loyola ramblers

the WORDS I held back
why hello taylorswift !!! My name is Isabelle, and there are so many words I want to say to so many people but I can never find the right ones or the right way(s) to say them; to express them.  first, a little about me. I have 2 older brothers and I am from Rockville, Maryland. I swim year round and i have been playing piano since I was 3 years old-i love it. My birthday is December 25, 1996. (yes, Christmas!) Currently, I am a freshman at Loyola University Chicago. It’s a new city for me, I am quite used to DC and i am also pretty used to NYC as well. My mom and i try to go whenever possible. I love theatre, onstage or backstage, so i love going to broadway. I love laughing, seems vague but as i am writing this i am reminding myself that there is a one hour earlier time difference here because it throws me off regarding SNL..so used to it starting at 11:29…still adjusting. baby steps, isabelle, baby steps. 

here’s said little (not little…oops) story.

I remember at auditions for a school talent show a girl i looked up to sang a little tune called Our Song. I will never forget immediately loving that song as a…fourth grader? Honestly i forget what grade I was in. Anyways, I performed in the talent show with a classical piece on the piano, and this girl ended up performing A Place In This World, another song I love, and the reason for this last minute change of songs was that my school, a very catholic kind of guarded school, didn’t want the word “kiss” to be sung (“The first date: “Man, I didn’t kiss her, when I should have”“). Stupid reason, but hey, both songs rock. 

A few years passed and i always loved listening to this music whenever I could. I remember a performance of Fifteen, when i didn’t yet know the lyrics. I remember running upstairs to my room, grabbing the Fearless CD booklet and singing along. I remember watching SNL when you hosted and were the musical guest…also, you should know, i love SNL so much, another dream of mine to see the show live.

Speaking of seeing a show live…the Fearless tour came into existence! I’m from MD, so the go-to venue would’ve been the Verizon Center in DC. There was originally only one tour stop in DC, and I couldn’t go because of my 8th grade graduation. I was sad, but fear not! ANOTHER date was added the day before…alas, the day before my actual graduation ceremony we had a “mandatory” graduation dinner. I put quotes around mandatory because I mean, you had to go, but if you were dying or something obviously…don’t go. So: I didn’t go to the Fearless tour, but I saw amazing pictures and heard great things. 

Indirect Flashback Time!!! So a great family friend absolutely loved you as well and saw in concert when you opened for Brad Paisley…she, according to pictures i’ve seen, got to see the tour bus and met you, and what struck me were two things: 1) another family friend with blonde curly hair took a picture with you and she captioned it “hair twins”…and the other, 2) a signed picture that read (i believe) “to Heather-you have a beautiful smile-love taylor” such kindness. Her smile is awesome and she’s so pretty but you are so kind. i admire you for so many things, one of those major reasons being your love for everything and everyone. 

Time for the Speak Now tour! Guess who could go to this one? THIS GIRL. Verizon center, section 112, row G, seat 12. I had a fabulous time, i can’t really elaborate about it. Gotta admit though: a friend who I didn’t know too well at the time went both DC nights for that tour (and actually all of the tours you’ve had) got to meet you and was so happy. She has all these amazing opportunities and i tell her I’m jealous and stuff, which, come on, is true, but I am genuinely happy for her. She doesn’t meet people because they are “celebrities” (i hate that word…and in the singular form), but she meets them because she has these connections and why not use them if you are passionate about someone’s music or work in general?

