lucre

im not white yall lmfao and youre constant need to racially distance yourself from something obviously aimed at humour and laugh about how youre mom would physically abuse you for “ talking to her like that “ isnt funny or lucrative to your race ok. making jokes about it only normalises that shitty behaviour and the 600 asks ive gotten about “ how white i sound “ arent funny any more

Honestly I don’t get all these bare-minimum breadcrumb gay moments in movies because, like, homophobes will be like “the what? gay?” and boycott the movie over Craig Ferguson The Viking saying “ha ha that’s why I never got married! That and one other reason!” so like, if you’re in for a penny go in for a pound, clearly you want to tap into the lucrative market for content with same-sex relationships, and the Homophobe Market is going to pitch a hissy fit and boycott whether you toss in a few breadcrumbs or the entire loaf. Anybody who’s gonna boycott over gay stuff is probably already boycotting stuff where characters just wink-wink-nudge-nudge but never explicitly confirm anything so there’s no reason to hesitate. You could put in an entire gay wedding and it would be no different, from a homophobe’s point of view, than having a woman in your movie roll her eyes at a male character’s advances and say “sorry, you’re not my type if-you-know-what-i-mean!”

It’s like how my old high school marked you as tardy starting from one minute after the beginning of the school day (7:46 AM) through to 10:30 AM, at which point you’d be marked absent. The punishment was the same whether you arrived at 7:46 or 10:29, so if you were running late and couldn’t make it to school by 7:45, you’d essentially been given a free pass to skip first and second period and go get breakfast at McDonald’s because you’re already in the same amount of trouble regardless of when you actually show up, so long as you do so within the next two and a half hours

Don’t skip school, kids, but hollywood, take note, go big or go home on the gay stuff because the homophobes are already boycotting the movie even if you just put in a blink-and-you-miss-it nudge-nudge hint-hint background reference and you could be making a lot more money by giving the Yellow Ranger a gf in the sequel

The Great Barrier Reef is going to die. There is nothing we can do to change that. If that pains you, if you have a visceral reaction to the reality that our children’s generation will likely be the last to be able to see the Great Barrier Reef in person, then you must understand that weak agreements to reduce emissions are insufficient to combat the degradation of the environment. We must combat it at the source: at the corporations for whom killing the earth is a lucrative business.

What I’ve learned in 2016

1. Friendship is a matter of convenience.
It can be true and beautiful and fun and full of love until she moves to another city for college and finds 10 more people she can ‘connect’ with.

2. You don’t have to pursue a boring degree for a boring job. Yes, your passion is for things that make it harder to fetch money but you have one life. Do you really want to spend it doing something you don’t absolutely love?
If you’re passionate about something, no matter what, you will excel, you will thrive. That’s the key to real success. Not some statistics stating the most lucrative jobs and industries.

3. You will exercise. You will drink more water. You will eat healthier. Not because you’re not beautiful the way you are but because your body deserves to be treated better. It literally has carries you around, has your back and actually has your heart from that first moment to your very last.

4. If they are a bitch to others what makes you think they won’t be one to you when the time comes? How people treat others is always a tell tale of how they will treat you. Pay attention. It’s better than feeling like a fool 6 years later.

5. Cook your own meals sometimes.
You know just the amount of oil, salt and ingredients you want. You may not be a masterchef but you know what your stomach wants.

6. Surround yourself with happiness, inspiration and positivity and a very major part of that is social media. Who you follow is so important. Social media is supposed to be a happy and safe place for you. Choose the right people and the right works to fill your feeds because eventually those fill your mind and heart.

7. Nature is all healing.
It’s the one thing in the beautiful presence of which even the most talkative person like you feels the need to shut up. Nature requires no words. It’s completeness is something to learn from.

8. Your parents live a life apart from being your parents. They have moments you’re not a part of, moments you don’t even know. They have not only had a life before you but also a life with you being there that you don’t know about. That’s okay and that’s not something to be mad about.

9. People will leave you. Always.
Some in days, some in months. There are those who take decades and then there are those who never leave in physical form but withdraw all meaning and that’s when you must leave.
But just because people leave their stay doesn’t become any less wonderful or important.

