ludicrous descriptions

Sneak Attack Heart Attack

Pairing: Pansy Parkinson x Tom Riddle

AU: Modern, non-magical; college student!Pansy, older drug dealer!Tom

Word Count: 1,136

Written For: bunimalsfiberdolls, muclbloods

She meets him by accident.

But it isn’t—it isn’t her fault, okay? It isn’t. The trendy off-campus hipster coffee shop—like, come on, which pretentious Beat-wannabe co-owner asshole had decided it was a good idea to call it the fucking Reading Room, God—anyway, the trendy off-campus hipster coffee shop had been empty. Completely devoid of customers. Just the bored teenaged barista in the neon-fuchsia One Direction tank top and the Suspiciously Hot Guy in the corner.

And, like, what was she supposed to do? She’d had a Calc textbook stuffed into her bag—Marc Jacobs, Fall, 2016, she fucking knew polka-dots were going to stage a comeback—that weighed more than, like, all of the watermelons at Whole Foods combined. She’d been thirsty, and hungry, and tired from the seven-lane traffic clusterfuck that had been the 405-north; she’d been laser-focused on passing her fucking Calc final, and the Suspiciously Hot Guy in the corner had been like her token oasis mirage in the middle of the fucking desert.

Because she’d never actually seen Anthony Goldstein before, only talked to him on the phone, and in the heat of the moment it had seemed categorically unfair to assume that his arrogant, nasally, Claritin-commercial voice couldn’t belong to the guy who was so hot that he was basically making his thousand-dollar leather jacket look like his bitch from where Pansy was standing.


Math tutors could totally have leather jackets and perfect cheekbones and mouths that could inspire some ludicrously shitty descriptive poetry like ‘sinfully swollen’ and ‘dangerously decadent’ and—and math tutors could have eyebrow piercings, okay? They could.

Drug dealers, though—

Drug dealers could not have nametags.

Keep reading

Hamilton has become a cultural phenomenon far exceeding the realms of Broadway. From a soundtrack that topped the Billboard rap charts to a MacArthur grant for its creator Lin-Manuel Miranda, the musical is now the subject of a top-selling new book, Hamilton: The Revolution.

Released yesterday, the book immediately shot to the top of the Books category on Amazon, ranking #1 in the categories of Broadways & Musicals and Humor & Entertainment. A collection of vocal selections from the musical is #1 in three categories as well. As reported by Associated Press the book is already set for a third printing, bringing the number of copies to 210,000.

Co-authored by Jeremy McCarter and Miranda, Hamilton: The Revolution describes the journey of the Broadway phenomenon from concept to rehearsal to blockbuster.

It’s not Hamilton’s first time on the bestsellers list: The paperback version of the biography on Alexander Hamilton for which Miranda’s show is based, written by Ron Chernow, is #2 on the New York Times best-seller list for nonfiction along with currently being rated highly on Amazon at #18 in Books overall and #1 in four categories including U.S. History. (The book of lyrics for Miranda’s first Broadway show, In the Heights, is currently rated #11 in Broadway & Musicals.)

Hamilton is also doing well in other ways: As of last week, the Broadway cast recording had sold more than half a million copies and was certified gold by the RIAA. Broadway Journal reported the show has paid off the original investors and Miranda apparently takes home $105,000 in profits weekly from ticket sales. Hamilton was the second highest-grossing show on Broadway as of April 10th under The Lion King. Aside from The Book of Mormon it has the highest ticket sale prices.

With a Grammy award win, performances at the White House, endless gifs and video reenactments of the musical by fans and tickets that are near-impossible to come by, Miranda has tapped in to a devoted—and lucrative—fan base.

The journey to a hit was not quite as smooth. In a recent essay published on Buzzfeed, McCarter remembers how ludicrous Miranda’s initial description of his new work was when he performed a “Hamilton Mixtape” in front of a newly elected Barack Obama at the White House in 2009. But once Miranda’s lyrics hit the stage, it was no longer ludicrous but lauded. “The audience’s cycle of laughing, then listening intently, then breaking into wild applause has been repeated many millions of times,” writes McCarter.

Now it seems anything affiliated with Hamilton or its creator is bound to become a blockbuster. In the New York Times last week Lin-Manuel Miranda recommended children’s book author Tim Federle’s Better Nate Than Ever series as a great representation of being a theatre kid. The timeliness of that article couldn’t have hurt Federle’s latest book The Great American Whatever, which published several days earlier—and is currently #1 on Amazon for Teen & Young Adult Fiction.