Your brain and how to use it.
One of my old roommates/really good friends had gone above and beyond the call of duty to use something as his Facebook cover that wasn’t a sunset, themselves, a video game, or their favorite athlete (mine is my favorite athlete, don’t hate). It was a rather simple message, but still too complicated for many people to comprehend:
(Pictured: Something that you need to use every day.)
People used to ask me how I knew certain things, and I would point to my head (or more specifically, my brain) because I believe that I didn’t have to answer to the peanut gallery that I had to face every single day in high school. They were far from being Albert Einstein or Louis Brandeis (who had the best academic record in Harvard Law School history, which is probably too great of an expectation, but when you act like you’re the shit, I will compare you to someone who actually is the shit).
There is a semi-widely accepted theory that we only use ten percent of our brains. MythBusters promptly annihilated that myth using (brace yourselves) magnetoencephalography
, or for people who can’t comprehend big words, a technique for mapping brain activity by recording magnetic fields
produced by electrical currents occurring naturally in the brain
, using arrays of SQUIDs
(superconducting quantum interference devices). For those of you who criticize Wikipedia for being inaccurate, I suggest you look at the superscripts peppered throughout the pages, which link to actual studies on the topic pages instead of being, “BUT JOSE ANYONE CAN EDIT WIKIPEDIA EVEN TOTAL RETARDS LOL.”
Now that I’ve gotten the colossal words and “incomprehensible to the average human brain” subjects out of the way, in conclusion, we use more than 10% of our brains. One of the many reasons we’re not in flying cars and traveling to other planets include things such as this:
(Pictured: What people are wasting their brainpower on.)
I use Jersey Shore as a prime example because this show has done more than any other show on the planet to make us not use our brains. The fact that these people make more per episode than more important people in society (doctors, teachers, scientists, etc.) make in a year is alarming enough for all of us to wonder if human evolution took a gigantic U-turn, and I fear that I might be correct.
I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, but I fear that parents and administrators may find me way too dangerous to educate their children because I want to present the world and life as is rather than paint an ideal picture of how it should be. Remember how I keep saying that parenting has gone to shit? It’s because parents (in another act of not using their brains) believe that teachers should handle the discipline. In my case, it was someone claiming to have my best interests in mind while planning to stab me in the back as my parents passed the title of disciplinarian to him, so there were three things wrong with that picture instead of the one I just mentioned.
Remember how I said that I saved all my emails so I could pull quotes out of nowhere and surprise people with them years later? Let’s take a few examples of people not using their brains out of the archives:
“The world is a fucked up place with fucked up people. I am one of the few normal ones around.”
The first sentence is absolutely correct. It is a fucked up place with fucked up people. If it wasn’t a fucked up place with fucked up people, this blog would cease to exist entirely. But I have a problem with the second sentence because being normal is something we will never be because normal is a relative term. But this person goes batshit insane over a website
where people think it’s cool to act like Internet tough guys. I had mentioned on Facebook that if you act like an Internet tough guy, you are overcompensating for one of your shortcomings, one of them being that you’re probably a big wimp IRL and can only keyboard warrior it, because you would not want your face being introduced to someone else’s fist.
I was going to pull another quote out of my archives, but one of my friends posted this on Facebook
. Six months for murder, then trying to cover it up by saying he died of an illness, and you get to serve the sentence on house arrest? This screams of stupidity. The people at fault here for not using their brains? Her boyfriend for not leaving her, and the police for letting a murderer serve house arrest. Or we can make it three people, including myself, since I’m about to eat lunch and I had the misfortune to set my eyes on this:
(Pictured: OMFG LOOK AWAY.)
I thought things like this only occurred in Florida and Texas, but it happened to occur in my own backyard (Concord, CA). If I ever saw her in public, I’d probably need a tranquilizer dart, or, since I’m not exactly sympathetic to murderers, a harpoon.
The most logical argument for using your brain? Well, if you know the saying “think before you speak”, there’s actually a very logical reason to do that. The brain is at the top of your head and the mouth is at the bottom of it, therefore the brain is the biggest priority and the mouth is the lowest.
So, don’t date ugly psychotic girls, don’t watch Jersey Shore, and don’t say anything mean to me because I can (and will) spread it around like wildfire, and overall, use your head. If you find any of these things difficult, then I can recommend a therapist.