major-payne

Once upon a time, deep deep in the jungle,there was a little engine that could. He was chuggin his way across the enemy line. Chugga chugga chugga CHOO CHOO. His mission was to take some AK47s and a nuclear payload across the mountains to the 22nd battallion. needless to say, there was PLENTY OF OPPOSITION! chugga chugga CHOO CHOO. Not even when they climbed aboard the train and gouged out the eyes of the conductor, blood and snot drippin out his eye sockets. That didn’t stop the little engine that could. CHOO CHOO chugga chugga chugga. Wasn’t until Charley rigged the bridge with plastic explosives. Just as the little engine was makin his way ‘cross the tressa… BOOM! An explosion happened. Blood and guts and ash was everywhere! Bubba come crawlin out the back door, legs missing, looked at me and said “Payne, I can’t feel my legs.” I said “they aint there.” I looked down, and the little bloody nubbs where kickin’. It was 30 miles to the next town. Unless he could flip and walk on his hands, he wasn’t going to make it! All of a sudden… CHARLIE WAS ALL OVER THE PLACE! I had just my sidearm. I had no alternative… I’d have to blast my way out. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

DIE PIG DIE! YOU’LL NEVER TAKE MAJOR VINCENT WINIFRED PAYNE ALIVE!!!! *BAM* I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIEND!!! *BAM**BAM**BAM*

Major Payne 1995

“Do not attempt to challenge my authority. I have eight weeks to turn you gaggle of maggots into a well-discipline cadet unit. From this day forward your sorry asses belong to me. You will not eat, sleep, drink, blow your nose or dig in your buts without my say so. Know this, killing is my business, ladies, and business is good.”