mad baggins

Rosie had heard all of the stories about old mister Bilbo coming home with boxes and barrels of treasure. He had been gone so long everyone had assumed he was dead, but then he had ridden into town with gold in his pony’s saddlebags.

She dreamed about Sam coming home, a feather in his cap, gold tucked into the sensible pockets on his sensible pants. She dreamed about Sam coming home. They made jokes in the Green Dragon about young mad Mr. Baggins, just like his uncle old mad Mr. Baggins, who had run off with three gullible youngsters and gotten eaten by wolves.

Rosie watched her mother during the occupation, the ways she counted curly heads, the way she canned vegetables and fruits, salted meats, then bound them up in cloth and tucked them under each child’s bed, in the hollow in the tree down the road, buried out by Miller’s Pond. Rosie watched her father walk the edges of the property, like he was stomping his ownership into it. He kept his pitchfork sharp. He was preparing to fight for his home and her mother was giving them a way out.

Pippin and Merry came back taller; they would bump their foreheads on low doorways all their lives. Frodo came back wiser; he would feel lost on the wind until the day he stepped onto a creaking deck and let it sweep him away. Sam came back; he had grown, for all miles and hunger had worn him down to the quick.

When Sam came home, there was a feather in Pippin’s cap, a horn on Merry’s hip. All Sam had was a box of dirt with one large, smooth seed tucked inside. Even in Mordor, Sam had only been fighting for the Shire. He spent the rest of his life helping things grow.  


Let’s talk about Sam crying over rabbit stew, because a brace of coneys had been a spot of luck, once; because even then, even when he still had his pots and his pans, when Frodo had not yet snarled at him and told him to go– Mr. Frodo had still been gone too far by then to ever come back again.

Rosie, who did not cry easy, chopped onions so he would not be the only one with wet cheeks to scrub off. She asked him about herbs and spices, about stirring and cooking times, about what loaf would go best with it all. Sam said, “Rosemary, tarragon.” Part of him still rang against the greening metal of a copper pot dropped down a chasm and left somewhere on the edges of Mordor, but she saw him breathe deep and reach for thyme.  

When they brought Frodo a bowl in the little study that had once been Bilbo’s, Frodo warmed his hands in the steam and chuckled when he recognized the smell. Sam pressed his cheek into Rosie’s curls and remembered that not everything was lost.


Sam came back different, but Rosie had not stayed the same either.

Some nights Sam couldn’t sleep on the bed. He laid out with a blanket on the floor and apologized for it. She checked the locks three times, and didn’t trust them anyway. If men came to the door in the night, smashed through the window, set the house on fire– she knew three ways out. She knew the path she’d take through the forests and little hills, two good places to cross the water and three mediocre ones, how to gather and set snares and never have to come back.

She also knew that she would come back. Sam had gone out and met the world, but Rosie had stayed here and staked her claim.


Between helping with the reconstruction, clearing out abused hobbit holes, planting new trees, raising her children, and managing Bag End, Rosie took tea into Mr. Frodo’s little study and let him tell her about his story. 

Some days he sat up, waved his hands, talked about Moria like it was Mr. Bilbo telling hobbitlings about the three trolls. On others he muttered about language and conjugation, dialects of Elvish, and Rosie learned words for things she had never seen. One of her sons would be named for Frodo, and one of her daughters Elanor, for a flower that grew on the floor of a forest no hobbits but four had ever seen. 

He told her about Faramir and Boromir–their adventures, and their family trees to seven generations back. Rosie scattered her younger children over his study floor on those long afternoons, where they got cookie crumbs and sloppy paint all over the sheet she’d lain over his soft carpet. 

It was a late night, the kids abed, when he told her about Mordor, about Gollum and the eagles, and how Sam had not given up, even at the very end. She had come down to turn over some marinade in the pantry and found the study light on, Frodo bent over his desk and scribbling. “I have to get it all down,” he said, and smiled at her unhappily. “Too tired right now to be scared of it all.“ 

So she got some cocoa and a heavy quilt for each of them, and stayed to listen to him mutter and scratch out lines. “Frodo Nine-Fingered and Samwise the Brave,” he told her. “We talked about how we were going to be stories, one day.“ 

When Sam came down the hall in the morning, his wife’s curls were pooled on the desk beside Mr. Frodo’s, inked pages scattered under their cheeks and curled palms. Sam had watched Frodo earn each and every white hair on his head, and he was learning the stories still behind each tired crease and laugh line on Rosie’s face. Sam leaned against the door frame and watched them breathe, in and out, until the kids came shrieking down the hallway and woke them. 

The day Frodo gave him the Red Book and left, Sam cried on the shores of the sea and watched him go. Frodo had sat Rosie down that morning, over a breakfast of two eggs, thick bacon, hearty toast, a little salad– he had told Rosie he was leaving and Rosie had already known. 

There were still burned scars on the soft fertile ground of the Shire. Some of them would never grow over, no matter how many seeds they scattered and watered. Rosie still had emergency kits buried in the yard, tucked in hollow trees down the road, kept under her children’s beds. 

But there were strawberries growing in her window boxes, even if on the worst days she wasn’t sure if they’d be there to harvest them in springtime. On those days, Rosie padded down to the pantry and got out little glass jars of strawberry preserves. So many springs had come and gone, and so many would come again. There were some things you could carry with you. 

