lupin4th

i see your text posts on Harry going to Hogwarts and getting a Howler from Sirius saying they’re going to a concert or praising him for getting in trouble while Remus is saying Sirius no in the background and I raise you this:

1st morning at Hogwarts Howler: “HARRY, HARRY THIS IS SIRIUS YOUR GODFATHER SIRIUS HARRY ARE YOU OKAY ARE YOU ALIVE WHAT HAVE YOU HAD TO EAT ARE YOU DRINKING DRINK MORE LIKE SEVEN GLASSES OF WATER JUST DRINK IT ALL AND DID YOU SLEEP OKAY *remus in the background: Pads leave the poor kid alone* IF YOU’RE SCARED YOU JUST TELL US AND YOU CAN COME RIGHT HOME *remus: in other news, we miss you, Harry* I DO NOT MISS HIM I'M FINE I’M SAYING HARRY’S HOMESICK *it’s okay to miss the boy you’ve been raising for eleven years, Pads* ELEVEN THAT’S RIGHT HE’S ONLY ELEVEN DO YOU HEAR ME DUMBLEDORE THAT’S TOO YOUNG THEY’RE PRACTICALLY IN DIAPERS *oh, we’re talking to Dumbledore now, are we? Tell him I say hello* HARRY YOU OWL ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT *are you crying?* OR I’LL FLOO THERE YOU KNOW WHAT I’LL JUST GO RIGHT– *I’m so sorry, Harry, have a good day, we love you!* [sounds of struggling and cursing fade away]

2nd morning: “HARRY, HARRY THIS IS SIRIUS YOUR– *oh for fuck’s sake Pads it’s 3 a.m.!*”

3rd morning Dumbledore receives two letters:

1:

Here is a list of all the parents who think the current DADA teacher is incompetent. Luckily for you, I know two exceedingly handsome and competent men ready to take up the position right now. Like, today right now. RIGHT NOW. Remus and I would like our room to be in the Gryffindor tower preferably next to the first year dormitory. At the very least, fire that Divination woman and hire us that teacher is buLLSHIT AND WE ALL KNOW IT I DESERVE THIS MORE

2:

Dumbledore,

How has the new school year been treating you? As you may have assumed, Sirius is finding the separation anxiety to be more difficult than anticipated. The signatures he sent you are all forged, but I have heard some curious rumors about the current DADA professor Quirrell. I trust your judgment above all else but if you were to find yourself in the position of needing two people to joint teach DADA, it would be much appreciated if you contact us. 

Now, I must go prevent Sirius from hacking the Floo network to your fireplace, again. 

Warm regards,

Remus J. Lupin

4th morning: “HARRY, HARRY THIS IS SIRIUS I HAVE GREAT NEWS HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE NEW DADA TEACHERS–”