lug nut

It's not-so-rightly named

So some of the players in one of the campaigns running right now cannot drive.  Either because they actually are not allowed to drive legally, or no car is currently available to drive.  As a common practice, a few of the players will pick up and drop off players before and after each session.

One of these carpoolers already had two other players in their car, was on their way to pick me up and had to stop literally about 100 feet away from my house, right pass a speed bump.  The reason for this is because the driver ended up with a flat, and claims that he don’t have a spare to replace it with.  This is our Palidin who is driving the Ranger and Wizard players.  All three of them guys, two of them having worked on cars.  I’m the Druid, but I’m a female and have also worked on cars.

I had him turn the car around, to have a better look at the tire.  It was completely flat.  I was already told that he didn’t have a spare, but something told me to have him pop the trunk open, JUST IN CASE, to check and verify that.  While I had him pop the trunk, I asked him to contact his insurance company about getting a tire replacement.  Push come to shove we could at least store the flat and have him get it fixed asap in the trunk.

I start pulling mats out of the trunk, finding two car jacks (Palidin said he didn’t have any) and a WHOLE, BRAND NEW, TIRE IN THE TIRE WELL!  I head back to my house to get some bolts and a huge breaker bar to help remove the tire, only for one of the other two (I think it was the Ranger) to find that there was also some tools to remove the lug nuts off the tire.  While the Ranger and Wizard worked quickly to replace the tire (I don’t know why they didn’t think to check the trunk anyways) I hold up the breaker bar and looked to the Palidin.

Me (OOC); YOU SEE THIS?

Palidin (OOC); Y-yeah… what about it?

Me (OOC); I’m going to use the name I give this tool and name my staff after it!

Palidin (OOC); And what name is that?

Me (OOC); DRAGON KILLER!

Both the Wizard and Ranger cracked up laughing at the name, knowing that we have at least two other dragonborn characters in the campaign for that night. (One is a Sorcorer and the other is a Fighter)  Before making it official, I had the following conversation with the DM:

Me (OOC); Can I name my staff Dragon Killer?

DM (OOC); *HUGE DEEP SIGH* Is this anything in related about what happened to your Druid in the last session? (She ended up tripping a lot of traps by accident)

Me (OOC); OH NO!  That Palidin there didn’t know he had a tire, car jack, and the tools required to change out a tire for his car.  The Wizard and Ranger didn’t bother to check, but since they don’t own the horseless carage, I won’t blame them on their faults.

Palidin (OOC); ARE YOU STILL HUNG UP ON THAT!?

DM (OOC); So, you just want to name your weapon in the name of revenge against stupid?  I’ll allow it.

Found out later, my DM decided that my character is the real villain of his campaign and she don’t remember doing any of the crimes committed.

2

“I know how to change a tire, Dean,” you said. “This lug nut won’t come off because whatever asshat rotated my tires last time didn’t but the nut on the right threads and screwed it down anyway.” You stood and kicked the tire iron which clattered over the gravel.

“Alright… Well, just sit tight. I’ll be right there.”

You sighed heavily into the phone. “Thanks. You’re a life-saver.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, now remember that next time you think about eating the last piece of pie. See you soon.”

It wasn’t long before you heard a diesel engine approaching and the unmistakeable sound of tires grinding gravel. A tow truck pulled up on the shoulder behind you and before you could get a good look at the driver, Dean hopped down and sauntered up to you with a big smirk on his face.

“Oh my God. You stole a tow truck?!” you asked, incredulous.

He dust his hands off on his jeans and bent down to look at your tire. “Not stole. Borrowed.”

“Oh my God,” you repeated.

“Good thing too. Because we’re gonna have to replace this stud to get the damn thing off. I can do it for you at the bunker,” he said. When he looked at you as he stood up there was an amused but grateful smile on your face. “No need to thank me,” he said snarkily. “Well… maybe a little need to thank me. I was thinking maybe you could wear a little white tank top and some cutoff jeans and give Baby a good wash when we get back to the bunker.”

You let out a laugh. “Uh huh. In your dreams, Casanova.”

“You don’t know how right you are,” he mumbled.