Drop your pots, drop your pans–lose weight, faith, a finger–forget the taste of strawberries. There were little white blossoms waiting in the window boxes of Bag End to turn into blushing red fruit. Sam had carried Frodo to the end of his journey, and Frodo had given her this home. The spring would come. 

Sam came back with salt crystallized on his hems and the edge of his jaw. He came back with a red book under one arm–no gold in his pockets, no gems, just his two hands tucked and curled in the warmth of them. 

Their children would read Frodo’s book as they grew (Bilbo’s book, too, and those few words that were their father’s). They would not understand, not all of it, not at first. They would eat strawberries in spring and dream of Fangorn, dare each other to brave the Old Forest on the edge of the Shire. They would climb all over Merry and Pippin’s tall frames and beg to go with them when they went to visit the kings of Gondor and Rohan. 

Rosie would eat strawberries in the spring. She would make jars and jars of jam to keep for long winters. She would keep kits of supplies, for emergencies, for invasions, for the children of hers who had wanderlust in their bare, woolly feet. 

On nights when she could not sleep–too cold, too stuffy, too old–she would pad out to Frodo’s old study and sit among the books and things. She would read about places she’d never seen, languages she’d never heard. She would write her own notes down about the Scouring– the first little resistances, and the final front lines. She would trace her fingers over loving maps of the Shire, tracing the ways out, the places to hide, the ways back. 

When she woke in the morning, her cheek on the old wood desk, a blanket would be draped around her shoulders and Sam would be asleep in an armchair, just close enough to reach out and touch. 

I drew a Hobbit thing to go with a Hobbit thing I wrote. And yes that’s Orcrist he’s holding. :B

So I’ve had little time to do anything else lately, especially draw anything besides pages and commissions. So in the after hours, when I call it a day, I decide to dabble in fics since its been YEARS. 

Gonna post the the link to the fic up today, so keep your eyes pealed. :B

Bilbo Baggins spent sixty years with the One Ring in his pocket and people still say he was weak. Well I’m here to tell you, pals, that he was in fact not weak.

So let’s take a look see at what happened to everyone who carried any of the rings(none of which were the One Ring which is the most powerful of them all, for crying out loud)

So, the men who carried the ring turned into Wraiths. Vile, undead, stinking creatures controlled entirely by the will of Sauron. It was through no fault of their own, they were just corrupted by the ‘gifts’ they had been given.

The dwarves were not changed of body, like the men had been, but of mind. Thorins grandfather Thror went bonkers with the influence of the ring, adding to his gold lust and ruining his sanity. It was so potent, in fact, that it affected not only him but also his son and grandson. Thorins hereditary weakness to gold madness came from the rings of power

Gollum, a fellow hobbit, turned into an insane sick creature who lived in a cave and eats people, raw. Gollum doesn’t care what you are as long as you’re edible. The ring, the exact one that bilbo carried, became a literal part of his mind.

In the sixty years that Bilbo carried it, he only used the ring to hide from relatives. Never was he tempted to use it for evil, nor did it change who he was as an odd but respectable hobbit. Bilbo kept the most powerful of the rings in his pocket for sixty years and it did not change him half so much as it changed all others who had rings not quite so powerful.

In conclusion, Bilbo Baggins is a BAMF and tough as nails, and is not in any way weak for succumbing to the rings will in the smallest fraction that he did.

Fic Rec Days - Bagginshield

No doubt I’m missing tons, but I tried to include as many as possible.

Fluff and Humour

Downhill Slopes by octopus_foolThorin is set on getting to know Shire traditions, even though they don’t sound terribly appealing. One-shot. READ THIS. Our Majestic King tries sledding for the first time, an experience that is apparently terrifying for even the most battle-hardened warriors.

Winter Wish by Jezunya. Frodo climbs up onto the stepstool, Bilbo’s hand on his back to steady him, and grasps the edge of the table in his little hands, carefully following the two DJs’ instructions of not too close and speak slowly and clearly and you’re doing great, kid, and then, when they nod and tell him to speak, he says, right into the microphone: “My Winter Wish is for my uncle to get a boyfriend.” One-shot. Absolutely hilarious, with kid!Frodo, Fili, and Kili thrown in. Thorin and Bilbo are two awkward, lonely, gay saps.

Closing Time by Stickman. In which there is a general store, an exasperated store owner, and that one costumer who always comes in 5 minutes before the store is about to close. One-shot, super cute and hilarious. Thorin is complete trash, and Bilbo is oblivious.

First Impressions by bilboo​. Bilbo Baggins is not a morning person, so he doesn’t really know what’s supposed to happen in that magical time before lunch, but even he realizes finding inconveniently shirtless (and inconveniently attractive) strangers sleeping on his couch isn’t an everyday occurrence.One-shot, incredibly cute and funny. Bilbo wakes up, only to find a stranger (Thorin) passed out on his couch.

Not Quite First Sight by Ias. After a heavy dose of dwarvish medicine, Thorin falls for his intended all over again. One-shot. Seriously, do yourselves a favour and read this (or re-read it). Thorin is a besotted dork, flirting shamelessly with Bilbo, who is endlessly exasperated. He’s shocked when he finds out they’re together, and it’s just super sweet <3

You Should See The Other Guy by diemarysues. Rival gang leaders in the same room - bruises and bites ensue, but probably not how you think. One-shot, sexy and hilarious. Bilbo and Thorin are rival gang members who are secretly hooking up. 

