maintaining memory

Mega Man X: The Novel Chapter 1

Aaaaaallllright, it’s been a while, but the first chapter is finally done!! Many thanks to my translator @melonjaywalk and my editors moidang, Lambency and tjerrian! If you’d like to follow the group’s progress on the novel, check out this Google Doc! Without further ado, here’s Chapter 1: Day of Sigma!

P1・2・3・4・5・6・7・8・9・10・11・12・13・A

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A Diverging in the Wood [2/3]

hi sorry

Summary: Events shift.  History rearranges.  Another horror beyond human comprehension joins the fray during Weirdmageddon. 

Good thing they’re on the side of humanity.

[A/N:  I Honestly don’t know how to explain the context to this and it’s been literally half a year since I’ve posted anything for it, but.  Canon Divergence AU for this fic which is just sleeping, I promise.  Features eldritch abomination Stan - it makes sense in context. Kind of.]

[AO3]


To Stanford’s complete lack of surprise, hell was freezing cold.

Though a revolutionary discovery to be sure, he had doubts it would stand up to any reputable academic committee. The main issue was, his current location was more accurately described as “Ford Pines’ Personal Pyramidal Hell” than the classic Judeo-Christian equivalent. Specifically, traits of demons present were more “horns and cloven feet” than “sixty-degree angles.”

Unfortunately, that fact narrowed down the field of concerned individuals significantly. To two, actually - him and his fellow captive, the rather perturbed looking child (?) dancing frantically in a cage hanging from the ceiling. 

Not Ford’s oddest roommate experience, but it did make top five.

It was just one of those days. Weeks? Months? Extra-temporal periods of existence?

The worst part about the death of linear time, Ford thought to himself sadly, was the language involved.

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Secure Yourself Pt 2

Kimberly chuckled to herself when she saw Jason yelling out her name, about to jump into the water when he thought she didn’t re-emerge. Then he mentioned running off and she seriously would have at that moment. She was so sick and tired of Angel Grove and its quasi-closed-minded-smallish town mentality and revolving door of acceptable dating choices. She did have a certain presence to maintain, after all. The memory of her father yelling at her in hysterics upon seeing her self-cut hairstyle made her smile. At least she was able to ruffle some feathers this week. No one has ever been able to understand Kimberly and she was starting to think no one ever would.

Upon hearing an explosion, she took off with Jason to see Billy Cranston, his dark skin covered in dust from the debris. She thought it odd to see him here… wasn’t he supposedly a good kid? Speaking of– what exactly did a kid like him do to get placed into Saturday school? The next thing Kimberly knew, some Asian kid she’d seen maybe once or twice at school heads over complaining about them. Then she hears it. A raspy voice clearly annoyed at the attention that is being directed at them in an otherwise isolated area. A rumbling occurs and a short spunky Latina–the owner of that sexy raspy voice–tumbles to the ground on top of Kimberly. Their eyes meet for the briefest of seconds and Kimberly swears she sees the girl’s dark eyes soften before her nose flares and she leaps off Kimberly.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After learning Billy survived falling into the abyss, and seeing Jason and what’s-his-face (Jack?) jump into the cavern, Kimberly turns toward Trini. She can tell Trini is about to run again and she just can’t allow that to happen. Without thinking, she asks for a drink of Trini’s water, finds herself apologizing to the girl, and then grabs her, pulling them down into the cavern. As they fall, she can feel Trini grab tightly onto her and Kimberly can’t help but enjoy the feeling. They’re all standing on the other side of the water barrier and Kimberly gets the feeling someone is staring at her. Then she notices it… Trini, trying ever so subtly, to look at her– was she staring at her breasts?! Glancing down, Kimberly noticed her erect nipples and all of a sudden she wondered what it would be like to have Trini sucking on her nipples. Wait… what the fuck was going on with her? She wasn’t some dyke.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As they stepped onto the power grid, Kimberly looked up at Trini. She gave the girl a slight nod. This was some weird shit but they were in it together… right?

