ly personal

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It didn’t fit very organically in the flow of the last post, but just as a general note on the “John didn’t really have an affair, his memory was just corrupted by TD 12” front…

When E complimented John on his eyes, he thanked her politely but also did an intentional-looking wedding ring flash.

Not that showing your wedding ring actually prevents an affair, of course, but within the framework of this show it is pretty much the direct opposite of what serial adulterer Jennifer Wilson did in A Study in Pink.

John was the man he wanted to be the whole time, he just doesn’t remember right now. 😭

Haise’s Birthday Poem begins with the lines [x]:

“Someone said this:
“Even if you have no memories of being loved, for as long as you have memories of loving someone, you can continue to live.”

…But how is someone who has never been loved be capable of loving someone else?

A child who wasn’t able to receive the minimal love they required at the time they needed it the most will continue to gaze at the illusion of affection and never know how to love until the day they die.

Well, how about me? Can I continue to live?”

Furuta grew up without love, surrounded by the products of Tsuneyoshi’s fucked up harem. The only person who seems to have shown any affection at all for him, as seen in the flashback in this chapter, is Rize. Rize who cared if he died when she ate him. Rize who played with him. Rize, whose fate he was fully aware of. Who he saved, because at some point, or maybe deep down still, he understood that that fate is wrong. She was the only thing he had, and he let her go, for her sake.

In this explanation to Kaneki, he mentions explicitly that as a child, he had these childish ideas of love and marriage in the future for them. Things he gave up for her safety from the men of the main Washuu house.

Even when he’s being crude and creepy, talking about Rize having all of those children for him, he references 101 Dalmatians. A Disney movie. And one with some of the healthiest romances, both between the dogs and the humans.

Even now, he’s looking at a Disney movie where two dogs snuggle each other. Where these two dogs have 15 puppies who they risk their lives to save. And who adopt 84 other puppies who would otherwise be dead. When you think about him as someone who grew up surrounded by who knows how many half-siblings, in the Garden like he did - this is basically him saying he wants a Disney Romance.

Which is not to say that the way he’s speaking isn’t terrible. That the tropes he’s using aren’t horrible and misogynistic. They are. Furuta, as he always has, is falling back on farce and drama, on systems of power that he himself as already explicitly told you he condemns. Furuta switches between honest and lying, between truth and exaggeration, between real emotion and fake dramatic flare over and over.

He speaks in this weird mix between a cynical jaded, crude adult, and a desperate, sad, idealistic, stubborn child. Like with his big speech to Eto about V in 66, I think this chapter he is mixing truth and fiction. Sometimes strategically, sometimes just because.

@linkspooky​ pointed out to me that it almost seems that the more honest he’s being, the less of his face is shown. Times when he’s really approaching sincerity and seriousness, he’s shown from the side.

Where as most of the time, he’s hidden under his flare and his masks and his drama.

Furuta, for all his fake emotion, is clearly uncomfortable with the real thing. Uncomfortable when people make him feel things and uncomfortable expressing emotion. Uncomfortable and unskilled and really parsing it.

Instead, he falls back on theatre and performance and lies.

When he says he couldn’t bare the thought of her having a kid after being free for so long… was he talking (just) about jealousy, or was he talking about the fact that the CCG, and thus V, was gaining on her - had almost captured her in the 6th ward and gotten Shachi in the struggle, and was well on their way to tracking her down again? Was he talking about not wanting her to be free, or about after all that time, still not being able to accept the idea of her being recaptured by V and used by the Washuu men like that.

He used her too, of course - and brutally. I think he was mad at her not only for wasting the freedom he helped her win, for almost getting caught again - but also because he still cares. And he doesn’t want to still care about her. So he punished her for his own feelings. Furuta is… not a fan of his own feelings. And he’s childish.

Its not an excuse for what he did to her, but I do think he acted when he did, if not the way he did, because if he hadn’t, there was a very real chance she’d have returned to her old fate. And that, he could not abide. Even now.

What he did, to Rize, in taking her power and undergoing that surgery himself, in killing off all the Washuu, taking leadership of the CCG - he gives multiple reasons for it even in this one conversation with Kaneki. On the one hand, in his proposal to Kaneki, he sets up a clear role for himself - as a villain to unite ghouls and humans against (Kaneki’s team, rather than the CCG and Clowns in this case) and introduces it as a big production, culminating in his own, rather than Kaneki’s death - ever suicidal as he is.

