The Witch's House:
Oh look, the dresser killed you. And the clock. And the tadpole. And the book. And the fountain. And the knife flying out of nowhere. And breathing.
I know Father killed several innocents, and tortured them in the process, and turned puppies into soup, and bombed an orphanage, and leaked spoilers, and stole all the Yu-Gi-Oh cards in Target, and put the soda into the microwave... But he's a good person!
...Yeah, I don't care that my classmates are dead. They were assholes. This place isn't even scar- OH GOD IT'S A PHONE
Mario - The Music Box:
*Luigi waving a cross at Mario's head* OUT OF THIS HOUSE! OUT OF THIS HOUSE! Spirits begone from this house!
The Crooked Man:
I need to find this guy... Even though I could've just asked who he was. Instead I'll just travel across the country and reflect on my miserable life... And blindly follow addresses on vague notes.
Dude, I am TRIPPING right now. And my classmates are assholes again.
Killing innocent people by the dozens and gaslighting the survivors? Ha, what a dweeb.
*insert generic Scooby Doo running montage music here*
Everyone you love is going to suffer, die, then suffer some more. Forever. And it's all your fault. But hey at least this girl is gay
“Hello, old friend. And here we are. You and me, on the last page. By
the time you read these words, Rory and I will be long gone. So know
that we lived well and were very happy. And above all else, know that we
will love you always. Sometimes I do worry about you though. I think
once we’re gone you won’t be coming back here for awhile. And you might
be alone. Which you should never be. Don’t be alone, Doctor. And do one
more thing for me. There’s a little girl waiting in a garden. She’s
going to wait a long while, so she’s going to need a lot of hope. Go to
her. Tell her a story. Tell her that if she’s patient, the days are
coming that she’ll never forget. Tell her she’ll go to see and fight
pirates. She’ll fall in love with a man who’ll wait two thousand years
to keep her safe. Tell her she’ll give hope to the greatest painter who
ever lived. And save a whale in outer space. Tell her, this is the story
of Amelia Pond. And this is how it ends.”