Disney/Pix​ar Cars McQueen: OK… Here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed. McQueen: One winner. 42 losers. I eat losers for breakfast. McQueen: Breakfast. Wait, maybe I should have had breakfast. A little breck-y could be good for me. No,no,no, stay focused. Speed. McQueen: I’m faster than fast. Quicker than quick. I am Lightning! Mack: (knock-kno​ck)Hey Lightning, are you ready? McQueen: Oh, yeah. Lightning'​s ready. Song McQueen: Ka-chow! Song Seller: Get your antenna here! Fans: You got that right, Slick. Bob Cutlass: Welcome back to the Dinoco 400. I’m Bob Cutlass, here with my good friend, Darrel Cartrip. We’re midway through what may turn out to be a historic day for racing. Darrel Cartrip: Bob, my oil pressure’s through the roof right now. If this gets more exciting, they’re gonna have to tow me outta the booth! Bob Cutlass: Right you are, Darrell. Three cars are tied for the season points lead, heading into the final race of the season. And the winner of this race Darrell, will win the season title and, the Piston Cup. Does The King, Strip Weathers, have one more victory in him before retirement​? Darrell: He’s been Dinoco’s golden boy for years! Can he win them one last Piston Cup? Bob: And, as always, in the second place spot we find Chick Hicks. He’s been chasing that tailfin his entire career. Darrell: Chick thought this was his year, Bob. His chance to finally emerge from The King’s shadow. But the last thing he expected was…Ligh​tning McQueen! Bob: You know, I don’t think anybody expected this. The rookie sensation come into the season unknown. But everyone knows him now. Darrell: Will he be the first rookie to win a Piston Cup and land Dinoco? Bob: The legend, the runner up, and the rookie! Three cars, one champion! Song Chick: No you don’t. Fans: Oohh. What a ride! Chick: Hahaha Fans: Go get'em, McQueen! Go get'em! Fans: We love you, Lightning! Chick: Dinoco is all mine. Race car: Ahhhh! Darrell: Trouble, turn three! Chick: Haha. Get through that, Mcqueen. Bob: Ouw.. A huge crash behind the leaders! Fans: Wahh!! Bob: Wait a second, Darrell. McQueen is in the wreckage. Darrell: There’s no way the rookie can make it through! Not in one piece that is. Mia & Tia: Lightning, ahhh. Darrell: Look at that, McQueen made it through! Bob: Man, a spectacula​r move by Lightning McQueen. McQueen: Yeah! Ka-chow! Fans: McQueen (7X) Fan: Yeah McQueen! Ka-chow! Bob: While everyone else heads into the pits, McQueen stays out to take the lead! Broken car: Don’t take me out coach. I can still race! Chick: Haha. What do you think boys? A thing of beauty. Chick’s coach: McQueen made it through! Chick: What? Chick’s coach: He’s not pitting! Chick: Come on! Get me out there! Let’s go! Get me back out there! Come on! Bob: McQueen’s not going into the pits! Darrell: You know the rookie just fired his crew chief. That’s the third one this season! Bob: Well he says he likes working alone Darrell. Chick’s coach: Go, go, go! Bob: Looks like Chick got caught up in the pits. Darrell: Yeah, after a stop like that, he’s got a lot of ground to make up.Get ready boys, we’re coming to the restart! Chick: Come on, come on, come on! McQueen’s crew: We need tires now! Come on, let’s go! McQueen: No,no,no,n​o! No tires, just gas! McQueen’s crew: What! You need tires, you idiot! Darrell: Looks like it’s all gas-and-go​’s for McQueen today. Bob: That’s right. No tires again. Darrell: Normally I said a short-term gain, long-term loss, but it’s sure is workin’ for him. He obviously knows somethin’ we don’t know. Bob: This is it Darrell, one lap to go and Lightning McQueen has a huge lead. Darrell: All he’s got it in the bag. Call in the dogs and put out the fire! We’re gonna crown us a new champion! McQueen: Checkered flag, here I come! Darrell: Oh, no! McQueen has blown a tire! Bob: And with only one turn to go! Can he make it? McQueen’s crew: You fool! The King’s Coach: McQueen’s blown a tire!, McQueen’s blown a tire! Go,go,go! Darrell: He lost another tire! The King and Chick are coming up fast! Bob: They’re entering turn three! McQueen: Come on. Darrell: I don’t belive what I’m watching, Bob! Darrell: Lightning McQueen is hundred feet from his Piston Cup! Bob: The King and Chick rounding turn four. Darrell: Down the stretch they come! And it’s, and it’s… Bob: It’s too close to call! Too close to call! Darrell: I don’t belive it! (2X) Mia & Tia: Lightning! Bob: The most spectacula​r, amazing unequivoca​lly, unbelievab​le ending in the history of the world! And we don’t even know who won! Darrell: Look at that! Security: Hey, no cameras! Get outta here! Kori Turbowitz: We’re here in Victory Lane, awaiting the race results. McQueen that was quite a risky move, not taking tires. McQueen crew: Tell me about it. Kori Turbowitz: Are you sorry you don’t have a crew chief out there? McQueen’s Crew: Hah! McQueen: Oh Kori. There’s a lot more to racing than just winning. I mean, taking the race by a full lap… Where’s the entertainm​ent in that? No no no… I wanted to give folks a little sizzle. McQueen’s crew: Sizzle? McQueen: Am I sorry I don’t have a crew chief? No, I’m not. Cause I’m a one-man show. McQueen crew: Whats? Oh, yeah right. Kori Turbowitz: That was a very confident Lightning McQueen. Coming to you live from Victory Lane, I’m Kori Turbowitz. Cameramen: Hey, get out of the shot! McQueen: Yo, Chuck, what are you doing? You’re blocking the camera. Everyone wants to see the bolt. McQuenn crew: What? McQueen: Now, back away. McQueen’s crew: Ahh! That’s it. Come on guys. McQueen: Whoa, team! Where are going? McQueen’s crew: We quit, Mr. One-Man Show! McQueen: Oh, OK, leave. Fine. Hahaha. How will I ever find anyone else who knows how to fill me up with gas? Adios Chuck! McQueen’s crew: And my name is not Chuck! McQueen: Oh, whatever. Chuck: Hey, Lightning! Yo! McQueen! Seriously, that was some pretty darn nice racin’ out there. By me! Hahaha! Chick’s crew: Zinger Chick: Welcome to the Chick era, baby! The Piston Cup… It’s mine dude. It’s mine. Hey fellas, how do you think I’m look in Dinoco blue? Dinoco blue! Hahaha! McQueen: In your dreams Thunder. Chick: Yeah, right. Thunder? What’s he talkin’ about, “Thunder”? McQueen: You know, cause’ thunder always comes after lightning. Pew, Kaka-phow! Chick: Who here knew about the thunder thing? Chick’s crew: I didn’t. Cameramen: Give us the bolt! Cameramen: That’s right. Cameramen: Right in the lens. Cameramen: Show me the bolt, baby! Cameramen: Smile, McQueen! Cameramen: Show me the bolt, McQueen! Cameramen: That’s it! Tex: Ohh we, that was one close finish. You sure made Dinoco proud. Thank you, King. The King: Well, Tex, you’ve been good to me all these years. It’s the least I could do. Dear: Whatever happens, you’re winner to me, you old daddy rabbit. The King: Thanks, dear. We wouldn’t be nothing without you. Mia: I’m Mia. Tia: I’m Tia. Mia & Tia: We’re like your biggest fans! Ka-chow! McQueen: I love being me. Security: OK, girls, that’s it. Mia & Tia: We love you, Lightning! Some guys far away: We love you more!! The King: Hey, buddy. You’re one gutsy racer. McQueen: Oh, hey, Mr. The King. The King: You got more talent in one lug nut than a lot of cars has got in their whole body. McQueen: Really? Oh, that… The King: But you’re stupid. McQueen: Excuse me? The King: This ain’t a one-man deal, kid. You need to wise-up and get you self a good crew chief and a good team. And you ain’t gonna win unless you got good folks behind you, and you let them do their job, like they should. Like I tell the boys at the shop… McQueen: A good team. Yeahhh. Dreaming Song. Mia & Tia: Oh, McQueen. The King: If you figure that out, you just gonna be OK. McQueen: Oh, yeah, that.. That is spectacula​r advice. Thank you Mr. The King. Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in Piston Cup history… McQueen: A rookie has won the Piston Cup. Yes!! Speaker: We have a three-way tie. Chick: Oh, ho. Hey, McQueen, that must be really embarrassi​ng. But I wouldn’t be worry about it. Because I didn’t do it! Hahaha! Speaker: Piston Cup officials have determined that a tiebreaker race between the three leaders will be held in California in one week. Chick: Well, thank you! Thanks to all of you out there! Thank you! Hey, rook, first one to California gets Dinoco all to himself. Ahh! No, not me! No, you rock, and you know that! Balloon: Oh, yeah! Woaah!! McQueen: First one to California gets Dinoco all to himself. Ohh, we’ll see who gets there first, Chick. Huh? Mack: Hey, kid! Congrats on the tie. McQueen: I don’t want to talk about it. Come on, let’s go, Mack. Saddle up. What’d you do with my trailer? Mack: I parked it at your sponsor’s tent. McQueen: What? Mack: You gotta make your personal appearance​. McQueen: No. No! No,no,no,n​o! McQueen: Yes, yes, yes! Lightning McQueen here. And I use Rust-eze Medicated Bumper Ointment, new rear end formula! Nothing soothes rusty bumper like Rust-eze. McQueen: Wow! Look at that shine! Use Rust-eze and you too can look like me! Ka-chow! Rust-eze Car: Hahaha. I met this car from Swampscott​. He was so rusty he didn’t even cast a shadow. Rust-eze Van: You could see his dirty undercarri​age. Hahaha. McQueen: Uahh! I hate rusty cars. This is not good for my image. Mack: They did give you your big break. Besides, it’s in your contract. McQueen: Oh, will you stop please? Just go get hooked up. Rust-eze Van: Winter is a grand old time. Rust-eze Car: Of this there are no ifs or buts. Rust-eze Van: But remember, all that salt and grime… Rust-eze Car: Can rust your bolts and freeze your… Rust-eze Van: Hey look! There he is! Our almost champ! Victory ran to your rear end in here, kid. Fan: Lightning McQueen, you are wicked fast! Fan: That race was a pisser! Fan: You were booking McQueen! McQueen: Give me a little room guys. Fred: You’re my hero Mr.McQueen​. McQueen: Yes, I know. Fred, Fred, thank you. Fred: He knows my name. He knows my name! Rust-eze Van: Looking good, Freddie! Rust-eze Car: Thanks to you Lightning, we had a banner year! Rust-eze Van: We might clear enough to buy you some headlights​. Rust-eze Car: Are you saying he doesn’t have headlights​? Rust-eze Van: That’s what I’m telling ya. It’s just stickers! McQueen: Well, you know, racecars don’t need headlights​, because the track is always lit. Rust-eze Car: Yeah, well,so is my brother, but he still needs headlights​. Hahaha McQueen: Hahaha! Ha!! Hahaha!! Rust-eze Car: Ladies and gentlemen, Lightning McQueen! Fans: Free Bird! McQueen: You know, the Rust-eze Medicated Bumper Ointment team ran a great race today. And remember, with a little Rust-eze..​.And an insane amount of luck, you too can look like me. Ka-chow. Rust-eze Car: Hey, kid. Rust-eze Van: We love ya. And we’re looking forward to another great year. Just like this year. Hahaha. McQueen: Not on your life. Rust-eze Car: Don’t drive like my brother! Rust-eze Van: Oh Yeah, don’t drive like my brother! Mack: California​, here we come! McQueen: Dinoco, here we come! Song McQueen: I needed this. Hello? Harv: Is this Lightning McQueen, the world’s fastest racing machine? McQueen: Is this Harv, the world’s greatest agent? Harv: And it is such a honor to be your agent and it almost hurts to take ten percent of your winnings and merchandis​ing. And ancillary rights in perpetuity​. Anyway, what a race! Hot champ! I didn’t see it, but I heard you were great. McQueen: Thanks, Harv. Harv: Listen, they’re giving you 20 tickets for the tiebreaker thing in Cali. I’ll pass ‘em on to your friends. You shoot me the names. You let Harv rock it for you. All right, baby? McQueen: Right. Friends. Yes, there’s a… Harv: OK, I get it, Mr.Popular​. So many friends you can’t even narrow it down. Hey, when you get to town, you better make time for your best friend! You gotta break bread with your mishpoache​h here! McQueen: Yeah, yeah, that’d be great! We should totally… Harv: Ok, I gotta jump, kid. Let me know how it goes. I’m out. McQueen: What? A minivan? Oh, come on Mack, you’re in the slow lane. This is Lightning McQueen you’re hauling here. Mack: Just stopping off for a quick breather, kid. Old Mack needs a rest. McQueen: Absolutely not. McQueen: We’re driving straight to all night till we get to California​. We agreed to it. Mack: All night? May I remind you, federal DOT regs state… McQueen: Come on, I need to get there before Chick get hang with Dinoco. Mack: Ahh, all those sleeping trucks. Hey kid, I don’t know if I can make it. McQueen: Oh, sure you can, Mack. Look, it’ll be easy. I’ll stay up with you. Mack: All night? McQueen: All night long. McQueen: Zzzzz… DJ Song Snot Rod: Ah, ahh, achowww! Wingo: Hahaha! Boost: Hey, yo, DJ. DJ: What up? Boost: We got ourselves a nodder. DJ: Hahaha. Mack: Pretty music. Boost: Yo, Wingo! Lane change, man. Wingo: Right back at ya! Hahaha. Snot Rod: Yeah! Boost: Oops! I missed. Snot Rod: You going on vacation? Tuner team: Hahaha. Boost: Oh, no, Snot Rod… Wingo: He’s gonna blow! Snot Rod: Ahh…ahhh​…ahhh…​achoowww!!​! Mack: Gesundheit​! Hoho. One should never drive while drowsy. McQueen: MACK! McQueen: Mack! McQueen: Mack! McQueen: Hey,Mack! Mack! McQueen: Mack! McQueen: Mack,wait for me! McQueen: Mack! McQueen: Mack! Mack! McQueen: Mack! Mack… McQueen:..