And then they failed. They failed so bad the Zordan Wall Dude got angry and told them to leave.

Sitting around under the water barrier, everyone but Jason looked at each other trying to come to terms with what they had just learned. Power Rangers. What the hell was that even supposed to mean? Jason came out of the ship a few minutes later in a huff saying something about waiting on him. Kimberly wasn’t paying attention, she was too busy stealing glances at Trini. Zach asks who Trini is… calls her “Crazy Girl” again. Kimberly pipes up, “I know her… you go to Angel Grove High, right? Just transferred a week ago? We have English together.” Trini rolled her eyes and huffed. “Actually, my name is TRINI and I moved here last year. We have Biology together.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Training without armor has been intense. Kimberly is bruised in places she didn’t know existed… but she kind of likes the feeling of pain associated with it. What does that say about me? She trains constantly… her new reflexes leave her feeling restless and itching to move. Trini has opened up a bit more to her. She finds herself gravitating towards Trini when they go to the Pit for training. Kimberly surprises herself when she invites Trini out for dessert one night after a long stint in the Pit. They share a pastry and she can’t help but have her eyes linger on Trini’s lips when she licks them. I wonder what it would be like to taste the sweetness of her lips… Trini tries to steal the final bite… wait, was she flirting with Kimberly? Doesn’t matter, Kimberly isn’t gay… right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in the Pit, the Rangers have been getting their asses handed to them by the holographic putties. She hears Trini call out her name and turns in time to see a putty coming from her backside. All of a sudden, Trini has tackled Kimberly to the ground, the putty’s attack barely missing their heads. Kimberly is extremely cognizant of Trini’s body, drenched in sweat, on top of her. As Trini is panting over her, Kimberly feels Trini’s knee between her legs, pressed against her mound. All she wants to do in this moment is grind into Trini’s knee. What?! Snap out of it…! She stares up into Trini’s eyes and smirks, “We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.” Trini stares down at Kimberly, giving her an odd look. Kimberly worries she’s said something wrong. Trini slides herself up, hands lightly grazing Kimberly’s arms as she sits on both knees for a moment on top of Kimberly. Trini’s movement pushed her knee further into Kimberly’s mound, causing her to moan and slightly grind into Trini’s knee. OMFG that did NOT just happen!!! Trini appeared to not notice, thank the gods. She smirked down at Kimberly and said “Well, Princess you make a nice cushion.” before pushing off and extending her arm to help Kimberly. Worst.Crush.Ever.

If Blue Neighborhood Were A Novel

One of my favorite hobbies is listening to an entire album and creating a story out of it based on the songs and the order of said songs. I realize that the ‘story’ for Blue Neighborhood is centered around suicide in the LGBTQ+ community, and this is my interpretation of how that story is told! Hope you enjoy. :) (also, this is a hella long post just warning you and it’s SAD)

Wild

This is the introduction, when the characters are introduced. You have the main character, let’s just call him Troye because he’s the artist after all, who has met the supporting character, let’s call him A, just to avoid any tension. :D Troye meets A, almost instantly taking a liking to him, feeling things that he hasn’t felt before. A drives him wild, and he get enough of him. So, he pursues a relationship, skipping the friendship part entirely.

Bite

Troye and A hit it off, but Troye is worried that the relationship may be moving too quickly, despite him being the one to initiate it. However, he definitely feels that there is something there worth pursuing, but he warns A to just be patient with him, to be gentle and understanding, as relationships and love can be quite a confusing concept to him.

Fools

Troye realizes that A is not the person he thinks he is, he is dark and manipulative, but still, Troye sees a future with him. He can’t see himself falling for anyone else, but he realizes that falling for A is a mistake. Their personalities aren’t compatible, they don’t agree on enough, but Troye can’t give up. He still feels such a strong love for A, and he knows he’s a fool for letting himself fall, but he just can’t let him go.

