m: fili


“What the hell, Kili?! Why are you acting like this?”

“Stop fucking lecturing me like you’re better than me, Fee! Just stop!”

Fili stepped back, confusion on his face as he looked as his brother pacing back and forth across the room. It had been obvious that something had been bothering him all day, but Fili hadn’t known how to get him to open up and talk about it. He hadn’t expected the explosion to occur in one of the training rooms where they were going over the inner workings of the Jaeger.

“Kee, I’m not –”

“You are.  You’re talking down to me like I haven’t been studying everything about these things for years. You’re talking like you know what is going on when I’m the one that has been studying and examining everything with Arkenstone for the past year.” Kili spun around to face him and for the first time, Fili saw anger in his younger brother’s eyes. “You’re doing all of this teaching shit and pretending that you give a damn when we both know what’s going to happen.”

“And what do you think is going to happen, Kili?” Now he was fighting his own anger. “In all of your fucking wisdom, what do you know is going to happen?”

“You’re going to let us get all the way up there. You’re going to let them send us through the training and the simulations. You’re even going to let them hook us up in the neural handshake and send us into the Drift.” Kili’s voice dropped. “And then you’re going to leave again. You’re going to make your point – whatever it is – with Thorin and Dwalin and then you’re going to walk away, again. Leaving me behind just like before.”

When Tolkien wrote The Hobbit
  • <p> <b>Tolkien:</b> What? You want a bed time story?<p/><b>Tolkien:</b> Oh boy...<p/><b>Tolkien:</b> <p/><b>Tolkien:</b> Okay, I've got it, it's the story of a Hobbit, a wizard and thirteen dwarves, Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, Ori, Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin<p/><b>Tolkien:</b> You better keep up and remember all the names<p/></p>
When I watched this scene I laughed so hard I almost cried
  • Kili: I could have anything down my trousers
  • Tariel: Or nothing
  • ME: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!! SHE SAID HIS DICK WAS NONEXISTANT!!!! *pterodactyl noise* *dies laughing*

Originally posted by natuuturnerogorman

Author’s note: I’m rewriting this fanfic because the original’s format was ugly as hell and it irked my soul so I’m redoing the whole thing 

Fandom: The Hobbit

Summary: The Fem!Reader is on her period and when Fili and Kili find out what periods are they think she’s dying…(which is what it feels like)

Italicized: Thoughts

Warnings: Cursing

Thorin had finally decided to make camp and you were miserable. You’ve been catching wave after wave of cramps all day. You were trying not to show the pain because you were surrounded by eleven dwarves, a hobbit, and an old wizard. NO. Everyone was sitting at the campfire and Bombur was passing around dinner. You weren’t hungry so you decided to excuse yourself, “Hey guys, I’m not really hungry so I’m just going to go lay down.” You stand and wince as another waves of craps hits you. “Y/N are you alright?” Kili asks.

Yeah! I’m great besides the fact that my uterus is trying to commit suicide!

You smile sweetly, masking the pain and say, “I’m fine Kili, I’m just tired.” You leave the campfire and lay down on your bedroll. Fili and Kili walk over to you.

Now what?!

“Y/N do you still have those bandages we were looking for earlier?” Fili asks. “Yeah, they’re in my bag” you say. Fili and Kili start looking through your bag and you roll over hugging your sides. “What are these?” You rolls over and what they were holding were not bandages.


Kili turns the pad over in his hands, “Are they some sort of bandage?” he asks. “Yes are a very special kind of bandage and they’re mine” you say snatching the pads from them. “What are they, and why are the special?” Fili asks. You take a deep breath and say, “Pads, they’re pads.” “What are the used for?” Kili asks. 

Damn it…

“I use them when I’m on my period which I’m on right now” you explain.  “What is a period?” Kili asks. 


“You don’t know a thing about women do you?” you ask. They just blink at you. “No? Okay… A period is a cycle women go through every month where blood comes out our-” “You’re bleeding?!” Fili interrupts. “Well yes” you say. They stare at you horrified. “How long have you been bleeding?!” Kili asks. “About three days” you say. They both jump up and start running around the camp yelling “SHE’S DYING! Y/N’S DYING! SHE’S BLEEDING OUT! SHE’S DYING!” Everyone’s standing up worried and confused except for Gandalf, Thorin, and Bilbo. 

“Fili! Kili! Come here!” Thorin orders. The two brothers stop yelling and obey. “Y/N is not dying” Thorin says. “But she’s blee-” “She is not dying” Thorin states firmly. Fili and Kili look a each other confused. Gandlaf step in, “Yes Y/N is bleeding but it is a natural process. Now look at the poor girl you’ve embarrassed her.” Everyone was staring at you and you were completely mortified.

Kill me now

Fili and Kili walk over to your bed roll and sit down. You sit up and face them. “I’m sorry” they say in unison. “I forgive you” you say. Fili smiles and fidgets with the hem of his tunic, embarrassed by the situation. “…Why?” Kili asks. “I don’t know! It’s just the way women were designed!” you snap. “Sorry to upset you” Kili says. “No it’s just I get these cramps and they really hurt and it makes everything all sensitive and makes me really irritated” you explain. “Oh!” They say. “I need chocolate”