​.wait up! Mack. McQueen: Mack! Mack! McQueen: What?You'r​e not Mack. Peterbilt: Mack?I ain’t no Mack!I’m a Peterbilt, for dang sake! Peterbilt: Turn on your lights, you moron! McQueen: Mack… The Interstate​! Sheriff: Ahh!. Not in my town, you don’t. McQueen: Oh, no…Oh, maybe he can help me! He’s shooting at me! Why is he shooting at me! Sheriff: I haven’t gone this fast in years. I’m gonna blow a gasket or somethin’. McQueen: Serpentine​! Serpentine​, serpentine​! Sheriff: What in the blue blazes? Crazy hot rodder. Filmore: I’m telling you, man, every third blink is slower. Sarge: The sixties weren’t good for you, were they? McQueen: What? That’s not the Interstate​! Ahh ho, Auw, auw,auw! Ahhhh! No, no, no, no! Filmore: I’m not the only seeing this, right? Sarge: Incoming! Filmore: Whoa man. Sarge: No! Ramone: Hey, you scratch my paint! McQueen: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Luigi: My tires! McQueen: Phoah! Red: Huh! McQueen: Uargh! Red: Huh! Filmore: Fly away, Stanley. Be free! Sheriff: Boy, you’re in a heap of trouble. Kori Turbowitz: We’re live at the Los Angeles Internatio​nal Speedway as the first competitor​, Lightning McQueen, is arriving at the track. Cameramen: Is it true he’s gonna pose for Cargirl? Cameramen: Lightning, what’s your strategy? Woahh! Mack: What? Did I forget to wipe my mud flaps? News: McQueen’s driver arrived in California​, but McQueen was missing. News: Racecar Lightning McQueen was reported missing. News: He scheduled to race an unpreceden​ted… News: Sponsor stated they have no idea where he is. Junior: I hope Lightning'​s OK. I sure hate to see anything bad happen to him. Jay Limo: I don’t know what’s harder to find, Lightning McQueen or a crew chief who’ll work for him! Hummer: Lightning McQueen must be found at all costs! News: They’re all asking the same question: Where is McQueen? McQueen: Oh, boy. Where am I? Mater: Mornin’, sleepin’ beauty! McQueen: Ahhhhh!! Mater: Hahaha! Boy, I was wonderin’ when you was gonna wake up. McQueen: Take whatever you want! Just don’t hurt me! a parking boot? Why do I have a parking boot on? What’s going on here? Please! Mater: You’re funny. I like you already. My name’s Mater. McQueen: Mater. Mater: Yeah, like “tuh-mater​”, but without the “tuh”. What’s your name? McQueen: You don’t know my name? Mater: Uhh, no, I know your name. Is your name Mater too? McQueen: What? Look, I need to get to California as fast as possible. Where am I? Mater: Where are you? Shoot! You’re in Radiator Springs. The cutest little town in Carburetor County. McQueen: Oh, great. Just great! Mater: Well, if you think that’s great, you should see the rest of the town. McQueen: You know, I’d love to see the rest of the town! So if you could just open the gate, take this boot off, you and me, we go cruisin’, check out the local scene… Mater: Dad-gum! McQueen: How’d that be, Tuh-Mater? Mater: Cool Sheriff: Mater! What did I tell you about talkin’ to the accused? Mater: To not to. Sheriff: Well, quit yer yappin’ and tow this delinquent road hazard to traffic court. Mater: Well, we’ll talk later, Mater. Haha. “Later, Mater.” That’s funny! Sheriff: The Radiator Springs Traffic Court will come to order! Ramone: Hey, you scratched my paint! I ought take a blowtorch to you, man! Luigi: You broke-a the road! You a very bad car! Fillmore: Fascist! Commie! McQueen: Officer, talk to me, babe. How long is this gonna take? I gotta get to California​, pronto. Sheriff: Where’s your lawyer? McQueen: Tuh, I don’t know. Tahiti maybe. He’s got a timeshare there. Sheriff: When a defendant has no lawyer, the court will assign one to him. Hey! Anyone want to be his lawyer? Mater: Shoot, I’ll do it, Sheriff! Sheriff: All rise! The Honorable Doc Hudson presiding. Luigi: Show-off. Sheriff: May Doc have mercy on your soul. Doc Hudson: All right, I wanna know who’s responsibl​e for wreckin’ my town, Sheriff. I wanna his hood on a platter! I’m gonna put him in jail till he rots! No, check that. I’m gonna put him in jail till the jail rots on top of him, and then I’m gonna move him to a new jail and let that jail rot. I’m… Throw him out of here, Sheriff. I want him out of my courtroom. I want him out of our town! Case dismissed. McQueen: Yes! Mater: Boy, I’m purty good at this lawyerin’ stuff. Sally: Sorry I’m late, Your Honor! McQueen: Holy Porsche! She’s gotta be from my attorney’s office. Hey, thanks for comin’, we’re all set. He’s letting me go. Sally: He’s letting you go? McQueen: Yeah, your job’s pretty easy today. All you have to do now is stand there and let me look at you. Listen, I’m gonna cut to the chase. Me, you, dinner. Ka-chow! Sally: What the…? Auww! Please! McQueen: I know, I get that reaction a lot. I create feelings in others that they themselves don’t understand​. Sally: Ohhh, auww! McQueen: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I scare you? Mater: Well, a little bit, but I’ll be alright. Sally: OK. I’m gonna go talk to the judge. McQueen: Do what you gotta do, baby. Oh, but listen. Be careful. Folks around here are not firing on all cylinders, if you know what I mean. Mater: Ka-ching! Auww! Sally: I’ll keep that in mind. Hey there, Mater. Mater: Howdy, Sally. Sally: Hi, folks! Folks: Good morning! Sally. McQueen: You know her? Mater: She’s the town attorney and my fiancee. McQueen: What? Mater: Nah, I’m just kiddin’. She just like me for my body. Sally: Doc, you look great this morning. Did you do something different with your side view mirrors? Doc: What do you want, Sally? Sally: Ah, come on, make this guy fix the road. The town needs this. Doc: No. I know his type. Racecar. That’s the last thing this town needs. Sally: OK, I didn’t want to have to do this, Doc, but you leave me no choice. Fellow citizens, you’re all aware of our town’s proud history. Doc: Here she goes again. Sally: Radiator Springs, the glorious jewel strung on the necklage of Route 66, the mother road! It is our job and our pleasure to take care of the travelers on our stretch of that road. Sarge: Travelers? What travelers? Filmore: Ignore him. Sally: But how, I ask you, are we to care for those travelers if there is no road for them to drive on? Luigi, what do you have at your store? Luigi: Tires Sally: And if no one can get to you? Luigi: I won’t sell any…tire​s. I will lose everything​! Ohho. Sally: Flo, what do you have at your store? Flo: I have gas. Lotsa gas! Sally: OK boys, stay with me. And, and, Flo, what’ll happen if no one can come to your station to buy gas? Flo: I’ll go outta business and… we’ll have to leave town. Sally: And what’s gonna happen to all of us if Flo leaves town and closes her station? Folks: Without gas, we’re done for! Lizzie: What? Sally: So, don’t you think the car responsibl​e should fix our road? Lizzie: The only guy strong enough to fix that road is Big Al! Ramone: Lizzie, the guy left, like, 15 years ago. Lizzie: Then why are you bringing him up, you lemon? Sally: Oh, he can do it. He’s got the horsepower​. So, what do you want him to do? Folks: Fix the road! Sally: Because we are a town worth fixing! Folks: Yeah!!! Doc: Order in the court! Seems like my mind has been changed for me. Folks: Yeah!! McQueen: No! Filmore: Nice rulin’. McQueen: Ohh, I am so not take you to dinner. Sally: That’s OK, Stickers. You can take Bessie. Mater: Oh man, you got to work with Bessie! I’d give my left two lug nuts for somethin’ like that. McQueen: Bessie? Who’s Bessie? Doc: This here is Bessie, finest road-pavin​’ machine ever built. I’m hereby sentencing you to community service. You’re gonna fix the road under my supervisio​n. McQueen: What? This place is crazy! Mater: Hey, I know this may be a bad time right now, but tha, you owe me $32,000 in legal fees. McQueen: What? Doc: So we’re gonna hitch you up to sweet Bessie, and you’re gonna pull her nice. McQueen: You’re gotta be kidding me. Doc: You start there where the road begins, you finish down there where the road ends. Mater: Holy shoot! McQueen: Whoa, whoa, whoa! How long is this gonna take? Doc: Well, fella does it right, should take him about five days. McQueen: Five days? But I should be in California schmoozing Dinoco right now! Doc: Then if I were you, I’d quit yappin and start workin’! Hook him up, Mater. Mater: Okay-dokey​. McQueen: Freedom!! Mater: Maybe I should’ve-​a hooked him up to Bessie…a​nd then-a…t​hen took the boot off. McQueen: Wuuuhuuu! Goodbye, Radiator Springs, and goodbye, Bessie! California​, here I come! Yeah! Oh, fell that wind. Yes! No,no,no,n​o! Outta gas? How can I be outta gas? Sheriff: Hahaha. Boy, we ain’t as dumb as you think we are. McQueen: But,but,bu​t how did, how did…you.​..? Sally: We siphoned your gas while you were passed out. Ka-chow. McQueen: Auw,auw,au​w,auw,auww​w!! Sheriff: Hahaha. Sheriff: Gentlemen. Sarge: Sheriff. Filmore: Hai, Sheriff. Luigi: Why the tires are here? Guido: Sono sempre stati qui. Luigi: They were better well before. Guido: Stai sempre a parlare. Luigi: Guido! Lizzie: Red, can you move over? I want to get look at that sexy hot rod. Mater: You know, I used to be a purty good whistler. I can’t do it now of course, on account of sometimes I get fluid built up in my engine block, but Doc said he’s gonna fix it dough. He can fix about anything. That’s why we made him the judge. Boy, you shoulda heard me on Giddy-up, Oom Papa Mow Mow. Now, I’m not one to brag, but people come purty far to see me get low on the “Mow-Mow”. McQueen: Ah? Ah, man, that’s just great! Mater: Hey, what’s wrong? McQueen: My lucky sticker’s all dirty. Mater: Thaah, that ain’t nothin’. I’ll clean it for ya. McQueen: No,no,no! That wouldn’t be necessary. Hey! Hey, big fella! Yeah, you in the red! I could use a little hose down. Help me wash this off. What, where’s he goin’? Mater: Oh, he’s still a little bit shy, and he hates you for killin’ his flowers. McQueen: I shouldn’t have to put up with this. I’m a precision instrument of speed and aerodynami​cs. Mater: You hurt your what? McQueen: I’m a very famous racecar! Luigi: You are a famous racecar? A real racecar? McQueen: Yes, I’m a real racecar. What do you think? Look at me. Luigi: I have followed racing my entire life of my whole life! McQueen: Then you know who I am. I’m Lightning McQueen. Luigi: Lightening McQueen! McQueen: Yes! Yes! Luigi: I must scream it to the world! My excitement from the top of someplace very high! Do you know many Ferraris? McQueen: No,no,no. They race on the European circuit. I’m in the Piston Cup! What? Luigi: Luigi follow only the Ferraris. Flo: Is that what I think it is? Sally: Customers. Customers! Customers, everyone! Customers! OK. Lizzie: Customers? Sally: All right, everybody calm down for a long time. Just remember what we rehearsed. Make sure your “Open, please come in” signs are out. And you all know what to do. All right, nobody panics. Here we go! Minny: Van, I just don’t see any on-ramp anywhere. Van: Minny, I know exactly where we are. Minny: Yeah, we’re in the middle of nowhere. Van: Honey, please. Sally: Hello. Welcome to Radiator Springs, gateway to Ornament Valley. Legendary for it’s quality service and friendly hospitalit​y. How can we help you? Van: We don’t need anything, thank you very much. Minny: Whoa, honey ask her direction to the Interstate​. Van: There’s no need to ask for directions​. Minny, I know exactly where we’re going. Minny: He did the same thing on our trip to Shakopee. You know, we were headed over there for the Crazy Days, and we… Van: OK,OK. Really. We’re just peachy, OK? Filmore: What you really need is the sweet taste of my homemade, organic fuel. Van: No, it doesn’t agree with my tank. Minny: We’re just trying to find the Interstate​. Sarge: Good to see you, Soldier! Come on by Sarge’s Surplus Hut for all your government surplus needs. Minny: Ohh, honey, surplus! Van: I think we have too much surplus. Sally: I do have a map over the Cozy Cone Motel. And if you do stay, we offer a free Lincoln Continenta​l breakfast. Minny: Honey, she’s got a map. Van: I don’t need a map! I have the GPS. Never need a map again, thank you. Flo: How 'bout somethin’ to drink? Stop at Flo’s V8 Cafe. Finest fuel on Route 66. Van: No, we just top off. Luigi: And if you need tires, stop by Luigi’s Casa Della Tires, home of the Leaning Tower of Tires. Minny: We’re just trying to find the Interstate​. Ramone: But you do need a paint job man. Ramone will paint you up right. Hey, anything you want! You know, like a flame job. Minny: No, thanks… Ramone: Maybe ghost flames! You like old school pinstripin​’? Von Dutch style ha? Minny: Oh, honey, look. Von Dutch. Van: Oh, ho, OK, no. Ahahaha. We’re gonna be going now, OK? Auww! Lizzie: A little somethin’ to remember us by, OK? Van: Oh,ha,ha. OK! Sally: Come back soon, OK? I mean, you know where we are! Tell your friends! Van: HohohOK! Yes. You bet. Minny: Thanks again, folks. Bye-bye now. McQueen: Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey, hey,hey! I know how to get to the Interstate​! Minny: Oh, do ya? Van: Minny, no. McQueen: Yeah, yeah,yeah. No, not really. But listen. I’m Lightning McQueen, the famous racecar. I’m being held heren against my will. And I need you to call my team, so they can rescue me, and get me to California in time for me to win The Piston Cup. Do you understand​? McQueen: No,no,no,n​o,no. No, It’s the truth! I’m telling you! You gotta help me! Don’t leave me here! I’m in hillbilly hell! My IQ’s dropping by the second! I’m becoming one of them! Sally: OK, don’t worry. They know where we are now. They’re gonna tell their friends. You’ll see. Radio: And we’ll be back for our Hank Williams marathon..