RED tour! This is a funny story kind of…ish. So, once more, two tour stops in DC. I was a junior in high school….so stress was a realistic thing. (unrelated haha!) I kept annoying my mom by saying things along the lines of: mom, the concert is tomorrow, mom ticket availability is dwindling, mom please, okay ill wait, sure we can get them tomorrow…and she made it up to me. (spoiler: sneaky mom.) something along the lines of: lets go see that exhibit in DC and get chipotle. TOTALLY fine with that..love going to see anything art related with my mom, and chipotle? YES please. So we get off at the metro stop for the Verizon center, which is also pretty central for some museums and restaurants. So she lists the things we’re gonna do…and finally, seeing we are getting nowhere, she says “do you want to go to the concert?” My answer: “what? Yes, but what?” So i went to the concert and my mom is the best, not just because of this moment, but I mean it shows that she is the best. The seat I had for the Red tour concert was the best seat I had for any concert…i think it was section 100, row C…i forget the seat number! details, details..funny note: my mom later texted me, before Brett Eldredge came on, saying: “do you like the big red sign?”me: “are you in here?” She actually attended as well, along with 2 friends, another friend last minute couldn’t use them, so she was in a different part of the venue but we experienced your show together! That night, the night before mother’s day, you sang Never Grow Up, which is one of my mom’s, and my..favorite songs, along with Mary’s song and The Best Day, of course. So thank you for that.

another sidebar…i apologize! I have this ongoing struggle..not necessarily with being myself, although it relates to that, but with SAYING things. Overall, i think i am shy but when with people I love dearly and in the right kinda time/place, I can be funny and sometimes too sarcastic..and I talk quickly..which is funny because in class or most any other place i am silent…or close to it. Unfortunately, there have been several moments in the past couple years where i’ve had this “urge”, if you will, to tell someone my feelings…there’s one that pops into my head, i remember texting him, calmly placing my phone screen down…then proceeding to check it every other second. this one instant i am thinking of was actually followed by this guy responding..nicely..yes, rejecting it, but not outright NO. It was similar to an explanation..not a “no because you’re stupid”-esque answer, but more of a, “friends…college soon…not interested”-less of a blow on my confidence-esque response.  So i say these things. Trust me, I SO want to work up that courage to actually tell someone i sincerely like in person that i have these feelings.  How? 

It sometimes, in recent years, has seemed as if love is dying. I get it, with so much negativity it doesn’t seem like that fairytale exists anymore. I think it does, but it’s oh-so-hidden, Taylor, oh-so-hidden. I haven’t found a way to properly order my words in my way of explaining how i think about this, but I’ll try. I used to have this idea in my head that i wasn’t the type of girl that guys would like, and today I still kind of think that. I am someone who, although meaningless, CONSTANTLY cares about what people think of me. (Not in the way that I would google myself if I was “famous” or something because I don’t wanna look for more flaws that I don’t need to pay attention to because it enlarges them if I tug at them with my heart…) I guess I wish I could know what people were thinking of me. Literally all the time. I tend to overthink small things, which is part of the reason why i identify with being a hopeless romantic. The slightest thing like a smile or quoting something from a movie and both of us laughing, followed by the text conversation with my friend…normally like: “hey i (still) like so and so….” she’d say “why”, oh cause he’s NICE is ALWAYS how it begins. Obviously I want someone nice, but i think it’s good that nice is still a vague thing. Nice people are all around. A snide look from a girl my own age tears at my mind, like, I imagine the worst thoughts possible…like whoever seemed to glare at me was sending me “ugh”-esque thoughts. SO what i think i am getting at is that I don’t think I will know if someone likes me back…or wants to talk to me unless I talk to them…I know I’m not confident enough to approach someone, unless I am already friends with them, and tell them flat out how i feel. I think today in our society fairytales definitely exist. However….they are hidden beneath OURSELVES….and fighting to be true. This is why I admire your genuine…ness. I thought there was a word like.. “genuinety” but I think I’m thinking of generosity…that too, though.