Thorin and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by cautionarysnailThorin has a terrible day culminating in a visit to the ER. Fortunately, he’s not the only one. One-shot. Cute, funny, with great banter between the two.

Wedding Night Blues by Signe_chanBilbo had certain expectations of his wedding night. Not all of them were met. One-shot. Asexual Dwarves! 

Alone this Yuletide? Irritated at prying and nosey family members? by EmsiecatAfter becoming increasingly irritated by overtures of romance from various Shire residents following the death of his mother four years ago, Bilbo is more than ready to resort to desperate measures. That is, up to and including pretending to be in a serious relationship with a certain surly blacksmith currently inhabiting the Bindbale Woods. WIP. The classic fake-dating trope with a twist – it’s set in Middle Earth! This is hilarious, and Thorin and Bilbo banter back and forth like an old married couple. Oblivious idiots.

An Unexpected Viewing, or: Excellent Burglar Material Indeed (as narrated by Bilbo Baggins) by Itar94 One moment the Company of Thorin Oakenshield are enjoying their brief respite at Beorn’s house, completely unaware that they are being watched - and that a kidnapping is just about to ensue. But not to worry though! There’s popcorn. Popcorn = good. Or: the start of a silly little series wherein Bilbo and the Dwarves get to watch themselves. On widescreen. WIP. Such, such good crack. Thorin is a complete schmoop, and Bilbo is oblivious.

I Thought I Lost You by @bagginshieldhappiness. “Bilbo,” Thorin murmured beneath his breath, heart clenching as it was gripped by fear’s piercing talons. Their burglar was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly the others faded from his concern as Thorin’s entire world narrowed to the single fact that the hobbit wasn’t with them. One-shot set during the Quest. Overprotective, love-sick, schmoopy Thorin!

Not Quite Legend by @tea-blitzHobbits are merely legend and Gandalf is all too willing to introduce the Dwarves of Erebor to a Hobbit. WIP, the dwarves know nothing of hobbits - literally. Major cultural confusion, hilarious, with mutual pining and obliviousness, miscommunication, sassy Bilbo, and Thorin Dorkenshield.

Indulgence by @baggvinshield. Demisexual!Thorin at it’s best; Bilbo and Thorin’s first time together, wherein Bilbo is incredibly considerate of Thorin’s virginity and makes sure to take things slow. (NSFW)

All the Love in the World by DoreyG. “You know,” it occurs to him one day, out of the blue, and he’s saying it automatically before he can even think of filtering his thoughts or taking a step back or actually holding his tongue, “we’ve become one of those couples that I used to hate.” Bilbo, the one who that sentence was directed at, pauses for a second in his magazine flipping. He wrinkles his forehead, he frowns, he looks briefly up in a manner best described as questioning “…Sorry?” One-shot. Thorin is bumbling and awkward, and Bilbo is beautifully sassy. Great banter between them, just a super sweet fic!

Pining and Angst

Cyrelifis by EshnoazotBilbo Baggins makes it to the docks of the Undying Land the first time; steps foot on the gangway and feels something push at his very soul with a force that makes him slump back onto the deck with a thump… He is trapped, and the undying Lands will not yield entry for him. One-shot. Angst, so much angst. I read this a while ago, yet this fic still stays with me. It is incredibly moving and poignant. If you’re ever in the mood for a good cry, please read this. I can’t even say how amazing it is.

I Was A Lonely Soul by Erbor. It’s been fifty years since the retaking of Erebor and Bilbo Baggins of the Shire has been invited to join in the festivities. Despite his advanced years, he sets out for the faraway kingdom expecting to find old friends, make new memories, and then head back West—but things never go quite the way Bilbo wants them to, and this time it may prove to be a good thing. WIP (½ chapters posted), this is honestly the best characterization of book!Bilbo I have ever seen. It’s honestly amazing, and funny, with bittersweet pining angst.

What was promised by paranoidfridge​. Perhaps Bilbo is being selfish. But even though he knows that Thorin’s mind has grown clouded from cursed gold, he is unwilling to give up on the intimacy they share. And when Thorin - with his mind still bespelled - asks for his hand, Bilbo does not decline either. With armies before the gate and a battle to come, things must come to a head. Complete. BOTFA AU; beautifully painful angst with a happy ending. 

Homesick by margotkim​. Five years after they’ve reclaimed Erebor, Thorin is sick of home, Bilbo is just sick, and neither is handling the situation ideally. WIP. Characterization is amazing, and it’s painful and angsty but also so sweet and humourous.

West of the West by @alkjira. One-Shot. Angst with a happy ending. Set during LOTR; It’s time for Bilbo to travel to the Undying Lands, and Thorin must make a choice.

Middle Earth AU

The Company of Mad Baggins by avelera​​. Thorin has lived twice, but the Quest for Erebor was not his first life, or his first attempt to reclaim his homeland. Meet Thorin in his first life as King of Ered Luin, and disgrace of his line. Weakened by childhood illness, Thorin inherits the throne of Ered Luin after Thráin dies of old age. His first act is to hire the Company of Mad Baggins, led by none other than the dashing and dangerous Mad Bilbo Baggins himself, to reclaim the lost kingdom of Erebor. The story of how a king, a captain, and a wish changed the world. WIP. A huge role reversal here, which is incredibly intriguing to see how it plays out. Bilbo is sassy and flirtatious, whereas Thorin is awkward and bumbling.