​. Sally: That’s good. Radio:…a​fter a Piston Cup update. Still no sign of Lightning McQueen. Meanwhile, Chick Hicks arrived in California and today became the first car to spend practice time on the track. Chick: Yeah, well it’s just nice to get out here before the other competitor​s. You know, get a headstart. Gives me an edge. Dreaming Song Chick: Yeah. Chick: Hey, McQueen… Eat your heart out. McQueen: Mater, let me get this straight. I can go when this road is done. That’s the deal, right? Mater: That’s what they done did said. McQueen: OK. Outta my way. I got a road to finish. Mater: He’s done! Doc: Done? Mater: Ahmhm. Doc: It’s only been an hour. McQueen: I’m done. Look, I’m finished. Just say thank you, and I’ll be on my way. That’s all I gotta say. Mater: Weehoo! I’m the first one on the new road! Ahho! It rides purty smooth. Sally: It looks awful! McQueen: Well, it matches the rest of the town. Sally: Ahh. Red: Umph, huhuhuh. Sally: Red. Who do you think you are? McQueen: Look, Doc said when I finish, I could go. That was the deal. Doc: The deal was you fix the road, not making it worse. Now, scrape it off! Start over again. McQueen: Hey, look, grandpa, I’m not a bulldozer. I’m a racecar. Doc: Hohoho. Is that right? Then why don’t we just have a little race? Me and you. Sally: What? McQueen: Hohoho. Me and you. Is that a joke? Doc: If you win, you go and I fix the road. If I win, you do the road my way. Sheriff: Doc, what’re you doin’? McQueen: Hahaha. I don’t mean to be rude here Doc, but you probably go zero to sixty in like what? Three-poin​t-five years? Doc: Then I reckon you ain’t got nothin’ to worry about. McQueen: You know what old timer? That’s a wonderful idea. Let’s race. Sheriff: Gentlemen, this will be a one-lap race. You will drive to Willy’s Butte, go around Willy’s Butte and come back. There will be no bumpin’, no cheatin’, no spittin’, no bittin’, no road rage, no maimin’, no oil slickin’, no pushin’, no shovin’, no backstabbi​n’, no road-hoggi​n’ and no lollygaggi​n’. McQueen: Speed. I’m speed. Float like a Cadillac, sting like a Beemer. Luigi: OhHohohoo. My friend Guido, he dream to give a real racecar a pit stop. Guido: Pit stop. McQueen: Aa, haha. The race is only one lap, guys. Uno lappo! Don’t need any help. I work solo mio. Luigi: Fine. Race your way. McQueen: No pit stoppo. Comprendo? Guido: OK. Sheriff: Gentlemen. Start your engines! Ramone: Hijole! Check that out! Filmore: Whoa. Flo: Emm, emm. Sally: Great idea, Doc. Now the road will never get done. Sheriff: Luigi. Luigi: Hohoho. On your mark, get set. Uno for the money, due for the show, tre to get ready, and quattro to… I can’t belive it. Go!! Hahaha. Doc: Yehaa! Hahaha! Sally: Yeah. Luigi: Huh? Doc, the flag means go. Remember the flag. Here we go. Go. Ramone: Uhh, Doc, what are you doing, man? Doc: Oh, dear. It would seem I’m off to a poor start. Well, better late than never. Come on, Mater. Might need a little help. Mater: Ahh, OK. Doc: You got your tow cable? Mater: Well, yeah. I always got my tow cable. Why? Doc: Ohh, just in case. McQueen: Ahh,auw,au​w,auw,no,n​o,no,no,no​! Ramone: Oh, man! Auww!! Filmore: Whoa. Bad trip, man. Doc: Hey! Was that floatin’ like a Cadillac, or was that stingin’ like a Beemer? I’m confused. Mater: Eh,eh,eh. Doc: You drive like you fix roads. Lousy! Have fun fishin’, Mater McQueen: Ahhh! Mater: I’m startin’ to think he knowed you was gonna crash! McQueen: Thank you, Mater. Thank you. McQueen: I can make a little turn on dirt. You think? No. And now I’m a day behind. I’m never gonna get outta here! Ramone: Hey, ese! You need a new paint job, man! McQueen: No, thank you. Filmore: How 'bout some organic fuel? Sarge: That freak juice? McQueen: Pass. Flo: Whooh, watchin’ him workin’ is makin’ me thirsty. Anybody else want somethin’ to drink? Mater: Nah, not me, Flo. I’m on one of them there special diets. I’m a precisiona​l instrument of speed and aero-matic​s. McQueen: “You race like you fix roads.” I’ll show him. I will show him! McQueen: Great! I hate it! Hate, hate, hate, hate it!! Doc: Haha. Music. Sweet music. Sally: Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. McQueen: Radiator Springs, a happy place. Bessie: Peckkk. McQueen: Whoa, OK, Bessie you think that funny? Great! I’m talking to Bessie now! I’m talkin to Bessie!! Mater: Hahaha. Sally: Wow. Mater: Mornin’, Sally! Hey, look at this here fancy new road that Lightnin’ McQueen done just made! Sally: Yes! Amazing! Ramone: Yeah! Flo: Ohh, Ramone, Mama ain’t seen you that low in years. Ramone: I haven’t seen a road like this in years. Flo: Well, then let’s cruise, baby. Ramone: Low and slow. Luigi: E Bellissima​! It’s beautiful! Guido, look, it’s a like it was paved by angels. Ohhh. Mater: Oh, I tell you what. I bet even the roads on the moon ain’t this smooth. Sally: Doc, look at this. Shoulda tossed him into the cactus a lot sooner, huh? Doc: Well, he ain’t finished yet. Still got a long way to go. Luigi: Guido, look at Luigi! Hahaha. This is fantastico​! Sally: That looks like fun! Mater, I got dibs, next turn! Lizzie: Hey, Luigi, this new road makes your place look like a dump. Luigi: Ahhh, that crazy old devil woman. Ohh, ohh. She’s right! Sally: Ohh, ahh! Luigi: Guido! Doc: That punk actually did a good jab. Well, now… where the hack is he? Doc: Sheriff! Is he makin’ another run for it? Sheriff: No,no. He ran outta asphalt in the middle of the night, asked me if he could come down here. All he’s tryin’ to do is make that there turn. McQueen: No,no,no,n​o! Ohh, great. Perfect turns on every track I’ve ever raced on. Doc: Sheriff, why don’t you go get yourself a quart of oil at Flo’s. Doc: I’ll keep an eye on him. Sheriff: Well, thanks, Doc. I’ve been feelin’ a quart low. McQueen: Ahhhhh! Phuahh, thahh! Doc: This ain’t asphalt, son. This is dirt. McQueen: Oh, great. What do you want? You hear to gloat? Doc: You don’t have three-whee​l brakes, so you got to pitch it hard, break it loose and then just drive it with the throttle. Give it too much, you’ll be outta the dirt and into the tulips. McQueen: So you’re a judge, a doctor and a racing expert. Doc: I’ll put it simple. If you goin’ hard enough left, you’ll find yourself turnin’ right. McQueen: Ooo, right. That makes perfect sense. Turn right to go left. Yes! Thank you! Or should I say,“No thank you”? Because in Opposite World, maybe that really means, “Thank you”! Tuh, crazy grandpa car. What an idiot! Doc: Ahhh. McQueen: Turn right to go left. Oh. Whoa, auwwww. Oh, that… AUUUUUWWWW​WW!!! McQueen: Turn right to go left. Guess what. I tried it. You know what? This crazy thing happened..​. I went right! Lizzie: You keep talkin’ to yourself, people’ll think you crazy. McQueen: Thanks for the tip. Lizzie: What? I wasn’t talkin’ to you. Sally: Oh, Guido, e bellissimo​! Guido: Che cosa? Sally: It looks great! This is great! Guido: Ti piace, eh? Si, si, bellissimo​. Mater: Ummmph. Oh, lord. Hehehe. Sheriff: Mater! I need you to watch the prisoner tonight. Mater: Well, dad-gum! Wait a minute, what if he tries to run again? Sheriff: Just let him run outta gas and tow him on back. But keep an eye on him. Mater: Yes, sir! McQueen: While I’m stuck here paving this stinkin’ road, Chick’s in California schmoozing Dinoco. My Dinoco. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who’s touching me? Luigi: You have a slow leak. Guido, he fix. You make a such a nice new road. You come to my shop. Luigi take a good care of you. Eventhough you not a Ferrari. You buy four tires, I give you a full size spare absolutely free! McQueen: Look, I get all my tires for free. Luigi: Hohoho.. I like your style, eh? You drive the hard bargain. OK. Luigi make you a new deal. You buy one tire, I give you three for free! Flo: Aaa… Would you look at that? Ramone, Ramone! Ramone: Hm,hm,hm. Luigi: Then Luigi make you a new deal McQueen: No,no,no,n​o. Deal me out. Pass. No, thank you. Luigi: No,no,no,n​o,no. This is it. My last offer. You buy one tire, I give you seven-a snow tire for all free! Done. You interested​, you call me. You know where I am. McQueen: Fuuuhhh. Ahhhh. Stop! Let me…Tuhh, puahh!! sally: Oh, Red, you missed a spot. See it right there? On the hood right there. McQueen: No, no! Noooo!! Stop, stop! That cold!! Help! Please! Stop! Sally: Thanks, Red. McQueen: What was that for? Sally: Do you want to stay at the Cozy Cone or what? McQueen: Huh? Sally: And if you do, you gotta be clean. 'Cause even here in hillibilly hell we have standards. McQueen: What,I…? I don’t get it. Sally: Nothing I just thought I’d say thank you for doin’ a great job. So I thought I’d let you stay with me. I mean, not with me! But there. Not with me there, but there in your own Cozy Cone. And I’d be in my cone, and it’s… McQueen: Wait. Wait, you’re being nice to me. Sally: I mean if you want to stay at the dirty impound, thats, thats fine. You know, I understand you criminal types. McQueen: No,no,no,n​o. That’s OK. Yeah, the Cozy Cone. Sally: Ehhh. It’s newly refurbishe​d McQueen: Haha. Yeah, it’s like a clever little twist the motel’s made out of caution cones, which, of course, cars usually try to avoid, now we’re gonna stay in them. Haha. That’s funny. Sally: Figure that all out on your own, did you? Cone number one, if you want. McQueen: Auuhhh. McQueen: Hey, do I spy a little pinstripin​g tattoo back there? Sally: Auuww. Haha. That’s just a… Ahhahaha. Auuww. You saw that? Yeah! Just gonna be going. Gonna…Ye​ah. Mater: You know, I once knew this girl Doreen. Good-looki​n’ girl. Looked just like a Jaguar, only she was a truck! You know, I used to crash into her, just so I could spoke to her. McQueen: What are you talking about? Mater: I don’t know. Hey, I know somethin’ we can do tonight, 'cause I’m in charge of watchin’ you! McQueen: No, Mater, I gotta finish this road, and I have to get out of here. Mater: Well, that’s all right, Mr. I Can’t Turn On Dirt. You probably couldn’t handle it anyway. McQueen: Whoa, whoa, easy now, Mater. You know who you’re talkin’ to? This is Lightning McQueen. I can handle anything. McQueen: Mater, I’m not doin’ this. Mater: Oh, come on, you’ll love it. Hehehe. Tractor-ti​ppin’s fun. McQueen: This is ridiculous​. Mater: All right, listen. When I say go, we go. But don’t let Frank catch ya. Go! McQueen: Whoa! Wait! Who, who’s Frank? Mater. Wait, Mater! Mater: OK, here’s what you do. You just sneak up in front of 'em, and then honk. And they do the rest. Watch this. Mater: Hahahaha. I swear, tractors is so dumb! I tell you what, buddy, you don’t get much better than this. McQueen: Yep, you’re livin’ the dream, Mater boy. Mater: I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there. Oh, you turn, bud. McQueen: Mater, I can’t. I don’t even have a horn. Mater: Baby. McQueen: I’m not a baby. Mater: Puuuck, puck, puck. McQueen: Fine. Stop! stop, OK? All right. I’ll do something. Mater & McQueen: Hahahahaha​!!! Mater: That’s Frank. McQueen: Ahhhh!! Mater: Run, hahaha , run!!! Mater: Run! He’s gonna get ya! Hahaha!! Sally: Customers! Mater: Tomorrow night we can go look for the ghostlight​! McQueen: I can’t wait, Mater. Mater: Oh, yeah, I’m tellin’ ya! Oh, boy, you gotta admit that was funnn unn! McQueen: Oh, yeah…yea​h. Mater: Well, we better get you back to the impound lot. McQueen: You know, actually, Sally’s gonna let me stay at the motel. Mater: Aaaa… Gettin’ cozy at the Cone, is we? McQueen: Oh, come…No. No, are you kidding? Besides, she can’t stand me. And I don’t like her, to be honest. Mater: Yeah, you probably right. Hey, look, there’s Miss Sally! McQueen: Where, where? Mater: Hahaha. You’re in love with Miss Sally. McQueen: No, I’m not. Mater: Yes, you do. McQueen: No way. Mater: Way. McQueen: Come on, look Mater: You’re in love with Miss Sally(2X) McQueen: OK, that’s real mature Mater, real grown up. Mater: You love her (7X) McQueen: Wait…All right. OK. Mater, Mater, Mater, no. Will you stop that? Mater: Stop what? McQueen: That’s driving backwards stuff. It’s creeping me out. You’re gonna wreck on somethin’. Mater: Wreck? Shoot! I’m the world’s best backwards driver! You just watch this right here, lover boy. McQueen: What are you doing? Watch out! Look out! Mater? Mater! Mater! McQueen: Hey take it easy, Mater! Mater: Waaaaaaa! Ha,ha,ha! Hee,hee. McQueen: Hahaha. He’s nuts. Mater: No need to watch where I’m goin’. Just need to know where I’ve been. McQueen: Whoa, that was incredible​! How’d you do that? Mater: Rearview mirrors. We’ll get you some, and I’ll teach you if you want. McQueen: Yeah, maybe I’ll use it in my big race. Mater: What’s so important about this race of yours, anyway? McQueen: It’s not just a race. We’re talking about the Piston Cup! I’ve been dreaming about it my whole life! I’ll be the first rookie in history ever to win it. And when I do, we’re talkin’ big new sponsor, with private helicopter​s. No more medicated bumper ointment. No more rusty old cars. Mater: What’s wrong with rusty old cars? McQueen: Well, I don’t mean you, Mater. I mean other old cars. You know? Not like you. I like you. Mater: Nahhh, it’s OK, buddy. Hey, you think maybe one day I can get a ride in one of them helicopter​s? I mean, I’ve always wanted to ride in one of them fancy helicopter​s. McQueen: Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Mater: You mean it? McQueen: Oh, yeah. Anything you say. Mater: I knew it. I knowed I made a good choice! McQueen: In what? Mater: My best friend. Mater: See you tomorrow, buddy! McQueen and Sally parked beneath a tree, K-I-S somethin'somethin’-​somethin’-​t!! McQueen: Hahaha! Whoa, whoa. Haha. McQueen: Number one. Number one…Ahhh​…Number one! McQueen: Ahh, this is nice. Sally: Hey, Stickers. McQueen & Sally: Huh!! Sally: I’m sorry. McQueen: Wohho!! You scared me. You gotta be careful. Sally: I scared myself scaring you scaring me. McQueen: I mean, I wasn’t like “scared” scared. Sally: No, of course not. Not. McQueen: I was more… Sally: Just I overheard you talkin’ to Mater. McQueen: When? Just, just now? What, what did, what did you hear? Sally: Oh, just something about a helicopter ride. McQueen: Oh, yeah. Yeah, he got a kick out of that, didn’t he? Sally: Did you mean it? McQueen: What? Sally: That you’ll get him a ride. McQueen: Oh, who knows? I mean first things first. I gotta get outta here and make the race. Sally: Ah, hah. You know…Mat​er trusts you. McQueen: Yeah, OK. Sally: Did you mean that? McQueen: What? Sally: Was it just a “Yeah, OK”, or “Yeah…OK​” or"Yea-yea​h, OK" McQueen: Look, I’m exhausted. It’s kinda been a long day. Sally: Yeah, OK. G'night. McQueen: Oh ah. Hey, thank you. Sally: What did you just say? McQueen: You know, thanks for lettin’ me stay here. It’s nice to be out of the impund, and this is… It’s great. Newly refurbishe​d, right? Sally: Yeah. McQueen: Good night. Sally: Good night. Sally: Huhh. Sarge: Will you turn that disrespect​ful junk off? Filmore: Respect the classics, man. It’s Hendrix! McQueen: Ahh…huh.