 I don’t want to just say thank you. But thank you. You are incredible. You have this natural beauty about you, and you are chic. Your music speaks to me in ways I can’t describe…specific lyrics just,..beautiful. I’ve never been in a relationship, but I see the songs through my ideas and you are so right. Thanks for always staying classy…remaining true to everything, empowering people; not just girls, but everyone. anyways…

I watched your yahoo livestream on my phone on the way to-WHAT-college…wait…what? Still hard to believe i’m in college… Go ramblers! Loyola Chicago! It paused a lot, but I obviously heard Shake It Off and love it. I am so happy for 1989…seriously, it is fanFREAKINGtastic! i don’t have tickets to a show yet, but i am still holding out hope for maybe seeing you when you hit the road for the 1989 tour!! You are so awesome…you are a great performer. I hear about what a good friend you are and that is amazing. I keep saying the word amazing. Just…thank you. 

dear taylorswift, you’re genuine. and i love you for that.  Being genuine is so truthful and peaceful…i love it. Not gonna say I wish i could struggle less with being myself, but i think it’s hard for anyone. Just…thanks for being genuine and showing it; pushing the limits in a classy, timeless way. Quite recently, a couple weeks ago…i returned here, to college, after Christmas break. Needless to say: it was so difficult for me. I was a mess. No, i still AM a mess. i loved being home, of course…and now here i am…just numb. Sad. And today, the second day of recruitment for sorority life…i got a call saying I “was not invited back”…getting that call? well, i didn’t really mind, because i was having doubts about going through the process myself. I was already struggling with being back at school, and here is a large group of girls who I spoke with for HOURS yesterday telling me they don’t want me. Maybe I’m spinning it a weird way to get sympathy for myself, but I don’t think so. I gave it a shot, and I was happy about doing it. Yes, my decision got a lot easier since I didn’t even have to go back (“was not invited back”) but I just felt that it was reenforcing my feelings of not wanting to be here. just thank you for being so true. so genuine. so classy…..and yeah, so everflippingly chic. 

love you so much. 

one of my favorite things to say, and you do it well, “stay classy.”

so much love,

Isabelle

fellawiththehellagoodhair picturetosburn julyninths sayinitsgonnabealright swiftlyswift13 the-second-september aswiftdirectioner ilikebaking13 lyricsfromswift nowimhaunted13swiftnetwork thetaylorswift143 taylorswift whenallthoseshadows wish-i-was-tina tinylittleboxes-in-a-row youtaketheverybestofme swiftbeautifultragic palegingerbabiestswiftontour tswiftdaily tswiftfan13 breakburnandends taylor-swift-lyrics @taylornopsdstateofswift bemyoldselfagain shakeoffthebadblood youareinloves gettingsweptawayyoutaughtmeaboutyourpast wegotbillstopay teamtaylorswiftfragrances timeerasingyou 12-13-1989-taylorswift andifeelperfectlyfine whenyouthinktimmcgraws nineteenstooyoungtaytayswizzle dreamingtaylor butlovinghimwasred longlivethismagic ohsoswiftly tswiftquotes@theswiftsource alltoofuckingwell betterthanrevengeandtheysaidspeakmeow passionateassin13 breakmelikeapromise1315swifitlyeverafter @thingsyoucantspeakof leavesfallingdownlikepiecesshakinitoffsince1989 shakeitofftswizzle shakeitoffliketaylor xstayfearlessxswiftiedreamer13 tayswiftian of1989 shakeitoffs glowofffthepavementmerediths-posture swiftkaleidoscopes legendswift thehatersgonnahatehatehatebohoswift thatswhatpeoplesaymm ribbondancertaylor casuallyscruelyoubelongwithmes nowimhaunted swiftly-me symphonicswift shadesofwrongsweetfictions tothissickbeat mywide-eyedgaze tenerifetaylor13 xloveswiftmysweetayngel tallandpaintedmeow rememberyourbarefeettaylorshakeitoffswift nameisupinlights thestarsthatshinedtakingflightmakingmefeelright ikeepcruisins ourprincesswift ittwasraresomething-about-taylor likelastkiss lwishyouwould iiishakeitoff comingeasilymuchsweeterthanfiction onlyfearless13 paintsabluesky tswift89s milkshakeitoffwonderstay youareworldsaway whattheydontknow13 stay-stay-stay t-1989-swift awkwardswift cantstopwontstopgrovin distancesilence makingupforlostlove allofmysurroundings andweweredancindancin all-thedamn-time altoowhale alltoofuckingwell breakburnandends brickstheythrewatme bringonall-thepretenders blankspacebabyy cuzustilldontknowwhatineversaid chainisonyourdoor drinkingmaplelattes dressedlikeadaydream dancingroundtayskitchen drunkonnjealousy drunkonjealousy enchantedbytayswift flashbacksandechoes gettindowntothissickbeat girlinthedresscried filledwiththorns hiswildeyesontheroad hellabadhair illbethebryncess imfinallyclean inanicedressstaringatthesunset julyninths jadesofwrong jamesdeandaydream lanternsburning longlivetayswift mad-lov3ee maythesememoriesbreakourfalll neverevers on-swifts-side myherotaylor outofthewoods palegingerbabies passinnotesinsecrecy queentayslays swiftabulous22 redd-lip-classic swiftnetwork swift-network swiftbeautifultragic taylor-svift taylurkin taylorslegs whenallthoseshadows wildetsdreams wildestdreamoftay wildestdreamsforswift thatcheshirecatsmile colldasyou bae-tay newromanticss oliviabensonswift watchthelightsgowild13 wewillberemembered youmakemecrazier youareinloves youpaintmeabluesky youtaketheverybestofme theblameisonme the1989ers 12-13-1989-taylorswift andweweredancindancin shakeitoft shakeitoffs wordsiheldback nightmare-dressedlikeadaydream roadsofbrazil incrediblethings72 saralucasi hesaidwhatyouveheardistrue stolenkisses—prettylies honestlybelievedinyou timcgraws picturetosburn oldfavouritesongs tree-paine jtmaster13 thelifeofswift colorsinautumn lifeasaswiftie13 immabefearless xloveswift swift-nyc onehandfeel thoseopeneyes wonderstay spinninggoutofcontrol itsjustinyourwildestdreams troublexswift

