I can’t believe it’s been over 5 years since the first time I ever talked to Natasha.
Back then I could not understand how someone could have found me through the things I created because at that point I was completely unknown (hell, I’m still a complete unknown), and here was this beautiful girl just…spreading all this positivity and joy towards me when I was feeling the quite opposite of that in my life.
Never did she express anything other than love and kindness towards me. Even after all of these years, not once has Natasha hurt me. She has never brought any pain to me and I don’t think she ever could.
And to be honest, it was almost unreal for me to accept. I almost pushed myself completely away from her because I know I have such capacity to hurt others and I didn’t want to be the one that tore her apart.
I didn’t think there were people like her in the world. Selflessly caring for others without asking anything in return. Always just a message away. Never disappearing and leaving no trace of themselves behind when things got rough.
I still sometimes don’t feel good enough for her, if only because she is so absolutely pure in my eyes.
Until you know her in this intimate way, I don’t think anyone can truly understand how special she is.
She wears herself thin at the expense of making others happy. She’ll spend her last pennies to make sure her friends have wonderful gifts on their special days. She works her fingers to the bone making sure others are looking absolutely beautiful. She offers her home and food to the ones who need a place to crash…
Everyday of my life I ask how the fuck did I get so lucky to be the one to share this space in time with her? And be accepted into her warm embrace? To share so much laughter and happiness and adventure with her…? To hold her and kiss her and make her feel the very same way…she makes me feel?
I love you, Natasha and today I, Ash and all of the people who love you get to celebrate the day you were born. You make the world a brighter place every. single. day. and we are the lucky ones, we are the blessed ones, to be in that light beside you.
You’re my Fuji apple, my passionate doll. My two of hearts. The Michael Alig to my James St. James and I love you completely…!
Thank you for giving me something I never thought I would ever…ever have in my life.