​..please..​.huh… Dreaming Song McQueen: No!! Frank: Uarghhh!! McQueen: Noooo!!! I gotta get outta here! McQueen: Hey, have you seen the Sheriff? Oh! Oh, my gosh. Oh! Doc: Hey, what are you doin’? Sheriff: Get a good peak, city boy? McQueen: I,a..a..I just need my daily gas ration from the Sheriff. Doc: Wait for him at Flo’s. Now get outta here. McQueen: I’ve been trying to get outta here for three days! Sheriff: Hope you enjoyed the show! McQueen: Whoaho, Doc. Time to clean out the garage, buddy, come on. McQueen: What? He has a Piston Cup? McQueen: Oh, my gosh. Three Piston Cup? Doc: Sign says stay out. McQueen: You, you have three Piston Cups. How could you have… Doc: I knew you couldn’t drive. I didn’t know you couldn’t read. McQueen: You’re the Hudson Hornet! Doc: Wait over at Flo’s, like I told ya! McQueen: Of course. I can’t belive I didn’t see it before. You’re The Fabulous Hudson Hornet! You still to hold the record for most wins in single season. Oh, we gotta talk. You gotta show me your tricks. Please. Doc: I already tried that. McQueen: And you won the championsh​ip three times! Look at those trophies! Doc: You look. All I see is a bunch of empty cups. Filmore: You know, some automotive yoga could really lower your RPM’s, man. Sarge: Oh, take a car wash, hippie. Flo: Yeah, look at my husband, y'all. Hooo…Tha​t’s your color! Ramone: Yellow, baby. Hahaha. Flo: Mmm! You smokin’ hot! Sheriff: There he is! McQueen: Oh, my gosh! Did you know Doc is a famous racecar? Folks: Hahahaha! Sheriff: Doc? Our Doc? Sarge: Not Doc Hudson. McQueen: No,no,no,n​o, it’s true! He’s a real racing legend. He’s The Fabulous Hudson Hornet! Flo: Fabulous? I never seen Doc drive more than 20 miles an hour. I mean, have you ever seen him race? McQueen: No, but I wish I could have of. They say he was amazing! He wins three Piston Cups. Mater: Phooah!! He did what in his cup? Sheriff: I think the heat’s startin’ to get to the boy! Lizzie: Well, I’ll say! Look how red he is! Ramone: Yeah, I think he needs a new coat of poly, man. Mater: Are you sick, buddy? Sheriff: You are lookin’ a little peaked. Ramone: Yeah, he needs a new coat of poly for sure! Sheriff: Hey, hey! What are you doin’? Sally: It’s OK, Sheriff. You can trust me, right? Sheriff: I trust you, all right. It’s him I’m worried about. Sally: Mmm… I trust him. Come on, let’s take a drive. McQueen: A drive? Sally: Yeah, a drive. Don’t you big city racecars ever just take a drive? McQueen: Ahhh…No. No, we don’t. Sally: Hey, Stickers! Do you comin’ or what? Flo: Ahmm. And you thought he was gonna run. Ramone: Hey, can you believe it, man? He actually thought Doc was a famous racecar! Hahaha… That’s so too much!! McQueen: OK, you got me out here. Where are we goin’? Sally: I don’t know. McQueen: Whoa! Yes. Sally: Hahaha. McQueen: Whoa! Hahaha. Uahh!! Sally: Hahaha. McQueen: Thahhh! Sally: Ah.. hahaha! Sally: Ah.. hahaha! McQueen: Hahaha! Thuhhh!!Th​uhh!! McQueen: Wow! What is this place? Sally: Wheel Well. Used to be the most popular stop on the mother road. McQueen: This place? Sally: Yeah, imagine…​Oh, imagine what it must have been like to stay here. McQueen: You know, I don’t get you. How does a Porsche wind up in a place like this? Sally: Well, it’s really pretty simple. I was…an attorney in LA livin’ life in the fast lane, and. McQueen: Oh, you were, were you? Were you rich? Sally: What? McQueen: Just…clu​es to the puzzle. Sally: Yeah, OK. Well, that was my life. And you know what? It never felt…hap​py. McQueen: Yeah. I mean…rea​lly? Sally: Yeah. So I left California​. Just drove and drove and finally broke down right here. Doc fixed me up, Flo took me in. Well, they all did. And I never left. McQueen: Yeah. You know, I understand​. You need a little R & R. Recharge and old batteries. But you know, after a while, why didn’t you go back? Sally: I fell in love. McQueen: Ohh. Sally: Yep. McQueen: Corvette? Sally: No. Sally: I fell in love with this. McQueen: Whoa. Look at that. Look, they’re drivin’ right by. They don’t even know what they’re missing! Sally: Well, it didn’t used to be that way. McQueen: Oh, yeah? Sally: Yeah. Forty years ago, that Interstate down there didn’t exist. McQueen: Really? sally: Yeah. Back then, cars came across the country a whole different way. McQueen: How do you mean? Sally: Well, the road didn’t cut through land like that Interstate​. It moved with the land, you know? It rose, it fell, it curved. Folk: Mornin’! Folk: Nice day, huh? Sally: Cars didn’t drive on it to make a great time. They drove on it to have a great time. Song McQueen: Well, what happened? Sally: The town got bypassed just to save ten minutes of driving. Song McQueen: How great would it have been to see this place in its heyday! Sally: Ohh…I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamed of that. But one of these days, we’ll find a way to get it back on the map. McQueen: Yeah. Hey, listen, thanks for the drive. I had a great time. It’s kinda nice to slow down every once in a while. Sally: You’re welcome. Mater: Hey, listen, listen! If anybody asks you, we was out smashin’ mailboxes, OK? McQueen: Wha… What? Ramone: Oh, man, the paint’s still wet! Luigi: No,no,no,n​o! Get out of the store! Hey! Don’t eat the radial! Here, take-a the snow tires. Sheriff: Mater! Mater: I wasn’t tractor-ti​ppin’! Sheriff: Then where did all these gol-durn tractors come from? Mater: Whoa, boy! Whoa! McQueen: Hahaha. Hey! Hey guys. There’s one goin’ this way. I got it. McQueen: Come here, little tractor, come here. Yeah, that’s a good tractor. No,no,no,n​o, come here. What are you doing? You’re not supposed to go wandering off all…alon​e. McQueen: What are you doin’ with those old racin’ tires? Doc: Huuhhh. McQueen: Come on, Doc, drive. Doc: Ahhhh. Yeah. McQueen: Wow! You’re amazing! What are you doin’? Doc, wait! Mater: Giddup right in there! Come on, Rusty. Weee…hey​y! McQueen: Doc, hold it! Seriously, your driving’s incredible​! Doc: Wonderful. Now, go away. McQueen: Hey, I mean it. You’ve still got it! Doc: I’m askin’ you to leave. McQueen: Come on. I’m a racecar, you’re… a much older racecar, but under the hood you and I are the same. Doc: We are not the same! Understand​? Now, get out. McQueen: How could a car like you quit at the top of your game? Doc: You think I quit? McQueen: Right. Your big wreck in '54. Doc: They quit on me. When I finally got put together, I went back expecting a big welcome. You know what they said? “You’re history”. Moved right on to the next rookie standing in line. There was a lot left in me. I never got chance to show 'em. I keep that, to remind me never to go back. I just never expected that that world would…wo​uld find me here. McQueen: Hey, look, Doc, I’m not them. Doc: Oh, yeah? McQueen: No, I’m not. Doc: When is the last time you cared about something except yourself, hot rod? You name me one time. And I will take it all back. Ahhuh? I didn’t think so. These are good folk around here, who care about one another. I don’t want 'em depending on someone they can’t count on. McQueen: Oh, like you? You’ve been here how long and your friends don’t even know who you are? Who’s caring about only himself? Doc: Just finish that road and get outta here! sarge: Will you turn that disrespect​ful junk off? Filmore: Respect the classics, man. Mater: He’s done. He must’ve finished it while we was all sleepin’. Doc: Good riddance. Flo: He’s gone? Sarge: Well, we wouldn’t want him to miss that race of his. Sheriff: Hisk…his​k. Ramone: Oh, dude, are you crying? Sheriff: No! I’m happy! I don’t have to watch him every second of the day anymore! I’m glad he’s gone! Red: Hahaha. McQueen: What’s wrong with Red? Mater: Oh, he’s just sad 'cause you left town, and went to your big race to win the Piston Cup that you’ve always dreamed about your whole life and get that big ol’ sponsor and that fancy helicopter you was talkin’ about. Mater: Huuhh! Wait a minute! Folks: Hahaha. Mater: I knowed you wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. McQueen: Hahaha. Sheriff: What are you doin’ here, son? You’re gonna miss your race. Don’t worry. I’ll give you a police escort, and we’ll make up the time. McQueen: Thank you, Sheriff. But you know I can’t go just yet. Sheriff: Well, why not? McQueen: I’m not sure these tires…ca​n get me all the way to California​. Yeah, does anybody know what time Luigi’s opens? Luigi: Ah..haha! I can’t-a believe it! Luigi: Four new tires! Grazien, Mr. Lightning. Grazien! Flo: Would you look at that! Luigi: Our first real customers in years! I am filled with tears of ecstacy, for this is the most glorious day of my life! McQueen: All right, Luigi, give me the best set of blackwalls you’ve got. Luigi: No,no,no,n​o! You don’t-a know what you want. Luigi know what you want. Blackwall tires. They blend into the pavement. But-a this…whi​te-wall tires! They say, “Look at me! Here I am! Love me.” McQueen: All right, you’re the expert. Luigi: Eh, hehehee! McQueen: Oh, and don’t forget the spare. Luigi: Perfetto. Guido! Guido: Peet stop! Song Luigi: Hahaha! What did Luigi tell you, aey? McQueen: Wow, you were right. Better than a Ferrari, huh? Luigi: Aaa, No. McQueen: Wow! This organic fuel is great! Why haven’t I heard about it before? Filmore: It’s a conspiracy​, man! The oil companies got a grip on the government​! They’re feedin’ us a bunch of lies, man. McQueen: OK, I’ll take a case. Ramone: Ahh.. Yeah. Ka-chow. Mater: Here she comes! McQueen: Places, everybody. Hurry! Act natural. Folks: Hi, Sally. Sally: All right, what’s goin’ on? Mater: Ladies and gentlecars​, please welcome the neeewww Lightning McQueen! McQueen: What do you think? Radiator Springs looks pretty good on me. Sally: I’ll say. Rrr. Ka-chow. You’re gonna fit right in in California​. Oh my goodness. It looks like you’ve helped everybody in town. McQueen: Yeah, everybody except one. Hey, is it getting dark out? Lizzie: What? What’d he say? McQueen: Let me say that again. Is it getting dark out? Lizzie: Now, what was I supposed to do after that? Song Sally: They fixed their neon. Flo: Low and slow? Ramone: Oh, yeah, baby! McQueen: Just like in its heyday, right? Sally: It’s even better than I pictured it. Thank you. McQueen: Shall we cruise? Lizzie: Oh, thank you, dear. I’d love to! McQueen: No,no,no. Sally: Lizzie! Lizzie: I remember when Stanley first asked me to take a drive with him. Mater: Hey, Miss sally. May I have this cruise? Sally: Of course, Mater. Sheriff: A,a,ah! Lizzie: …and again and I said, “No,” and he asked me again, and I said, “No.” But, oh, he was a persistent little burger for a two-cylind​er. Finally I said, “All right, one little drive.” Mater: Hahaha. McQueen: Hey! Sally: Thanks, Mater. Mater: Good evenin’, you two. Lizzie: Oh, Stanley, I wish you could see this. Flo: Is that what I think it is? Sally: Oh, I don’t know, Flo. I haven’t had a chance to find out. But I am going to find out. Hello. Flo: Not that. That. Sally: Huh. Customers? Flo: Customers, everybody! And a lot of 'em! You know what to do. Just like we rehearsed. Mater: It’s the ghostlight​! Helicopter​: We have found McQueen. We have found McQueen! Cameramen: McQueen, over here! McQueen: Aaa, wait, excuse me. Cameramen: Is it true you’ve been in rehab? Cameramen: Did you have a nervous breakdown, McQueen. McQueen: I’m sorry, what? Cameramen: McQueen’s wearing whitewalls​! Cameramen: Are the tires you wearing are turning balding? Sally: Stickers, McQueen! Cameramen: Was Lightning McQueen your prisoner? Mater: Shoot, no! We’re best buds! I ain’t braggin’ or nothin’, but I was in charge of huntin’ him down if he tried to escape. McQueen: Sally, Sally! Kori: McQueen! Will you still race for the Piston Cup? Sally: Stickers? McQueen: Sally! Cameramen: Come on, give us some bolt! Mack: You’re here! Thank the manufactur​er! You’re alive! McQueen: Mack? Mack: You’re here! I can’t belive it! Oh, hoho. You are a sight for some headlights​! I’m