But explicitly, he also claims that people don’t need reasons for what they do. He also claims that he is doing what he wants to do, and that he is doing what he wanted to do as a child.

I think all of these have a grain of truth to them. He talks in such a way that mixes narratives, mixes truth and fiction, and sometimes just because its easier to talk with (half)fake emotion than real ones.

I think that Furuta, the nearly 6 year old child wants to destroy the toxic terrible “family” that used and abused him, and create in its place a 101 Dalmations style family, with him and Rize as Pongo and Perdita. A big loving, new Washuu family. This part of Furuta doesn’t care about ghouls or humans or Kaneki Ken or Eto Yoshimura or any of that at all.

But Furuta is also an adult, and became one probably much too quickly, if he knew what awaited Rize and helped her escape because if it. And the Adult Furuta knows he can’t have any of that. That Rize forgot about him and doesn’t love him back and that he burned that bridge by dropping those beams. His children with her are going to be via Kanou. Anything new will be born from death and fire and war. Adult Furuta has plans. Adult Furuta wants.…something… out of all of this. Some grand finale.

Part of Furuta is still that child - still wants Rize to come back to him and love him and play with him (and maybe kill him). Wants a big happy Disney ending for them. But he also knows he can never really have that. He’s known that he could never have that, because of how he was born. That’s the irony of that line, about the life he has and how he might as well. Because he was born to NEVER get what he wanted, ever. (And yet - and yet he fights back - viciously and endlessly and savagely, despite being born only to serve.) Because he has grown up now, and he’s done terrible things, and he knows that that happiness is impossible. But he’s also 6 years old and desperate and lonely.

I personally have thought for a long time that Rize is being set up as the one who will kill Furuta. I just hope (though I don’t necessarily expect) that they will get a chance to talk before it happens, or when he’s dying, or something. A chance for him to thank her for finally killing him, after all this time. A chance for him to say sorry, or not to - to say he’s glad he did it if it ended there, with him dying in her arms.

I still don’t think Furuta thinks any way about women, in general, though I understand why people see this pattern. It’s certainly a power structure highlighted by his character, either way. I think he probably has a good deal of the background misogyny of the culture and of the Washuu clan in his upbringing, but he also has a deep seeded hatred for everything about that upbringing. His understanding of things is so twisted and bent around this terrible place he was raised in, and the world he was forced to live in, that its honestly a miracle he’s still fighting for something different.

But Furuta sees every structure as a farce, as a mask, as a tool, rather than a truth. And he plays with these tropes of misogyny and discards them just as quickly. He’s making himself out to be a villain, to be crude, to be cruel. And it’s no excuse for his actions - for the very real fate Rize suffered at his hands. But he deals with Matsumae as a failed knight and a hypocrite, not as a woman. He plays with misogyny and its masks and its power system when he’s mock-flirting with Eto, but the next second he throws it away. He has no regard for masculinity or its virtues. Its a game to him. And that is a nasty and dangerous way to look at a very serious thing. Which is a great metaphor for Furuta who sees farce in everything. And is setting up a grand theater with all of Tokyo as its stage, possibly to write his own death into the final act.

“When I unveil this, won’t you come play with me?” He knows what Kaneki wants. He knows who Kaneki will save. He knows who Kaneki will kill. He still wants to die, and he seems to like the idea of dying to make things better, in a sense. And still, he’s speaking like a child. Come play, Kaneki. 

“Doesn’t it make you want to die?
If you die, you can get cured you know. (This is true.)



So if you were planning on giving me something.
In this year, I want four times more of that love or hate.