taylorswift love ya girl.

Heartwarming Starfish Ornaments.

Hi Taylor ! taylorswift !

This is the…fourth? I think? of long posts typed on tumblr….sorry if it gets really long. There’s so much i want to say and I know now, starting off this letter, that there’s no way I could ever say all of it. This isn’t to say, well looks like i gotta meet you or something with a windy face. Yes, it would be an honor to meet you. And YES, I want to talk to you about god knows what. Anything. But since this is just me, typing this in my dorm room on a lazy saturday dreaming of starbucks, ill just tell you a little about me.

Hi! My name’s Isabelle, i’m 17, and I’m from Rockville, MD, right outside DC basically…! My birthday is on Christmas, aka 12/25, so i’m a capricorn! wait-give me a second-mumbles to self..EVERGREEN AND MINT AND WRAPPING PAPER AND RIBBONS AND ORNAMENTS AND THAT ONE ORNAMENT MY BROTHER HAS THATS ACTUALLY A GINGERBREAD COOKIE BUT HOLD UP DONT EAT IT CAUSE ITS FROM WHEN HE WAS LIKE 4 AND NOW HES 22 SO NAH AND THOSE DELICATE STARFISH ONES THAT MY GODFATHER GAVE US AND-im done. I love christmas, not  just cause you take my birthday and roll it into christmas-LIKE COOKIE DOUGH I HAVE NO CHILL- but no, since i always get this question whenever my birthday plus christmas comes up , i doesn’t suck…i don’t get half the presents? i think I’m gonna start giving people a sassy face when i get asked this next, because I’m not deprived….anyways ill write something just on that later, my apologies. 