so sorry I lost you, boss. I’ll make it up to you! McQueen: Mack, I, I can’t belive you’re here. Harv: Is that the world’s fastest racing machine? McQueen: Is that Harv? Mack: Yeah. He’s in the back. Cameramen: Show us the bolt, McQueen! Mack: Get back, you oil-thirst​y parasites! Cameramen: Hey, where’s the old McQueen? Mack: Actually, this is my good side here. Cameramen: Show us the bolt! McQueen: Harv! Harv! Cameramen: Give us the bolt! McQueen: Harv? Cameramen: Come on! Harv: Kid, I’m over here! McQueen: How you doin’, buddy? Harv: My star client disappears off the face of the earth! How do you think I’m doing? McQueen: Harv, I can explain. Harv: I’m doing great! You’re everywhere​, baby! Radio, TV, the papers! You can’t buy this kind of publicity! What do you need me for? That’s just a figure of speech, by the way. You signed a contract. Where are you? I can’t even find you on my GPS. McQueen: I’m in this little town called Radiator Springs. You know Route 66? It’s still here! Harv: Yeah, that’s great, kid. Playtime is over, pal. While the world’s been trying to find you, Dinoco has had no one to woo. Who are they gonna woo? McQueen: Chick! Harv: Bingo. In fact, check out what’s on the plasma right now. Cameramen: Show us the thunder! Chick: You want thunder? You want thunder? Ka-chicka, ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! McQueen: Hey, that’s my bit! Harv: You’ve gotta get to Cali, pronto! Just get out of Radiation Stinks now, or Dinoco is history, you hear me? McQueen: Just give me a second here, Harv. Harv: No,no,no, wait. Where are goin’. Get in the trailer, baby. Kid! You want, you want a bigger trailer? McQueen: Sally, I…I want you to… Look, I wish…Ahh​hh. Sally: Thank you. Thanks for everything​. McQueen: Ah. Haha. It just a road. Sally: No. It was much more than that. Mack: Hey, kid! We gotta go. Harv’s goin’ crazy! He’s gonna have me fired if I don’t get you in the truck right now! McQueen: Mack, just… hold it for… Sally: You should go. McQueen: I know, but… Sally: Good luck in California​. I hope you find what you’re looking for. Cameramen: McQueen, come on! McQueen: Sally! Cameramen: Show us the bolt, McQueen! The bolt! Hey, Lightning, show us the bolt! Cameramen: Where’s the old McQueen? Harv: Come on, get in the trailer. That’s it. That’s right kid, let’s go! You’re a big shining star. You’re a superstar. You don’t belong there, anyway. McQueen: Whoa… Wait…Who​a,whoa,wai​t,wait! Cameramen: Hey, guys! McQueen’s leavin’ in the truck! Kori: Hey, are you Doc Hudson? Doc: Yeah. Kori: Thanks for the call. Sally: You called them? Doc: It’s best for everyone, Sally. Sally: Best for everyone, or best for you? Mater: I didn’t get to say goodbye to him. Bob: Hello, race fans, and welcome to what has become, quite simply, the biggest event in the history of racing. A three way battle for the Piston Cup! Darrell: There’s a crowd of nearly 200,000 cars here at the Los Angeles Internatio​nal Speedway. Tickets to this race are hotter than a black leather seat on a hot summer day! Bob: The King, Chick Hicks and Lightning McQueen in a 200 laps, winner-tak​es-all, tiebreaker race. Darrell: You know I got a lotta miles on me, but let me tell you somethin’ buddy. I never thought I’d see anything like this. Wow! Man. This is exciting! Bob: In fact, the country has almost shut down, to watch what many experts are calling “the race of the century.” Junior: Hey, King! Good luck in your last race. You’ve sure been an inspiratio​n to me. The King: Thanks, Junior. Appreciate it. Dear: Hey, be careful out there, OK? The King: Yeah, mam. Mia: He’s hot. Chick: Wanna know the forecast? I’ll give you the forecast. A 100 percent chance of thunder! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Say it with me! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Security: Hey, you! No admittance without a garage pass. Fred: Oh, it’s OK. Lightning McQueen knows me! Andretti: Hey, Marco, it’s a beautiful day for a race, isn’t it? Security: Absolutely​, Mr. Andretti. Andretti: And good morning to you, Fred. Fred: Mario Andretti he knows my name! You gotta let me in now! Security: Sorry, pal. McQueen: OK, here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed. Victory, one winner, two losers. Speed. Speed. Speed. Speed… Mack: Hey, Lightnin’! You ready? McQueen: Yeah, yeah, yeah! I’m…I’m ready. McQueen: Mack, thanks for being my pit crew today. Mack: Nahh. Don’t worry about it, kid. It’s the least I could do. After all, “Gas Can” is my middle name. McQueen: It is? Mack: Nahh, not really. Small aeroplane: A. O. TV Crew: Nelson! Zoom in. Ready, 16? Take 16. Bob: And there he is, Lightning McQueen! Missing all week, and then he turns up in the middle of nowhere! In a little town called Radiator Springs. Darrell: Wearin’ whitewall tires, of all things. Chick: Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Hahaha. Hey, where you been? I’ve been kinda lonely. Nobody to hang out with. I mean, except the Dinoco folks. Ohhh and the twins. Of course. You know the twins the one that used to be your fans, but now they’re my fans. Anyway, listen to what the twins think… McQueen: Ahh. Shoot! Fans: Boogity, boogity, boogity, boys! Let’s go racin’! Dear: Come on, you can do it! Tex: Come on kid, make us proud, boy! Bob: Fifty laps down, and The King is still holding a slim lead. Darrell: Hey, McQueen’s got a run on him! He’s lookin’ to the inside! Ohh! Chick slammed the door on him! Bob: Chick’s not making it easy on him today. Darrell: Oh, man, he lost so much momentum, and now he’s gonna have to chase him back down! Bob: Ohhh, McQueen spins out in the infield! Chick: Hahaha! Just me and the old man, fellas. McQueen just doesn’t have it today. Mack: Hey, kid, are you all right? McQueen: I don’t know, Mack. I..I… I don’t think I… Doc: I didn’t come all this way to see you quit. McQueen: Doc? Guys: Yey.. Hahaha. McQueen: Guys, you’re here! I can’t believe this! Doc: I knew you needed a crew chief, but I didn’t know it was this bad. McQueen: I thought you said you’d never come back. Doc: Well, I really didn’t have a choice. Mater didn’t get to say goodbye. Mater: Goodbye!! Okay, I’m good. McQueen: Hahaha! Doc: All right, if you can drive as good as you fix a road, then you can win this race with you eyes shut. Now, get back out there! Hot snot, we are back in business! Guido! Luigi! You’re goin’ up against profession​al pit crews boys, you’re gonna have to be fast. Luigi: They will not know what bit them! Doc: Kid, you can beat these guys. Find a groove that works for you and get that lap back. Chick’s Crew: Is that? Chick’s Crew: Oh, wow. That’s him! TV Crew: Is that…? That’s the Hudson Hornet! Bob, Darrell! The Hudson Hornet’s back! Bob: Darrell, it appears McQueen has got himself a pit crew. And look who he has for a crew chief! Fans: Wow… Look, man. It’s the Hudson Hornet! Biggest fan: Whoa!! Fans: Well, dip me in axle grease and call me Slick! It surely is. Biggest fan: Hahahahaha​! Bob: Wow, this is history in the making. Nobody has seen the racing legend in over 50 years! Lizzie: Hey, Doc! Come look at the fellow on the radio. He looks just like you. Bob: McQueen passes them on the inside! Darrell: But he’s still nearly a lap fail. Bob: Can he catch up to them with only 60 laps to go? Doc: You’re goin’ great, kid. Just keep your head on. Guido: Vai! Vai! Vai,vai! Chick’s crew: Hey, shrimpie, where did McQueen find you, huh? Those round things are called tires, and they go under the car! All Chick’s Crew: Hahahahaha​!!! Guido: Con chi credi di parlare? Ma, con chi stai parlando? Luigi: No! No, no! You’ll have your chance. You will have your chance. Chick: Oh, kid’s just tryin’ to be a hero, huh? Well, what do you think of this? Yeah, that’s it kid. Whats?? Mater: Whoa! Git-R-done​! Hahaha! I taught him that. Ka-chow! Chick Crew: Auuww! Bob: What a move by McQueen! He’s caught up to the leaders. Darrell: Oh, yeah. This is what it’s all about. A three-way battle for the lead, with ten to go. Tex: Hahaha! Look at that boy go out there! Chick: No, you don’t. McQueen: Doc, I’m flat! I’m flat! Doc: Can you get back to the pits? McQueen: Yeah, yeah. I think so. Doc: Hey, got a yellow. Bring it in. Don’t tear yourself up, kid. Mack: We gotta get him back out there fast or we’re gonna be a lap down, and we’ll never win this race! Doc: Guido! It’s time. Chick Crew: Hey, tiny, you gonna clean his windshield​? Hahaha! Darrell: I don’t believe it! Bob: That was the fastest pit stop I’ve ever seen! Darrell: It was a great stop, but he’s still gotta beat that pace car out! Bob: It’s gonna be close. Mater: Yeah!! Biggest Fan: Yeah, baby!! Fans: Yeah… Hahaha! Darrell: Yeah!! He’s back in the race! Guido: Peet stop. Luigi: Guido, you did it! Mater: Way to go, Guido! Ramone: Yeah!! Bob: This is it. We’re heading into the final lap and McQueen is right behind the leaders. What a comeback! Darrell: A hundred and ninety-nin​e laps, and, baby, it all comes down to this! Doc: This is it, kiddo. You’ve got four turns left. One at a time. Drive it in deep and hope it sticks. Go! Chick: We’ll see about that! Bob: McQueen’s going inside! Bob: Chick and The King are loose! Darrell: I think McQueen is out of the race! Darrell: McQueen saved it! Bob: He’s back on the track! Doc: Float like a Cadillac..​. McQueen: Sting like a Beemer! Biggest Fan: Ka-chow, ka-chow, ka-chow! Fans: Wooowww! Folks: Yeeehaaaa! Hahaha. Darrell: Lightning McQueen is gonna win the Piston Cup! Sally: Come on! You got it! You got it, Stickers! Chick: I am not comin’ in behind you again, old man. Dear: Oh, no! Chick: Yeah… Woooww! I won, baby! Yeah! Oh, yeah! Flo: What’s he up to, Doc? The King: What are you doin’, kid? McQueen: I think The King should finish his last race. The King: You just gave up the Piston Cup, you know that? McQueen: Ahhh. This grumpy old racecar I know once told me somethin’. It’s just an empty cup. Bob: Darrell, is pushing on the last lap legal? Darrell: Hey, man. He’s not really pushin’ him. He’s just givin’ him a little bump draft. Chick: Whoaa.. Hohooo!! Hey. What? What’s goin’ on? Fan: That’s what I call racin’ right there. Tex: Hahaha! Luigi: Bravo il mio amico! Mater: Way to go, buddy! Filmore: There’s a lotta love out there, you know, man? Sarge: Don’t embarrass me, Filmore. Lizzie: That’s my hot rod. Chick: Come on, baby, bring it out! Bring out the Piston Cup! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Yeah! Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Hey, how come I’m the only one celebratin​g is me, huh? Where are the girls? Bring on the confetti! Auuww! Auuww! Easy with the confetti. What’s goin’ on? Come on, snap some pictures. I gotta go sign my deal with Dinoco! Ka-chicka! Say it with me. Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Cameramen: Booo! Mia & Tia: Booo! Chick: What’s wrong with everybody? Where’s the happiness? Hey! This is the start of the Chick era! Dear: Thanks, Lightnin’. McQueen: You’re welcome. Fan: Way to go, King! Fan: You’re still the car! Biggest Fan: You’re The King! Yeah! Rust-eze Folks: Yeah! Hahahaha! Mack: Wahh! Hoo! Rust-eze Car: You make us proud, kid! Mack: Congrats on the loss, me bucko! Doc: You got a lotta of stuff, kid. McQueen: Thanks, Doc. Tex: Hey, Lightnin’. How 'bout comin’ over here and talk to me a minute? Son, that was some real racin’ out there. How’d you like to become the new face of Dinoco? McQueen: But I didn’t win. Tex: Lightnin’, there’s a whole lot more to racin’ than just winnin’. Rust-eze Van: He was so rusty, when he drove down the street. Hahaha. Buzzards used to circle the car! Folks: Hahahaha. McQueen: Thank, you, Mr. Tex, but…but these Rust-eze guys over there gave me my big break. I’m gonna stick with them. Tex: Well, I sure can respect that. Still, you know, if there’s ever anything I can do for you, just let me know. McQueen: I sure appreciate that. Thank you. Actually, there is one thing. Mater: Whoah! Hoo! Aaaa! Hey look at me! I’m flyin’, by golly! Whoahh! Hoo! I’m happier than a tornado in a trailer park! Luigi: I think it’s about-a time we redecorate​. Michael Schumacker​: Chow! Hi, Lightning McQueen told me this was the best place in the world to get tires. How 'bout setting me and my friends up with three or four sets each? Luigi: Huh. Guido! There is a real Michael Schumacker Ferrari in my store. A real Ferrari! Punch me, Guido. Punch me in the face. This is the most glorious day of my life. Michael Schumacker​: Wow. Spero che il tuo amico si riprenda. Mi dicono che siete fantastici​. Sally: Uh..huh!. Hahaha. Just passin’ through? McQueen: Actually, I thought I’d stop and stay awhile. I hear this place is back on the map. Sally: It is? McQueen: Yeah, there’s some rumor floating around that some hotshot Piston Cup racecar is setting up his big racing headquarte​rs here. Sally: Really? Well, there goes the town. McQueen: You know, I really missed you, Sally. Sally: Well, I create feelings in others they themselves don’t understand and, blah, blah, blah, blah. McQueen: Hahaha. Mater: McQueen and Sally parked beneath the tree, K-i-s-s…​i-n-t! McQueen: Great timing, Mater! Mater: Hep-non, hip-hep, hi-li-lill​y! Weeeee!! McQueen: He’s my best friend. What’re you gonna do? Sally: So, Stickers, last one to Flo’s buys? McQueen: I don’t know. Why don’t we just take a drive? Sally: Mmm. Nahh. McQueen: Yeah! Ka-chow! Mater: Yeeeehoooo​!!!!! Song -X-X-X THE END X-X-X

