sick. It is not enjoyable to be sick. I had a really good job, a house, a car, a fantastic boyfriend, I got scholarships to undergrad and my graduate school was paid for by my company, I was in really good shape ran/hiked/danced on the weekends, I had what I thought were amazing friends who were in similar situations and all of this was while I was still but not as bad as I am now. Hell yeah I am bragging about my life because I want you to know that I DON”T WANT TO BE SICK. I want my old life back. Now, many days I am embarrassingly dependent on others often for help getting food prepared, sometimes (when it is really bad) for things as simple as water. I have tried diet changes, I have tried attitude changes. I have tried 1000 things and I will try 1000 more. Doctors are not gods – even good ones sometimes just don’t have the research/information available because research takes FUNDING and someone who has the means to conduct and/or fund it whether it be a university or a pharmaceutical company, etc. Chronic illnesses tend to be chronic because there is no cure – yet. There are a lot of doctors, clinics, and other professionals that aim to improve the quality of life of those who are chronically ill. These methods can be expensive, they can be scams, they can be well-intended and work for others but just not for me and they can have some pretty intense side effects. The last medicine my doctor and I tried to use to improve my quality of life had me coughing up blood, vomiting, and peeing blood (never mind the pain it caused). The point to all of this is that I don’t want to be sick, and I am doing what I can and trying to make the best decisions for my health. If you want to offer advice on my health decisions, wait until you are involved enough in my care to make an educated guess.

 

“You used to be so strong. Now you are just weak. Push through it. You’ll get better if you just push yourself.”

This comment is sort of a combination of the two before. I am going to make this personal again to illustrate my point. I am the kind of person that would tape my broken finger to my normal finger so that I could finish a game of basketball, or would run on a broken foot because I didn’t want to sit out, or would bike up a mountain with a busted knee because I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. I haven’t gotten any weaker. In fact, experts have suggested that I am as bad as I am because I didn’t listen to my body and pushed through pain and discomfort (and keep pushing because – I repeat – I don’t want to be sick). Plus, the scale of what I am dealing with has expanded. Also, some of my symptoms aren’t painful per se – parts of my body simply stop working or don’t work the way they are supposed to. There is nothing to push through (although I try). The point here is people call me weak and I wish they would realize how strong I still am.

There were more – particularly the stuff from strangers, but I ended up writing more than I thought I would. So I will stop here. If you have read this far, I don’t know if it has been meaningful, but maybe my anecdotes have helped with some misconceptions of chronic illness. I did more bragging than I am comfortable with, but I think people need to know that we aren’t less-than-human and we aren’t people who just can’t handle life, we are people who are sick and sometimes, we try to be happy despite our situation and there is no reason to have an opinion about that. There is really no reason to have an opinion about someone else’s illness at all.

Edit: I have some amazing family members and friends not mentioned here and I really need to devote some of my writing to them. So expect more of that in the future!

anonymous asked:

Do you have headcanons for dn? mostly lawlight though. I like this one with L being really jealous because Light turns a lot of heads in the streets, that's why he doesn't like going out haha

I’m not sure about my Lawlight headcanons because I think of Lawlight 24/7 so it’s either I have zero headcanons or infinite headcanons??? I mean, if I imagine Lawlight to interact in a particular way, is it considered a headcanon? I’m still new to the term of headcanon, but for your pleasure:

I imagine L to be the type of those who like to tickle whilst they kiss, so when he kisses Light, he does it in all places, all over his neck and collarbone and shoulders and stomach in a way that always tickles Light and makes him laugh and tell L to stop it. He doesn’t, of course.

Sometimes, an overwhelming flow of emotions takes over L and he suddenly feels this intense passion for Light, so what he does is that he jumps him on the bed and showers him with kisses, whilst Light is like “Where is all this coming from?” Also, L loves to tangle his legs with Light’s legs so their full bodies are embraced together. Even though L normally hates physical contact, he loves any sort of contact with Light. He asks for it, even.

