Customer: “I’m tellin’ ya hon, it takes work to look this good.  Ya think I was born this beautiful?  No! I’ve had a nose job, two face lifts, had my ear lobes shaved, teeth capped, botox, and permanent make-up tattooed onto my lower lids and around my lips.  You should try it too.  It’s great!!  I get lots of attention now.”

Me: “I’ll bet you do.  Thanks, but I’ve decided to age gracefully, I mean naturally.”

  James stares through the frosty glass door to the little jewelry shop he visited last week, while purchasing a Christmas gift for his mom/roommate.  He had finally worked up the nerve to ask the sales lady who had helped him out on a date.  She was so friendly and had a nice smile.  "She must have been checking me out.“  James had thought, which helped him bolster his courage.

  Unfortunately, it was never meant to be, for inside the shop stood his sales lady love, hugging another man!  After a long moment frozen in horror and disappointment, with balled fists he throws his head back, skullet curls blowing in the chill wind, he cries out to the universe, "Why didn’t she want MY dick??”  With shoulders slumped, poor James boards the bus home…