“I so badly long for staying out late at night with friends and screaming at the moon from the top of my lungs and meeting new people but I also want to dissapear and never be remembered and the truth is I can’t get better because I’ll never allow myself to be happy.”
My mental illness is the only thing I’ve ever known
Warnings: Language, A/B/O dynamics, obeying the alpha?
Summary: Due to the premature death of the King of your clan, his son, the alpha James Barnes, must assume his destiny and lead his people. As the tradition commands, he must choose some worthy omegas to make their his wives and with which he will ensure the subsistence of your clan. All the omega women are obliged to appear before their king, including you. Luckily for you, you would never be chosen… right?
Your feet barely touch the grass while you run through the wet fields breaking the silence with your heavy breath. Your lungs hurt because of the effort and the moon shines upon you enlightning your path even if you don’t need it to guide your steps, you know those woods better than the palm of your hand so you don’t have any trouble in to sorting the rocks and the fallen trees.
Your legs threathen to give up in any moment and you slow down your race, taking deep breaths when you spot a light at the end of the path. You stop completely, watching carefully where do you step, not wanting to make a sound or break a futile twig that gives you away. Reaching the rustic houses you make your way through the large orchads until a small house that you know too well.
Knocking two times on the wooden door you start to get nervous when you don’t hear a sound inside the house. Nervous you look around searching for wondering eyes that could reveal your position. You shouldn’t be here… if someone catches you…
- Y/N?? - a red head woman, Natasha, opens the window on a burst
- SHHH! - you hush her - Let me in - jumping over the ledge you enter in her home
Behind you, Nat closes the small door on a hurry knowing very well that you are making something really dangerous coming to his clan. Your clan and hers are faced since the two leading alphas get in to a bloody fight a lot of years ago. It has been so long since that fight that no one remembers anymore why you are still vexed, the king alphas had changed many times since then but the hate remains.
- What are you doing here? - you best friend wrap you with her arms tighly, it has been nearly a month since the last time you saw her
I loved you,
just like the
sun loves the
But, I guess
at some point,
you learnt to
And when you
you took the sun
and left me in the
kerrek feels it as a sudden gust of cold wind, curling over
his face and neck. he hunches his shoulders, drawing his cloak tighter about
him, and continues on with a melancholy he cannot name.
kynan feels it as the clap of a warm hand on his shoulder,
shaking him with a gentle, jovial kinship. he nervously sharpens his blade,
feeling his brow furrow as he feels responsibility settle on his shoulders. he
has vowed to be better, to do good—and so he shall.
kash and zahra feel it as a taste of sourness in the air, as
if there is a kind of laughter that has stopped existing, that they will never
be able to find again. they look toward the peak of the heaven’s stair as one,
and they find each other’s hands, grateful each for the presence of the other.
velora pulls away from allura, feeling as if the belt vax
had given her is suddenly very important, perhaps the most important, and she
scoops it into her hands and whispers its name. she giggles with delight as it
winds around her hands, hissing a quiet greeting. she introduces herself, and
tells simon that they’re going to be the best of friends, because her brother
told him to take good care of him.
taryon darrington feels something stab into his side, and he adjusts his armor with a grumble as a sense of extreme discomfort, of dread, overtakes him. he seizes his necklace and scrutinizes it, but it doesn’t blink. it hangs limply in his grasp, and tary feels his shoulders slump as he pulls it off and tosses it aside. it’s lying to him now, he knows it. he feels the sudden urge to make plans to visit whitestone and check on vex'ahlia. soon. she’ll need it.
shaun gilmore feels his heart break as it only has once before,
and he finds himself leaning heavily on a wall in the middle of the castle of
whitestone. he runs his hand up and over his jaw and cheek, his brows furrowing
and his eyes stinging with tears. the wound in his shoulder is nothing compared
to the agony clutching at his chest. there’s the ache of a future that never
was, and a friendship that was one of his closest. it’s a fondness that almost
makes him sick in its intensity, and he begins to weep.
trinket finds the smell of chocolate on the air, and he rumbles
quietly as he sits beside the side of his best friend and mistress, finding
himself aching for the scratches behind the ear that only vax can do just-so as
he watches feathers form on the wind.
grog feels it like a punch to the gut, and his hands tighten
into fists. he’s not afraid for vax—he’s not afraid of anything. but he does
feel sad, not enraged like he was
when he saw pike impaled on the pincer of a monster, not frustrated like he was
when he saw scanlan crumpled in vax’s arms, not disappointed like he was when
the bard left a day after, but sad. he’s going to miss vax a lot. knowing him,
being around him… it’s been an experience. an unforgettable one.
percival tastes the copper of blood in his mouth, and he
isn’t sure if he’s bitten his tongue or if he’s remembering what it was like to
drown in Her sanctuary. all he knows that this is bitterly, enormously unfair.
finally, finally he has a family again, and he felt whole for a moment, but She
is reminding him that he is broken. She is taking his brother away, and he will
never be able to forgive Her for it. he watches Her envelop vax in her cloak,
and he regrets not cherishing the wholeness of his family when he had it.
