Can I ask what having DID is like? Sorry if this sounds offensive, I'm just quite curious.
DID is waking up in the morning at a strange house, in bed with someone you’ve never seen before, because one of your alters had a one night stand, being called by a name that’s not your own as you try to make your escape.
DID is never being alone, even in the silence of the night, there is someone there, in the back of your head, watching, listening, adding their commentary.
It’s missing chunks of your life. Christmases you have photos of, but someone else celebrated. It’s feeling younger than you are, because, in collapsed time, you’ve missed years of your life.
It’’s flash backs to trauma, fuzzy, not quite in the span of recall, but still there, just below the surface. Stored in someone else’s memory.
It’s strange bruises, and text messages. It’s charges on your bank account that you never made. It’s desperation. Feelings attached to people and places and smells that you can never understand. Those aren’t your memories.
It’s sitting alone on a Friday night, your girlfriend calling again and again, but you can’t answer. You don’t know what to say. How could you? You don’t even know your own name. What is your name? What is your name? Where are you?
It’s feeling alone in a crowded room. You can’t talk to your friends, they couldn’t understand. You can’t talk to your family. It’s feeling crowded in an empty room. There are too many people in your head and they won’t shut up. They just won’t shut up. Why won’t they just fucking shut up?
It’s guilt for things your alters did. I’m sorry he said that. “I’m sorry he broke that. I’m sorry she showed up and canceled our plans. I’m sorry she was mean to you. I’m sorry, love, that he doesn’t like you, I love you, I swear!”
It’s unconditional love between your alters. You’re stuck together. Breathing the same breaths. You love each other in the way that some one can only love themselves. But they aren’t you, right? Who are you again?
It’s giving up your dreams, because you know they would make one of your system mates miserable. It’s being shown new wonders you would have never sought out, because your headmate new you’d like it.
It’s fear. It’s wonder. It’s hate, and love. It′s feeling like your losing your mind, while at the same time feeling like without the others, you’d lose all the sanity you had left.
Okay, so I tried. This will probably be the one and only thing I will ever write. You should feel honoured, captainamerikhyun! It won’t be the best thing you’d ever read. But it’s not angst, so I’d like to think that I succeeded there somewhere.
Chanyeol x you scenario with a mango twist? I guess? Idk how to label these things…
Porque é isso que eu sou, um livro velho, ninguém quer ler, aquele deixado de lado na estante. Aqueles que tentaram ler pararam no primeiro capítulo, ou até na primeira folha. Mas você não, parecia que já o tinha lido inteiramente, desde a capa amarelada, até a última página manchada.