Ease

When Troye has to leave for an extended period of time, he misses not only his family and his home, but A as well. Despite A’s mistakes, Troye reaches out to him, asking him to help put him at ease, asking him to remind him why he’s doing what he’s doing. A listens and comforts Troye, but not in the way that Troye needs. Frustrated, Troye lashes out at A, calling him out on his mistakes completely, no longer keeping them internalized. A, offended but guilty, hangs up on Troye and breaks off contact for a while.

The Quiet

Troye regrets his words, and tries to reconcile with A, who refuses to hear Troye out, no matter what Troye does. Troye tries everything he can to get A to speak to him again, but A stays closed off, ignoring Troye almost entirely.

DKLA

Troye, beyond frustrated and fed up with A, gives him an ultimatum, stating that he isn’t going to wait for his forgiveness anymore. However, as he says it, he knows that he won’t ever truly be able to let A go. Nonetheless, he cuts A out of his life temporarily, claiming that they tried, and it just didn’t work out. Little does Troye know, but A is dealing with something much bigger than his relationship with Troye, but that’s to become important later.

Talk Me Down

After about a month of separation, Troye returns home to find that A has changed completely, sporting a new attitude and perspective on life, a brighter perspective, and Troye misses him. He reaches out to him, revealing that he never ever stopped loving him, but he knows better than to enter into a relationship again. A accepts this, but doesn’t make any attempt to bring Troye back into his life, having gained a new group of friends that occupy much of his free time.

Cool

Troye watches from afar at A’s striking new persona, and tries to emanate it best he can, in the hopes that he can win back A’s good graces, ignoring the fact that it’s healthier for him to just move on. A notices and picks up on this, and after giving Troye a subtle warning that he’s not as stable as he appears, the two decide to get back together, A admitting that he too, has missed Troye this entire time.

Heaven

Troye, in an attempt to keep A by his side, convinces A to publicly reveal their relationship to their families. A agrees, though it takes a lot of convincing on Troye’s part. After it goes horribly awry, Troye tries to comfort A by telling him that society’s opinion of them and their sexualities do not define him.

Youth

The bad response to their coming out bothers A more than Troye ever expected, and in a last ditch effort to make him feel better, he suggest that they just go away together for a while, go explore the world. He explains that they are in the prime of their lives, that now is the time to be crazy. A is hesitant, not wanting to steal away Troye’s youth through his depression, but Troye insists.

Lost Boy

Told from A’s perspective, he explains to Troye that while he feels a powerful love for Troye, he’s going to make the same mistakes he made in the beginning. He doesn’t want Troye to wait until he has his feelings figured out, he doesn’t want Troye to wait until A is able to discover who he truly is. A knows that told Troye he was ready, and he feels an immense sorrow at lying to him, but he just doesn’t want to hurt Troye any more than he already has.

for him.

Troye immediately counteracts A’s confession by listing all the reasons why he would want to wait for him. He explains that A doesn’t have to express his love for Troye to be able to feel it. A, however, still isn’t convinced, and for the first time, Troye really begins to see A’s depression.

Suburbia

Told again from A’s perspective, he reminisces on his old life, before he came out, and he confesses to Troye that his life was happier then, even though he was in the closet. People didn’t judge him, they didn’t look at differently, and while he assures Troye that this has nothing to do with him, he can’t help but feel an overwhelming weight of sadness hanging over him at all times, ceaselessly. Troye doesn’t know what to do, and even if he did, he’s too late.

Too Good

A commits suicide in the privacy of his bedroom, leaving nothing behind, not even a note. Troye reacts violently, running away for a few weeks, letting the sadness and regret consume him. He thinks back on it all, to the very beginning, trying to figure out why he didn’t see it. Why he didn’t see the crippling depression that was torturing A. He comes to the conclusion that he was blinded by love. He didn’t see the pain because he was too busy seeing the good in A. And it was his fault for not telling A how good he was. It was his fault.