When Light’s feeling especially horny and L’s working, he keeps clinging to him and annoying him by asking him to be with him and pouting all the time. As for L, he straight out kisses Light’s neck and wraps his arms around him and buries his face in the back of his neck or rests his head on his shoulders and just stays there until Light can be with him. Also, he keeps saying “Light-kuuun”

L gets turned on when Light dances, L gets turned on when Light shows his remarkable intelligence yet again during conversation or debate and it arouses L yes it does

L adores the way Light’s eyelashes flicker

Light loves to cook for L, whenever he has the time

L loves it when Light cooks something for him

L sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night, frightened from a nightmare he just had, and Light comforts him

When Light wakes up from a nightmare, though, he cries, and buries his head in L’s chest and just stays there for the rest of the night, with L soothing him as best as he can and running his fingers in his hair and whispering to him with that low, attractive voice of his

Light walks on L in nothing but underwear and L gives him a poker face and tells him that this is what he feels most comfortable in and Light approaches him and kisses him and tells him that he knows that this is merely one of L’s schemes to seduce Light and that it works, and L whispers in his ears that yes, yes it is and he’s glad it’s working

Light prepares L coffee whenever the other’s feeling frustrated from work

L loves it when Light speaks in English and finds it unbearably cute

Light has a fetish for L in suits

Light likes to write little notes for L whenever he’s not home and L’s still not awake, for example saying “Good morning! Your coffee’s on the table and I prepared you some pancakes. Gone shopping, will be back ASAP. Wear something warm. It’s cold out. Love, Light.” 

L likes to call Light “my Light” whenever he’s feeling especially in the mood for some romance or very fond of Light at a particular point in time

L gets very angry and frustrated whenever Light’s done something that compromises his health, and he goes like “How many times have I told you not to do that! What do you mean it’s not important? This is your health we’re talking about! Clearly, I have to keep repeating the same statement over and over again just because you’re too stubborn to listen to a word I’m saying! Why won’t you listen to me, Light? I’m doing this because I care about you, damn it! Why can’t you understand?!” or something along those lines

L is extremely possessive of Light, as you mentioned, and he gets jealous over small things. Also, he thinks that Misa has a chance of stealing Light from him. “I thought Light-kun loved Misa instead.” “What will you do about Misa?” “Misa thinks otherwise.” “You know, Light-kun, Misa isn’t too bad. If you were to choose to be with her instead of me, I mean..” “Nobody, not even Misa, will take you away from me. Have I made myself clear, Light Yagami?”

Light adores L’s voice and it helps to soothe him at night, he also loves hearing it over the phone

L doesn’t know how to use social networks the way Light does and so he keeps sending him things your parents would send you and emailing him pictures of cake and things L finds funny which annoys Light like hell but it also entertains him so much that he keeps smiling to himself like an idiot just because L found some random picture of cake wax figure or something equally ridiculous and he loves sharing it with Light and what’s most exciting is that it comes at the most unexpected times like Light is busy studying and suddenly there’s a picture of a koala bear on his phone and when he talks with L about it, L puts on a poker face and brushes it off with “I liked it.”

L glares at strangers whenever they’re staring at Light, and gives them the red eye and a silent “I will kill you in your sleep”

L loves Light’s hair because it’s so soft and L just loves it

L and Light keep making fun of strangers whenever they’re sat somewhere in public and whenever they’re in the mood for it, so L is like “I bet they don’t know how to spell.” and Light is like “I bet they weren’t even potty-trained.” for the sake of making L laugh and this naturally comes whenever they dislike a group of people because they have made a public display of idiocy, as L likes to call it

L obviously doesn’t care about PDA and loves to kiss Light and cling to him in public and it makes Light so embarrassed that he blushes and tells L to stop it

L loves nibbling on Light’s ear

L gets turned on by Light’s seductive perfumes whenever he puts any

L doesn’t have a problem of explaining the nature of his relationship with Light in public, whilst Light is very shy concerning this and is like “I like him a little more than a friend.” but L’s like “We share a bed and showers together.”