10. Sometimes the only person you need at 3 am is yourself. Give yourself mode credit. You can always help yourself. It may just take a little longer and be a little harder but you don’t need another person to help you. You are enough. You are strong. You will never disappoint.

11. Music of all type is necessary. Songs that make you cry and the ones that make you think and then those that make you only want to dance.

12. Draw.
Everyone is an artist. And your drawings may look like those of a middle school kid but isn’t your joy just like hers?

13. Read more books. Yes, you’re older now and busier too but ‘busy ’ is an excuse and you know it.
Find time for something that saved you. Find time for something that you love.

14. Lipstick is life.
People may stare at you and they may get intimidated by certain shades but that’s okay, one smile and they will be at peace.

15. Click more selfies and click them without any shame.
If you’re happy, if you look at yourself and feel like capturing that one moment where you feel good about yourself - go fucking ahead.
Capture all your happiness, beauty and goofy-ness.
But remember, they are for you and not your social media.

16. There’s literally no way you can help someone without helping yourself.
And they may give you nothing in return and they may be ungrateful but who cares?
They aren’t half the person you are and you can shrug it off and move on but remember unlike you, Karma never forgets.
Also, karma is only a bitch if you are.

The darkest moment is the very moment before sunrise. It’s a fact.
So 2016 may have been your darkest time but that only means the sunlight of happiness and inspiration and love awaits you in 2017.

—  creatingnikki 

Concept: a fantasy setting where the various spellcasting classes have a collective monopoly on the production of alcohol - specifically: witches brew beer; priests make wine; and wizards distill spirits. It’s sufficiently lucrative that many members of the relevant professions are spellcasters on paper only; it’s not uncommon to meet a certified “wizard” who can’t cast so much as a cantrip, and most people would be honestly surprised to meet a cleric who doesn’t know anything about winemaking, for all that it’s technically not a required job skill.

(This doesn’t mean it’s safe to make any assumptions, mind. It’s generally understood that you don’t disrespect the local brewer on the off-chance that she might be able to turn you into a frog, and demarcation issues concerning where one type of alcoholic beverage ends and the next begins can - and have - resulted in earthshaking sorcerous duels!)

Ended a lucrative business relationship because of an incompetent, racist owner.

This happened over the course of the last week.

I hired a company to correct a big sinkage in my basement. They come in and drill holes and spray industrial foam under the flooring to level it. About a week ago they sent a guy over to locate all of the pipes and scope them for damage.

Then about 3 days ago the foam guys show up and get to work. About halfway through they stop and call me into the basement. There’s water running along my baseboards and they’re afraid they’ve hit a pipe.

They call the owner of the scoping company to come over and re-scope the pipes. He does and finds massive corrosion running all through it. I ask him why they didn’t find that on the first scope, and he tell me they weren’t looking for damage they were just locating the pipe. This makes no sense to me as you don’t need to put a camera into a pipe to locate the pipe.

Then he gives me the sales pitch. It’s going to cost between $4000 and $6000 to fix it, but he can get a “crew of cheap Mexicans” out there who “don’t pull permits” and can do it for much less. He says plumbers will rip you off, he used to be a plumber. I ask, “Oh, and you ripped people off?” I tell him no thanks on the labor, I’ll call my basement company back and let them deal with it.

During the course of the conversation with the scoping company owner he tells me they do about 100 of these a week for the basement company. Scoping is $99, cleaning is $125. At least $10,000 a week, probably $500,000 a year they make from the foam guys.

So here’s the rub. When things started to go pear shaped, I do what I used to do back in college when I had to have conversations with police. Put my phone in my shirt pocket and started to record. (No wiretapping laws in my state.) That’s right. I’ve got this guy soliciting illegal labor to me in full living digital color.

The next day, the basement company sends out some licensed and bonded plumbers to fix my pipes for $0 because of the failure to locate the pipes. That’s right, the scoping company marked the pipe FOUR FEET away from where it actually was. The scoping company not only didn’t find any damage, they didn’t even find the pipe. They did literally nothing. The basement plumbers do an excellent, professional job. They bill the scoping company for their time.

