m: tmi

*as Raphael tries to explain he’ll teach Simon how to be a vampire*

Raphael: I’ll take you through the whole thing.You know, I’ll be like your guide.

Simon: Like Gandalf through Middle Earth?

Raphael: Probably not like Ga- okay, first of all, let’s take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave where no one will ever find them.

Simon: Except Smeagol. He lives in a cave.

“So I’m your first ever Shadowhunter, huh?” Alec said when they separated at last.
“You’re my first so many things, Alec Lightwood,” Magnus said.

4

This was single-handedly the most awkward dinner in the history of awkward dinners. Magnus had been alive for centuries, and this took the cake on painfully uncomfortable situations– and this included the time Ragnor caught him and Imasu having sex in his bedroom. 

Conversation was trouble enough when it was just him and the Lightwoods, and throwing his dad, the Prince of Hell, into the mix was the opposite of helpful.

“So, Asmodeus,” Robert said, cutting the incredibly thick silence, “Do you come to New York often?” He asked in some way of starting a conversation.

Asmodeus looked up from where he was eyeing his pasta with increasing suspicion and gave Robert a smile, “New York? No not too often, only when I come to visit Magnus.” He said, his tone unreasonably cheery, “No, I tend to stay in Hell more often then not, with brief stints to Edom when the mood strikes.” Everyone noted he talked with his hands a lot, much like Magnus.

Maryse and Robert exchanged a look, “And how is Edom? I’m not familiar with it.” Robert said slowly. 

“Oh you know, a wasteland as usual,” Asmodeus continued happily, while Magnus tried to throw him a look that urged him to shut up, “It’s a parallel universe, much like this one actually, except over there the demons run the show and the petulant shadowhunters have been all but overthrown. It’s quite wonderful really, we must have dinner at my place next time.” 

The silence returned as Robert stared on in horror.

“Maybe next time.” Alec said politely. 

At this point, Magnus was counting the seconds until this night was over.

*after an argument*

Magnus: Don’t speak to me until bedtime!

Alec: If you think we’re going to have a bedtime chat, you’re out of your mind!

Magnus: We’ll lay in bed, we’ll just go over the day like we usually do and that’ll be it.

Alec: Fine! We’ll do that for a little bit and that’s it.

VERY IMPORTANT PSA ABOUT SHADOWHUNTERS

can everyone chill out and stop hating on book/tv fans? just because someone likes something you didn’t doesn’t mean you should attack them

let’s be a mature fandom k

books fans are allowed to like the books more than the tv show and tv fans are allowed to like the tv show more than the books


STOP👏🏻HATING👏🏻ON👏🏻PEOPLE👏🏻FOR👏🏻HAVING👏🏻DIFFERENT👏🏻LIKES👏🏻

express dislike for the content if u feel the need but don’t go hating on actual people it’s disgusting
be mature.

anonymous asked:

13 15 35 42

13. Are you into anything under the BDSM umbrella?
Y E S. I haven’t really done anything much myself in practice, but I think BDSM with consenting adults who understand the Safe, Sane, and Consensual principles is a really healthy way to work through things and unwind.

15. Do you ever masturbate in the shower?
Not really. It’s hard to get off that way. And my hot water doesn’t last that long lol.

35. Does your penis curve at all?
Alas I do not have one of those ; ;

42. What do you do with your pubic hair (shave, trim, wax, nothing, etc.)?
It depends! Like, if I’m not planning on having sex with anyone, I don’t do anything with it, but I’ll totally shave if I’m planning on getting laid because I like EASY ACCESS!!!!!

SEND ME NSFW ASKS

  • the clave, probably: y'all can't be gay, it's wrong
  • alec: watch me
  • maryse: you can't be with a warlock
  • alec: watch me
  • maryse: for gods sake don't kiss that warlock on your own wedding in front of the clave
  • alec: WATCH ME
  • victor: shadowhunters and downworlders just can't be together
  • alec: [doing backflips towards magnus] wAaaAAaAaaaAAaAaAaaAAaAaTCH meEeEeEEEee