lying-on-facebook

a.i social media masterpost
  • gamma would be on facebook. lying about how amazing his life is. everyone is jealous of him.
  • sigma on instagram. super creative and ambitious but has a really dark sense of humor. likes editing cutesy photos with super dark filters and shit.
  • omega on tumblr or reddit, stirring up drama every chance he gets. he loves to make people fight over stupid shit.
  • theta would also be on tumblr but like.. only the aesthetics side. with pastels and stuff. really innocent and pure things.
  • eta and iota either share an account on twitter or @ each other in every single retweet. they’re best buds and anyone who follows one of them ends up following the other even though they’re so different.
  • delta is like the master of wikipedia. it’s not social media but he treats it like it is. he edits super obscure articles and gets really annoyed at the trolls putting false facts into them. omega is probably one of said trolls. he also works on a bunch of fandom game wikias.
How To Get Venues To Immediately Delete Your Email

As an assistant talent buyer at a 350 capacity venue in Nashville, I see all kinds of stuff from people wanting to be booked here. In transition between website URLs, a booking email was created for our new website but no one had access to it until yesterday. So I spent the rest of the evening and part of this morning weeding through 400+ emails from bands looking to get booked. Here are some things that caused me to completely ignore emails and tips on how to actually get booked. 

THINGS I HATE

  1. Your subject is your only message. If you send me an email and all you say in the subject is “I need April 23rd for my band” and then don’t put anything in the body of the email, I throw it immediately in the trash. No information? Who are you? Which leads me to my next point…
  2. You don’t include a link to your music. As mentioned above, I had 400+ emails to dig through. If you don’t spell everything out and make it super easy for me to just click a link to your page, I’m rarely going to take the time to search for you myself. I’m very busy and many times bands have horrible and horribly generic names these days (I got one email from a band called Terrible. What a terrible name) which makes it hard to find links to. If I search “terrible band” in google, do you think I”m going to find that band? No.
  3. You don’t have a Facebook page. Having your band info on multiple sites is a good thing, don’t’ get me wrong. But if you ONLY have a revberbnation page, that’s a turnoff for me. I need to see a Facebook page and see how many likes you have and if anyone I know likes you too. As stupid as it is, Facebook is a huge platform for bands right now and if you don’t have a Facebook page, I don’t take you seriously.
  4. You have a Facebook page but only have 40 likes. Like I said before, I run a 350 capacity venue. Even if EVERY SINGLE person who liked your page came to your show, that would still be a loss for me. Don’t bother me with emails until you’ve established yourself enough to play my venue
  5. You tell me your draw is about 20 people. I got multiple emails from bands straight up telling me they’re good for about 20 people. I like that you’re honest but again, my venue is 10 times that many people. I won’t put you in here till you can tell me your average draw is 50+
  6. You over estimate your popularity. I had someone email me from Cincinnati saying their draw was 200-5000 people. If you’re at the point in your career where you can draw 5000 people BY YOURSELF, I think I would have heard of you. That’s a lot of people. Don’t tell me you can draw more than you can. Again, I won’t take you seriously. Or if you tell me you draw well and bring over 200 people but I click your link and you have 100 Facebook likes, I know you’re lying. Facebook likes aren’t always a tell tale sign of how well you’ll draw, but most of the time there’s a pretty strong correlation.