This morning the foam guys came back to finish the job and I tell them about the sleaze ball that they’ve contracted. I play the audio for them of the guy trying to sell me on “cheap Mexican” illegal labor. Half of the foam crew is Hispanic men. They are NOT pleased.

The white crew chief tells me, “We are never doing business with that company ever again. I’m calling our owner right now.” He also read me the contract that they had with the scoping company that explicitly says they are to look for damaged pipes, vindicating me once more.

Dungeons & Dragons: Adventure Prompts

 1. Traveling through a particularly dense part of an elder forest, the adventurers come across eery, man-sized totems fashioned from animal bone, furs and hide looming over the roadside. Though dead and motionless, its almost as if there were eyes watching them from the dark, hollow sockets, following their every move.
They come across a small but heavily fortified village, a few simple cottages hiding behind a tall, wooden wall. The inhabitants wear grim and weary expressions on their faces and all are armed to the teeth. Salt is laid out in front of every doorframe and window board and talismans to ward off evil hang over every doorstep.
When questioned about the totems lining the road outside, the villagers seem to fall into complete and utter terror.
Then the lights of the village suddenly go out.

 2. TROLLS! IN THE DUNGEON! TROLLS IN THE DUNGEON

 3. A new religion has been founded and it is already passing pamphlets and sending heralds and priests to voice the new scripture out to the people. All’s well, you can never have enough gods to worship and blame for all your troubles in your life.
There’s only one problem.
Their new deity happens to be an ancient red dragon.

4. An elder entity from beyond space and time has been watching our adventurers for quite some time and finds their actions of chaotic heroics highly amusing. So much so, it decides to kidnap them and have them run through a dungeon of terror and geometric madness for its entertainment, promising three wishes to the victor.
Victor. Singular.

 5. An accident in an alchemists lab caused the many hundreds of potions stored inside to be shattered and their liquid contents to vaporize and spread and mingle in the form of a multicolored gaseous cloud that is now covering the town and infecting its inhabitants with random arcane effects.

6. A town painted in bloody smiles, an ivory altar rising from obsidian tiles
  Their eyes so hollow, as their god they follow
  To bring forth the lamb for the slaughter, all to appease to his eternal laughter
  They welcome you with open arms, and hide the bodies under the soil of their farms
  They wait for you to sleep so tight, then they slit your throat the same night.

7. The Vassa'li-Estate, once the proud and shining home of an old noble family, now stands abandoned and grey amidst its rotting lands.
Locust swarms surround the building and feast on the flesh of those poor foolish enough to set foot on the family estate, while the river that springs forth from a source on the Vassa'li lands has become as deadly toxin, poisoning the surrounding soil of the farmland, driving its inhabitants away.
They say the Vassa'li have broken the sacred laws of hospitality, and that the gods are punishing them for their transgression.
But what really lurks beneath the estate does not swear its allegiance to a divine curse…

8. They are there. You know they are. They creep behind the walls and crawl through the shadows of your home. They hide under your children’s beds, grinning and licking the drivel off their teeth.
Their arms are long and their hands are strong, as they take your child out of its crib and vanish into the night.
They dwell in the forests, under crooked roots and in dark leaved trees, their eyes lit with deceitful innocence and their smiles wide and sharp.
They wear crowns of thorns and berries, their faces as fair as a dying summer.
They are known as the lords and ladies. The Fair Folk. Fey or Fae.
They are beautiful. They are amicable. They are promising. They are gifting.
But they are not nice.
They are not good.
They are the Fair Folk, and they are coming.

9. Every night, people vanish. Old and young, strong and weak, poor and rich. They are robbed off the streets, out of the safety of their homes, always in the shadow of the night.
The only signs of a culprit even existing are the ripped off doors and foot-shaped craters in the stone roads and the cracks in the walls of the large, shovel-like hands heaving the creature’s way up the buildings.
The city does not dare to sleep. The guards too terrified and understaffed to deal with this creature. But one thing they know.
The creature is multiplying.