Bad Moon Rising [Modern!Kylo x Reader]

Summary: You somehow manage to get a flat tire in a bad neighborhood after your closing shift at work. An unlikely stranger is willing to help, as much as you’re unwilling to accept it.

A/N: Alright. Here’s my first go at this. I wanted to add more detail, but I think I’m going to end up making this into a short series (I already have part 2 written!) so I wanted to get through the inciting incident first. Hope y’all like it!

Warnings: Language.


The night was frigid and exceedingly dark, the heavy cloud cover blocking out any light from the moon. You hated working late, but that was exactly what you had done every day this week. Working late was one thing but working late in retail was another. At the end of a dayshift you could grab your stuff and leave. But a night shift just took it out of you. You had to restock and tidy up and didn’t end up leaving until an hour after the store had closed. Now you were exhausted and just wanted to get home, so you decided to take your shortcut. It would get you home faster but you had to drive through some sketchy areas first. During the day this wasn’t a problem, but now was nearly midnight and the city was basically dead. This route would get you home much faster, however, and all you could think about was getting in bed.

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4

Max Machine Markup
1989 240sx
Suspension
BC racing coils
Custom valving
Swift springs 16/14k
Front:
Heat maker hotside knuckle
Heat maker hotside 40mm extended FLCA
Heat maker powerbrace
Ikeya Formula iner tierod
Tien outer tierod
Pbm tension rods
Pbm rack bushings
Moog ball joints
Energy suspension flca bushings
Rear:
Pbm RUCA
Pbm drop knuckles
Spl toe rods
Energy suspension subframe bushings
GK tech subframe reinforcement
Engine:
Redtop sr20det
Apexi power fc d-jetro
Wiring specialties pro harness
Yellow top subaru 550cc injectors
s15 spec-r t28
Tomei head gasket
Tomei expreme exhaust mani
Tomei oil cap
Tomei spark plug cover
Aem boost controller
Aem wideband
Aem air filter
Arp head studs
Arp main studs
Arp flywheel bolts
Acl bearings
Aeromotive stealth 340 fuel pump
Moroso oil pan
Chase bays ps kit
GK tech catch can
GK tech fan
CX fmic
Greddy pulleys
Koyorad radiator
Custom downpipe with flex
Dual exhaust with vibrant race muffler
Drivetrain:
DSS one piece drive shaft
Xtd stock replacement clutch
Xtd light weight flywheel
Welded diff with Villains plates
Villains z33 conversion stub shafts
Z33 axles
4.3 final drive
Brakes:
Pbm front bbk
Pbm front z32 calipers
Braded ss brakelines
Z32 1 1/16" bmc
Acadia rear rotors + custom brackets
Ebc green rear pads
Exterior:
Hot road front bumper
Home made splitter
Car modify wonder skirts
Car modify wonder rear bumper
Ls460 exhaust tips
Gt-1 break ito spoiler
Dmax roof spoiler
Shaved and painted oem tail lights
Dmax hood
Dmax front position lights
Ebay rain visors
Aeromarker mirrors
Gramlights 17x9 +12, 18x9.5 +22
Arp extended studs
Muteki sr48 lug nuts
Slip-on spacers out the ass
Interior:
Bride zeta iii
Buddy club rails
Bride brix ii
Bride rails
Noname hub
Nrg short quick release
Jdm woodgrain 330mm wheel
Og nissan horn button
Tomei shift knob
Aem gauges
Pbm drift button
Brown recluse garage 4pt with door bars
Slamburglars plaque
Hella dog hair

Secrets (part 1)

Here it is! My Superhero AU. Will be updated weekly every Wednesday :) 

Setting: Superhero AU

Pairings: NaLu

Summary: Natsu had a secret, a secret that would put his fiancée’s life is in danger. The secret he was holding in was tearing their relationship apart slowly, but he couldn’t tell her for her own safety. When the time comes will he choose his secret life, or the love of his life?

Read on Fanfction here!

“Natsu, come in Natsu.”

“What’s up Levy?”

“Robbery in progress at Magnolia Gems. Gray and Gajeel are already on the way.”

“Roger that Levy on my way.” Natsu pulled on the sleeve of his outfit revealing a watch. Checking the time with a smirk, he mumbled, “I still got plenty of time.”

Natsu stood up from his sitting position on the roof before taking off in a sprint, jumping off the roof onto another one. He’d never grow tired of this, the feeling of the wind against his face and adrenaline in his veins.

He sure did love protecting his city, the fighting was a major bonus too.

The commotion became louder as he came closer to the scene, the sound of fists colliding and battle cries always got him fired up. He jumped off the rooftop into an alley on the side of the store, slowly going around the corner to look inside the building. Gray and Gajeel, two people Natsu would begrudgingly call his friends, had the culprits bound in ice and iron. Natsu pouted as he seen that the criminals were already apprehended. He busted in the glass doors, pieces going everywhere. The two dark haired males looked at him with angered looks.

“You dumbass!” Gray scolded. “You always have to wreck something dontcha?!”

Natsu grinned, “Always. Flashy entrances are just a part of being a superhero!”

Gajeel scoffed at the comment. “You’re an idiot Salamander, that’s movie shit.”

“You got something to say, Lug Nut?” Natsu said, his fist ablaze.

Gajeel smirked, his arm turning into a sword. “You bet I do-”

“Would you two shut up?!” Gray exclaimed. “There’s two criminals apprehended here, and I doubt they’re gonna take us seriously-”

“Yeah? You really think they’re gonna take you seriously without a shirt?” Natsu cut him off, Gray immediately looked down at his bare torso.

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Make ‘Em Laugh

Summary: Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. Also on Ao3.

Notes: Didn’t get this one out in time for fluff week, but really, every week can be a fluff week. Many thanks to @piratesimmons​ for both the prompt and coming up with the exhaust joke. 

*

“But why are we fixing the warthog?” Grif whined.

“I don’t get why you’re complaining. At least we’re inside.” Simmons said, tightening the lug nuts. “You hate patrol. You hate walking around. You hate spying on the Blues. At least we’re stationary and we’re working on cars. You like cars.”

Okay, it was true he liked cars, but he hated any kind of work, especially when he was being told what to do. And he definitely picked up vehicles and weaponry pretty fast even though he tried to hide it. Last thing he needed was anyone thinking he was proficient at anything. He was done with that life.

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Roommate Needed

I wrote this for Nalu Day but I never ended up posting it. It’s my first oneshot, which I found harder to write than multi-chapter fics. But anyways, here is my first oneshot.

Rated T for language.

Summary: AU. Lucy is in need of a new place to live and stumbles across a sketchy flyer from someone looking for a new roommate. Little did she know at the time that the sketchy flyer just so happened to be one of the greatest things life had given her.

Also on FF.net


Roommate Needed!

Lucy Heartfilia stopped in her tracks and snatched the flyer off of the library’s bulletin board. The simple, white piece of paper with those two words and a single phone number at the bottom-right corner was like a gift sent from the gods. The girl had been searching for months for a new place to live that was in her budget- her low budget, mind you.

Her current apartment was in her budget but didn’t have enough amenities. The place had no air conditioning, her bedroom was cramped, there was no on-site laundromat, and water, electricity, and trash were not included in the rent. Worse than that, however, was the fact that there was no bathtub. Instead, there was a standup shower.

But worst of all was her roommate. While her roommate, Brandish, was a nice girl that Lucy considered a friend, she was a terrible roommate. Brandish was a tad lazy, saving off chores and forcing Lucy to do all of them herself. She also skimmed out on some of the rent every other month. Too kind to say anything about it, the girl allowed it to continue and picked up extra shifts at the library to be able to pay for everything. But being a junior in college, extra shifts cut into her schoolwork. Having to end working overtime, she was left unable to continue paying for so much.

Which led Lucy to where she was now.

Lucy frowned and flipped the paper to the other side to see if there was any more information. Unfortunately, it was blank. The flyer only contained a phone number, not even the name of the person renting it out. Was it sketchy? Definitely. But hey, she was desperate. It wouldn’t hurt to make a call, right?

After clocking out and saying goodbye to her boss, an old man named Crux, Lucy slung the straps of her backpacks over her shoulders and ventured outside. The sky was dark and full of twinkling stars, stars that she had loved staring at. She was able to see her breath as she exhaled due to the chilly air.

Walking home took about twenty minutes for Lucy- had it not been night, it would’ve been closer to thirty. The walking distance to the school was one of the few good features about her apartment. Admittedly, it did make her question moving. But there was always the bus considering it was free for students enrolled at Magnolia University.

With a heavy sigh, Lucy opened the door to her apartment, ready to see what kind of mess Brandish had made while she was gone. As always, dishes were piled in the sink and food was left on the counter. The scent of weed filled her nostrils, which wasn’t surprising. Brandish was an avid stoner. Lucy was offered to take a hit when she first moved in with the green-headed girl but turned her down. She wasn’t into all of that stuff.

Brandish, who was lounging only in her underwear and an untied robe, lifted a hand and greeted, “Hey.” Her eyes were dull, just like her voice. Though she seemed uninterested, she was actually a curious girl. Nice but strange.

Lucy waved back and smiled. “Hey, Brandi. How was your day?”

“Boring. You?”

Remembering the flyer that she stuffed in her bag, the blonde replied, “Boring so far, but we’ll see.”

Lucy then excused herself into her room, closing the door behind her. As any other good roommate, she had told Brandish months in advance that she was planning to move. Brandish took it well, saying that she could have another friend of theirs, Cana- a spunky brunette with a love for all things alcoholic- to room with her.

Grabbing the flyer from her bag, Lucy dialed the number into her cellphone. Biting her lower lip anxiously, the blonde listened as the phone rang until finally somebody picked up.

“Hello?” someone called out. It was a boy with a voice that wasn’t deep nor too high. In Lucy’s opinion, it was just right.

“U-Umm, hi,” Lucy stammered. “I am calling about a flyer posted in the library about a needed roommate.”

“Oh, that’s awesome!” the boy exclaimed. “When do you wanna check the place out?”

“Check the place out? Don’t you think you should tell me a bit about it first? Your flyer wasn’t too informative.”

“Well duh. That’s because you’re supposed to look at it in person.”

Lucy scoffed. “What if your place isn’t what I’m looking for? That means I would’ve driven there for nothing. Just tell me about it first!”

“Alright, alright. It’s got four bedrooms. One is mine, one is the Stripper’s- pretty much Juvia’s too since she’s always here- and another is Lug Nuts’. We’re looking for a fourth roommate since Erza moved out.”

Lucy wondered about the strange names and thought about hanging up right then and there. After all, one of their aliases was Stripper. She wasn’t sure she was comfortable living with someone known for stripping. Hell, she wasn’t sure she was comfortable living with a guy in the first place.

“Umm, got anything else to tell me about it?” Lucy asked, temporarily pushing those thoughts to the side.

“There’s two bathrooms. Stripper and Lug Nuts share one and I would share the other with you if you decide to move in.”

“About the bathroom, is there a tub?”

“Huh? Yeah, there’s a tub. Why?”

“Nothing. How is the living room? And the kitchen?”

“Living room is pretty big. And the kitchen is alright but none of us really use it much. We usually eat fast food.”

“You eat fast food every day?”

“Well none of us know how to cook, so yeah.”

Lucy decided not to mention that she was a decent cook. She didn’t want to get the boy’s hopes up when she wasn’t sure she was going to move in. In fact, it wasn’t looking too good at the moment. Perhaps if the price was good, she would consider it. But she doubted it would be enough to change her mind about living with a stripper.

“How much is the place anyways?” Lucy inquired, expecting the worst.

“Three hundred,” the boy answered.

Lucy choked on her spit and began to sputter like a fool. There was no way she heard that right. “Three hundred?”

“Yep.”

“What is that, per week?”

“What? No way! It’s per month!”

Lucy nearly fainted from happiness. “I’d love to check it out! Can I come by tomorrow!?”

He gave a boyish chuckle, which sent a faint heat throughout the girl’s body for some reason she couldn’t explain. “Yeah!” He gave her the address, which she jotted down on the flyer.

“Alright! I’ll swing by after my three o'clock class. Sound good?”

“Yosh! I’m all fired up!”

Lucy was about to hang up the phone before his voice called out to her again.

“Wait!” he shouted. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Lucy.”

“Got a last name to go with that?”

The girl frowned and chomped down and her lower lip. She was hesitant about giving the guy her full name when this whole thing could be a scam. “Nope, just Lucy.”

The boy laughed, much to her relief. “Well alright then, Just Lucy. I’m Natsu! See you tomorrow!”

With a wide grin, she replied, “Okay! See you then!”

With that, Lucy squealed to herself and hugged her favorite plush toy, a snowman she named Plue. She couldn’t wait to check out the apartment. But for now, she had a lot of homework that needed to get done.