I have 2 older brothers: Jerry who’s 25, and Adam who’s 22. Jerry went to Notre Dame, as well as my parents and one of my uncles. Adam went to Boston College-THE RIVALRY IS ALIVE- I love them so much. For the last 3 years, actually, my mom and I have participated in-i think it’s formal name is-the Notre Dame alumni family volunteer camp-maybbbeeeee you could joinnnn SO FUN i mean maybe that would be hectic, as life seems all the time, for youuuu! But it is really, truly, an awesome experience. 

I love swimming, it’s really the only sport that i am remotely good at, I dabble in badminton, i tried volleyball and lacrosse. I can follow sports, i think? Just tried aqua zumba a few weeks ago-pretttty fun! I love art. I love theatre-one of my great loves, if you will. In high school I stopped actually performing onstage and became so in love with backstage work; stage managing, assistant producing….taking notes on what the director said, wearing a headset and shhhh-ing people….sigh. Here at collegeWHOA IM AT COLLEGE i’m still trying to find my footing in the theatre program, i tried out for the improv team here but didn’t make it…partly because i was nervous and there were 30 people auditioning when they only wanted to cast 2 or 3 people. but i still go to their shows, because, good segway!!!!!—improv, or comedy in general, stand up, etc…more great loves of my life. nbcsnl inspires me so much, i always say thats the dream..to work there…not necessarily to be a cast member although whaddup that’d be so awesome, but maybe a writer? just interning for late night, tonight show, snl, would be magical. or of course for taylor nation, your tour crew or whatnot. 

I have been playing piano since I was 3. Piano lets me be good at something because while I’ve been told in talent shows and other stuff that I am a good singer, piano is something i know i’ll continue for the rest of my life. 

Last spring, i graduated high school and now here I am-officially a rambler at Loyola University Chicago. I love it here, it’s funny I told myself i wanted a school, well yeah, like notre dame, not just cause i’m a legacy, but also because the campus is beautiful and not really surrounded by skyscrapers. I told myself when i started the dreaded college application process that i DID NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES want a “city school” I guess i STILL don’t want that-but hear me out. What i didn’t/don’t want is to go to school in a skyscraper where most of the buildings look the same. With LUC, i’m right on the lake, and i have a metro stop right across from my dorm and can be in the lovely downtown chicago magnificent mile area in 20 mins. i LOVE cities. ESPECIALLY new york. Really, not just plugging Welcome to New York. My mom and I try to go to NY at least once or twice a year for a weekend when we go..if not longer. I adore broadway and, like i said, everyone in the 30 rock area!!! I would love to live there someday. Last year for my 17th birthday/christmas my mom surprised me with an NYC trip the day after birthday/christmas, (if it comes up again I’m going with birthmas because typing is starting to hurt my fingers) and we explored…we saw Matilda on broadway, if you haven’t seen it-go !!! It’s incredible. I’ve been told by my theatre friends..and everyone basically..that i look like Matilda from the movie. It all started when our tech outfits for moving set pieces across the stage for The Wiz at my high school in junior year was a black button down shirt, for me, with the show shirt underneath, and black yoga pants, WITH….cue matilda, a bandana worn however we want…so I tied it like a headband, rosie the riveter style. Mine as you can infer was indeed red. So, Matisabelle was born. ON A RANT, SORRY!!!

We visited some friends that live in NYC, some live right near Central Park, the other lives in Brooklyn-and i loved visiting the World Trade Center/9/11 memorial. It’s heart wrenchingly beautiful. I don’t really like saying it is a perfect memorial, because I feel like it seemed irreverent, but I realize now that it IS perfect. It is so beautiful. i think i stood for 15 minutes in front of someones name at the North tower fountain with a white rose-for this person’s birthday. SO beautiful. Breathtaking, in more ways than one. 