Dear Creature of the Homely West by LuciferIsSatanA desolation had befallen Hobbiton and they found themselves without a home and many without their family. Yet, with no way to return to the rolling hills of the Shire, Bilbo Baggins found himself in quite the situation indeed; arranged by lords and royalty, to honour aged treaties and debts of old: his hand to be given off to a king he’s never met, for the security and safety of his people, and never in all his years would he have thought his life to come to this. WIP. Arranged marriage AU with tons of cultural differences, miscommunication, and confusion.

The Unexpected Hobbit: A Journey by alkjira​. “Thorin Oakenshield,” Gandalf began, and Thorin started a little at the use of that name. He hadn’t known that Gandalf was even aware of it. How much had the old man been snooping around? “May I introduce the leader of our company –”The Dwarf held up his hand to Gandalf in a signal for quiet and gave a short but courteous bow as he held Thorin’s gaze.“Bilbo Baggins, at your service,” he said and finally stepped inside, a bemused Thorin giving way almost without thought. Whoever this was, if he would dare to quiet Gandalf – well, perhaps this night still had a chance to turn for the better. Quest AU with a role reversal - Thorin is a hobbit, and Bilbo is King of the exiled dwarves of Erebor. Amazingly, they are completely in-character, but the circumstances lead to alterations in the Quest as they go on.

What Once Was Lost by emerson4embryThere are two realities. In one, Bilbo watched Thorin die on Ravenhill, moved back to the Shire, and adopted Frodo, whose presence helped soften the edges of his grief. In the other, Thorin survived BOTFA, courted Bilbo and made him his consort. Then, three years after the battle, Bilbo dies in a field, trampled beneath the hooves of a plow horse. He lies buried in Erebor. Thorin bleeds with the pain all dwarrows who have lost their Ones know. So, when Bilbo suddenly turns up in Erebor, alive and well, Thorin’s not willing to let him go. His soul recognizes his One, even across realities, and he’s not willing to listen to anyone who suggests he should release Bilbo. WIP. I love this AU, such an amazing idea. Thorin is sweet, if over-protective, trying to court Bilbo in a world where everyone thinks they’re already married. There are a lot of mysterious things going on, with a plot against Erebor.

Mod!Au

The Stranger Who Has Loved You by EarendilElwingThorin Durin-Oakenshield has a problem. It’s not his company’s recent legal problems, the invasive police investigations, or the threat of old enemies coming back to haunt him. It’s that he may or may not have developed feelings for his assistant - an assistant who might not be who he claims to be… WIP, a very intriguing AU with a twist on reincarnation. Bilbo is delightfully sassy, and Thorin is pining. Tons of potential here!

Journey to Jurassic by ZapandosAn island full of dinosaurs is pretty crazy. The fact that Bilbo is willingly going to that island (again) with a bunch of strangers who claim that island is theirs is even crazier. It doesn’t help that Bilbo’s size would make him a good pterodactyl snack. WIP. Jurassic Park AU, do I even need to say anything else?? Thorin and Bilbo pining for each other, they’re oblivious dorks, Frerin is alive and Dis is involved as well.

i’m killing time, and time’s killing you by KaavyaWritingBilbo was haunting Thorin… politely. Most of the time. If he happened to see things he shouldn’t, that wasn’t really his fault, was it? It wasn’t like he could just tell Thorin he’s there—haunting didn’t work that way. But he tried to be helpful; he was more of a considerate, if inconspicuous flatmate than anything else…The thing of the matter was, Bilbo was haunting Thorin, politely for the most part. Even though, technically speaking, Bilbo was not dead. WIP. Bilbo is sassy, Thorin is grumpy and hopeless, and Gandalf is up to something.

And there’s a few more recs on a list I did a while back.

I know we talk about Thorin being completely gone for Bilbo and yes that is totally canon no doubt about it. 

But like. Lest we forget:

  • Bilbo Baggins never married after his quest. 
  • Like despite being “Mad Baggins”, I’m pretty sure he could have. 
  • In fact that probably just gave him a bad boy edge. I bet he was the fucking Fonz of Hobbiton. Plus he was filthy stinking rich so he was the Fonz with money.
  • And still Bilbo decided to remain a bachelor. 
  • I’m sorry but it was bc of Thorin. I don’t make the rules.
  • Bilbo spent so much time and energy worrying about Thorin after Smaug descending on the town??? Like he took barely a second to think about Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Oin when the city they were in was burning??? Then he just immediately was like, “Wait where is Thorin? Where did–oh. Oh no.” 
  • And then the dwarves that were in Lake Town show up and he just, “Okay cool you’re finally here. We gotta help Thorin I’m really worried bout him.”
  • (Bofur was probably like, “Wow okay you do know that there was a high likelihood of us being dead right?”)
  • Sometimes Bilbo just looked at Thorin like he is so in awe of everything about him.
  • Bilbo kept the Arkenstone bc Smaug said it would destroy Thorin and the thought of it consumed Bilbo so much that he didn’t even consider consulting anyone on this???
  • At least until he was in so deep that it was clear that Smaug had been telling the truth.
  • Smaug immediately knew that Thorin was a weak spot against Bilbo and used that knowledge accordingly. 
  • Bilbo was not afraid of the dwarf king when he went to Thranduil and Bard. He just wanted Thorin back like that was literally it. He loved Thorin and he loved the dwarves and he wanted to save them.
  • He was so happy??? To see Thorin??? Come out of his sickness??? Just to smile at him??? Like Bilbo had hung the fucking moon???
  • Bilbo couldn’t even stay to see Thorin’s life celebrated bc he was still too raw about that life ending. 
  • When he gave his speech about helping the dwarves get their home back, he barely even looked at the rest of the Company. Only Thorin. 
  • He lept???? In front???? Of a warg rider???? With no training???? To protect???? His dwarf????
  • He never gave up on Thorin even when it proved too dangerous to be around him. 
  • He didn’t even hold a grudge against the king.
  • Bc he knew he was sick.
  • All he wanted was to bring him back. 
  • Bilbo totally thought he looked dumb in that mitril shirt. But he wore it anyway. Bc it was a gift from Thorin. 
  • In Beorn’s garden there were probably seeds for many trees, but the one that drew Bilbo’s eye, the one he wanted to keep, was the one that would grow into a mighty oak. 
  • Bilbo literally couldn’t find it in himself to joke for a substantial amount of time after Thorin died.
  • Bilbo cried until he was hoarse over the loss of his king.  
  • This face when he realized that Thorin loved him back but it was too late for it to matter:
  • Nearly all of Bilbo’s poetry alludes to Thorin Oakenshield in one way or another. 
  • I bet he wrote sonnets about the dwarf king. 
  • I bet there are little poems nestled with pressed flowers in some of his books. 
  • I bet Frodo found them tucked away from time to time and pretended not to see. 
  • I bet many of them are half finished or tear stained or carefully mended back together after being ripped apart. 
  • Bilbo carried his grief with him all his life.
  • Bilbo Baggins was so fucking in love with Thorin that I cannot even deal with it. It causes me physical pain. 
Sansukh Re-read Ch.4

Thorin finished his knife, and began work on a pair of boot-daggers. Just to thumb his nose at Dís, he embedded chips of emerald in the handles and engraved the patterns for ‘honoured family’ along the blade. He could be decorative when he chose. He ended up gifting them to Fíli, and was therefore obliged to create a set for Kíli as well, lest he get deafened by complaints of favouritism.

And then, of course, Frerin wanted a set as well.

See what happens when you try to prove your sister wrong, Thorin? You just create more work for yourself.

Thorin had been a very active Dwarf his whole life. He had very rarely been stationary, forever journeying or working or building or planning. Remaining in one place was proving difficult. He turned his hand to more and more projects, but very little kept him satisfied. As the years turned and the second anniversary of the Battle of Five Armies came and went, he began to forge the links for an entire hauberk of mail simply to give himself something to do that was not staring wistfully at the waters of Gimlîn-zâram, longing in vain for the colours of Middle-Earth.

I have a feeling that this would happen a lot, active dwarves having trouble getting used to just…being. Not /needing/ to work or travel or anything else. They can still craft, and they do, but some of them have to get restless without a purpose. Meals are provided, rooms are provided, so anything they make is just really for fun or to be nice to their relatives and friends.

Glóin would bristle, his beard doubling in size (which was quite a sight)

Imagining that is always funny. I wonder if Legolas would’ve thought twice about taking in the Company if Glóin had bristled like that when Legolas insulted Gimli and Mizim.

His deputy was a Blacklock Dwarrowdam named Orla; stout, stern and nearly as severe as himself.

Orla!! Not going to lie, as much as I love all of the other OCs (I have lots of favorites) Orla is my undisputed favorite. She’s just so quietly badass, and she’s got a sense of humor that’s well hidden. She’s an excellent warrior, apparently a pretty fantastic cook since it’s mentioned that everyone loves the recipes that she brought with her, and she’s an amazing mother to her kids too. There’s more, tons more really, but I just really love Orla.

Dís and Mizim seemed to be getting along splendidly. It was an intimidating thought.

Thorin’s probably torn between 'it’s nice that Dís isn’t alone anymore’ and 'Sweet merciful Mahal, what were we thinking when we let them join forces?’.

“How many?” Glóin said, astonished.

“Eleven,” Bombur said with a little blush. “Oh, no – it’ll be twelve by now. Alrís will have given birth to the last, what… a year and a half ago?”

“It’ll be two years by the time we reach Ered Luin,” remarked Bofur.

“Sweet merciful Mahal, how does she do it?” Glóin muttered. “I could barely stand having two crying bairns in the house, let alone twelve!”

“Well, the eldest is sixty soon. She and the older lads help with the wee ones.”

“Sixty?” Glóin gave him an amused look. “You and Alrís got started early, didn’t you?”

Bombur’s blush deepened.

Bombur and Alrís are both part hobbit, that’s the only explanation. I’ve always loved the 'Bombur has a big family’ headcanon, though, I can’t remember where I read it first, but I’ve always loved it and was ecstatic to find that Bombur has a big family here. And Bombur’s little blush when he mentioned how many kids he has, and then when Glóin teased him about how early they got started? Adorable.

“Mizim wrote. Gimrís has begun an apprenticeship in glass-blowing, and apparently Gimli has made friends with the Lady Dís. The audacity of that boy!”

“The Princess?” Bofur shared a glance with Bombur. “Now there’s a surprise.”

Whenever I read this bit, I always wonder if the glance Bofur shares with Bombur is something like 'only a Lord’s son could manage that’ or if it’s just the two of them being surprised about what happened. I know they wouldn’t mean it unkindly, but that’s just something I’ve thought about various times I’ve re-read this.

