macho-savage

Nintendo Announces Upcoming DLC Details for The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild!!!
  • The Dark World- An entire second map the size of the regular world with all new quests!
  • The Triforce Quest- A new main quest featuring the classic icon within the new “Great Pyramid Shrine” dungeon!
  • Two New Divine Beasts- Vah Gamerah based on the form of a turtle, and Vah Umbertus, based on the form of a walrus!
  • All New Weapons and Armor- Including the “Guardian Buster” sword, the “Bust Guardian” shirt, and the “Proton Pack” which can trap those pesky wizzrobes!
  • Mini-Games- “Waffle Making” and “Snot Rocket Distance!”
  • Unlockable Playable Characters- Ganondorf, Zelda, and Samus!
  • A “Nude Code”- By popular demand for Prince Sidon!
  • New Main Bosses- Including “Soilblight Ganon,” “Leafblight Ganon,” and the horrifying “Fusarium Ear Blight Ganon!”
  • Two New Runes: “Flame,” which can burn any substance in Hyrule, and “Guilt,” which makes enemies feel really bad about trying to hurt you, sending them into despondent hours of self contemplation and regret!
  • New Sheikah Slate Features- Including solutions to shrines in the “Sheikahpedia” and the words “Don’t Panic!” inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover!
  • Cars- Purchase and maintain cars with which you can drive across the plains of Hyrule. Customize your tires and paint job, keep an eye on your gas meter, and register your license plates with the Hyrule DMV! (75 Rupee surcharge per form filed in Lanaryu)
  • Mod Abilities- Including the ability to turn all Bokoblins into Macho Man Randy Savage!
  • Lent- Observe Lent by abstaining from meat for 40 days of game time!

For context: my party was fighting a bugbear king, who was also Macho Man Randy Savage. My character had gotten a can of Fantasy Monster Energy from a trader earlier in the campaign, and I had a great plan involving it.

Me: Can I drink my Monster and throw the can at [bugbear king]?

DM: Go ahead, but it’ll be a flat d20

*gets the hit*

DM: …No fucking way. He had 2 hp left, you just knocked him out.

Our tiny, fairly weak bard: I want to slide over to him and put him into a pinfall

DM: Make an athletics check.

*bard just makes the dc*

DM: You roll him onto his back, and pin him

The bugbear gives her a heavyweight champion’s belt, actually a belt of hill giant’s strength, and he promised her that he would reclaim the belt one day.