make all the poorly edited things!

political talk show au, the thrilling conclusion.

Here is the whole story from the beginning.

This is 4.5 K. Also it is still liberal-leaning and anti-Trump. No Hillary angst in this one tho.

Dear lord, what have I become.


The name sounds, like a thunderclap, in Jack’s head.

It wasn’t a moment ago the name was a question. A doubt, even. Does Bits even exist? Bitty certainly does. Bitty is the name of the screener for Jack’s favorite radio show, his companion through the morning for a year and change now. Bitty is unfailingly pleasant, unerringly professional, and untouchable. He handles callers with a lilt, a friendly word, and a toss off onto the airwaves. Jack made his acquaintance several months back, and he’s enjoyed their every interaction.

But Bits. Now, that’s someone Jack isn’t sure he hasn’t conjured up in his head.

Bits exists in the soft cluck of Bitty’s tongue, the hitch of breath between words. The pause before he intones Jack’s name, leaning on the “a” like it’s a cushion. Bits is the person Jack imagines Bitty to be, behind the phones. He’s a friend, a confidant. A ray of light in Jack’s life. And in Jack’s mind, Bits is just a little more friendly with him with all his other callers. Maybe he even feels something at the sound of Jack’s voice, the way Jack does at every musical “Hallo!”

Jack has come here today half-terrified that he’d discover Bits doesn’t exist at all. That Bitty, as competent and admirable as he is, is all there is, and whatever relationship  he’d imagined they’d been nurturing has been a figment of his imagination this whole time.

Now Bitty comes into focus like a blue sky when the clouds have parted. He wasn’t there, and suddenly he is; he must have been in the room before, but it’s only now that Jack’s eyes land on him and recognize.

But when their eyes meet, and Bitty’s brown eyes widen and then dance, Jack knows Bits is real.

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blackcur-rants  asked:

So in honour of the new Justice League trailer, can I ask you what you feel are the top ten worst things about the DCEU movies so far?

*grins evilly, cracks knuckles*

Let’s get this one out of the way:

10. This fucking shot right here

“Pretentious” does not even begin to cover it. And that expression! I don’t have much nice to say about Henry Cavill in these movies, but I do enjoy his utter inability to hide his embarrassment at what he’s participating in at this moment. 

9. The Why Did You Even Bother Club: Lois Lane, the Daily Planet, Rick Flag & June Moon, the media, the military, Congress…

Remember how The Avengers had this idea of Agent Coulson as the in-universe fanboy who understood the team better than anybody, and how the best part of Age of Ultron was the trip to Hawkeye’s farm? So why do the “human” elements of the DCEU feel so forced and stale?

8. Someone needs to go to jail for these action scenes

I thank the gods that I (unlike many of my friends) walked into Man of Steel sober, because Snyder’s destruction porn in that movie is a truly bad trip. Everything you need to know about the dude is in this juxtaposition: when he’s showing a building breaking apart, he wants you to see details, dammit, this is his canvas. When he has to cut to, y’know, humans, they’re dully shot and horribly lit, and his impatient desire to get to the next orgasmic splash-panel-shot is palpable. Elsewhere, the Doomsday sequence in BvS not only extends the plot far beyond its logical climax (the dictionary definition of overkill), it’s an unbelievably dull and drab nesting doll of mushroom clouds, pure headache-inducing sound and fury signifying nothing, my least favorite superhero throwdown on screen…until the Enchantress fight in Suicide Squad, which had me in tears in the theater, I was laughing so hard.

7. Pa Kent wants you and your children dead, you hear me? DEAD!

This may be the single worst aspect of Man of Steel specifically. I hate it on every level. I hate that Pa Kent spouts this BS, I hate that we’re supposed to take it seriously, I hate how it bogs down the post-Krypton story with no real weight or payoff (since we already know that Adult Clark is saving people by the time we get his Dad’s speech about not doing so), I hate that entire unbelievably dumb tornado scene, and I hate how freakin’ casual Snyder and Goyer are about death throughout this SUPERMAN STORY. Supes kills Zod, screams that scream…and then he’s downing satellites with a smirk, and biking through an apparently just-fine Metropolis, and hahaha look, glasses! Tone? Stakes? What are those? What was the point to him killing Zod other than Snyder getting that fetishistic close-up of the scream? Man of Steel was always going to be a bad movie, but this is where it became a Bad movie.