PS: (Laugh, it’s fun!)” [x]

i’m a little iffy on the trope that pisces moons can’t deal with reality.  i don’t think it’s really that they’re afraid of reality, or can’t stand to deal with it, but rather that they live so happily in la-la land that they just choose not to.  pisces moons are the people that are gonna love books, love writing, love character rp, love driving out in the middle of nowhere and escaping the whole world for a day.  it’s not because there’s anything in reality that they’re afraid of.  it’s that reality can become boring to them.  so much goes on in their thoughts, and i think that leaving earth for an hour and reading about or even becoming someone else is refreshing and just fun to them.  a pisces moon alone is still in touch with reality, they just like to leave it sometimes.
it’s people with multiple pisces placements that are harmed by this quality.  they’re the type of people who truly lose themselves in their fantasies, to the point where they actually create their own versions of reality and honestly believe they are real.  a pisces sun, or a pisces moon alone, knows where to draw the line.  but someone with their sun, moon, and other placements in pisces, don’t even know what’s real and what’s not anymore.  it’s actually scary to watch.  they really make things up in their mind and it becomes their reality; even people with incredible intuition or lie-detecting qualities have no idea that they’re not being genuine, because in that pisces’s mind, they’re not even lying.  they think they’re telling the truth.  there’s really no reason for you to distrust a pisces sun or moon, but someone with multiple pisces placements you may want to be wary of.  you actually never really know what version of the story you’re hearing from them.

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Morgana in every episode:

  • 5x11 The Drawing of the Dark

Morgana: Emrys.
Mordred: I know where he is.
Morgana: Where?
Mordred: Camelot. And I have his true name. It is Merlin.

Relationship warning signs

Reasons not to date someone (all learnt from experience, unfortunately)

  • they speak badly about their ex(es), especially if it is in great detail and without being asked
  • they think other women are whores/dumb/only good for the kitchen/owe men sex for dates etc./ other men are dumb/all liars/need to be buff/shouldn’t show emotions etc. (trust me they’ll think/think the same about you)
  • they don’t like being too “public” with their relationship- on social media, walking on busy streets (they prefer to hide with multiple partners)
  • they don’t introduce you to their friends/family after a respected amount of time
  • they don’t answer your texts/calls for hours 
  • they spend way too much time on their phone, especially if they purposely hide it when you try to look at it
  • they are wary of plans that are in the future even if it’s just a trip that would be in two weeks

Keep reading

jason’s bar mitzvah, man… how does someone’s mind even generate such a touching and heartbreaking scene?? literally, i’ve never cried harder about anything in any book, movie, musical, etc, and even though it’s been 5 months since i first heard it i still always cry when it comes on or i see a gif/video of it (and i’m not the only one, i hear those audible sobs in audio boots!). every single detail about those 5 minutes is tragic perfection and it is truly a testament to finn and lapine’s writing that this scene has yet to stop emotionally obliterating me. 

I’m the kind of person that people like you date after their first love breaks their heart because they need to remember what it feels like to be alive.
—  Things I realized when I stopped lying to myself, part III

(To anyone who’s trying to fool themselves and pretend this is not queerbaiting: people, this was a SERIES FINALE. It’s over. It’s finished. The story is done. So, no - I don’t give a shit about the colour of the wallpaper, and John being described as ‘family’ and Eurus implying Sherlock had sex and that one adjective and that one smile and, I don’t know, the fact an old nursery rhyme has 26 verses and the well was 26 feet deep or whatever the fuck - just ask yourself a simple question: if this was Sherlock and Johanna, would we need to sift through all those details to try and guess if our heroes want to have sex with each other or not? Of bloody course we wouldn’t. Because if this was Sherlock and Johanna, Sherlock would have hugged Johanna after saving her from that well, and he would have said something like, ‘I would have chosen you, you know - it’s always been you’ and he would have kissed her and our next shot would have been Mrs Hudson saying something wildly inappropriate and Lestrade blushing like a mad person and quite possibly Sherlock and Johanna holding hands as they chase after The Psychopath of the Week - by the way, I still think you can’t have that kind of life with a toddler, because, personally, I wouldn’t want my child to blow up the next time a SuperMegaVillain tries to set my flat on fire, but whatevs, I guess John’s fine with that - because that’s how you show that two people are IN LOVE with each other. Not with half-smiles that could mean anything, not with wallpapers and curtains, not with eye-rolling, not with inspired Oscar Wilde quotes. No. I’m sorry, but this is not an experimental, postmodernist dada mockumentary - this is prime time fiction on the bloody BBC, so this is the truth of it: subtext doesn’t, in the end, mean anything. It’s a cowardly way to give the audience a story that ‘could’ be read that way, just like the open ending ‘could’ be read that way, but I’m sick and tired of having to guess stories and put them together myself, and you should be too - it’s 2017, and we bloody deserve better.)