low speed chase

Joel Birch of The Amity Affliction.
The Amity Affliction’s ‘This Could Be Heartbreak’ Australian Release Tour.
Brisbane, Australia.

Dan Brown of The Amity Affliction.
The Amity Affliction’s ‘This Could Be Heartbreak’ Australian Release Tour.
Brisbane, Australia.

A Revelation on Trump

I think I’ve finally got this Trump thing figured out. Consider:

  • He’s a rich kid whose dad bought him out of trouble.
  • He breaks the law. A lot.
  • He’s a rich businessman who routinely stiffs small businesses and drives them out of business.
  • He has secret documents that, if they ever got out, could destroy him.
  • He hangs around with bad dudes, including an ex-KGB agent, mobsters, and Nazis. 
  • His plans are convoluted and nonsensical, and won’t actually work in the real world. 
  • He does mean things to small children.
  • He lies all the time.
  • He’s great at inciting others to go fight, but can’t take a punch himself.

So basically, he’s every 1980s action movie villain combined into one. I’m just worried that in order to defeat him, we’re either going to have to organize a combination breakdancing competition/talent show or have a low-speed car chase that ends with one vehicle going over a cliff and then exploding in midair.

Police Track Down Runaway Tortoise In Thrilling Low Speed Chase

It may not have been the quickest police chase in history, but it was one of the most dramatic.

Police in the city of Mesa, Arizona had their hands full when a tortoise went on the run along a pavement in a residential area.

One officer took a quick snap of the animal before it could disappear out of view with the high velocity with which it’s known.

The tortoise was spotted having a wander on Monday morning, and once police finally caught up with it, they put it in a temporary animal foster home and issued a call on social media for the owner to come forward.

The Mesa Police Department posted the photo of the tortoise after it was seen speeding along Guadalupe Road. Within a few hours of the appeal, the owner got in touch and the tortoise was returned to its home.

Police said they were surprised by the large number of phone calls from people claiming to have missing tortoises.

Mesa Police said on Facebook: “We have located the owner of the runaway tortoise. He will be reunited with his family soon. Thank you for all the help in getting the word out.”

The tortoise was said to be in good health after his morning stroll.

(Picture: City of Mesa Police Department/Facebook)