5. Batman v Superman is I Took Half a Philosophy Course, The Movie

Every single second of this insufferable thing is screaming at you to take it seriously. Every. Single. One. And it’s earned maybe 2% of the time, usually when it directly swipes a line from a comic. There’s nothing else to most of these scenes—just This Is Dramatic, with no attention put into the “this” from the basic “we need to care about these people” angle that Marvel generally has a lock on. The ambition falls flat. In particular, the worldbuilding sequences in BvS (the Injustice future, the Flash visitation, the videos of future JL members) constitute some of the clumsiest and most misguided scenes ever in a comic book movie, because they thoroughly ratfuck the tone, pacing, and focus in the most masturbatory manner imaginable outside of literal porn. (Has there ever been a less appropriate use of Exciting Pump-You-Up music than when Wonder Woman is…sitting at her laptop…watching QuickTime videos?) 

4. Scene to scene, line to line, end to end, every storytelling decision in Suicide Squad is wrong

I don’t demand a movie make perfect logical sense for me to like it, and nitpicking about plot holes often aggravates me, because there are many more important things to making and watching movies. What I demand is that you not assemble your movie like a dozen different food-poisoning-induced fever dreams all happening simultaneously. When you have to literally actually reshow parts of your “villain launches their evil plan” sequence (kind of an important part of a comic book movie!) because it was so confusing and poorly communicated the first time through, you’ve lost any semblance of structural coherence. This isn’t clever nonlinear storytelling. This is an abysmal, abyssal editing fail. Honestly, given the garbage fire behind the scenes, Suicide Squad barely counts as a finished movie.

Final three slots reserved for the fatal performances. You know the ones.

3. How did you let Jared Leto keep doing this after day one

How did you not brain him with a shovel or something

2. Why, though

Why would you do this to us

And of course, at #1…

1. This ostensibly sentient block of granite you insist on calling Clark Kent

Ok, that’s not entirely fair. He’s poorly cast, written, and directed. The DCEU is fundamentally broken because its central character does not work. He’s got two modes–deadly boring and straight-up deadly–and neither is compelling. I’m far from the first to say it: this is a Superman for people who never liked Superman.

W*O*L*D (Pt. 2) (Daveed x Reader)

Summary: Pete makes things difficult

TW: Swearing, cheating/divorce, poorly edited bc I’m lazy


Part 1 Part 3

You wait at the airport for him, bouncing your almost year old son on your hip. Pete barely knows anything about his youngest son, you tried to tell him, but he was always too busy to listen to you, so you stop trying to tell him. You told him the day his son was born, his first words, first steps, and all the other little moments he missed. You hate it. You hate that your husband has never been there for you. You thought he would come back for his kids, but he didn’t. When Bronx was born, he walked into the hospital the after. You told him the due date and that, if nothing else, he should visit for that week, but he didn’t. He came in the next day. Not only did he miss Bronx being born, but he missed Saint. You would have thought that after he missed one son’s birth, he would have come to the second, but no, this radio gig was too important to him.

You finally see him, dragging a large suitcase behind him. Once he gets close enough, he engulfs Bronx in a hug and asks to hold Saint.

“Hey, buddy, you must be my son. You’re so big!” He smiles, but Saint turns away from him.

Pete greets you last. He wraps his free hand around your waist and kisses you. You just scowl. You’re done with this, pretending that it doesn’t bother you. You’re done with him. “Nice to see you again.”

He frowns. “What’s wrong, (Y/N/N)?”

You shake your head and take your son back. “Nothing, just tired.”

He nods.

You lead him out to your car, as Bronx tells him all about school. Pete nods excitedly. It almost makes you feel bad.