Blue

Troye, about four months after A’s death, is struggling. He’s ready to move on, he can feel it, but he still can’t seem to let A go. He keeps trying to think of ways to hold on to him, claiming that he’d do anything to bring him back. But nevertheless, A is gone, and no matter what Troye swears to do, he won’t ever get him back. And so he begins to think back on how exactly he fell in love with A, how he fell in love with a heart so cold, and he realizes that A had the stunningly beautiful ability to bring color to a world that he saw in black and white. And he misses him, so much, but he knows that he must learn how to move on while still maintaining the memory of A.

Wild-XXYYXX Remix

Troye, in a moment of clarity, revisits the reasons he fell in love with A, but from a new perspective.

Swimming Pools

Slowly, slowly, Troye begins to recover from the depression that consumed him after A’s death. He knows that A will never truly be gone, and that in the end, he will be okay.


okay that’s it! i realize it’s a bit messy, but it’s just my interpretation of how the story is being told, were it ever to turn into something. I may do other albums just for fun, but until then, yeah…that’s it, i’ll see you guys later! :D

real-life-pine-tree  asked:

Since Yami ages as he gains more memories, how come he's a child during the virtual world arc?

When pushed, he can unblock specific memories, like how he did in the Orichalcos duel. As long as it’s not related to his name (though he doesn’t know that, he just instinctively knows what not to look for), then he can temporarily unblock them. Once he’s tired of maintaining these memories, or he doesn’t need them anymore, they become sealed again.

It’s only in Memory World that any memory he gains doesn’t become sealed.

Thoughts about Bravely Second’s Ending

I finished the game a couple of days ago, as I posted at the time. A friend of mine just completed it the other day and immediately wanted to talk to me about the final chapter, side-quests, and the credit scenes.

We had a big talk about loads of things but thing she was concerned was the ending credit scene with Edea. 

Since Edea is our favourite character we ended up having a big discussion about the game’s storyline and what it meant for the ending. To illustrate her points and mine, I took screenshots from the Event Viewer. I apologise for the poor quality.

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE WHOLE GAME AND EPILOGUE (Including screenshots):

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Creepypasta #404: The Pursuit Institute

Two years ago, a bunch of my friends and I went on a school sponsored trip to Alaska set up by the Pursuit Institute. I was placed in a group with nine, no, ten other students, and two adult chaperones. Another group was also made up of similar numbers, and each group would start at one location and then we would switch places halfway through. The trip would consist mostly of hiking and backpacking in Denali where we would camp in tents and then hiking near the Kenai Peninsula where we would stay in a cabin.

We arrived in Anchorage at about 2:00 in the morning, but it was still light out as Alaska never really got dark that time of year. Our groups parted ways after claiming our baggage, and my group began our trip by driving to Denali National Park where we would be spending the next several days. We all had a great time and before we knew it, it was time to meet up with the other group and trade places for the second half of our trip.

We converged in front of a supermarket and the two groups swapped stories and shared some laughs. It was all fun, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was … wrong with the other group. Their stories would be incredibly vague or they would just stop halfway through as if they caught themselves from mentioning something without even realizing it.

It was all incredibly eerie but no one but me seemed to notice. When I tried to question them further or go into detail about their trip they would simply become dazed and say that it was really all just a blur. Then, getting defensive, they would ask me details about our trip so far. I scoffed and tried to remember a specific event only to find that … I really didn’t remember much either. In fact, as I began listening to my groups own stories, we were being just as vague as them! It was all so strange that no one, not even I, immediately noticed that the other group was short one kid.

Suddenly though, it hit me.

“Where’s Josh?” I asked the group. Everyone turned to face me, their eyes seemed glazed and cloudy as their faces reflected my own confusion right back at me. What they said next made my blood run cold.