10. Ever since the Blood Moon rose above the village, madness has been spreading like a plague. Randomly does a villager stop dead in their tracks, gaze up at the dark-veined sky and laugh at the grinning moon, gouging out their eyes with their own fingers while screaming in a language foreign to this and any other world.
And the Blood Moon, it hangs there, watching and grinning and feasting on the madness, its insides bulging and boiling - ready to give birth to a new Child of the Far Elder Realms.

11. One of the party members comes across a mysterious goliath gentlemen, who offers them the opportunity of a lifetime, presenting them with a strange deck of cards and ushers them to pick a single card from it.

12. A rift to the Elemental Plane of Water opens in the middle of a green valley, flooding it and the surrounding landscape with currents of ocean water and spilling all sorts of elemental creatures forth into the world - and threatens to drown the entire land if it is not closed.

13. An ancient Vampire seeks final death - but his hunger for blood has corrupted his mind to such primal thoughts that he can barely even remember his name. In desperation, he sends a servant with notices into the nearby towns, putting an anonymous contract on his own head.

14. One of the town’s graves has upturned in the night - the grave of a man that died through a horrible accident. But now his course stalks the night as a revenant and seeks out vengeance against his murderer.

15. The heroes notice that curious posters have appeared throughout the land - and discover, that a playwright has apparently started to adapt their adventures for the stage! As they visit one of the plays, they discover that unfortunately, the playwright chose to ridicule a long-term enemy of the party in his adaptation, and now this enemy seeks grim satisfaction against the playwright.

16. A powerful Lich has awoken from his centuries-long slumber and seeks to further his arcane knowledge and magic experiments. The heroes hear of this, and rush to end this potential threat…
Only to discover that the Lich has apparently applied as a lecturer at an esteemed arcane university, and is thus as a member of this facility and protected by its sanctioned laws.

17. A glabrezu, a heinous treachery demon has taken on the shape of a deva and is guiding a solitary village down the path of corruption, disguised as wisdoms and commands of the gods.

18. A young humanoid approaches the party, face hidden under a cowl. They ask the adventurers in aid of finding their parents, whom they have lost sight of a long time ago. When asked to reveal their face first, the humanoid reveals the glowing eyes of a celestial and the dark, curved horns of a fiend.

19. The party is approached by a harvester devil, who promises them a wish if they aid him in claiming the overdue soul of a wizard, who plans to escape their contract by turning into a Lich.

20. A succubus has opened a lucrative business in the royal city, her customers including several high-ranking members of the court. Using her charm and skills of persuasion, the succubus goes on to sell information to both cults of demons and darchdevils.
Now, two representatives of both cults, one demon, one devil, approach the party and bid them to kill the succubus and extract whatever information she may have on the other cult.

21. A crafty bunch of imps have infested the holy temple of a good-aligned deity and start turning the residing friars and paladins against each other with their pranks, whispers and invisible shenanigans.

22. A high-ranking pit fiend appears out of nowhere in front of the party. But, instead of attacking, he goes on his knees and asks for redemption…

23.  A letter has been sent to bards and musicians throughout the land! An ancient copper dragon and self-called lover of the fine arts announces that he is about to host the greatest musical competition of all time: Whoever writes him the most beautiful song and performs it in front of him and the assembled crowd, shall receive a great, legendary artifact in the dragon’s possession.

24. Good is not soft. It is a fact that applies to many of the metallic dragons, as their sense of good and evil and the means necessary to do the one and end the other is vastly different from that of most mortals. A group of bronze dragons has therefor decided that the only way to achieve peace in the world, would be by subjugating the mortal races under their benevolent rule.

25. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons. A well known idiom and wisdom that the common folk adhere to. Such an idiom apparently does not exist for the dragon’s themselves, as a young copper dragon believed it to be funny to steal two objects from the horde of two chromatic dragons and hide them in the other’s horde, laughing as the two chromatic drakes in their fury do battle over the landscape - and causing heavy casualties amongst the poor people that are helplessly stuck between them.