pike feels something searing her beneath her armor, and
tears dance in her eyes as she realizes it is her heart. she clutches the
symbol around her neck and wonders, wishes what would have been, had she pulled
him down the path to the everlight when she had the chance. before the world
had broken and She had taken him. but no. no. this is his choice, just as much
as Her design. it just doesn’t keep the burning in her chest from being any
less painful. she will miss this wonderful boy, her beautiful,
all-sorts-of-fucked-up vax. but she knows that he will never leave them far
behind. he loves them too much, and they love him.
scanlan feels as if he finally knows what they felt, when he
left them a year ago. what it’s like to see a good man turn away and walk into
the unknown. and he wonders if this is the price of that, of his cruelty and
selfishness, because there is always a price. the price of waiting too long to
return, waiting too long to speak, waiting too long to wish. if it were him, he
wonders, but, well—it wouldn’t be him. his life isn’t worth the world. the life
of good men is what the world is worth, and vax’ildan is the best of them. the
price of the world is losing the best of it. ain’t that just how things would
go, huh? the moment for jenga passes, and he closes his eyes and wishes.
keyleth feels as if the breath is being sucked from her
lungs. she feels as if the moon is being plucked from her sky, leaving only a
clumsy, graceless, overbearing sun. she no longer has balance, no longer has
focus, because the one who had taught her how to center herself is being taken
away. she was faithless before, and still she knows she will never base her
faith in the gods. but vax? but vax’ildan, her vax’ildan? he has faith. he has
faith that he will see her again. he has faith that she will do right by her
people, that she will do right by the world. he has faith in her power, in her
ability to lead. and she has faith in him. the air returns in one painful,
shaking breath, and she feels the world spin beneath her feet.
vex’ahlia feels the world shatter irrevocably. she watches
the feathers fall into nothingness and she knows that there is nothing she can
do, nothing that she will ever do, that will ever be the same as it was before.
not threading her bow, not cleaning her boots, not petting trinket or flying on
her broom or looking in the mirror. every move she makes, she’ll be looking for
him through the corner of her eye, a shadow that’s been there since her birth, her shadow, her other self, her twin. there
is a pulsing ache in her chest and tears pouring down her face as she realizes
now more than before that there is no coming back from this, that he is
crossing a threshold from whence he cannot return, until the day that she
follows him. determination finds her in that moment, determination to remember
and to search for him, always, as long as she lives. and she will live. for him, she will live.
vax’ildan, the champion of the raven queen, feels only peace
as he leaves white flowers in his wake, stepping forward into the darkness to
join his Mother, to feel her hands in his hands and to hear her say that she’s
proud of him. he feels peace. he has given the world everything he could give,
and now he can rest. he can finally rest…. and then, when they’re ready,
The full moon of November is coming up. Since I perform a lot of moon magic, I thought I’d share more information about Moon Magic and Esbats.
For Novembers full moon (Frost Moon, Snow Moon, Beaver Moon), The Moon will be in Gemini.
Astrological Moon Phases:
* Moon in Aries: Spells involving authority/leadership, willpower and rebirth, spiritual conversion. Healing rituals for ailments of the face, head, or brain are
also done during this period of time. * Moon in Taurus: Spells involving love, real estate, and money, material acquisitions. Healing rituals for
ailments of the throat, neck, and ears are also done during this period
of time. * Moon in Gemini: Spells involving communication, public relations and travel, change of residence, and writing. Healing rituals for ailments of the shoulders, arms, hands, or
lungs are also done during this period of time. * Moon in Cancer: Spells involving domestic life, for home, and honoring lunar deities. Healing rituals for ailments of the chest or
stomach are also done during this period of time. * Moon in Leo: Spells involving power over others, courage, child birth, authority, and fertility. Healing rituals for ailments of the upper back, spine, or
heart are also done during this period of time. * Moon in Virgo: Spells involving employment matters, health, dietary concerns, and intellectual matters. Healing rituals for ailments of the intestines or nervous
system are also done during this period of time. * Moon in Libra: Spells involving court cases, partnerships and unions, mental stimulation, karmic, spiritual, or emotional balance, and artistic matters. Healing
rituals for ailments of the lower back or kidneys are also done during
this period of time. * Moon in Scorpio: Spells involving secrets, power and psychic growth, sexual matters, and fundamental transformations. Healing rituals for ailments of the
reproductive organs are also done during this period of time. * Moon in Sagittarius: Spells involving publications, sports, the truth, legal matters, and travel. Healing rituals for
ailments of the liver, thighs, or hips are also done at this time. * Moon in Capricorn: Spells involving career, political matters, ambition, organization, recognition, and career.
Healing rituals for the knees, bones, teeth, and skin are also done at
this time. * Moon in Aquarius: Spells involving science, freedom, personal/creative expression, problem solving, friendship, extrasensory abilities, and the breaking of bad habits or
unhealthy addictions. Healing rituals for ailments of the calves,
ankles, or blood are also done at this time. * Moon in Pisces: Spells involving music, telepathy, clairvoyance, dream work, and creative arts. Healing rituals for ailments of the feet or lymph glands are also
done at this time.