m-b

dear wonderwall

i don’t know why i’m writing to you.

you’re a freakin song.

most people on here write to people; friends, parents, crushes, S.O’s, exes, randoms; but nonetheless they exist. they are living, breathing, feeling motherfucking people. but the thing about people is they aren’t constant; they change, they adapt, they leave, they come back, they fuck, they hurt, they take, they give, they believe, they do, they live.

but you’re a 21 year old song and you haven’t changed since 1995, and you’re probably the only thing in my life that has stayed constant throughout my entire existence. 

i remember the first time i listened to u. i was a little, golden short haired, blue-eyed girl sitting shotgun in my dad’s land-rover discovery. i remember being so infatuated with every word, scarcely knowing what they meant, but hoping to god that classic guitar riff would never end. i was untouched and innocent. 

after that first time, u became my song. everytime u would come on the radio i would open the windows, and sing obnoxiously to the whole neighbourhood, my whole primary school life flew with that song in my head. when those boys threw rocks at me, when the teacher’s told me i was worthless, a worry-wart, too smart for my own good, when they stood me up on tables and made fun of me and made me cry, you were there to comfort me. 

i remember the time when i met m in year 7 and we instantly clicked. we bonded over this concept called “nostalgia” and were inseparable- from tramming to rowing to painting our legs with acrylic paint, we were together and knew everything about each other. wonderwall was now not just my song, but our theme song; today is gonna be the day became our mantra as we hungered for something better, for something more. we formed what we thought was an unbreakable friendship. 

however as they say, all good things must come to an end. she followed the bass drops of the masses, i followed the beat of my own drum. she dropped me. 

i became angry. wonderwall was the same but i was different. the fire in (my) heart was out and that friendly, compassionate and warm girl who entered the world became aloof, rude and cold. the feeling of hopelessness, loneliness and depression transformed into a hunger for everyone around me to feel pain. i acted out- i skipped class, i refused to talk to anyone who i had previously been friends, i threw chairs and shut doors on people, and i worked my ass off getting a pluses in every subject i could. than i fucking walked out of that school, middle finger in the air, yelling “fuck you” to everyone who had ever hurt me. i burned down all the bridges i had built and with it, my innocence. 

i moved to a new school. i made friends. this time with a little less carelessness. i told them nothing of my past. nothing of my future. only the now. they know me, but don’t know “me”. and i’m happier, goddamnit i’m happier because i don’t feel so vulnerable or breakable. my relationships with them are shallow and a lot of the time superficial, but i don’t give a damn because i’ve learnt that i need to be a little more selfish. and no one knows about wonderwall and how i keep it on repeat. 

and right now im blasting wonderwall and i’m thinking about all the people who’ve let me down, and how this fuckin song by oasis has given me a glimmer of hope. i get my results back for something that might determine my life in 10 days and i hope to god i don’t fail, but even if i do i know that maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me?

p

Dear Adam,

     Hey, Merry Christmas! (Early Christmas, but you get my point.) I hoped you liked the mug. If I’m being honest, it was hard to find the right gift for you. I knew you’d like anything I got you. It’s just I wanted the first Christmas gift I ever got you to be something unique and special. (How special can a mug really be?) I figured you may enjoy it because it’s kind of artsy. I wanted to get you something that is useful. (And notFrozen lol.) Also who doesn’t love drinking out of a colorful Mickey mug?

     Anywho, I want to let you know the reason I added you to my Christmas list. I felt that this would be payback for all the times you’ve helped me over the last few months. Kind of like a “Thanks” I guess. I wanted to do something for you instead of the other way around. I don’t know if I say this enough, but I appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I would’ve survived the summer. (Okay this got sad, it’ll get happier.) When I look back at those stupid arguments we’ve had, I now realize you were doing it for my benefit. I’m glad that even after all the stuff we’ve been through, we’re still friends. (Have we gotten closer? I like to believe we’ve had a better friendship because of this.) I am getting therapy for my problems. I am actually getting the help I need. (Don’t know how it’s going to go, but whatever.)

     If you get the chance, listen to the song “Love Like You” from Steven Universe. (You don’t need to watch the show to understand the song. But like, SU is an awesome show so yea.) Everytime I listen to it I relate it to us. Especially this part: “I always thought, I might be bad. Now I’m sure that it’s true. Cause I think you’re so good and I’m nothing like you.” (Even if you don’t listen to it, you’ll at least know the part I relate the most with.) 

     I’ll admit it, I still have a major crush on you. Let me be clear about this, that’s notthe reason I went to your play and bought you a Christmas gift. I did those things because we’re friends and because I wanted to. (Is this how friendship works?) I’ve been content with being just friends. I wasn’t going to let our friendship be ruined by romantic feelings. (I’ve had that happen before, not fun.) I’m not being nice to you because I think I’ll get something out of it. That’s not it. What kind of friendship would this be if I did everything for my benefit? A toxic one, that’s what. I do the things I do because I generally care about you and I want to make you happy. (I should probably stop while I’m ahead shouldn’t I?)

     Anywho before I ramble on for too long, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and you start 2017 with a bang. (I could seriously write pages and pages on how glad I am that you’re in my life.) I hope this letter wasn’t in vain or anything. I hope 2017 is a good year for the both of us.

~Allie

PS: I seriously hope this letter didn’t make you creped out or anything.

Nobody really knows how the alphabetical order came to be. Some speculate it was adapted from a series of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics, but while linguists know certain sections of it (including a,b,c,d,e,f) have stayed the same since at least the 8th century BCE, why they originally ended up in that order is still a mystery. Source

2

miles congratulating michael on the pregnancy!!! i’m crying!!!