‘You.’
Nothing could have prepared me for the fire in his eyes once I was able to meet his gaze again. He stared at me, his dark eyes scanning my face so fast that I started feeling dizzy after a few seconds of trying to keep up with it. I could feel his body going tense against mine, his hand forming a fist while cold fear was rushing through my veins.
I knew that I should not have blurted those words out like that, without thinking of the consequences they would have once they were out in the open.
But I simply had not been able to keep them in any longer, when they were all I had been thinking of at night since that day in September when I had heard his voice for the first time, filling the air with bitter sweet sounds and the laugh of a fallen angel.
And even now, when he could not hide the desperation any longer, when he realized that we were both fucked, simply watching the way his eyes both absorbed and reflected the sunlight at the same time, knocked the oxygen out of my lungs. It was impossible for me to imagine that anyone could feel what I felt at that very moment, when love and pain, panic and hope were filling my mind with blankness.
And I wondered wether he had ever felt the way I did right now or if I simply misinterpreted his lullabies and thoughts.
“It has been a while”, he eventually whispered, his voice smooth and careful, making harsh contrast with the flames that were still lighting up his eyes.
“I know.”
“Okay”, it was just a word, just one word, that rolled of his tongue almost effortlessly while my heartbeat picked up speed and I had trouble breathing, the fear of rejection still controlling my insides.
And then he did not say another word, he just looked at me, the way he did when we had met for the first time and my heart stopped.
—  // ‘What’s your dream?’
excerpt from a story I will never write
j.d.m.