As you may know Cameron has been back on tour with magcon for a while. And while im fine with it and understand that its his job. Sometimes it get hard when there thousands of girls all over him everyday. Things just don’t seam like they used to be. When everything was fine. Me and cam have been dating for almost two years. Tour is the hardest part of our relationship. So much so that im needy and clingy when he comes home.
So this time when he came home we’d sent 1 of his 5 day break together, and even then we were fighting about non since. Today when he left he’d told me that when he got back we would have a movie night, just him and me. So I’d gotten the movies all of my and his favorite movie to watch together, and snack a lot of snacks. But after 10 I started to get worried, after he told me he would be home by 8. So I called. Twice. Then texted, just once. no answer to any of it. So I looked through snap chat, and saw Nate was having a party. I assumed that was where he was. So I began to watch Narnia on my own. But feel asleep about half way through it, from being tired at work, and emotional drained.
I never wanted to tell Cam about my feelings because I felt clingy as it was. So I never did. I woke up to a cold hard slam of the wooden door to the pent house apparent that me and cam shared when he was here. I startled me making me jump, and almost fall off the coach. I saw him, I looked in his eyes and notice he was drunk, and this time I was going to yell at him. I was But he was drunk, stronger than me, and I dint really feel like fighting with him. I was tried and not the sleepy kind. But that didn’t stop and argument that was inevitable.
“You had people over?” he slurred quietly in disappointment. “I though we were suppose to have a movie night.” He continued not letting me get any words in between his question and comment.
“No, I didn’t, And I though so to” I spat madly. He had the never…
“then what is all of this?” He pointed to the snack I had gotten for us. The sound of his voice escalated quickly.
“ They were for us” I said quickly with disappointment washing over my voice, it was shaky now. Trying not to argue and let all my feelings out at the same time I took my blanket and beginning to walk back to the bed room.
“Where The fuck do you think your going?” he shouted grabbing my arm.
“To sleep Cam, Im not in the mood for this.” I handed him the blanket in my hand. “You can sleep on the coach.” I wasn’t made that he got drunk, Im no saint, but his clothes smelled like perfume, and not mine. they were ripped. Not the cute ripped where clothes you buy from the stores. like someone had tried to pull them off of him, and she had. So I was done. And I was going my bed room. But I had one question. I turned around to see him closer that before. my face was in his chest and when the scents mixed, they were bad, a nasty order of what he’d done.
“Was she good.” I asked him calmly.
“What are you talking about?” he asked calmly trying to wrap is arms around my waist. I pulled away.
“ The girl who you fucked, was she good/” I said taking a pause as I realize that all my emotions where coming out. “Was she good? Because Obviously Im not good enough.” I slam my hands against his chest. He stepped back from the force. I herd my hands hit his chest. “ was she better than me?” I asked. He, the so well versed Cameron Dallas, was at a loss for words.
“You think Im dumb Cameron but Im not okay im not."I shout at him, as she stepps forward tring to grab me again.
"I don’t think you are” he says trying to grab me once again.
“Yes you do Cam, you have to, you have to think i’m dumb, and don’t see all the blog post, and everything on social media, or even I magazine. You all over girls all the time and you think I don’t see it.” I yell pulling away once again my hand raising with my voice.
“Im not all over any girl.” He says garbing my hands to keep them from shaking with anger.
“Well their all over you and you don’t do anything to stop it.” I saying pulling my hands away not wanting to be touched at all. I turned away. Then back realizing there was more to say.
“ Im not stupid I know you mess with other girls, I just thought you might stop. I though If I didnt say anything that you would just magically stop. You know what maybe I am dumb, to think you would just stop.” I say turning around. But I wasn’t done yet. I made it half way down the hall before turning back to see a stunned Cameron Dallas not come after me, like every other argument in the past.
“I can tasted the dishonesty Its all love your lips."I say with my hands low as I renigg back to my softer attitude I carry with me most of the time. "I Pray I catch you whispering, about how you want to do better, or that you still love me and we can make this work. Because you haven’t told me you loved me in months, you don’t even say it back anymore "
"but the more than that I pray you catch me listening.” “I pray you catch me listening.” I said finally letting a tear fall from my eyes and down my check.
“Pray to catch you whispering, I pray you catch me listening, I pray to catch you whispering, I pray you catch me” I muttered as I turned around and walked down the rest of the hall and into bedroom, closing the door and locking it.
Anxiety permeates even his earliest memories, special events and holidays marked out by the wash across his vision, the shiver down his spine, the knowledge deep in his gut that this wasn’t how the day was supposed to go, and that somehow that was his fault. Birthdays, Christmas, his father’s Cup Days, none of them met the image in his head, constructed out of cartoons, cards, conversations.
Fireworks, though. Fireworks are right.
Jack remembers two decades worth of fireworks, seen from roofs and boats and beaches, with his parents, by himself, at parties that seemed to withdraw from him as he stood, eyes turned up, watching the light that seemed as though it might fall down and touch him at any moment.
None of those held a (Roman) candle to this night.
Despite his American mother, despite going to college in the US for four years, Jack had never celebrated the Fourth of July. This day, with the parade through Madison, the huge family barbecue, the frankly shocking quantity of red, white, and blue (Somehow, Bitty had made red, white, and blue cornbread, not to mention the cakes and pies decorated with berries and whipped cream), had felt more right than most holidays, his anxiety present, but held back, perhaps, by the fact that this holiday didn’t matter to him, except for how it mattered to Bittle. But now…
In this moment, it mattered. Settled in the back of the Bittles’ truck, with his arm wrapped around the Bittles’ son, who had tucked his head against Jack’s shoulder, his legs tossed over Jack’s lap, it mattered. It mattered that he got to spend this moment, quiet except for the whoosh and the crackle as yet another sphere of light burst into being overhead, wrapped around Bitty, with Bitty wrapped around him.
In the past, the crescendo had always caused a twinge in Jack’s chest, with the realization that soon he’d have to resettle inside his own skull from wherever these light took him. Now, he just tightened his arm around Bitty, glad for this moment that felt like the best sort of overwhelming.
For a moment or two after the last firework burst, the two of them just sat still, breathing together and letting their eyes adjust, watching the shadowy remains drift away across the field. After a moment, Bitty shifted, didn’t pull away, but moved so that he could see Jack more clearly. Jack turned too, seeking the starlight that reflected off Bitty’s dark eyes.
“Jack! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile so big!” Bitty’s voice was soft in the darkness, the corners of his mouth lifting even further.
Jack leaned in, pressed his smiling lips against Bitty’s temple. “I’m happy. I’m so, so happy.”
So it’s been a while since I’ve talked to anybody on here and that makes me sad. I used to have a lot of mutuals and I used to talk to people but I don’t really know what happened. There aren’t many “requirements” but we would probably get along better if you were interested in any of these topics :)
•Magcon (preferably old)
•Bob Saget (jfg)
•The Maze Runner
•The Scorch Trials
•Almost every YouTuber
But if you aren’t interested in these thing still feel free to talk to me :) you can tell me things you like and we can grow from there. (You can use this if you’re also looking for friends!!)