[Warforged Mage sings Summer Nights from the musical Grease]
DM [Sighing]: Remember to stay in character, guys.
Bard: That is in character! I have just relayed the ancient opera of Cyr, Grease, now lost to the ravages of time and only known by a few true bards who have passed down the oral knowledge of the Pink Ladies and the Tbirds. We were mourning the loss of true art -
Warforged Mage [Belts out of tune]: THOSE SUH-HU-MER…NIIIIIIIIIIIHHH HIIIIGHTS!!
Bard [Wipes away fake tear]: I’m just so proud to keep the memory alive, you know?
I really have to adore Square Eenix trying to hold on to the pretense that they’re making Final Fantasy games. Look at these four mopey idiots in their black outfits riding a bunch of frazzled yellow ostriches. This worked when one of the characters had a gun for a hand. It worked when your giant-titted black mage wore so many belts I assumed a normal bathroom stop became a forty-minute ordeal that required at least two people. . But when every single character became a sad, colorblind, white guy with trendy hair to acknowledge they carefully choose to be like this every morning, we passed a point so stupid that they can only be saved if they keep going. I so want this game to be to video games what “The Room” was to cinema. A horrific trainwreck of bad acting and even worse writing, drawing inspiration from the lead director’s struggle to interact with women. I want four dramatic, inappropriate suicides at the end. I want to see books written about the development staff grappling with the insanity of the project. . Final Fantasy has been around since the NES and it’s the project that saved the company. It would be so poetic and beautiful if it was also the project that one day destroyed it.