macbeth*

4

                                          To bed, to bed. There’s knocking at the gate. 

                                        Come, come, come, come give me your hand. 

                                               What’s done cannot be undone. 

                                                       To bed, to bed, to bed.

anonymous asked:

Macbeth

((OOC:  Ok Anon, challenge accepted.  And there’s only one Black lady that could possibly do without the cloying guilt part obviously.))

In the courtyard of a great castle in Scotland

Outside a pub near Knockturn Alley

TO: @mama-dragneel

       HAPPY BIRTHDAY TJ !!!! 

You’re the sweetest mun & i love you and all your muses. I’m so glad to have met you. ♥

Should you ever have the chance to go see the Reduced Shakespeare Company, here’s what to expect (buckle up folks, cause it’s wild)

  • basically a 150k words crossover fanfic of all shakespeare plays
  • very much ooc at times
  • so. many OCs 
  • Hamlet/Lady Macbeth, Richard III/Beatrice, Beatrice/Catherine/Juliet, Juliet/Dromeo (Original Male Character) (the list goes on)
  • It’s the very first play Shakespeare wrote when he was 17. They found it buried in a parking lot in Leicester
  • Puck is the narrator. He makes Juliet fall in love with Dromeo (Romeo’s long lost twins) for shits and giggles.
  • “Dromeo, Dromeo! Wherefore art thou Dromeo?”  
    “……..I’m RIGHT HERE” 
    “NO I’M ASKING YOU WHY IS YOUR NAME DROMEO” 
    “Oh cause Romeo is my twin and - yeah no it doesn’t make any sense”
  • Sir John bursting on the stage shouting “A WHORE, A WHORE! MY KINGDOM FOR A WHORE”
  • Hamlet is constantly mocked by everyone for being so fucking indecisive
  • he tries to tell is monologue but they cut him and make him say stupid puns
  • *puck puts a toupee on the skull* “Toupee or not toupee, that is the question”
  • tons of UST between Hamlet and Lady Macbeth
  • Lady Macbeth: “ I have given suck, and know
    How tender ’tis to love the babe that milks me.
    I would, while it was smiling in my face,
    Have plucked my nipple from his boneless gums
    And dashed the brains out, had I so sworn as you
    Have done to this.”
    Hamlet: “…holy crap
  • she asks him to stop mopping about and, quote, to “take some mental viagra
  • Ariel (Shakespeare’s, not Disney’s, although it wouldn’t matter cause “Disney’s basically modern day Shakespeare”
    “no he isn’t! don’t tell me disney wrote the story of a young prince whose father gets killed by his evil uncle!”
    “the lion king”
    “okay bad example”)
    is in it and she’s Puck worst ennemy. She narrates the story with him
  • LAMPSHADE HANGING. SO. MUCH. LAMPSHADE HANGING.
  • Richard III is trying to find a girlfriend and Puck plays the matchmaker. Dickie plays the ukulele to Beatrice (who is not impressed)
  • it gets weird(er). Puck asks the Weird Sister “WHAT’S UP, WITCHES” ; Prospero looks like AVPM Dumbledore.
  • They reenact the Tempest with a blue drape and water guns (they splash the audience as well because “screw them”
  • IT’S TIME FOR ACT TWO AND IT’S STARTS WITH SOME GAY
  • Juliet is lost in the woods and find Beatrice and Catherine. 
  • They are very much together and teach Juliet how to curse at men (”YAASSSSS JULIET”)
  • this brilliant bit: 

    “I see men are not in your book.”
    “If they were, I’d burn my study”

  • (Juliet most vile insult is lawyer)
  • Cleopatra, Oberon and cie arrive and shit happens
  • Cleo falls in love with Bottom cause “who does not love a nice ass ;) ;)”
  • Ceasar kills Hamlet and Lady Macbeth thinks it’s hot 
    “Is it your dagger I feel?” “EHYOOOO”
  • Rich III turns magically into Rich II, but then back into Rich III
  • “One day you’re at the top, and the next back at the bottom. A bit like Leicester City.”
  • Puck gets killed at the end but is brought back to life by Tinkerbe-Ariel and the audience as they clap
  • did i mention all of these were played by only 3 guys and a box of props?
  • Fucking Willy Shakes included himself in the play (”WE ARE NOT WORTHY, WE ARE NOT WORTHY”)
  • He arrives as a “coup de theatre deus ex machina”
  • Willy does a feather-drop

anonymous asked:

Title: Little Blue Dresses Get The Most Interesting Stains

Darcy has a Lady Macbeth moment? or Lewinsky moment with Steve Rogers while he’s at his desk on a video conference call with whomever would cause the most secondhand embarrassment. For the reader obviously. :P

A Macbeth version where one of the witches is always hooded and no one sees her face all through the play. Then after Lady Macbeth’s death we see two witches approaching the queen’s corpse, bearing a cloak and  reaching the body say “Come sister, your part is done” at which the Lady rises, takes the cloak, pulls the hood over her face and all three witches disappear laughing manically at their latest triumph over the gullible humans.

Practical Shakespeare Quotes

Do you want to quote more Shakespeare in your life but never find opportunities to say “brevity is the soul of wit”? Do you rarely hang below balconies exchanging love vows with the daughter of your enemy? This is just the list for you.

“What an ass am I!”
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2

“I am not a slut,”
As You Like It, Act 3, Scene 3
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here,”
The Tempest, Act 1, Scene 2

“Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways,”
Henry IV Part 2, Act 4, Scene 5

“This is the excellent foppery of the world,”

King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2

“Making the beast with two backs,”
Othello, Act 1, Scene 1

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool,”
As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 1

“To tell thee plain, I aim to lie with thee,”
Henry VI Part 3, Act 3, Scene 2
(Works great for courting hot widows.)

“I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me,”
Much Ado About Nothing, Act 1, Scene 1

“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me,”
Richard II, Act 5, Scene 5

“Marry, sir, in her buttocks.”
A Comedy of Errors, Act 2, Scene 5
(No judgement here.)

“My horse is my mistress,”
Henry V, Act 3, Scene 7
(Uh, there might be something wrong with that.)

“Thou dost infect my eyes,”
Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2

“Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit,”
Twelfth Night, Act 1, Scene 5
(“Wit” is Shakespearean slang for penis.)

“[Wine] provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance,”
Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 3

“I had rather live with cheese and garlic in a windmill, far, than feed on cates and have him talk to me in any summer-house in Christendom,”
Henry IV Part 2, Act 4 Scene 1

“Now, gods, stand up for bastards!”
King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2

“Villain, I have done thy mother!”
Titus Andronicus, Act 4, Scene 2
(This means exactly what you think it does.)

“And thou unfit for any place but hell,”
Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,”
Henry VI Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2

“Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell.”
Othello, Act 4, Scene 2

“Out, dunghill!”
King John, Act 4, Scene 3

“This is too long.”
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2