With such genuine seriousness that it couldn’t have possibly been a joke, one by one, they asked, “Who the hell is Josh?” Even the adults looked puzzled.

Giving a nervous laugh, I turned to my own group for support only to see that they were looking at me with the same expressions. Confusion was plastered across every one of their faces, looking at me with blank eyes. Then, suddenly, confusion turned to laughter as if they realized that I had been joking.

“Haha! Nice man! You had me goin’ for a second there!” Matt said as the mood quickly lightened back up. I laughed with them and pretended that it had been a joke, but all I felt was a horrible sickness rising up inside me.

That’s when a kid from the other group said, “Haha, but seriously, what’s with YOUR group? You guys are acting all weird and … where is Sarah?”

“Haha, very funny.”

“Yeah real original.” Members of both groups snapped back at him, almost in unison. No one named Sarah had even been in our group, and even I was pissed that he was making fun of me. That is, until I saw the look on his face.

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anonymous asked:

Hello, I'm on the MFT track, and will be starting practicum soon. As part of it, I may eventually run a group that involves arts and crafts. While I myself like the arts, I am not trained in art therapy (my only experience being an elective class which was brief) and was wondering if you had any suggestions for techniques/art projects that might work well with the elderly population? I'll be in a independent living location, though may work with clients with memory issues in the future as well.

Art in this type of setting is focused on recalling positive memories, maintaining physical ability, relaxation, and developing relationships. This type of artmaking has a therapeutic quality to it without being art therapy in the sense of a group run by an art therapist. When using art materials, keep in mind the physical strength and technique required to manipulate them, how well they are controlled, etc., and make adjustments according to what your clients need. It’s a delicate balance of using familiar materials that don’t make your clients feel babied, but are still fun. Sometimes having images cut from magazines or paintings printed out can be a good reference point - clients can create their own version of the work without feeling too much pressure to “perform” or be creative.

wow so today i realized when my intrusive thoughts were trying to warp a memory and managed to maintain the actual memory and Not Die sooooooooooo yeah i’d say i’m doing fucking stellar babes

2

# 68 Henger
Rank: D
Type: Henger Purebreed

Monster’s souls in Henger rarely maintain their past memories.

Win some tournaments and you too can unlock Hengers from your discs! Hengers are one of the few references to an ancient civilization in the Monster Rancher world that was incredibly technologically advanced, but disappeared mysteriously *oooOOOEEEEEOooooo*

Why We Need to Cuddle

#1 A Happier Life

We’ve all seen the self-help books and heard about the ways to make our lives a little happier, however the best thing for you is absolutely free. Cuddling, especially for an extended time lifts serotonin levels. An imbalance in serotonin levels may influence mood in a way that leads to depression so by raising these levels, you’ll also elevate mood and help create happiness.

#2 Healing Touch

Cuddles and hugs can heal many ills, including the feelings of a broken heart. By holding your broken-hearted friend, you can actually help them to overcome their problems as an embrace can instantly boost Oxycontin levels. Oxycontin is known to affect feelings like anger, loneliness and grief, so next time your friend is at their low point, just being there really may be all they need.

#3 To Give & Receive

Cuddling teaches us how to share and care for one another. Studies have shown that children who were cuddled more tend to be more selfless in their actions and with their possessions and are generally more friendly. It is believed to be attributed to the embrace, which teaches us how to receive love to share in equal measure.

#4 Tension Reliever

Have a stressful day? Well, tonight would be a good time to cuddle with someone you love. Ever notice how you could have the worst possible day where you get laid off, have a fender bender, or learn sad news about a loved one, and just being in the arms of your honey can make all of the pain go away? Cuddling is a natural stress-reliever as it relaxes muscles, releases tension, increases overall circulation and even soothe your aches.

#5 Boosts Self-Esteem

We all have those “ugly” days when we just don’t feel good about ourselves. The act of a simple hug can instantly boost self-esteem. As infants and children, we rely on our family’s touch to show us that we’re special to them and the associations of self-worth from those early years are embedded into our nervous system as adults.

