And I did it again. I said I wouldn’t do it. I said it was over. But yet here I was again. I started yelling at myself internally. Perhaps I needed to ground myself from everything. Would that make a dent in my goal of not making these stupid decisions? I looked around the room and I could see the trail of mistakes leading to the bed. My skirt, his jeans, his shirt, my shirt and my bra. I scrunched up my face. “Where the hell are my underwear,” I muttered under my breath.
“In the living room.” His face was half pressed against the pillow. His voice was raspy, but it was still smooth. His eyes were still closed but I could see a small smirk playing over his lips. I huffed and shoved him as hard as I could to make him wake up. “Ow! Lyn!” He groaned and nearly tipped over off the bed.
“Dante! You said talk! How did this happen?!” I rubbed my face and snatched the sheet from him as I stood up, wrapping myself up. My eyes went wide as he laid there in the nude. I quickly turned before I could allow myself to stare a little too long. We had broken up and I vowed to myself to stay away. But then he called and said he wanted to talk. The last time we saw each other was a disaster. We yelled at each other and said things I immediately regretted as soon as I walked out the door. But I had to stand firm. I wasn’t going to let him know that I did miss him. “You’re insufferable!”
“Hey! We talked, didn’t we? This whole thing was your idea.” He pointed out as he finally got out of the bed. Fuck. It probably was my idea. The night before was a bit of a haze. I found my underwear near the couch and slipped them on.
“No! It was you! You looked…” I started wagging my finger at him as I tried to find the words. I ended flailing my arms. “Fuck you!” I grabbed my bra and put snapped it back on. I wasn’t going to let him win this round. No way. Even if this was my fault, I was going to blame him. It was easier for me and helped silence my thoughts.
“Fuck me? Thanks. You already did.” He laughed as he snapped on his boxers and went to the kitchen. He started going through his cabinets and started making some coffee. My eyes went wide and nearly screamed as I flailed my arms again. This guy somehow still had a hold over me. After the false pregnancy test, we freaked out but I couldn’t help but feel that he wanted out. He was willing to walk away from that - from me. How was I supposed to forgive that? He was going to leave me if it turned out to be a true positive. Now we were in this weird limbo thing. Neither of us could figure it out.
“I really cannot stand you! God!” I muttered curse words under my breath as I got dressed. I stalked my way to the kitchen and stood in front of him. He sipped his coffee coolly as he looked down at me. He raised his eyebrows as if asking me to say something. I poked his chest and exhaled loudly.
“You want me to apologize? I am not going to do that. There is nothing to apologize for, Lyn! If anything you should apologize to me for not kicking you out. I had a date that I had to cancel.” He shrugged and sipped his coffee. That got under my skin, how he was talking about dates. I shouldn’t be upset. He wasn’t my boyfriend anymore. He was his own person and could do whatever he wanted. I was slowly becoming the sad ex-girlfriend. The pathetic one. The one who would leave drunk voicemails about the old days.
“Oh! I’m sorry I forced you to cancel your date. I really hope she isn’t too upset with you and you can go see her. Maybe you can take her to breakfast.” I coiled my fist and hurried to the living room. I sat on the floor as I tied up my shoes. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t look up, I just busied myself finishing getting my stuff together. I breathed in and turned to look at him. He stayed in the kitchen and I stayed in the living room. We looked at each other. I wanted him to crack first. Did he miss me? Did he feel anything for me anymore? His pokerface was impeccable at this moment. His shoulders started to drop a little and he sighed. I could just run up to him and tell him how much I did miss him. Maybe we could pick up where we left off.
“Don’t forget to lock the door on your way out.” He grabbed his mug and went to the bedroom. My heart fell into my stomach as soon as I heard him say the girl’s name and he laughed. He was already making plans. I placed my hands on my hips and silently cursed at myself. I said I wouldn’t do this because I knew how this story ended. I grabbed my bag and looked toward the bedroom. A part of me was telling my legs to go in there and rip the phone from his hand. But instead they were heading to the front door. I slammed the door and didn’t bother locking it.
lolz, so a seventeen year old ex-follower is playing keyboard warrior and sending me hundreds of words about how much I suck and ignoring anything I actually say to him by repeating his own opinion with more words.
DUDE YOU’RE SO COOL.
Hey, at least I know where to go if I feel like trolling somebody. Teenage boys with superiority complexes are awesome fun.