26. Storm clouds gather and brew above the endless desert. A mysterious, blue haired stranger appears in the city of a wealthy sultan and bends the knee, proposing for the sultan’s eldest child’s hand in marriage. As the sultan refuses, the mysterious stranger angrily reveals his true form, that of an ancient blue dragon and carries the sultan’s child off to his lair. A typical damsel in distress-quest, nothing new to hard-boiled adventurers…
But under the golden facade of the sultan’s palace hides rot and deceit, and the sultan’s child does not seem too eager to return to their father…

27. After hundreds of years, a terrible doom has awakened under the ice of the northern islands. A terrible white archdrake, a beast of primordial winter and elemental fury, its mere presence causes summer itself to turn into the coldest winter. Soon, it will spread its eternal blizzard all over the world.

28. A city under siege - a chromatic dragon of great size and strength furiously lashes out against the city walls. The citizens ask the adventurers to slay the beast, but when confronted, the dragon reveals its true intention: To save their child, held captive as an exotic pet by the king.

29. The Hobgoblins have decided to play against the rules of land-based warfare and have taken to the seas, building an entire armada of ships under the command of their new Warchief.
Yet, when  one vessel of their fleet is one day captured and the crew questioned, not only is the ship empty of loot or even rations besides of weaponry and the Hobgoblin soldiers seem to babble only of one thing:
“The Deep Lord.”

30. A drunken sailor comes up to the party and tries to sell them some trinkets and garbage he fished out of the sea. Next to broken compasses, an old cutlass and some sea-glass baubles however, there is a shining, round stone stone as big as one’s head, pearl-like and shimmering.
And there’s something moving inside.

31. On a travel over sea, a terrible storm breaks out, capturing the ship the party travels on and shattering it against the rocky shore of a small island near the mainland.
As the party awakes, not only do they find their means of travel and return destroyed, but the coast of the mainland steadily growing smaller in the distance, as the small island swims away with them on it.

32.  Hiring afoot! The captain of a harboring ship recently lost their crew after a falling out and is now seeking a replacement. The goal? A fabled island in the far east, where according to old documents the captain has discovered, an ancient temple to a forgotten deity lies in hiding…

33. There are rumors going about of a shipment of actual dragon eggs having appeared on the black market, sold by an individual known as Kaveth Dyr.

34. An infamous criminal has escaped from prison where he was awaiting his execution. The town guard warn the population that the criminal was once a study of the magic school of Illusions - meaning he could be hiding anywhere or as anyone.

35. One of the temples of the gods has been desecrated - offensive graffiti smeared in goat-blood on the wall, feces stains on the doorstep, and symbols of the deity’s divine rival are hung over its gate.
The priests are now seeking aid in finding the culprit, before the angry planetar that  is currently residing within the temple and was send by the deity starts rampaging through the town.

36. A rat plague is rampaging through the town - not rats as in tiny vermin, but bloody huge, spike-sprouting, rabid Dire Rats as big as dogs.

37. A rich noblewoman is looking into expanding her collection of ancient artifacts and scriptures - promising a grand reward for any adventurers willing to retrieve or sell such artifacts to her.
Such a shame that these adventuring parties often never return from the same ruin she always sends each team to…

38. Over the course of the last three weeks, several of the young women of the village have gone missing. The party is hired to look into the mysterious disappearances, only to see that the women weren’t being kidnapped, but saved…

39. A young wizard has set up shop in the village and is promptly being swarmed by the locals for all sorts of potions and spells and charms to aid them in their every-day business. At first business goes well, but very soon things change as the various charms and potions show weird, nasty side-effects on the villagers…

40. Ominous calls and whispers echo through the night, sending chills down the people’s spine and causing the hooting of nightly owls to shush. In the morning there is much uproar and panic, as the villagers find the old graveyard entirely uprooted - every single grave desecrated and empty.

41. Near a small fishing village, a coven of sea hags have made their home on a offshore crag rising out of the sea. In return for worship and a yearly tribute, they gift the village with their nets full of fishes and clams that carry pure pearls within. A fair trade…
Where it not for the fact that the tribute consisted of this year’s firstborn child.