Keep reading

THE THING that makes me laugh the most about that ridiculously unfunny loss edit by the buzzfeed guy is that he’s so obviously doing it because the Teens are doing it

he literally manages to do all the same things the original did poorly but somehow even worse? the joke is usually either
1) changing the punchline/situation
2) putting loss where it shouldn’t be
but all while keeping the same style of the comic [no dialogue, minimal action, etc]

the addition of dialogue is probably the stupidest thing he could’ve done because it ruins the joke or at least moves it to a place where it ISN’T in the original and it just fucks it all the way up. there’s no drama or any real reason to read the rest of the comic because you know the ending from the start.
buckley’s original is great because it takes something serious and condenses it into a stiff dull four panel comic without words. it’s a bad comic and that’s why it’s so much fun to make fun of it but a bad comic making fun of a bad comic is just dumb

I’ve learned a fun new trick my brain can do. It goes like this: go on a good date with someone engaging and attractive, then SHUT DOWN ALL INTERACTION AND BLOCK THEM ON ALL POSSIBLE CHANNELS FOREVER. Boy! They’ll never see that coming! It’s good to keep ‘em guessing, right? 

I know it’s a shitty thing to do, but I can’t not do it. I’m still figuring out why.

Right now, my best guess is that it’s related to that bad mirroring thing I do, where out of a misguided sense of self-preservation I echo back whatever I think the other person wants from me. It’s not self-editing to make a good impression, it’s complete self-erasure. It’s gone… poorly… in the past.

Maybe, as I become more aware of the mirroring thing, I overcorrected. Now I react to nice potential dates as Threatening and Bad, because they are (unknowingly! accidentally!) taking advantage of my people-pleasing conditioning.

Aaaand I did another Soriku Day thing after all. Followup to the Email My Heart AU escort mission subplot (parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 if you wanna see the rest).

EDIT: “GKT” is just a poorly-chosen onomatopoeia for a back-of-the-throat spluttering noise. Sorry for confusion! oTL

Surprisingly Requited - dad!jason au

Characters: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, lil bit of Damian
Pairing: jaydick
Summary: It’s on your worst days, when you know who loves you. Turns out Jason’s crush wasn’t as meaningless and far-fetched as he thought. 
A/N: I feel like this isn’t good. And very poorly edited. But I ran out of juice. Jason and Dick don’t bang, they probably just spend the night staring at each other and thinking about how goddamn beautiful they think the other is. Maybe make out a lot too. Dick has no self control, that’s basically why he kissed him haha he spends Jason’s whole nap fretting over how INCREDIBLY INAPPROPRIATE HE IS, GOD GRAYSON GET IT TOGETHER. He tells Damian (probs a little less/around 2yo) all about it when he wakes up from his nap. The toddler is less than impressed in his future dad.

Other things for Nevolition’s Dad!Jason AU


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sapphicaquarius  asked:

Are there any publishers' tricks you can advise to look out for? Like the fine print of a contract or such....

I wish I’d sat in on more of those or was in any way associated with the drafting of contracts at my publishing house; unfortunately, I was not, so what I have to offer is not much. Just by virtue of how our press was put together, I dealt more with grammar, style, substantive edits, and the copyediting side of things. The biggest thing is that being published poorly is worse for you than not publishing at all, so do your research. Check places like AbsoluteWrite’s Bewares, Recommendations & Background Check forum and Writer Beware (as well as a nice, basic Google search of the house name + scam or warning) just to be sure you’re not dealing with anything fishy.