  7. You’re from out of town, don’t know any locals, have never played here, and want a date Sure, you may draw 200 people in your hometown of Milwaukee, but this is Nashville. This is one of the toughest cities to play in. Everyone is a music snob and national touring bands that play to 1000+ people in other cities are playing my 350 cap room. So when you want to come in here, never having played this city before, and get a date at my venue, I’m going to ignore you. Maybe if you know some solid locals I’ll give you a shot, but not on your own.
  8. You ask for a guarantee. On these emails I just say to myself, who do you think you are? I got one email from some band, don’t even know how popular they are because they didn’t give me a link, but they asked for a $200 guarantee to make sure they made it to the next city. I don’t know about other venues, but at mine, the only guarantees we give are for people with booking agents that I know will bring a crowd. Chances are, we’ll loose money on your show if we offer you a guarantee and you bring 3 people out. So no, you do not get a guarantee. You get a door deal and you earn your money.
  9. You ask for a weekend date. Weekend dates are the most coveted dates we have. Fridays and Saturdays are reserved for our biggest headliners and the people who are going to draw the largest crowds. If you’re a nobody band from the boonies and you want a Friday night, I’ll laugh your email all the way to the trash. You may think you’re the shit and deserve a weekend show, but you have to prove your worth first.
  10. You tell me about all of your accolades from your hometown. It’s great you’re voted “Middle of Nowhere Missouri’s Best Upcoming Band”, but how does that translate into you being able to sell tickets in Nashville? Again, a lot of this is very Nashville specific, but we have some of the best musicians in the country in this town. It’s hard to turn heads in this city. So you have to be REALLY good to make a splash and just because you’re good in your hometown, doesn’t mean you’re good here.
  11. You write your email very informally. Okay, booking a band isn’t something you need to write a resume and cover letter for. But when you address the email “Yo”, or you don’t capitalize a single word, you forget commas, don’t have any grammar, and misspell words left and right, it comes off as very unprofessional and I don’t take you seriously. 
  12. You give yourself titles to make yourself seem important. I got an email that was for this band, let’s just call them “Band X”. So in the signature it said “John Smith-Senior-Vice President of Band X Management”. That doesn’t impress me, it makes me think you’re some kid trying to fool me into thinking you’re big stuff. Well you’re not so stop trying to fool people. 
  13. You tell me you want to play my venue but don’t tell me when. Most of the time, these emails are from local bands just being like, hey we’re available, book us sometime. That seems very passive to me. Take charge. Tell me what dates you’re looking for. Unless I’ve heard of you or you seem to have a decent following, I’m not going to write back to you asking what dates you want. You have to tell me what you want and then I can see if that works with my schedule, as long as you don’t ask for a Friday or Saturday.
  14. You send me a blanket email AND you show everyone else you’ve sent that email to. Blanket emails are okay, I get it, you have a lot of venues and a lot of cities to hit. But make a template email and fill in holes, like your relevant market history, the actual name of my venue, not saying “I want to play at your venue”, and other anecdotes that are relevant to me. Also, when you send one generic email to many venues, put their email addresses in the BCC field and NOT the CC field. When I see every venue you’ve CC’d that email to, it’s an instant turnoff. I know i’m not the only person you’re dealing with but at least don’t be obvious about it. 
  15. You ask how much it costs to rent the room so you can put on a show with your buddies. I don’t know where this concept has come from but I’ve gotten several emails about just wanting to rent out the venue. This isn’t a VFW hall you can just rent and do whatever you want in. We’re a professional music venue. If you want to put on a show, you have to be selected and booked based on your talent, not because you paid to have the space. 

