A bathing beauty on Cape May Beach. Amish and Mennonite folk frequently vacation there. I love seeing these ladies splash around in their long dresses. It’s a nice contrast to the fat hairy New Yorker in the thong banana hammock.
Female customer: “Oooooh Honey, LOOK! If we were ever to ,you know, tie the knot, I’ll show you 200 ring styles that I like! Let’s start with that blue one. I like the color but not the shape. I want prong set not bezel and blah,blah,blah,blah….
Hey Retail veterans, have you ever noticed that if you leave a case door open, or an un-attended tray of merchandise on the counter, it doesn’t matter what the contents are, customers will flock to it?! We joke about it at the store saying that even if the tray were filled with dog poop, customers would still be compelled to touch it.
Customer: “I’m tellin’ ya hon, it takes work to look this good. Ya think I was born this beautiful? No! I’ve had a nose job, two face lifts, had my ear lobes shaved, teeth capped, botox, and permanent make-up tattooed onto my lower lids and around my lips. You should try it too. It’s great!! I get lots of attention now.”
Me: “I’ll bet you do. Thanks, but I’ve decided to age gracefully, I mean naturally.”
James stares through the frosty glass door to the little jewelry shop he visited last week, while purchasing a Christmas gift for his mom/roommate. He had finally worked up the nerve to ask the sales lady who had helped him out on a date. She was so friendly and had a nice smile. "She must have been checking me out.“ James had thought, which helped him bolster his courage.
Unfortunately, it was never meant to be, for inside the shop stood his sales lady love, hugging another man! After a long moment frozen in horror and disappointment, with balled fists he throws his head back, skullet curls blowing in the chill wind, he cries out to the universe, "Why didn’t she want MY dick??” With shoulders slumped, poor James boards the bus home…
We also had this lady in. Normally when I see carpenter’s crack, I look away. This time I had to stare. She was completely CRACKLESS! Almost like she was an alien visitor in a human costume, collecting information about us to bring back to her civilization. Her costume was almost flawless..except for that one little detail.