Publishing Scams Deals: What Are You Really Getting For Your Money from more-legit-gr8er-writing-tips

If you’re being offered by an agent, make sure you know what kind of relationship you’re going to get with this agent. There are all kinds, from personalities, to services offered, to representation, and you need to know that who you’re signing on with is really someone you want to work with and who is going to work well with you and who has your work’s best interest in mind.
What to Ask an Agent by Rachelle Gardner
The Next Set of Questions to Ask Prospective Agents by Janet Reid
THE CALL or, What to Ask a Literary Agent When Offered Representation

Read the contract! All of it! Fine print included! It’s a lot of work and a lot of it is in legalese, so if you have an attorney or anyone who can help you interpret it, please sit down with them and understand what you’re signing. Fine print is an excellent place to slip things like, “You get royalties, yes, and a normal amount of them from regular bookstores, but places that are not considered ‘regular bookstores’ get you a lot less royalties. Regular bookstores is defined as brick-and-mortar stores and does not include any online venues.” Suddenly what happens is you thought you were going to be getting much more in terms of royalties than you are because you didn’t bother to fully explore the fine print of what they told you about the conditions of royalties. It’s not underhanded. It’s not illegal. It’s not uncommon, even. But you need to be aware of what sorts of conditions apply to your agreement. It’s kind of like signing up for a cable TV package, and you didn’t bother to look at what channels were included, assuming that all the important, normal ones would be included; then when you realize that SyFy is, in fact, not included, and call to complain, they tell you that’s not what you signed up for. They didn’t hide it–it’s right in the description of the package–you just didn’t bother to read it. Also, remember that you can negotiate! We have to start somewhere with a draft of a contract, but that doesn’t mean it’s set in stone. If you’re not happy about something, bring it up. Talk to your house about it. Negotiation is common, but don’t take it too far. Know when enough is enough and you’re just going to have to deal with it. Be polite, make your stance understood, but don’t cross the line into being argumentative.

The 5 Rookie Mistakes Writers Make When Negotiating A Contract from Writer’s Relief
What does the money look like? from nimblesnotebook
What To Do If You Are Offered a Book Contract But You Don’t Have a Literary Agent from Writer’s Relief


I’ve been asked a few times how to get a blog like this started! And so, here are some tips on how to get going! Always happy to answer questions if you have them! :) 

I’m going to speak from experience here, both as a blog browser & reader, and as someone who runs one of these things. This is my experience, and you can (and probably should) change it to be more you. The below tips are my two cents on how to get your content out and start to build followers!

1.) Ultimately, it has to be a fun, positive thing for you!
Make it your own. If it isn’t fun and turns out to be too much work, or feels like a chore, the blog, ideas, and writing will suffer and eventually it will show. So think carefully about what you want to get out of the experience. I caution against starting a blog just to try and gain a ton of followers. There is no guarantee that will happen and it really shouldn’t be the point to try and become ‘tumblr-famous’. So when you set out to begin, think about it like it would be just you, as if no one else would ever see it, and determine if it’s something you want to do for yourself!

2.) Decide on content and stick to it!
Is your blog going to be all Lucifer imagines? Many fandoms in one place? All one shots? Figure out what content you want to have and stick to it. This is important. People will be more likely to follow if there is a clear theme to what you are posting, because they can be more confident that what they’ll see on their dash is what they want. It’s okay to occasionally have a slightly off-topic post, but overall you will help people looking at your blog figure out what following would be like, before they even do it, if you stick to a narrowed type of content.

I know as a browser I almost never follow mishmash blogs, where the posts are seemingly random, just because I like to know what I’ll get. These eclectic blogs of course have their place (we all like to collect things we find on tumblr!), but I wouldn’t recommend it when starting a writing blog.

3.) Decide on how often you will post new content!
This is helpful for both you and your followers! Think about how busy you are and how often you will be able to post, and try to communicate this somewhere on your blog. Your followers will know how often they can expect new posts from you and you won’t be stressed out about having to force out content.

If things change and you get busier, that’s ok! Just let your followers know that you’ll be a little less active for a while. Consider queuing up some posts that will go up during your absence. And if you feel like you need a break, take one! This should be fun, not stressful, and sometimes we all need to step away from the computer. Again, just communicate with your followers so they know what’s up!

