maker: my stuff

eskildit  asked:

heres something that I Think About when it comes to the Homeless AU. Are the Zimmermanns at all conflicted that bitty hasnt reconnected with his family? Do they ever look at bitty and think of a family missing a child like they were before they found Jack? It wasnt like Jack wanted to be found, it wasnt until someone else gave away where he was that they could reunite. I dont think they would sell bitty out or anything, but do the Zimmermanns ever see themselves in bitty's abandoned family?

Super great question! 

So, there are a few things at play here, and the answer is both yes and no, mostly thanks to the sequel I’ll probably never write. In an earlier draft, I had much more Zimmermann/Bittle interaction and backstory, but it didn’t flow well. 

The story really is about a person’s internal perception of a situation causing an external overreaction. In this case, Jack and Eric are both unreliable narrators relaying traumatic events that they ‘escaped’ before the worst could happen. Both choose to flee a perceived danger out of self-preservation, but they never actually find out if the threat was real.

Jack had a terrifying, caustic fight with his father not long after being low-key threatened by his coach-to-be, and Eric – just figuring out his sexuality for himself – found pamphlets for conversion therapy in his parent’s possession.

[ But where did the pamphlets come from? Spoiler: a well-meaning, if not a completely misguided friend of Suzanne’s. ]

Bob and Alicia are wary of Eric. He’s an unknown element and a reminder of Jack’s troubles, largely because they don’t know his history, his problems, and if he took advantage of Jack when they were both in a dire situation. 

When Alicia goes digging into Eric’s past to find out exactly who her son married, she finds a missing person report, a bare-bones website, a reward offer, and a whole mess of articles about a southern skating star with a bright future up and vanishing.

Consider: a good kid from a small town, with promising collegiate opportunities, and whose father coaches the high school football team, suddenly goes missing with no explanation. He has no history of mental illness or depression, he’s just gone. 

That’s not something gossiped about behind closed doors, that’s a ‘search party in the woods’ kind of scandal for Madison. Eric Bittle’s disappearance was a tragedy. There are still faded posters lingering behind cash registers at the local gas station. 

Alicia has this information, fully intending to never contact Eric’s family, but she does talk to Eric about letting his family know he’s alive, if only for closure. She knows how hard Jack’s loss was on their family, and she’s empathetic to what Eric’s parents must be going through.

Eric, who at this point is in therapy, married, and going to school, is hesitant but ultimately decides he wants his parents to know he’s alive, and that he’s happy with Jack (a man), however, he doesn’t want to do it alone. 

He uses Alicia as a go-between at first, and through a few tearful conversations, Alicia susses out that Suzanne and Richard are clueless as to why Eric left in the first place and definitely weren’t planning on sending their son away. Which makes her think about Jack, Bob, and terribly unfortunate misunderstandings. 

TL;DR: Eric’s parents were never going to send him away and have been looking for him for years. The reunion is tearful and heartfelt and Eric gets his family back, even if just for a little bit.

[Or not. If you want the story to have the Bittle’s being bigots, cool beans. There’s a reason I left out specifics, so you can do you!]

I have not peeked into my dash AT ALL since the new episode, mostly just scrolled a few blogs to catch myself up on gifsets etc, but I wanna put down a few more thoughts from rewatching 13x01 and 2 today - which was hours ago so I’m not sure how much I have to say -

- in 13x01 *Sam* says that they “need” Jack - thinking of course about his portal opening abilities, and next episode is the one to start poking him about what else he can do, seeming really interested for the teleporting. He also has the conversation with Donsmodeus where he has already been researching what Jack can do and completely misses “Donatello”’s flip on Jack about moulding him because now Donssmodeus is talking his language about that, all of which vaguely worries me. I know there’s a discourse about Dean the Bad Parent out there but only from 2nd hand chat that it exists so I just wanna weigh in. 13x02 hammers home that “needing” people is BAD (which I covered a little more in my notes about the episode about how “i need you” is now a bad phrase and hopefully that loops back around to where it became such a hot subject in the first place and Dean says something more about wanting or loving Cas than needing him when he’s back, but Lucifer said it about Mary and Michael said it about Lucifer, and Sam said it about Jack. So. It’s not all sunshine over there even when it’s adorable and Sam is so supportive and I am loving every moment of him and Jack).

- Sam talks about how Kelly and Cas thought Jack was worth all the fuss, and “so do i”, aligning himself with Jack’s parents etc etc he’s now morally responsible for Jack as a guiding figure. Dean had no such conversation and was not included in this conversation which was started BECAUSE Dean had said horrible things about Jack. I don’t think at the moment Dean’s on the level of “parenting” Jack, at least in the same way I don’t think Mary in season 12 can possibly compare to John for their entire upbringing when having a bad parent conversation. You can condemn her treatment of them and complain about how she should have reached out more or not left or whatever (I mean I’m pretty supportive right up to “lying about working with the BMoL” and then switch to sympathetically understanding while agreeing it’s a mistake but blah blah those power stories and that’s how we learn and grow around here)… But yeah none of it can possibly scar them like their entire youth spent with John’s version of parenting.