Thorin couldn’t help but smile. This was an old argument: Second watch was the most unpleasant and least desirable of the three. No-one liked having to interrupt a sound sleep to stay awake for a few hours, and it led to itchy eyes and short fuses the next morning. In fact, on their first journey, 'second watch’ had become shorthand for 'bad-tempered’.

I don’t know about the dwares, but second watch doesn’t sound too bad to me. You can go to sleep earlier than whoever has first watch, and sleep later than whoever has third. Still, the fact that they traveled together long enough on the first quest to have little code words like second watch for bad-tempered? Funny, and a bit adorable.

“Lads?” Glóin said sleepily. “What’s the first thing you’re going to say to Bilbo when you see him?”

Bombur hummed for a moment and then mumbled, “ask for that cheesecake recipe.”

“How did I know it was going to be something like that?” Bofur said, grinning.

“I like cheesecake,” Bombur said with a shrug, and rolled over. “Then I’ll be huggin’ our Hobbit, and then we should have a little party.”

Bombur just doesn’t care that Bofur’s teasing him. He likes cheesecake, he likes their hobbit friend, so he’ll ask for the recipe and then give Bilbo a hug, then enjoy hobbit cooking at the party. Honestly, I think that Bilbo and Bombur would be great friends just based on how much they both like food. They’d bond over exchanging recipes and cooking styles among the hobbits versus among the dwarves…I should stop before I give myself ideas.

“Well, night lads. Tomorrow’s another day, and we’ll be seein’ old Beorn and his menagerie soon enough.”

“Green food,” shuddered Bofur. “Rest up, we’ll need all our strength.”

“Honey-cakes,” Bombur mumbled, and dropped into a snore.

Bombur knows what’s important :)

“What’s that then? I hope my poor plumbing is safe this time – I’ve only just got it sorted out again, you know.”

“We’re makin’ no promises when it comes to plumbing,” said Bofur, grinning, and then the three Dwarves were picking Bilbo up and squeezing him tightly in a great hug. Bilbo squeaked loudly, before throwing his arms around as much of them as possible.

Bilbo should make them help fix his plumbing before they leave this time as punishment.

Oh! Do make yourselves at home. Well, you usually do, don’t you?“ He laughed.

"Not a shy bunch, as a rule,” Bofur agreed.

Understatement of the Age, Bofur.

His voice echoed through the smial, and the three Dwarves blinked and looked around in confusion. Stone-sense and a knowledge of echoes did not exactly translate to a Hobbit-Hole, it seemed.

Okay, but imagine if Thorin had lived, and he spent some time in the Shire with Bilbo and got lost in Bilbo’s hobbit hole? Bilbo would laugh himself sick and never let Thorin forget it.

“Pass the scones?”

Bofur looked about. “What’s a scone?”

“Oh, call yourself my brother,” Bombur said scornfully, and handed the basket to Bilbo (after snagging three for himself, of course).

Honestly, Bofur, with Bombur as your brother, you really should know better. (I laughed so hard reading this bit though, especially since the first time I made scones, my grandfather asked what they were because he’d never had a scone before).

“So, how are things under the Mountain?” Bilbo took a bite of his scone after liberally topping it with jam and cream. “Everyone is well, I hope? I receive a letter now and again – it quite scandalises my neighbours when a Ranger comes stomping up Bagshot Row – but it isn’t the same as being there.”

Bilbo lives to scandalize his neighbors.

“Well,” Bofur said eventually. “Nori’s made himself a new leg. It’s quite a thing. He keeps a dagger in it, y'know. And a set of lockpicks. And a pack o’ cards. And a leather cosh…”

Bilbo smiled. “He would.”

That’s exactly something that Nori would do. Honestly, I’m surprised that Fíli was the porcupine of the bunch, with weapons everywhere, rather than Nori. Then again, he might have had just as many as Fíli, and the elves just couldn’t find them because he’s that good at hiding things.

“And how about you, then, Mister Baggins?” Glóin said, and slapped the Hobbit’s knee. “Been keeping well? Impressing all the little Hobbit lasses with your tales?”

“Ah-”

“Now, now, our Hobbit is a gentleman,” said Bofur, a twinkle in his eye. “He’d never be kissin’ an’ tellin’.”

“I, er…”

“Look at him blush!” Bombur snorted. “Red as a ruby and no mistake.”

I love how Glóin’s second question basically amounts to 'Bilbo, are you dating anyone yet?’ and that he thinks that tales about dragons, orcs, and everything else they faced would be what would convince a hobbit, male or female, to think Bilbo’s suitable dating material. I wonder if he revised that opinion when he learned about the 'Mad Baggins’ title? Then again, tales of battles and quests probably win over dwarves, so he just went with what he knew.

“Not a Hobbit, was he?” said Bofur softly, and Bilbo stiffened.

“I’ll… I’ll just see to another barrel, shall I?”

Subtle, Bilbo, very subtle.

“Bilbo should be used to being annoyed by now,” Bofur said, muffling his voice in Bombur’s thick shoulder.

“Believe me, I am,” Bilbo said dryly from the door, his hands wrapped around a couple of bottles.

Another understatement, Bilbo.

“Did you know?” Thorin croaked.

“Did I know what?” Kíli said, confused. “I came to get you, it’s dinner-time. You’ve missed the midday meal, and Grandmother…”

Thorin, explaining yourself first will get you better answers than just expecting Kíli to know what you’re talking about will.