#6 Helps Rebuild Immunity

Our immune systems can be affected by some interesting factors but did you know something as simple as touch can make a difference? Cuddling actually helps to strengthen the immune system. The gentle pressure on the sternum and the emotional charge stimulates the thymus gland (which regulates the body’s production of white blood cells) which affects our overall health. Cuddling those you love can help keep you both healthy and rebuild immunity after an illness.

#7 Energy Exchange

Long hugs or leaning on someone’s shoulder can be as effective as cuddling. When people touch, there is an exchange of energy between the two. This is only amplified the more one is touched and the effects are more positive depending on the relationship between the individuals. So for couples in love, you can actually help revitalize your partner or a hug from a friend can refresh you both. That energy exchange acts as an investment between the two that can be drawn from later in literal and sensory memory.

#8 Creating Balance

Cuddling may not seem necessary but it is one of the best ways to help balance out the nervous system. Our skin responds to being embraced or embracing others. The effect is believed to put our skin in a more balanced state and do the same with the entire nervous system. This is part of the reason infants respond well to being cuddled and held closely, it affects us positively from the time we are born.

#9 It Builds Trust

Having an issue with open communication in your relationship? Many couples struggle with this over time. You may have also noticed that there has been less physical contact. The two go hand-in-hand as an intimate touch can result from good communication, but did you know cuddling can help create good communication? More than anything, cuddling builds trust. The more you touch, the easier it becomes to trust each other. The nurturing feeling of cuddling helps to build a sense of safety and happiness.

#10 Connecting in the Moment

Cuddling teaches us to connect with one another in the moment. It disrupts our usual thinking long enough to connect feelings, touch and even breathing pattern. This creates intimacy and helps to encourage our sensory memory in a favorable way towards the person being cuddled. Similar to meditation, cuddling encourages us to flow with the natural connections of life, most of which are made on the spot but can be maintained though sensory memory.

3

au where kaneki barely got away from arima and was missing for awhile (hiding and unable to do much bc of injuries/very fucking out of it) until someone eventually found him (myb..yomo..??) at which point he was in awful shape. he maintains memory loss. (kaneki crew is staying @ tsukiyamas who took him in bc $$$ and security)

in OTHER news: tsukiyama’s been wearing the same shirt for three days.

(if handwriting is hard to read I thinkkkkkk clicking on them should make them bigger…?)

     “What is your biggest fear?”
     “The death of my parents. They live in Japan, so one part is the practical aspect of how would I take care of them, and the burden of emotionally and physically shouldering it all on my own. I’m an only child. I’ve seen them take care of their aging parents, but my mom was the oldest of seven sisters, so they supported each other and shared the burden.
     “But my bigger concern is about memory. After they’re gone, I’ll be the only person in the biological family to steward the family history. Your parents remember you as a child better than you do, because you were really tiny. If you have siblings, you can joke about things in the past: ‘Hey, do you remember that one time? You may not remember it, but I do.’  For me, there would be no one to maintain those memories with. It’s similar to breaking up with somebody. Suddenly, you can’t talk about it and say, ‘Yes, our relationship was real.’ It’s just your memory, and there’s no witness to confirm that it did happen, that it meant this or that. You need to re-own the memory on your own after you lose someone.
     “Out of that fear, I told my parents maybe 10 years ago that they didn’t need to give me presents for my birthday or Christmas anymore. Instead, I gave them each durable moleskin notebooks, and asked them to regularly write a memory diary. It doesn’t have to be chronological, and can be about their parents, or themselves, or myself—anything they can remember about our family. They should be working on their third notebooks by now, but they’re still on the first. At least I know they’re writing, because I bug them every time I go home. But they’re really shy about it, so I probably won’t read them until they’re gone.”