Granted literally all of Jack’s issues pretty much stem from Dean, whether it’s activating his memories of Lucifer reaching out to him and getting our first “I’m good” which means “I’m not good” which is SUCH a loaded statement about not just wellness but ethical morality levels (e.g. was that the first chink in Jack’s goodness where he has warring influences on him now - though I still of course think his core is completely good/neutral) and of course saying all the stuff about Jack to make him think he’s not worth it and then be so horrified and confused about his own life and abilities we get that last scene. Asmodeus barely managed to make a dent in Jack’s self-worth except for teaching him trust and wariness, but even then a better pep talk about God and all would have avoided the problem entirely if the Winchesters were forthcoming with their issues with faith and religion and explained the shittiness of this world’s Creation properly instead of being uncomfortable about explaining Lucifer and Chuck and the myriad issues they cause.

But yeah, I think Dean’s fucked Jack up immensely but he’s just not in a place to care or understand and he has not stated Jack is his responsibility in any other way than protecting other people from him, because he can’t see him properly yet. Another thing I caught while thinking about the framing of this all and Jack from Dean’s POV is that Jack looked enraged to see Dean at the police station when he was running from the angel radio, and to Dean it seems like *only* Sam taser-ing Jack avoided Jack attacking Dean again and he has no way to say whether Jack would have or not. We had already seen so much more of Jack’s nice side by that point we can assume he was just scared and running and overloading, but Dean does not know that. He’s also in no place for Sam’s attempts at sensitivity training to work, but Sam has already attempted to call out the problem Dean has a few times, to no avail but at least he’s putting the words out there, bridging the problem between them by making it clear they need to be on the same page, and trying to get Dean to cooperate.

(I haven’t seen the discourse about this but I wonder if the haste we have to assign them all as family members to Jack while the show is taking a slow approach to having Dean own any responsibility for Jack while Sam has dived straight into being the Best Uncle Ever has made this more of a problem because it’s hard to have Sam in one place with Jack and Dean in another and NOT see the connection to Sam and Cas automatically making him uncle or step father to Jack by proxy, while the earned family philosophy means Dean has not chosen any connection whatsoever to Jack except the one he already made clear, that he still sees Jack as a monster and a problem and even with deeper sympathy and understanding after spending time with him, he can’t credit Jack his human side or trust him to control the angel side… the 10x09 mirror conversation between them (or 2x11 if he’s seeing Jack as Sam and putting himself back in the season 2 mindset aka ranked one of his worst ever and proportionately THE worst) just goes to show his problems even more. He didn’t trust himself back in season 10 and wanted Cas as a failsafe to throw him into the sun. He’s probably looking up how to do that right now :P)

- but to get back to Asmodeus and Jack, the big fuck up the Winchesters made in preparing Jack for the world was not warning him that having any sort of destiny was a Bad Thing. Asmodeus made it up completely but it goes in line with Kelly believing there was a higher purpose for Jack and Cas’s utter defeat about the idea saying it was all just random happenstance; though it was a circumstantial lie I find it interesting in the wider metaphorical picture in the same way Kelly praying to Sven for help in the open of 12x23 is circumstantial but fascinating in a wider picture :P Obviously there’s a massive Destiel barrier to communication in the room specifically in the general area of Donatello talking about having a direct line to God or not, because on a better day Dean could have been regular old bitter about that and snarked enough of a warning for Jack to get the idea that no such thing exists and God doesn’t care… And I hate that’s the HAPPY day for them, but there you go, Dean was still so fucked up about that prayer not being answered a couple of days before that he does the thing I saw a gifset pointing out from Sam’s same page speech about just shutting down completely when it comes to the subject of Cas and his death and Sam’s hope and God not helping and all that in general.

I’m pretty sure I’ve mis-explained all of these thoughts horrifically so my inbox is always there for me to get back to this maybe on Monday or something… it’s my birthday then and I love random meta asks from people confused about what I meant about something giving me a chance to write an even longer post. I’m genuinely excited to research up the table post I need to make about the final Bunker kitchen scene on me bday >.>

nolite te bastardes carborundorum- a reylo Handmaid’s Tale AU

Born on the fringes of a dystopian dictatorship, Rey has lived most of her life in the shadows until desperation drives her into the hands of the government. Her unblemished womb is her only salvation, which leads to her being placed as a Handmaid in the household of Commander Kylo Ren and his infertile wife.

Her task? Produce a healthy child for the Commander, or be banished to a life of hardship and almost certain death.