42. A farmer reports strange happenings to occur on his farmstead - the crops are withering, in the night whispers sound from behind the walls and tiny footprints are found on the wooden floor that belong to no human or beast.

43. A traveling merchant comes through the village, carrying nothing on him but a small satchel on his side. The merchant gives no trade, but sells exactly what anyone asks him for from his bag, but never demands gold - only a favor.

44. A young priest of the pantheon’s sun god, eager to prove himself and the authority of the sun deity has come to the village and moved into the old church. From there, he begins a crusade against the ancient traditions of the village - such as the reverence of the woodland spirits, fey creatures and calling to the forefather’s spirits for guidance and started to tear down the old stone circles meant for bringing peace offerings to the woods- thus starting a deep, escalating rivalry between him and the village pellar.

45. Thirty years ago, a child went missing in the woods near the village. All searching was for naught, and the villagers had to hold the funeral rites over an empty grave.
Now, thirty years later on the night of an empty moon - the child stands on its parent’s doorstep once again, not aged a day, asking what’s for supper.

controversial opinion but uh…makeup is not empowering and is marketed as a way to circumvent the insecurities and self-hate created by living as a woman in a patriarchal society. like save yourselves from the social scrutiny you receive as a woman by…draining your bank account to purchase items to make that scrutiny slightly more palatable. this goes doubly for woc, fat women, trans women, any woman who is essentially required to perform femininity at an even more ridiculously heightened level to be deemed socially acceptable.

10

Jalak Bali

The Bali myna is a medium-large bird, almost wholly white with a long, drooping crest, black wing-tips and tail tip. It has a yellow bill with blue bare skin around the eyes and legs. The Bali myna is restricted to the island of Bali in Indonesia, where it is the island’s only endemic vertebrate species.  The bird was discovered in 1910, and in 1991 was designated the faunal emblem of Bali, its local name is jalak Bali.

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Pretend | Park Chanyeol

Link to Masterlist

Royalty AU | Arranged Marriage AU | Slight Angst 

Summary: You’re unsure but hopeful about your arranged marriage to the handsome Prince Chanyeol of the neighboring kingdom. But you’re in for an unpleasant surprise when you find out he’s in love with someone else, and completely despises the idea of being married to you. 

Word Count : About 5.5k (i don’t know how this got so long)


A/N: I was originally considering making this a series because it’s so long, but I think it works as a super-long oneshot? I do hope you enjoy this, it’s probably the most ambitious thing I’ve attempted to write :) 


“Are you ready, your Highness?”

“I will be in just a minute!” you said, as your lady-in-waiting, Lily, gently placed the delicate tiara on your carefully styled up hair. You took a deep breath and stared at your reflection in the mirror.

“You look absolutely radiant, Princess,” she said, smiling. “I’m sure Prince Chanyeol will be swept off his feet with one look at you.”

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anonymous asked:

As a fellow millennial, I feel torn by the 'entitled millennial' trope. I am fortunate, in that I had a family who I stayed with while attending school and who helped with expenses. But I also busted my ass, and got an engineering rather than a philosophy degree, and I've been working since my freshman year... and I have savings, and don't feel like I'm doomed to poverty. And it is frustrating to see people who never tried to make a budget complaining that it is impossible to make better choices

It’s not impossible to make better choices.  It’s impossible to make choices that are good enough to ever replicate the last generation’s middle-class standard of living, no matter how hard we work and how little we spend.  Not hard, impossible.

You could save ten thousand dollars a year - extremely difficult when rent is high and pay stagnant - and still be middle-aged before you can make a down payment and elderly before you can pay off a house.  Oops, except now you have zero funding for your retirement or your children’s educations.  Can you save twenty thousand a year?

Unless they’re buying two iPhones a month, casual consumer spending is not the reason our generation can’t afford major investments.  (And neither is philosophy degrees.  People going to college believing they’re in training for the lucrative position of professional philosopher is not a real problem.)

