My hot babe wife earns all her money making second-rate instagram oddly satisfying videos so we go to a Macaroni Grill or a Cheesecake Factory every week so she can film herself slicing open a dessert with a knife or something. We are $12,400 in debt because of slime and we don’t sleep in the same bed

Do not criticise my lasagna!

Three years ago I made my wife a lasagna. Sauce from scratch, homemade spinach pasta, expensive cheese, the works. Hours invested - and the return? “You should put more cheese on it like at the Macaroni Grill.”

I went out that night and bought six interior left hand doors. All of our interior doors were right handed. I cut plugs to fill the strike-plate & hinge mortises, and every few weeks I change out a door or two, right hands for left, left for right. It only takes about twenty minutes now: pull the door, plug the mortises, spackle the plug seam, chisel the plug from the opposite side, hang the opposite door and sweep up. I painted the first few times, but it’s a white jamb and I decided the paint smell was more suspicious than the unpainted spackle. It’s a thin seam, and my wife wouldn’t even know where to look.

She’s never said anything about it, but I’ve seen her grasp the air where a doorknob used to be a hundred times. F*ck the macaroni grill.

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Macaroni Grill is an Italian restaurant where the table covers are paper they let you draw on, haha

1. This was my initial thought when @cerealmonster15 told me to draw Macaroni. Simmons= Cinnamon,  Mark = Mac n’ Cheese. Logic.

2. Bless you @irenkaferalkitty for this blessed suggestion. Locus is not a fan of the receipt.

3. This is what you wanted. I don’t make the rules, I just work here

Teenaged!Max Headcanons (Part 1)
  • Max is high-energy, high-intelligence, and high-maintenance in his teens.
  • He’s whip-quick and very dry-funny.
  • Max is also a balls-to-the-wall, think-later kinda kid.
  • This translates to hilariously terrifying training sessions with his family.
  • Worry-Wart Dad Alec constantly telling him not to be so careless with a bow and arrow, Proud Papa Magnus giving his youngest a round of applause when he flawlessly executes elemental manipulation, and Big Brother Rafael constantly challenging Max to race him (to which Max is constantly rolling his eyes with a resigned groan because Rafe literally never loses, not even when he’s going easy. The butt.)
  • When he’s not training and chilling with his family, Max and his friends get into lots of low-key inner-city shenanigans, like graffiti, skateboarding where they shouldn’t be skateboarding, and generally being too loud and having too much fun making bad puns.
  • Max’s best friends, two kids with the Sight who live in the neighborhood Max and Rafael grow up in, were the some of the first non-Shadowhunters Max’s age who could see his horns and blue skin, and at first Max worried they might think he looked weird.
  • But the only time either physical trait has ever even been brought up is when his friends call him “Big Berry.” Max loves it.
  • His friends always want to hang out at his place:
    “Max, your dad plays mario kart with us and your other dad makes macaroni grilled cheese for dinner. You totally won the parental lottery.” 
    He knows.
  • Max openly dislikes anyone who dislikes his parents, because even in his angstiest years, he totally adores Magnus and Alec. 

Dad got a pass to leave the hospital long enough for a family dinner at Macaroni Grill. There’s a chance the hospital may have wanted a break from his smart-assedness. He told the whole floor he was going to get them all Christmas gifts. When the doctor heard about it, she asked him what he planned to get everyone.

Dad: A calendar and a map.

Doctor: Why a calendar and a map?

Dad: Because every time I get to a new room, there’s always someone asking me what day it is and where we are. Apparently nobody around here knows.

Little Rock, Arkansas. 12.7.2013.

((ok so i actually posted this a few weeks ago on my insta but i realized i never posted it here so here we go))

ok fun story about this, this started off as a quick sketch at the table at macaroni & grill but i couldn’t finish it before we left so i took the piece of the paper with the unfinished drawing home with me and i was finishing the sketch but then i decided to listen to a Coldplay marathon and it started turning into a more realistic drawing and then it went to tHIS AND I’M NOT EVEN GOOD AT SHADING OR COLORING (ESPECIALLY WITH PENCILS) DO YOU SEE WHAT COLDPLAY DOES TO ME IT’S LIKE CREATIVITY CAFFEINE 💙💜💚💛❤💚💙💜🎨☕

[P L E A S E do not repost without giving me credit. I’d prefer if you asked, but giving me credit is enough. 💕]