Oh my God. I finally met Kendall Schmidt tonight, and everything was perfect.
I wrote him a letter, but I saw the massive amount of gifts people brought him and I was afraid he wouldn’t even see my letter - at least not for a while.
So, I decided to talk to him just right then in there. When I got up there, I told him I had the letter, but since I didn’t know if or when he would read it, that I just wanted to thank him there. I told him how I had been through a lot and I’ve been struggling for a long time with myself and with self harm. Without really realizing it, I turned my wrist over and we both just looked down. Before I could say anything else, he grabbed my arm, looked me dead in the eye and said “Don’t do that shit”. His choice of words caught me off guard a little, so I laughed, but told him I was trying and that he’s helped me in so many ways. He then said, “keep listening to music” and even though security was trying to get me to leave, I told him “Don’t worry, it’s all I do. Big Time Rush has been a huge part in why I’m able to stop myself half the time” and just the look on his face turned into a mixture of concern for me and appreciation. He gave me the biggest hug that I could ever imagine, and as I was walking away to leave he looked at me and said “Please never stop listening to music”
This is the Big Time Rush that I wish more people could see. Not the Nickelodeon boy band that everyone thinks is just for children. But, the one that genuinely cares for their fans, and show it. I didn’t think I would be able to even talk to Kendall, let alone show him my wrist/arm. I spend so much time trying to figure out how to cover myself up, and it took a lot of courage for me to expose myself to him like that. I didn’t really even know what I was doing, it was all just sort of in the moment.
I will never forget the look in his eyes and how serious he was when he grabbed me and said “Don’t do that shit”