I just got a new laptop and it doesn’t have AdBlocker yet and I swear to god I’ve never seen an ad on tumblr because I just watched a 3 minute video about Cruise Holidays because I thought it was an elaborate shitpost

lesbian couple in visual story app: “I’m too short to kiss my beautiful girlfriend!”

straight couple in visual story app: “SMASH HIS PHONE!! SMASH HIS PHONE!! SMASH HIS PHONE!!!”

In the future there are no custody battles. Children are cloned and their memories and personalities replicated. You just arrived in a new town, and in a coffee shop you’ve never visited before, a barista you’ve never met greets you by name and automatically starts preparing your usual order.

You’re the head of a software conglomerate, and as an April Fool’s joke you updated your TOS to include a clause that grants you sole ownership over the users’ souls. Upon your death you find that the clause was binding, and you’re in possession of thousands of extra souls.

Can I throw the giant rat into the lava? Or do I have to hit it golf style with the side of my battle axe
—  Me (our fighter) just before throwing the rat in lava