A/N: Request from @wiild-nirvanaaa Juice drops Abel off to preschool for a week, finding himself attracted to Abel’s teacher. Shenanigans ensue. I had so much fun writing this, I hope you like it, lovely! No warnings :)
Monday, 12th February, 10:00am, convenience store parking lot
Just met my future wife. She is made of sunshine and I’m already in love with her.
I got asked to take Abel to school this morning because everyone was busy. I thought I could just drop him off and head back to TM but I’m now lovesick, humiliated and eating a box of shame donuts in the carpark of the convenience store. Why did I think it was a good idea to tell his teacher, Miss Jones, that I was available? She only asked me where Jax and Tara were, and I told her they were busy with work this week and needed a hand getting Abel to school. That would have been enough, but then she asked me for my name. I said, and I quote, “Mr Single & Ready to Mingle”. I should have told her I was “Mr Idiot and Desperate.” That would have been more accurate. Thankfully she laughed and I had a moment to recover when she said I could call her Max. I told her she could call me Juice, and managed not to say she could “call me anytime”.
Oh God, I’ve eaten five donuts and now I have “Me & Mrs Jones” stuck in my head. I’m going to have to move towns now. Excommunicate myself from SAMCRO. They’d never let me transfer as a Nomad once they hear about this, they’ll all be dead from laughter.
Monday, 10:00pm, still thinking about my secret shame
Maybe I can get Happy to mercy kill me, as a favour.
Tuesday, 13th February, 1:00pm, TM Garage, hiding under a car pretending to work
Had to take Abel again today. Jax asked if it would be alright if I took Abel to school all week, and because I’m a glutton for punishment, I said yes. Max didn’t say anything about my misfortune of tongue yesterday, so I assumed she must be some sort of angel. She sure looks like one. Brown, wavy hair, pretty pale skin, and she smiles a lot. Not like, mentally deranged, unblinking smiling. Genuine smiling, blinking the right amount. It turns me in to an idiot.
Not an idiot like that time I fed that dog meth and it bit Tig’s behind, just an idiot where my brain doesn’t brain anymore and my mouth doesn’t mouth anymore. I told her I would be dropping off Abel all week. As I was leaving she asked me to remind Jax and Tara to send a paint shirt in with Abel tomorrow as they were painting Valentine’s Day cards. I said I would let them know, and if they needed someone to come play Cupid, I looked great in a diaper. She laughed and I’m pretty sure it was because she thought it was funny, and not because she was scared of me and was trying to keep me pacified. I mean, I did look fetching in a diaper, but it’s not something you say to any sane person you were trying to impress. Then again, I’m not sane, but I only ate 3 shame donuts today, so that’s a win.
Wednesday, 14th February, 11:15am, clubhouse
I’ve never felt more ashamed in my life.
I felt like the universe was sending me a sign that since Max hadn’t called the authorities on me for my performance the last few days, it meant that she liked me. I figured that since it was Valentine’s Day, I would make a small, sweet gesture. If she liked it, then it would confirm my suspicions and I would ask her out the next morning. It pains me to recount this, diary, but you have to take the good with the bad. You don’t have triumphs without trials. When you go through hell, just keep going. If ‘plan A’ doesn’t work, there’s 25 other letters in the alphabet.
When did you become a writer for Hallmark, Juicy Boy? - Chibs
Still Wednesday, 11:35am, locked in the clubhouse bathroom, Chibs swearing at me through the door
Just beat Chibs over the head with my journal and now I’m hiding out so I have some privacy to write about my pain without being killed.
So I decided to compose a poem for Max to tell her how much I liked her without actually telling her to her face. Because if I’ve learnt anything, someone can’t reject you if you’re not there to hear it. You just avoid any area of town they happen to frequent and pretend like nothing happened. I taught the poem to Abel, rehearsing it in the car all evening while he was eating dinner and on the way to school in the car. Jax and Tara had invited me over to thank me for helping with Abel. Jax thought it was weird that I was getting his kid to be my wingman, but Tara thought it was cute, and we all know who the real genius in that relationship is. (Hint, it’s not that blond ferret.)
