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So in the new update, Caliborn goes on about how Dirk banished his soul into Lil Cal, and how ARquiusprite showed up out of nowhere and ended up getting pulled along for the ride.  And if you notice, HALF OF GAMZEE TOO.

This explains so much.

Why the game read Scratch’s sudden death as an opportunity to revive him into Lord English. (Caliborn)
Why Lord English is so muscular. (Equius)
Why Doc Scratch is so shrouded in mystery. (Equius)
Why Doc Scratch and Lord English are so vastly intelligent, unlike Caliborn. (AR, a splinter of Dirk’s soul)
Why Lord English is so mirthful and angry. (Gamzee)
Why Lord English can destroy souls. (AR, a splinter of Dirk’s soul)

Lord English even stole his name from Jake English, who in turn got his name from his Grandma Jade English, who in turn stole it from Lord English.  Paradox.

It all makes sense now.

Is he a mime? Is he a skeleton? Why not BOTH

 (thats a spade on his mouth if you can’t tell i’m sorry I tried don’t judge me)

But idek what to call this kurloz cosplay feat. unfinished ruffle collar