mabbott

Amazon.com CEO Lost 6 Billion dollars yesterday!!
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My wife will come home from shopping and proudly say, “I saved $600 today”! I say, “That’s amazing, Sweetheart”! Then I extend my open hand and stare at her. Finally she asks what I’m doing. I say, “I’m waiting for you to give me the $600”! I’m beginning to love sleeping on the couch. 

 

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Amazon announced that the company missed both of it’s earnings per share and revenue benchmarks and it’s stock…

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Smoke! Smoke!!!
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I was on a Southwest Airlines flight and heard this announcement:

“There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide. There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. We have a movie in the smoking…

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Busted!!!

A guy called his wife and said his boss had  asked him to go on a fishing trip. He asked her to put some clothes in a suitcase together and not to forget his silk pajamas. When he returned, he told her about all of the fish he caught and wondered why she didn’t pack those pajamas. She said, “I did. I put them in your tackle box”. Uh oh. 

 

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You can’t trick a woman’s intuitive skill. I have no idea…

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Tomorrow's Church?!?

Tomorrow’s Church?!?

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Please turn your IPad to Exodus 14. Switch on Bluetooth. Have your Debit card handy so you can tithe. Connect to the wifi with the password being Jesus. This week’s meetings will be on the whatsapp program. Wednesday Bible study will be held on Skype. Be sure to follow us on Twitter and don’t forget our weekly prayers on YouTube. 

 

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Seriously, it could be done. Not so cold as that guy but with…

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18 Years???

A married couple is lying in bed on the eve of their anniversary. He says to his wife, “I’m going to make you the happiest woman in the world”! She said, “I’ll miss you”.

 

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Heather and I will have been married for 18 years tomorrow. Really? It sure doesn’t seem like that long. At least not for me. It probably seems like a lot longer to her. It has not been an easy life for sure. There have been a…

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Valentine's Day. The Worst Day of the year for Men!!!

Valentine’s Day. The Worst Day of the year for Men!!!

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You should able to get Valentines cards that say “You’re ok. You’ll do until the right one comes along.” 

 

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Let me say right off of the bat that I love my wife and would do anything legal for her. 

 

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Thanksgiving has passed. Christmas is over. The Super Bowl will be over in a couple of days. Now comes the worst day of the year, especially for men. 

  

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Ask any man what the worst day of the year…

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World Cancer Day!

Dedicated to John Sebenius, Marie Murray, Terri Gibby, Shaine Mabey and others who have lost the fight or are fighting this dreadful monster. 

 

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Today is World Cancer Day, so no joke this morning. There’s just nothing funny about this horrible disease and the number of people it impacts every day. I have a lot of friends on Facebook and Twitter and it seems like every day someone is asking for…

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Sweet!! A Shorter Winter!!

I love the movie “Groundhog Day”. There were rumors of a sequel but what would be the point?

 

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I would watch any movie that starred Bill Murray. He is just so fun. He’s also a pretty good serious actor and I watch but I keep waiting for the punchline. The guy is just funny. I had the good fortune of meeting him in New York and because it’s a long story, I’ll just say that what you see is what you…

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I Hate Radio!!

A dj was fired. He protested that his show was number one! “Yes, said the boss, but you’re not hitting our demographic.” “What is our demo?”, asked the stunned dj. The boss said “Foreign national midget lesbians with lisps.”
 

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I hate the business. It’s all been gobbled up by corporate raiders; bean counters, who couldn’t care less about talent. It’s about money, that’s for sure, and it always…

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I Hate Flies!!
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I just can’t stand flies. I am relentless until I kill every single one in the house. One day last year, Heather saw me in action and asked me if I got any. I said, “Yep. I got three males and two females.” She asked me how I knew what sex they were. I  said, “Easy. Three were on a beer can and two were on the cell phone”.

 

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I know I can’t be the only one who can’t stand flies. They just drive me…

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It's Alive!!!

It’s Alive!!!

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My son loved transformers. He was constantly playing with them. In fact, he was electrocuted three times. 

 

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In the 80’s, I was a trainer for Circuit City trainer. You name anything about consumer electronics and I trained on it. In fact, our whole national team did. We traveled around the country opening up new stores, spent a lot of time at the company headquarters in Richmond VA  training new…

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Nightmares!!!
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Sometimes a woman will have a dream that her husband cheated on her. Even though she knows it’s a dream, she’ll stay angry for days.   

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Any man who has been married for an extended period of time knows what I’m talking about. And she doesn’t stay mad for a short period of time, but for days. 
 
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And we’re such knuckleheads, we go around like a sad puppy trying to get back in her favor. Flowers…

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Weird Things Happen to Me!!!

You own your dog. Your cat owns you. 

 

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Ok, last night I had one of the most bizarre thing happen to me in my entire life. (Of course it’s my entire life, it would be weird to say ‘in half of my life’) 

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I went out to the mailbox to see if a piece of  important mail had arrived. Skunked again! Some of you will get the reference. Anyway, I was walking back to the house when I noticed a dark…

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Cheat? Me????
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I failed a test and the teacher made me take it home, have my mother sign it and return it to her. My mother asked me why I got an F. I told her it was due to absence. She said that was ridiculous because I was obviously there to flunk the test. I said, “No, not me. Glenn who sits next to me was gone that day”.

 

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Look, I didn’t like cheating. Apparently, I didn’t mind it that much either. I took…

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