It was game time, Abel had repeated the poem perfectly to me and I had given him a copy of it written down in case he got stage fright. I was just gonna get him to give her the note, but I thought it was more romantic coming from the kid. On the note I had put “Wanna get dinner this Friday night? Yes/No”. Abel just had to give it over to her and bring it back with her answer. Instead of walking him right up to the room, I hung back a little. I would go unnoticed, but I stood close enough to the door that I could hear. He must have gotten stage fright, because he just grabbed the note and gave it straight to her. I waited, watching as Max opened the note, ready to pat myself on the back. Instead, she scrunched up her face, signature smile completely gone. Max looked up, searching for me, and came over. “Juice, I’m sorry, but this is frankly immature. And having Abel deliver this for you is grossly inappropriate. If anything like this happens again, I’ll be reporting it.” Before I had the chance to say anything, she turned and walked in to the classroom.
I walked out of the school and got in the car, so confused as to what went wrong. I hadn’t gone with the dirty limerick Chibs had taught me, so when I opened the note, I was shocked to see that it was something all together different than the one I had intended to pass on. It was a crude stick figure drawing, of both myself and Max in a very R-rated position. I had to congratulate the artist, for their accuracy of my mohawk and tattoos on a stick figure, but deduct points for the over-exaggeration of Miss Jones’ breasts.
After my shock had worn off, I realised who had done it. Jax. He was the only Son who knew of my plan. The betrayal cut deep, and I sped away from the school to the store, buying a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, dipping my shame donuts in to my shame ice cream. If it wasn’t going to cause my untimely death, I would have gone to the clubhouse and murdered our prez right then and there. Instead, I stuck his hand in a bowl of warm water while he napped on the couch in the clubhouse. Take that, Pisspants Teller.
Wednesday, 11:42am, still locked in the clubhouse toilet, Chibs and now Jax swearing at me through the door.
This is my home now. I’m never getting out of here alive. Worth it.
Thursday, 15th February, 5:15pm, my room, clubhouse
There is literally no greater romantic genius than myself.
I managed to get out of the bathroom, relatively unscathed. I’m on bathroom cleaning duties for a week, but I’ll get a prospect to do it.
I went to the hospital to visit Tara to get some romantic advice. I told her about what happened, and after Tara called and scolded Jax for 15 minutes, she told me that she would be happy to call the school and speak to Max to explain. I told her how kind it was, but I wouldn’t want poor Abel to have to leave the school because his father is a sadist. Tara said that I could go tomorrow with Abel to explain myself, and she was certain that flowers and the temptation of a romantic, quiet dinner at a small restaurant was sure to work.
Today, diary, I would make my final grand gesture before giving up on love. I woke up and drove over to Clay and Gemma’s house early in the morning to swipe a few bunches of flowers from Gemma’s garden. I wanted fresh flowers but the store didn’t open until 8:30. I went before the sun came up so I wouldn’t be busted. Gemma would have killed me, but that was a risk I was willing to take in the name of love.
I picked up Abel and we drove to the school. I made sure to congratulate Abel on his successful mission yesterday, because even though his father is a treacherous hot mess crapbag, the kid did good. I wasn’t going to be the one responsible for his potential future self esteem issues just because his dad is a-
Come on, Juice, the picture was hilarious. Also, don’t cuss me out in your little diary, I am your prez and I can put you on bathroom duties for two weeks if I want. - Jax
As I was saying, I drove my hilarious, majestic, king-like friend’s heir to his place o’ learnin’. We got to the classroom, and Max’s face was one of slight disappointment, but she seemed to be a lot calmer than the previous morning. This is how it went down.
Juice: Max, before you say anything, let me apologise for yesterday. I don’t want to name names, but the person behind the note you received thought that by giving you theirs instead of the one I had prepared, they would display wit and humour. Please forgive him, as I have. His mother didn’t hug him enough. If you w-
Ortiz, you’re full of shit. Abel told me you begged her to forgive you and you asked her out to McDonalds, you tight arse. You’ve been hanging out with Happy too often. Oh, and you’re on toilet duty for a month. I told the prospects to tell me if you try get them to do it. - Jax
Oh my God, Jax, get out of my room!! I didn’t ask her to McDonalds, you redneck! I asked her to the burger joint on Main Street. I wanted to keep it simple, so there was no pressure and we had a comfortable place to get to know each other.
But she already knows you’re a twat. What else could she possibly need to know? - Chibs
Well you can both go screw yourselves, she said yes, that I was sweet and we’re going out tomorrow night. Success!