I have to mention 1989 since it. has. begun!!!!!!! IF I had to choose a favorite song, it would be Wildest Dreams, but if we’re talking about the exclusive target bonus songs version of 1989, then I would definitely go with You Are in Love. “and why I’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words” means so much to me because I struggle with saying what i need to say, messing up, regretting stuff. Recently i had two presentations i had to give for a couple of my classes here at LUC. One was in french, the other-english..for the english one I spent the whole night prior to the actual presentation attempting to memorize what I should say. I get super nervous presenting. You Are In Love reminds me exactly of my grandparents, who also live with me-a few years back we decided to move into their house with them, where my mom grew up, to fix up their house and it’s so nice to be with them all the time. I miss everyone so much here in Chicago, though.

Thank you for staying genuine and always showing yourself as you truly are, you’re so chic, and classy….so to quote anchorman because DUH, you stay classy. much love, 

Isabelle Parshall

i gotta ask to reblog this, don’t if you don’t wanna, but it would be so nice.. much love lovelies! 

andthatlittleblackdress anytruelove outofthewoods youareinlovesfellawiththehellagoodhair hellagoodfellas captureitrememberit wegotbillstopaynowimhaunted13 whenallthoseshadows breakburnandends bornon19891989updates catchmenows casualllycruel saralucasi altoowhalealltoofuckingwell colldasyou dancinroundtheroom dancetothisbeat13dressuplikehipsters drunkswifts drunkonjealousy voguetaylor allt00swifttaylorsblood finallycleann eyesopen thankyouforsayingthat ithinkformeumswifteverythinhas-changed feariess fetusswift ialmostdo itsathugstory heldyourprideitsbeckyswift juniorjewels tenerifeseas lasttimes misstaylorswftkaleidoscopeofourmemories keepcruising gluegunscar nevereverskingdomlightsshine knowitslonggone outsofthewoodstwopaperairplanesflyingflyin onehandfeel picturetosburn officialtaylornationoutofthe89s outtoolates piecesintoplaces picturetoburns nightmaredressedlike-a-daydream scarletletterswift shakeitoffs timeerasingyou wednesdayinacafesandyoucallmeupagain jadesofwrong just-tswift swiftyeah andthisloveismusicistaylor thatpolaroidofus youpaintmeabluesky slaylorswiftqueen swift-stswiftdaily brickstheythrewatme coldhardgrounds passinnotesinsecrecyyoutaketheverybestofme wildsetdreams andwerun jencita palegingerbabiestellyouiminsane blankspaceandillwriteyourname youareworldsawaywewereinscreamingcolorrr ofloudheartbeat wonderstay wefoundwonderlandddthedirtydirtycheats thedirtydirtycheatsoftheworld areweouttathewoodsyetintheclearyetgood1989 allaroundtaylor you-are-love-swift shouldvesaidxnomakeyourwordscount 19eightaynine bae-tay colldasyou jadesofwrong lifeofswift1989 likeheyitsdibbles thatshowyougotthegirl all-thedamn-time cant-make-them-stay1989 penclick sheslikeohmygod1989 iwishyouwouid catsandconverse swift-ease smileactress casualllycruel youleftherallalone wonderstruck1312 timeerasingyou thenewromantics16 standing-inanicedress standinginastyledress g00d-girl-faith lovesagame-wanna-play cherry-skies-sweet-tea hellagoodmaeve tswifie swift-at-home yeahigotablankspacebaby two–paper–airplanes tenmonthsclean badguysgood clickingpensound mockingjayswiftie never-go-out-of-swift tour1989chile badbloodmadmadlove taylorshakeitoffswift perfect-13 thesehandshadtoletitgofree mess-of-a-dreamr krystal-swift comeinwiththerain13 wildestnewyork jg-1313 cas-uallycruel tswiftwonders13 isaidivebeentheretooafew-times fighting-dragons-since-1989 blood-runs-bad magicmadnessswift youreyeswerewiderthandistance winestainswift hellokittyswiftie wearetheffoxes betheweirdestlittleweird this-hope-is-treacherous taylorswiftandkittens adelaideswift13 taylorswift

so much love.