“Uncle,” Kíli said, taking a step forward before halting and sighing deeply. “At least you knew him,” he said. “At least you had that.”

I wonder if Thorin remembers this conversation after he learns about Kíli and Tauriel and realizes why Kíli said that.

“You all knew?” Thorin said again, and Kíli made an irritated sound.

“Trust you to ignore everything I just said! I’m sure I’ll never sound so wise ever again. I wish Balin could have heard it.”

I wonder if Balin ever finds out about this conversation and compliments Kíli on how well he argued his point and how tactfully it was stated.

Thorin stared at him. “You… you cannot…”

“Well, if you can shout at our Maker, surely I can make a nuisance of myself?”

Thorin, you can’t argue with that one without sounding like a hypocrite, since you yelled at Mahal.

LOTR/The Hobbit Fic Rec List

Okay so here is list number 2 of the Fic Rec Day. This Has many different pairings but they are all clearly labeled. Longest list by far and I may add a few more later :) one more to go after this.   

Gimli/Legolas

From One Age to Another by determamfidd
Words: 12,118
Upon their return to Eryn Lasgalen and Erebor respectively, Legolas and Gimli each have a new adornment. Their fathers would like an explanation.

Rec: Gimli and Legolas fall in love and to prove their commitment tattoo each others names over their hearts. Unapprovingly fathers run rampant but everything works out in the end. This story has great charterization of Gimli, Legolas, Thranduil and Gloin. It also does a wonderful job of showing the home life of both main characters.  

An Unlikely Bond by  Frodo_sHeart
Words: 26,540
This is the story of Legolas, an Elf who has never found his fated Guide, and who dares to go on a quest as an unbonded Sentinel with companions of three other races who don’t have Guides and Sentinels. Or do they? Legolas finds himself increasingly confused about his reactions to the proximity of one red-headed Dwarf.

Rec: A Sentinel AU going through the quest of the ring. This fic is a nice slow burn. They start out disliking each other, become friends, a guide sentinel pair, bond and then finally confess their love after a lot of misunderstanding. Even though it sticks right to the original plot it’s a new and interesting look at a well known story.

Minor Confusion by  Evandar
Words: 1,717
He had thought his dwarf was a male. Apparently he was wrong…

Rec: Short, sweet and funny. Legolas thinks Gimli is a man, Gimli thinks Legolas is a woman. The first time they see each other naked is eye opening. 

Lindir/Istion

From A Single Spark by  @thorinsmut
Words: 15,525
Lindir accidentally sees two of the Dwarves having sex when they visit Rivendell.
Having only been exposed to gentle, affectionate sex before, he is unprepared for how rough it is, and how erotic he finds that.
Luckily, Istion is a bit of an expert at rough sex.

Rec: It might be the only story with this pairing but boy is it worth the read even if you don’t know the characters as well. Hot, fun and a look into eleven sexuality. Read it :) 

Thranduil/Bard

Hide Me! by  Drappersky
Words: 1,115
A late night visit leads to way more than Bard or even Thranduil expects.

Rec: Thranduil and Bard are friends after the BoFA. Bard runs away from his advisors hiding in Tharandul’s bedroom. Shenanigans go down and feelings are realized.

Forget Me Not by  LittleLynn
Words: 33,458
Bard had no idea if he was cursed or blessed. Maybe some strange mix of the two.
All he knew was that he remembered each life clear as day, and Thranduil did not.
He could count their lives like a broken-hearted girl with a flower might do; he loves me, he loves me not.
He loves me, then he loves me not.

Rec: Reincarnation AU. Bard can remember every life, Thranduil can’t. Sad, happy, conflict and always finding your love. It’ s a roller-coaster ride just hang on there’s a happy ending :)

A Thousand Ways To Fall In Love by  LittleLynn
Words: 266,651
Each chapter will be a stand alone story (they will vary in rating too, I will put it in the notes at the beginning of the chapter)

Rec: If you like Barduil then there is something in this compilation for you. This has anything you can thing of for Bard and Thranduil as a pairing and there all well written. Jump in the waters great :)

Thanks for the Memories Vol. I by bereniceofdale
Words: 2,764
Prompt: “Person B making a deal to save Person A’s life at the cost of all their memories together.”

Rec: Thranduil is going to die and Bard sacrifices their memories to keep him alive. Sad, rip your heart out sad, but there are two more chapters and one makes it better, the other stomps on you till you cry.

Soothsayer by Piyo13
Words: 31,483
Bard Bowman, single father of three and human (and secret soothsayer), needs a job. He applies for a position at Greenwood & Co., one he’s sure he won’t get—except then he does. Thranduil Oropherion, elven single father and CEO of Greenwood & Co., puts out a job ad that in all honesty can’t really be fulfilled. Except then the perfect candidate shows up, and Thranduil hires him without second thought.

Rec: WIP Science and technology are mixed with magic in this business AU. Set in the future elves, men and dwarves still exist pretty much separately but Bard finds a job working for Thranduil as his personal soothsayer. It is a very fun combination of future and past.

Thorin/Thranduil

Morning Sickness by  smidget25
Words: 27,669
While on a diplomatic meeting in Erebor, the dwarves can tell something is off with Thranduil, he’s not the usual haughty jerk, instead he looks a bit worn and tired and just plain sad. Then, out of nowhere, Thranduil cries out in pain and collapses. He’s rushed to the healers where everyone is stunned to find out that the Elven King is in labour…

Rec: I find Thranduil and Thorin together a little odd but this story made it very believable. I think everyone is a little OOC but it is a great fic. Thranduil is vulnerable, Thorin is kind and Bard is a dick.