Light washes L’s hair for him and applies strawberry shampoo and for that he gets a kiss

Whenever there’s something troubling Light, he tries to hide it but he keeps unusually pouting and L clings to him and keeps saying “What’s wrong?” until Light finally gives up and hugs L before he tells him anything, and L is so gentle btw

L makes snarky Kira jokes and they turn Light so off that he gives L the silent treatment

L sometimes displays his obsession with Kira in front of Light and shows him just how much he “admires” Kira and that unsettles Light so much that he’s like “Yeah? Maybe you should fuck Kira instead!” and L is silently like “That’s what I’m doing”

L likes to sneak behind Light completely out of nowhere and kiss his neck

L likes to interrupt Light in the middle of conversation just to kiss his cheek

When Light’s angry at L, he squeezes his balls

L secretly loves the way Light dresses up

Light likes to help L with dressing up because he believes L becomes much more attractive in a new designer attire

Light likes to take selfies with L in public sometimes and L hates photos because he believes he doesn’t turn out to be good in them and not as beautiful as Light anyway, but Light doesn’t care

L jumps Light in the middle of a chess match

L chews his thumb whenever he’s frustrated or feeling especially jealous

Sometimes, whenever they’re talking, L just pauses for a second, looks at Light, kisses his lips, smiles, and gets back to doing whatever he was doing, leaving Light slightly taken aback

okay I realized I have unlimited headcanons because at some point during those few past months, I thought of much more scenarios that I think are very likely to happen with Lawlight repeatedly (and there are much better ones, I assure you) so it’s impossible for me to remember them all now and it’s almost afternoon anyway and I don’t feel like I’m in the mood for writing so much right now but I hope those were enough? I suck I know sorry bye

anonymous asked:

prompt 30 for bellrk or prompt 44 please and thank you :) <3 btw: your gg au was amazing!

i picked #30 (”Can I sit here? The other tables are full.”) but i might do 44 one of these days. stay tuned. also thank you so much!! hopefully will have part 2 up this weekend :) <3 

ao3, prompts list. ask box open! (rated T)


It’s days like today when Bellamy really regrets his decision to not own a car.

To be fair, his regret is not limited to days like today, when the sky breaks out in a spontaneous thunderstorm, when he has foregone his umbrella, when every passing vehicle makes him shrink away for fear that they’ll hit the gutter puddles just right and spray dirty water all over his work clothes. He’s also regretful on days when the bus makes him late to work, when it’s unreasonably cold or unbearably hot outside, when he’s had it up to here with strangers being in his personal space.

At the end of the day, the extra cash in his bank account outweighs the convenience of having a car (which, considering city parking availability, is not that convenient anyway). But it is one of those days, and Bellamy has forgotten his umbrella, and a car did spray him, so he’s not in the right frame of mind to remember why selling his car was a good thing.

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The Signs Based On Personal Experience

Aquarius: Calm & collected. Chill is their middle name. Also quiet, but talk when it’s necessary. Smart. Love animals and their family above all.

Pisces: Siblings are their best friends. Cares about music more than people, but are v sociable and talkative. Everybody wants to be friends with them. Gives nicknames to everyone.

Aries: Pretty & friendly. Takes risks and loves adventure. Doesn’t know what to do when people cry in front of them. Loves hugs and taking artsy pictures of strangers.

Taurus: Get jealous easily. Cares about only a select few, but love them to death. Cautious and worrisome about the people around them. Not afraid to confront a rude stranger.

Gemini: Total flake. Can’t make a decision, but gets done what needs to be done. Laughs at their own jokes. They think they’re smarter than others, but in a good, “teach the people” kind of way.

Scorpio: Sarcastic but funny. Would apologize a thousand times if they think they offended anyone in any way. Like pretty colors and fun games, as opposed to challenging ones.

Virgo: Dance in public. Like to make people happy. Is really nice, but look like they’d be an asshole. Like to quote dumb jokes they found on the Internet.

Sagittarius: Lovely. Has motherly instincts. Funny and loud. Always there to lighten the mood. Thinks their dog is cooler than everyone else’s.

Libra: HILARIOUS. Smiling 24/7, even if it’s fake. Humble. Has cool clothes all the time, because they hit the jackpot at thrift stores. Enjoy being/feeling tall.

Leo: Talks to everyone like they’re best friends. Difficult to say no to. Strong emotionally and physically. Wants to grow up, but not get older.

Cancer: The ultimate sweetheart. Knows how to be adorable and smoking hot at the same time. Has cool hair. Laughs all the time. Gets annoyed easily, but is also easily annoying.

Capricorn: Are funny. Act like they aren’t scared of anything, but the second the floor creaks, they turn the lights on. Popular. Will not stop until they get what they want.