TIPS TO GET ME TO GIVE YOU A RESPONSE BACK

  1. Spell everything out for me in the email. Tell me your band name, what dates you’re looking at, a link to your Facebook and other sites, your market history (i.e. where else have you played, how many people came out, etc), notable press (i.e. national coverage, not the Paducah, KY Gazette article about you), local bands you may know if you’re from out of town, any and all relevant information that will help me get an idea if you’re worth booking or not. I don’t’ have time to play investigator, nor do I like trying to extract information from you. If it’s all laid out for me from the beginning, that will make me very happy.
  2. Do your research and be thorough about it. So you’ve googled “Nashville venues” and said, I’ll just email all of them and see what sticks. That’s a terrible idea. If you know you can’t bring more than 20 people out, look for 100-150 cap rooms. Don’t reach out to the larger venues in town just for funsies. You’re only wasting your time and ours. So pick the right size venue for your needs. But also do some research on the venue. If you can tell me “I just saw that you had X band play there and they’re a band we really like and would also like to play there” then I know you’ve looked at my calendar and at least put some thought into it instead of telling me “I want to play at your venue in your town”.
  3. Proofread, proofread, proofread. I’m guilty of it myself, but it’s an instant turn off when you email me the name of a different venue because you copied and pasted your last email. If I’m in a good mood or you’ve done something else I like, I may email you back and say you have the wrong place, but most of the time I’ll write you off. Also, proofread for grammar and spelling. Try to sound intelligent speaking to me. Writing an email to book your band is almost like a job interview. So treat it seriously and professionally.
  4. Prove yourself. Play shows at other venues around town, build your fan base, create a buzz. Don’t try and come in here and play your first show as a band and expect a headlining gig on a Friday night. You have to earn that. If you can show me your market history and prove that you can bring people out based on your past experiences with venues, I will take you seriously and give you a shot. But we’re not a rehearsal space, this is a professional venue. 
  5. Be professional. You should have a logo and professional pictures. You need well established sites with a seriously written bio. You should have professional, or high quality recordings of your songs to preview. Your emails need to be serious, and professional. Do everything you can to prove that you’re serious about being a band and doing things to get your name out there, and not that you’re some group of kids playing in their mom’s garage. 

I probably had more but got caught up in work and forgot. Please read, share, pass on, and take to heart. I’m actually a really nice person and I hate to be mean, but after so many of these god awful emails, it just makes you immune. If you have any other questions, comments, concerns, want advice, or anything else, please feel free to message me and I’ll be happy to answer that for you!

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Some of you might have seen this image. It was posted on reddit in r/Scotland and this was one of the comments. It’s worth the read.

“I’m an NHS doctor (GMC #7036831)*, and seeing [the image below] on my feed made me very suspicious at how they arrived at this claim (I’m voting Yes, by the way).

Some facts about this rather misleading image.

Better Together polled 106 Scotland-dwelling fellows of the London-based Academy of Medical Sciences. Of the 76 respondents, 73 indicated their preference as remaining in the UK. So that’s the 93% figure dealt with.

Who are the Academy of Medical Sciences? Their “about us” page states:

‘Our elected Fellows… are drawn from the fundamental biological sciences, clinical academic medicine, public and population health, health technology implementation, veterinary science, dentistry, medical and nursing care and other professions allied to medical science as well as the essential underpinning disciplines including mathematics, chemistry, physics, engineering, ethics, social science and the law.’

This is not an NHS-affiliated organisation and its membership is evidently drawn from such a wide range of disciplines, many of which not directly related to clinical medicine, that calling their respondents “top doctors” is arguably very misleading.

Who funds the Academy? Well, their site states they do receive funding from the Department of Health, but their donors list is essentially a directory of huge multinational drug and medical technology firms.

What are their aims? Here’s one of the sections:

‘We seek to capitalise on our independence and ability to connect stakeholders from across the life sciences sector to… [Facilitate] strong and equitable partnerships between academia, industry and the NHS… along with promoting effective engagement with regulators and policy makers…’

So, there you have it. Better Together have presented the above figure as a majority of ‘leading doctors’ planning to vote No. What we actually find, with a minimum of Google detective work, is that the ‘leading doctors’ are actually Fellows of a London-based organisation, primarily concerned with academia and not directly affiliated with the NHS, funded in part by donations by big pharma and openly stating their aims include influencing policy decisions.

Are Better Together openly lying to people on Facebook? You decide.”

THIS IS NOT A DRILL WE *ARE* GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED IN THE TENT IN THE SEASON PREMIERE THIS IS NOT A DRILL THIS IS NOT A DRILL THIS IS NOT A DRILL A;LSWLSJC;LASDJSDO;ILJDFAIO;SFJMASE;OFAIJASDO;FIAJDS