Thorin/Bilbo

Unexpected by  theduskysky
Words: 88,347
Yavanna has laid her blessing on Bilbo. He’s unexpectedly expecting.

Rec: WIP but it’s fairly far along and updated regularly. Slow burn, everyone lives, Mpreg. Blibo is banished but ends up staying in Dale instead of going home, when he finds out he is pregnant. The dwarves find him and bring him back to the mountain. Apologizes are made, Bilbo and Thorin dance around there love for each other and a baby grows.

The Good Earth by The Feels Whale (miscellea)
Words: 28,790
Bilbo Baggins arrived home late one afternoon in the middle of the week and the entire west Farthing is still talking about it.
Poor Mister Baggins. He was doomed to be a nine-days wonder no matter what and is it any wonder after a year-long adventure? Even the Tooks haven’t the influence to hush that up, but Mad Baggins seems to have managed to silence every tongue in the Shire on that subject which would be awe-inspiring …if not for the way he decided to go about it.
OR: That one where Middle Earth seems to be unclear about where baby Hobbits come from.

Rec: Babies, so many missunderstandings and a loving dwarf family. Bilbo thinks Thorin is dead so he goes home and grows himself some baby dwarf/hobbits.

Dwalin/Nori

Touch by  @thorinsmut
Words: 74,778
Dwalin is a killer, the most feared guard in the refugee settlement of New Belegost.
Nori was taken from his family and raised to be a thief. He is rarely caught.
Torture is the standard criminal interrogation technique.
Only Dwalin knows how to make Nori talk, and it isn’t violence.
When they both join Thorin’s quest they find out more about themselves, about each other, and might just find what they need most.

Rec: Nori and Dwalin have an odd relationship before the quest and it only evolves as they get to know each other better. Touch starved Nori and gentle giant Dwalin.

Hildir/Eomer

In the Course of Time by  nanuk_dain
Words: 57,363
Take it Haldir did neither die nor get seriously injured in the Battle of Helm’s Deep and joined the Men of Rohan with his Elven archers for the battle for Gondor. In Éomer, he finds a leader equally strong headed as he is himself.

Rec: There are not enough stories with this pairing. I love them together they are both so strong and independent, yet end up complimenting each other so well. This is a great fic with a extra chapter illustrating their lives after the war ends.

Bond of Honor by  Meri
Words: 24,494
Haldir survives the battle at Helm’s Deep and is healed by a bond with Éomer

Rec: Fist story with this pairing I read. I know it’s been reced other places but there is a reason. Amazing read with a forced proximity bond. They clash, they fight and they fall in love.   

If there’s something that gives me more pain than Thorin’s death, is how alone is Bilbo after he goes back to the Shire.

I mean. He practically has no real friends there, at least that’s what the movies made me think. Everyone distances from him because now he’s “odd” and “no more respectable”. And after everything that he witnessed, after everyone he’s lost, how can he feel like resuming his life like nothing happened?

You can see how devoted he is to his parents, with how much care and love he puts their portraits back in their rightful places. They’re dead. He only has those little reminders of them, to keep him company, doilies and the glory box and those little portraits, and it’s heartbreaking how devoted he is to them.
The house? It used to be a home. It used to be a safe place. But is there a safe place from your own memory? He went back there because he didn’t have the chance for another home anymore. Bag End is… a memorial, more than a home, now. 

And my heart breaks because I can’t help but think of Bilbo, alone in that big house, with only a couple of portraits, a map and a ring to keep him company, until he feels better enough to start travelling again, and until Frodo arrives. Probably talking aloud to at least pretend all the people he loved and lost are still a little bit with him.

At some point, in a fit of bravery, Bilbo decides to introduce Thorin to his parents, standing alone in front of the chimney looking at their pictures with a smile on his face. Fist clutching on empty air, because he left behind even the last thing that truly connected him with Thorin. “I wish you could have met him. He was a bit of an ass, definitely rude, and the most stubborn person I ever met. You would have loved him, Ma. I wish he could’ve be here in person.” His voice wavers, and tears sting his eyes. And look at him, introducing a dead dwarf lover to his dead parents. The other hobbits are right to call him Mad Baggins, truly.

I’ve got this headcanon that Thorin somehow keeps watching over Bilbo after he dies, trying his best to support him as a ghost, even if he can’t interact at all. So he’s forced to witness helplessly all the pain, the depression, the isolation and loneliness Bilbo experience after he comes back to Bag End. He watches Bilbo as his makes this little speech, and his heart breaks over and over again.

I can only find happiness thinking that eventually Frodo came into his life.
Jeez, punch me in the face.

someone requested Consort!Bilbo recs a while back, so here we go!

Consort!Bilbo Fic Recs

there are more of course but this is definitely a good start! more of my fic recs.

8

So you think I’ll be mad and greedy, Ms Baggins?

I think if you can be able to remember why you are reclaming the mountain, no

What do you mean?

I should be quiet and not speak my mind

Well now I want to hear you

As long as you remember that you love your people and are retaking your homeland to bring back respect and honour, and their loyalty to you, you won’t get mad or greedy *whispering* but your proud

Do you have anything else to say?

No, nothing