4.) To recruit followers, be consistently active, and tag the crap out of everything.
When I first started this blog, I posted a crap ton of imagines in a day. I was trying to get my content out and visible to the widest possible audience AND I was just really excited to be starting a fun blog. Once you start picking up a few followers, if they like what they see, they will help you grow by reblogging and liking your posts. 

According to some things I’ve seen, tumblr will only catalogue your first five tags, so make those count! Switch up the way you tag things a little to try and pull in new followers who may not be looking for the tags you’ve previously used. And make sure your tags are accurate. Don’t tag Lucifer posts as “Bobby Singer” or some such thing. It makes it harder for people to find what they’re looking for.

In addition, make sure your blog is easy to navigate. I suggest compiling lists of your content as you go such as a Master List and character lists. This way your followers can browse for what they want easily!

5.) Practice, practice, practice and edit, edit, edit!
Not everyone cares as much as I do about well-written and edited content, but to me this is important. Use proper spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and grammar to the best of your ability. This makes things easier to read and follow. And read over what you’ve written and look for errors! I try to go back to a story the day after I have posted it and I usually find little typos or things that need to be fixed. No one is perfect! But make your best effort.

As a reader, a poorly written/edited story is enough to make me not read it!
It’s amazing how your writing will change as you begin to do it more and more. It will get better and better! This is a bonus of doing one of these blogs. ☺

6.) Interact!
This is one of my favorite things about doing this. I get to interact with all my followers! Whether that is through exchanging messages, checking out their blogs (which incidentally, if you’re pretty active on my blog, the chances that I have creeped on yours are pretty high!), answering questions, or writing their requests, it makes your followers feel like part of a community and a family. It makes them feel valued, so show them that they are!

7.) Create an environment that you would want to be in! 

By this I mean one that will have people coming back for more. You can interpret this how you like, but for me this is a safe place, judgement free, and an opening, positive, welcoming blog.

I want to be approachable and friendly, and I hope that is clear to all of you who follow! This doesn’t mean being one dimensional though, we all have our own opinions and quirks, and you can still let those come through. I know I definitely do… and somehow you are all still here, which will never cease to amaze me. ;)

Thanks for reading, and I hope this was helpful to some of you! You are all so wonderful, and I’m so fortunate that I get to be part of such a kickass fandom!

I haven’t seen Episode 2 of Dragonball Super yet, but consider this stupid doodle your warning that things are about to get very Vegebul up in my blog once I’ve seen it. All the OTP fanart is coming. 

EDIT: Dear Super Kami Guru why does this have so many notes? It’s literally a five minute scribble with a poorly drawn Thomas the Tank Engine face and yet it’s gotten more notes than art I’ve spent hours/days/weeks making. Why???

[samifer bunker AU]: Traumatized and ejected from the Cage, Lucifer finds himself wandering delusional across the country with one purpose: find Sam Winchester. It’s the name he has written down on a scrap of paper (Sam Winchester, Lebanon, Kansas), his only worldly possession along with the tattered clothes on his back. 

Near starving from a hunger he doesn’t understand he needs to sate, bleeding from sores he is unable to heal, Lucifer is picked up and hauled away, landing in Larue Carter Hospital in Indiana as a John Doe, muttering tales of Heaven, Hell, and his true vessel. “An angel,” he answers when the nurses ask him who he is. 

This is where Sam is finally reunited with the Devil, meeting Lucifer face to face with a mixture of fear, anger, and pity. Sympathy. Unable to leave him, unable to kill him, Sam does the only thing he can think of: bring Lucifer back to the Bunker with him. But the longer Lucifer stays, poorly adjusted to his new-found humanity, the more Sam realizes just how lost the former Morningstar really is, and how much he wants to save him.

October 11

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.- LAO TZU
 There will be people in life who will say things to bring you down to their level.But we all have a choice about how we deal with that kind of treatment.It's really hard to not react whn all you want to do is make them feel as bad as they've made you feel. But i promise you that's never the answer. Be patient and take the time to respond with grace,not for the sake of the other person but for yourself.
Goal:The next time someone treats you poorly, do not reciprocate.Be the bigger person with your response.