Also, “poverty” isn’t quite the right word for what I’m talking about.  I don’t mean people who are insecure day-to-day in having a place to sleep or enough to eat.  I mean people who are quite comfortable now, but will never be able to retire.  And they will pass nothing on to their children, who will also never be able to retire.  As long as we’re able to stay employed, we might never experience material deprivation, but we have no wealth and no security.  And that’s a big, deep, generational problem that can’t be escaped by getting a STEM degree and not buying Starbucks.

Free Agency - an NHL!Bitty interlude

Jack is contemplating a move now that his contract with the Falconers is up. He and Eric weigh the options.

NHL!Bitty Masterpost




They’re spread out in the theater room, Eric on his second glass of wine, Jack on his third beer, staring down a whiteboard covered corner to corner in haphazard scrawl and laminated NHL team logos.

“The Kings are rebuilding next year.” Eric offers. “Good opportunity to start fresh. The endorsement market in Los Angeles is lucrative, and the team has more than enough cap space to match Carolina’s offer. Bonus: closer to yours truly.” Eric pauses. “Also Parson.”

“Kent won’t stay in Vegas.”

“You sure about that?”

“The Avalanche are gunning for him, and the legal weed is a draw. It seems to be helping Jeff’s back injury.”

“Kent’s not going opt for Denver just because Troy loves pot.” Eric sighs. “So, back to LA.”

“What’s the downside?” Jack counters.

“Downside: it’s Los Angeles. The Rams are hogging a lot of the sports coverage.”

“But the Kings are a great team. Consistent post-season appearances, good management, warm, sunny weather.” Jack takes a swig of his beer to emphasize his point, waggling his eyebrows at Eric while he pokes the Kings logo on the board with his toe, scooting it down.

“Next: Vancouver.”

“Hard pass.”

“No love for the Canucks?”

“Nope.”

“Edmonton and Calgary are capped but want to be considered down the line…Winnipeg and Minnesota showed some interest, but you might be fighting for attention if they draft high this year.”

“You’re ignoring the six.”

“I’m not, just building up to it.”

“Blackhawks are out because they didn’t float an offer. Boo, Blackhawks. Bruins would be uncomfortable because of the rivalry, Penguins are waiting on you, which I’m not fond of…and the Canadiens just don’t have the cap space. Unless someone retires you’d be playing for less than your current salary.”

“But I’d be in Montreal.”

“But you’d be in Montreal. And it’s the Habs. So, up-voting French Canada.” Eric moves the ‘Canadiens’ bar higher. “Well, maybe it’s alright to go home for a season or two. As long as you don’t start buying vacation homes left and right, money isn’t going to be an issue for a long time.”

“Oh, so you don’t know about my harem full of handsome young men with a penchant for Italian race cars.”

Eric pulls the Stars logo off the board and tosses it into the pile of discarded teams. “I always thought it was suspicious we had six pool boys living in the guest house. So rude of you not to share.”

Jack laughs and tickles Eric’s side with his toes.

“You’re taking this surprisingly well.”

Eric wraps a hand around Jack’s ankle and pulls, the resulting tug of war causing the couch cushion to slide just enough for Jack to roll onto the floor.

“We’re forgetting something important,“ Jack grunts, sinking into the cushions as he tries to climb back up. "Customs.”

“Customs,” Eric sighs, flopping back into his chair. “Border security. That’ll definitely put a damper on things, won’t it? A whole extra fifteen minutes a trip. Wow. I don’t know if our marriage can handle that.”

"Bits,” Jack laughs and pulls Eric onto the floor with him.

“Nope. I’m sorry, we’ll have to get a divorce,” Eric laments, throwing an arm over his face and playing up his somewhat faded accent. “Seriously, though: is any of this helping? You only have a few days to decide.”

Jack pulls Eric tight against his side and nuzzles his neck – a move Eric has learned is right out of Guilty!Jack’s playbook.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“I re-signed with the Falconers yesterday. Four years.“

"Wait, then what was all this for?”

“You put so much effort into it I didn’t want to ruin it.”

Eric snags a throw pillow and whaps Jack square in the face.