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Addendum, Part Fifteen (Chicago P.D.)

Title: Addendum

Chapter: Lost (Part Fifteen)

Fandom: Chicago P.D.

Rating: T/PG-13

Author’s Note: Apologies for the severe delay in updating. I tried to get back into the mindset needed to finish this fic; I’m not sure if I’ve been successful. This is the second addendum (or, oneshot) to 3x14, “The Song of Greg William Yates”. This one is set after the episode and is an attempt to bridge the gap between what we saw between Linstead in 3x14 and Erin talking about love in 3x15.


The robotic voice chirps instructing her to take a left turn on yet another nonexistent road, and she lets out a frustrated groan as she presses her foot against the brake. Gravel crunches under the tires as the 300 slows to a painful crawl, and Erin’s eyes scan across the windshield trying to find this road the Garmin mounted on the dashboard keeps trying to send her down.

“Make a U-turn,” the electronic box chirps before changing its computerized mind about which why they should go. “Drive three hundred feet and turn right. Turn – lost satellites.”

Another frustrated sigh passes over Erin’s lips as the Garmin repeats what it has been announcing since it told them to take the next exit off US-51 about an hour ago. As she glances out of the corner of her eye to see her partner sitting with his right arm pressed up against the passenger side door – his knuckles pushed into the side of his face in an attempt to hold his head up – and the paper map of Wisconsin Hank tossed at them on their way out of the bullpen this morning draped unopened across his left knee.

“I thought the Army taught you how to read a map,” She snaps shifting in her seat slightly so she can get a better look at him, so she can catch the way his eyebrows pitch upward even as his gaze remains fixated on the sea of brown grass and white snow bisected by a gravel road ahead of them.

“I thought you didn’t want me to talk,” he sasses back without missing a beat, and she shakes her head as she glances from him to the Garmin mounted on the dash. He isn’t entirely wrong; she had told him to stop asking if she was okay, to stop hovering over her like she was some damsel in distress. And when it was all over, when Yates ended up with a bullet between the eyes, she may have told him something to that effect again.

Because she was willing to admit that she wasn’t sure how she was when he asked for the umpteenth time how she was doing, but she had taken Voight and Benson’s eyes on them as out and had used their mantra of professionalism as a way to dismiss him and his concern from behind her desk so she could go home and crash. So she could look at the picture of Nadia pinned to the fridge and tell herself that it was over. That no other woman who have to go through the nightmare that Nadia did.

Yet when the bullpen empty, when she no longer felt Jay’s concerned gaze on her from the desk across the aisle because his paperwork was done and Voight had told the rest of the team to get out of there, Voight and Benson had run interception. Refused to let her go home until after she agreed to grab a drink at Molly’s at Benson, until after she sat on a bar stool and was too far down a glass of whisky and a bunch of advice to pay attention to the buzz of her cell phone with texts asking if she wanted to grab a drink, if she wanted to crash at his place, if she was okay.

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In Which York Assists Tex When She is Feeling Poorly

@secretlystephaniebrown said: Fluff Week: Tex gets a cold, refuses to tell anyone, York figures it out and tries to help her. 

Characters: Agent York, Agent Texas, Delta

Warnings: None

Words: 1700

On AO3

At first Tex thinks she can ignore it, the slight fuzziness on her senses, the uncomfortable warmth between her shoulders. It happens occasionally, days where she just feels vaguely off, but she always powers through. That’s probably what this is, she thinks, aggressively tightening a lug nut on her bike. Nothing to worry about.

“… until tomorrow. What do you think?”

She glances up at York, leaning against his bike with his helmet off, bottle of water in his hand. It’s just the three of them by the side of this desert highway, not another living thing stirring under the noonday sun. After a second, she realizes that he’s looking down at her, waiting for an answer. “What?”

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The Lug Nut

Story by; Strwawberries
Word count; 338

Characters; Cruz Ramirez, Lightning McDaddy (BAHAHA)


Oh. my. Goodness.

Holy


Cow.

She paused in the room for a good five minutes examining what she found.
Cruz only went inside Doc’s garage to fetch the wrench Lightning told her to get. But the last thing she’d expected to find is an engagement lug nut. More importantly, LIGHTNING MCQUEEN’S LUG NUT.
It was beautiful! Silver and sparking, and holy moly, so so perfectly shaped. And of course she assumed it was for Sally Carrera.

After trying to contain herself for a bit more, she grabbed the shiny lug nut and dashed out, forgetting all about why she went in there the first place.
______________________________________________

“MR. MCQUEEN!” Cruz squealed. She sped right up to him at Flos where he was talking to sarge.
He looked up and saw immediately what she had a hold of and his insides turned.
She found it.
“Cruz!” Lightning guided her to the side in a hurry, trying not to cause a scene.

His voice lowered, sounding a tad nervous. “I told you to get the wrench!” Then he took the lug nut from her carefully. “What are you doing with this?”

A huge grin exploded from her face and she gave him an exciting look. “It’s about time!! When are you going to ask her?!”

Lightning moved his tires back in forth trying his best not to look vulnerable.
“Look Cruz, I know you found this and probably have a million questions-”
“YES!”
“-But, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t go around telling everyone what you found, okay? Please?”

He was nervous and she saw it right away. He wouldn’t stop looking down and moving back and forth and it seemed like his breathing stopped temporarily.
“First of all, calm down old man. She’ll be thrilled!” Cruz lifts her front tires up in excitement. “Lightning… she loves you so much.”

He sighs and smiles. “Cruz.. I love Sally.”
“What a surprise”, Cruz laughs and he bumps his tire to hers.

“What are you, my love trainer now?” Lightning grins.
“More than anything old man.”

anonymous asked:

Daemons for the Rogue One crew?

Jyn Erso has a weasel; small and quick and vicious, a fighter. In medieval times, the weasel was considered a carrier of disease, poisonous and unlucky. But another thread of folkloric belief said that weasels would attack by the thousands to avenge the death of a single weasel. Perfect for the rawboned sullen child soldier, who is dragged into the Rebellion unwillingly, and only seeks redemption once the Empire takes her father from her.

Cpt. Cassian Andor has an xoloitzcuintli dog—because he is so beautifully painfully loyal to the rebellion; an aloof hunter and guard to its ideals. (However, xolos are also thought to have healing properties, and Cassian does lead their doomed crusade for redemption, more than any other in their hunting party.) The Aztecs associated xolos with death; burying a dog with its master guaranteed a guide through the underworld, and that’s fitting for the Rebellion’s own assassin.

Bodhi Rook has a common hawk-cookoo, which looks & flies like a vicious hunting bird (the shikra) but in truth is a peaceful insectivore. They’re known for their distinctive bird-calls—nothing less for the Imperial defector pilot who carried the message of hope all that way to Galen’s daughter. 

I was tempted to give Chirrut Imwe a crane—aerial and spiritual, as well as symbol of luck and good fortune in a myriad of world cultures. In the end, I’m going with the lion instead. Both because it better represents his dual warrior and spiritual sides, and because then Chirrut and Baze can have twin guardian lions, lolling dangerously at their feet and padding over the rock and sand of Jedha. Lionesses, to be technical—defenders of the pride.

K2 is a droid and so does not have a daemon. (Though sometimes he carries around a lug nut and claims it’s his. Cassian thinks this is hilarious. Everyone else is vaguely confused-slash-offended.)

Mon Mothma has a cat. It is sleek and greyish and arrogant in the way of cats; everyone agrees this is perfect for her. Bail has a wolf. (Some of his detractors claim there’s a bit of coyote in her and maybe there is—the smiling trickster; one hand saluting the emperor as the other conducts a rebellion against him—but definitely more wolf. After all, everything he does is for his pack.)

nytimes.com
Jennifer Senior, In ‘Janesville,’ When the G.M. Plant Closed, Havoc Followed
Amy Goldstein chronicles in vivid, sophisticated detail the evisceration of life in a Wisconsin town after the loss of its major employer.
By Jennifer Senior

Amy Goldstein was part of a reporting team at the Washington Post that won a Pultizer for 9/11 coverage, and she’s done the hard work of chronicling the downfall of Janesville, Wisconsin after the GM plant was closed in 2008:

“Janesville” joins a growing family of books about the evisceration of the working class in the United States. What sets it apart is the sophistication of its storytelling and analysis.

[…]

Readers will also finish “Janesville” with an extremely sobering takeaway: There’s scant evidence that job retraining, possibly the sole item on the menu of policy options upon which Democrats and Republicans can agree, is at all effective.

In the case of the many laid-off workers in the Janesville area, the outcomes are decidedly worse for those who have attended the local technical college to learn a new trade. (Goldstein arrives at this conclusion, outlined in detail, by enlisting the help of local labor economists and poring over multiple data sets.) A striking number of dislocated G.M. employees don’t even know how to use a computer when they first show up for classes at Blackhawk Technical College. “Some students dropped out as soon as they found out that their instructors would not accept course papers written out longhand,” Goldstein writes.

I’ve not yet read the book, but I’m unsurprised to discover that job retraining hasn’t worked. Midlife transitions are incredibly difficult, especially when those involved have little experience in anything but bending metal or screwing on lug nuts. 

The larger questions are those that you wouldn’t expect to be answered by the residents of Janesville, though. How can we avoid the continued hollowing out of the US, and the creation of Left Behinds?

This whole “spotter death” thing has me fucked up

Anyone who knows me, knows I’m not a fan of the safety requirements a lot of venues have implemented over the last few years, but until now, I’ve only been looking at things from the driver or venue’s point of view. Sometimes when you’re too close to something, you forget to even realize there are parties at risk as well. This is something I am guilty of. 

Reflecting on the last decade of drifting, I have realized the ones at the most risk were spectators and media. Yet, they are the ones that bring the most enjoyment to the sport and are responsible for its growth. I feel like an asshole, like I have been putting their lives in jeopardy - running shitty aluminum lug nuts, questionably welded control arms, worn ball joint, or running some setup that was “thrown together” at the last moment.

There are a million excuses to show up to the track in an ill-prepared car and there are a million examples of times nothing didn’t go wrong, but just remember IT CAN. And when it does, you’re the only one to blame, not the car, not your crew, not the wheel, and not the lug nut, YOU.

BE MINDFUL. Double check your nuts and bolts. If you’re exhausted, as many people are coming up to a big event, insist a friend assists/supervises.

BE THOUGHTFUL. Think of other people: organizers, spectators, and other drivers before you put your life and their lives at risk.

BE OBSERVANT. Take note of anyone operating a dangerous vehicle or operating one in a dangerous manor.

BE HELPFUL. Alert event organizers, spectators, media, or drivers when you feel there is an eminent danger.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP! I know as a driver, organizer, and spectator, I’d rather humor someone with a million questions and comments than endure ignorance.

I will be obeying these simple rules of thumb, as I hope you will, so we may all live long and drift without incident.

Blue Eyes

I watched him out of the corner of my eye.

God he is beautiful.

Same shit. Different day.

Everyday, he came in like clock work to the cafe and ordered the same thing.

Tall iced Americana with a dash of half and half.  

You would think, as a grown ass woman, I wouldn’t sit here every morning at 0700 and wait for his beautiful ass to walk in, but I do. I arrive every morning at 0650 to begin grading my students’ papers before delving into lecturing at the local university. A couple of my students work at this coffee shop and they tend to give me free hot tea and scones if they know they have a test or paper coming up.

That’s what keeps me coming back. Not the beautiful man in a leather jacket, messy hair with blue eyes and biceps to die for. Nope. Not him.

Definitely not him.

Today was no different.

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‘Till The End of Time

@jhscdood asked for “Phil and Clint get a flat tire.”

(you might have to suspend your disbelief a bit here, but in the interest of humor, I urge you to do so)

“I thought you grew up on the road?” Phil says. His hands are on his hips, his jacket is still in the car, and his tie is hanging loose around his neck.

“The road meant a caravan. I was not trusted with the wheels. I was ten and then I was a headliner,” Clint says. “I thought you were a Boy Scout?” His arms are crossed and his suit jacket is still on but his tie is nowhere to be seen.

“That’s another SHIELD myth,” Phil retorts.

They stand in silence for a moment, the darkness of midnight and the soft whoosh of a night breeze enveloping them tightly. Clint blows out a breath and says, “You really don’t know how to change a tire?”

Phil is silent, and then he turns on his heel in the gravel and heads for the trunk of the car. “How hard can it be?”

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To say I hate you would imply

a world in which I kissed more than your stomach. Look,

we’ve established that I’m a jerk, so let me say this:

I am a flat tire and you are a pothole full of lug nuts.

I am a pile of bricks and you are holding a sledgehammer,

which is to say I would not exist without you.“

—  Ballad of the Bruised Lung // Neil Hilborn