mail-order

Kentledge Hall

Chapter One

A penniless dock worker inherits a title and his family’s destitute estate. In order to save the house and grounds, he puts an ad in the paper for a wealthy wife from the United States. The damaged Emma Swan is desperate for a new start anywhere but New York. Together, will they save Kentledge Hall?

Thank you to the gorgeous @ofshipsandswans for the amazing cover work!

Rated M – Chapter One contains non-con/rape

Read it on AO3


New York City - December 31st, 1915

Awash in several glasses of Champagne, eighteen year-old Emma Swan had been easily tantalized into the Conservatory at the Vanderbilt Mansion during a New Year’s celebration, ringing in the promises of 1916. Despite the December chill, there was a lingering warmth in the Conservatory.

The young society darling and her date were surrounded by all manner of exotic plants and flowers, blooming in the moonlight. She, herself, was the most colorful thing in the room; she wore a gown of gold and black, covered with a wine-tinted gauze and cinched at the waist with a decorative band of gilded embroidery and mother-of-pearl. Her moonlit hair was tucked into a pile of curls, secured with a large gilded comb bedecked with pearls.

Neal Cassidy, a young, handsome attorney from Delaware, was her tuxedoed date for the evening’s festivities and they had just managed to ditch Emma’s tipsy aunt Regina Mills back in the ballroom downstairs.

Emma giggled with delight as Neal swung her around the tiled floor of the room, his arm wrapped around her back. They were dancing much closer than they would have been allowed at the party. She closed her eyes as Neal bowed his head to place kisses along the side of her neck, a smile spreading over her lips.

“Mmm,” Emma moaned softly, sliding her fingers between his. “You really shouldn’t do that, you know.”

Neal chuckled and let his lips find hers. He walked her backward until her calves came to a stop against the end of a chaise longue. “Why shouldn’t I?” He asked against her lips. “I’m going to marry you, Emma, my dear.”

The idea made her giddy. A grand wedding with all sorts of fanfare and a milky-white gown of everything in the finest, her best friends all with large bouquets of white roses and lily-of-the-valley…it was everything Emma wanted. And Neal was such an entertainment to her over the past few months. Lavish dinners, ferry rides, and even a day at Luna Park in Brooklyn where he had won her a small pink porcelain figurine. He really knew how to woo a girl. He grasped her by the waist and carefully laid her back onto the chaise, taking a seat dangerously close to her.

“Neal,” Emma whispered, blushing profusely, “no, stop that…someone will see you and think the worst.”

“With me, it will hardly be the worst, darling. Don’t you want me, Emma?” He asked. The music downstairs grew louder, and Emma knew they must be nearing midnight.

“After we marry, of course,” she insisted, moving her hands to his shoulders to push gently.

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I have this head canon where it was Obi-Wan’s idea for Yoda to dump a surprise mail-order Padawan on Anakin. Maybe he thought a padawan would distract Anakin from his grief, the way that little Anakin distracted Obi-Wan from his. Maybe he noticed Anakin’s growing dissatisfaction with the Order and thought a padawan would help cement his ties. Either way, all Obi-Wan’s talk of taking on a new student himself was to give him some plausible deniability when Ahsoka showed up.

Spelling Bee Songs, Summarized
  • The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee: drink every time they say the title of the show- also why am I crying already
  • The Spelling Rules: you better pay attention bc this is some sick foreshadowing
  • My Favorite Moment of the Bee: ready, set... oh wait let's reminisce for a sec. ok GO
  • My Friend, The Dictionary: who needs friends when you have books amirite
  • The First Goodbye: the guest spellers are never as funny as the actual characters
  • Pandemonium: this is what I like to get down to at the club
  • I'm Not That Smart: beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure
  • The Second Goodbye: the guest spellers are never as funny reprise
  • Magic Foot: that vibrato tho
  • Pandemonium Reprise: hahaha get rekt Chip
  • My Favorite Moment of the Bee Reprise: schadenfreude, basically
  • Prayer of the Comfort Counselor: FINALLY we got rid of all of the guest spellers
  • My Unfortunate Erection/Chip's Lament: how many penis and/or boner jokes can we pack into 2 and a half minutes
  • Woe is Me: smol bb has so many problems- also why am I crying reprise
  • Spelling Montage: break it down now
  • I'm Not That Smart Reprise: beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure reprise- also why am I crying reprise reprise
  • I Speak Six Languages: holy crap this girl can do everything- also slay me bc I am not worthy
  • Jesus/Pandemonium Reprise: I didn't think this bee could get any crazier but I was wrong
  • The I Love You Song: this is when most people start crying but I've been crying since the opening number
  • Woe is Me Reprise: don't cry for me Putnam County- also why am I crying reprise reprise reprise
  • My Favorite Moment of the Bee Reprise: ready, set... oh wait let's reminisce for a sec. ok GO reprise
  • Second: wait no I didn't want that person to win... at least Olive's happy
  • Finale: so none of the ships got together??? is that what I'm hearing???????
  • The Last Goodbye: yes hello I would like a different ending please and thank you- also why am I crying reprise reprise reprise reprise

darknyss  asked:

Lost Tumblr fic. it was a western AU where Derek seeks a bride and starts communications with Stiles, who he assumes is female, plain and barren and invites him to his ranch and sends him money for warm clothes. Ofcourse he's shocked when Stiles appears and thinks it might"ve been a prank, but takes him in anyway. It was either a short or unfinished, but I'd love to read it again.

You’re in luck!  My boo Specks remembered this fic and found it for you. You can find it on Helenish’s tumblr here  -Emmy