     Boston, MA

Crazy theory time

I’ve been thinking of a crackish theory lately- I don’t really believe it myself but it’s cool to consider. Ranmao could be a bizarre doll. The perfect bizarre doll. She’s strangely dependent on Lau, never speaks more than a few words at a time, and in the manga, there’s always this dull blank look in her eyes. And compared to the rest of Lau’s group, she’s robotic.

There could be an actual reason for this. Like Derrick, the scars are somewhere high on her head so her bangs easily cover them. Her lifelessness could be because she really isn’t alive. But she’s capable of (limited) independent speech and thought, can move naturally, can ingest food, and is able to maintain new memories. And that’s what makes her the perfect doll- she’s everything that UT was going for: literal prolonged life.

But Kuro runs on irony. So even though UT’s experimented on a hundred or so people, he wasn’t the one responsible for Ranmao. It’d fit if Lau (lol) had her made on his very first try (likely with cheated help from a Shanghai reaper). And the only reason Ranmao succeeded while the rest of the dolls failed was because she wanted it to happen- she wanted to stay with Lau hard. She’s a shell of the real Ranmao, but she’s still Ranmao. 

anonymous asked:

Hey Angela!~ I've been wondering what are your biggest inspiration when drawing?? and what do you do when you have a complete art block ( I have not been drawing anything for the past two months )

Hello! Dear anon :D The source of inspiration for me changes from time to time. Currently my biggest inspiration/ happy place is from reading and studying the layout of the magazines/free catalogues I picked up while out strolling. 

Oh! And also have the movie “ The Grand Budapest Hotel ” on loop whenever I can. Everything about that movie is just…. Dreamy sigh❤❤  P.S if you are interested, I keep track of my inspiration on a side personal blog here [X

Gah… I feel you!! - hug- I am currently sinking into one myself ; - ; GRRRR Art block damn you!!!!!!!! –wave angry fist-  Under the cut are some of my ways dealing with art blocks, hope it could be helpful to you in some ways!

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remember yesterday when i was gloating about how i was done with the fic and it had been purged from my life and i could move on etc etc? yeah i kind of lied.

this really long, self-indulgent meta is titled “You Are Literally The Hardest To Write: The Bucky Barnes Story” or alternately “your favorite ghost: the bucky edition”

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Originally posted by deanwesson

You and Dean fought from time to time, but this one seemed to be the final nail in the coffin of your relationship. When he told you to go, you rushed out of the bunker before he could even think to ask you to return. You hadn’t spoken in days and you were certain you never would again so long as you managed to get your stuff from the bunker before Dean saw you. 

You sneaked into the bunker in the middle of the night, hoping he would somehow be gone or asleep when you got there. Fortunately, the impala was gone when you pulled into the garage, a good sign that Dean wasn’t home. You careful made your way to your bedroom, each step a quiet as possible. You tried to maintain your composer as memories of you and Dean flashed across your mind. The hallway where you had your first kiss. The kitchen where you taught Dean how to make pie. His bedroom where you spent many nights in his embrace. You never got the courage to completely make his room yours as well and for that you were slightly grateful. It meant you wouldn’t have to go in there where you were certain to collapse into a mess of tears and you might never have the courage to truly leave.

Finally reaching your room you flip on the switch and the man you had been trying so hard to avoid was sitting there, clinging to a picture of you, tears rolling down his face. He turned his attention towards you, green eyes filled with shock and sorrow. You had never seen Dean look so vulnerable as he did in that moment. 

“Y/N…what are you doing here?

“I…I just came to pack my things and leave…” you had to push down the sobs threatening to consume you. “Just like you asked me to Dean.” 

Dean cast his eyes downward, his body racked with sobs. You wanted to wrap him in your arms and comfort him. You wanted to tell him everything was going to be okay. But it wasn’t okay. You weren’t okay. Your relationship was far from okay. So instead you stood there, tears streaming down your face.

 If this was how it was going to end, then at least you were crying together.