loving these two even more now

4

“And all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf ”


Beth’s thoughts started to spiral as Alex shared the news with his family. She could’ve been doing this with her mum or dad, but we all know how her mother feels and she pushed her father away after he started drinking and being volatile. She just felt like she was missing a whole part of her life, she felt alone right now even though she was surrounded by those who love her

She has lost her family and it was a weird feeling having to stand up on your own two feet with what feels like nobody in your corner. But she did have someone, more than just someone. She just needed reassuring and reminding of that…

I can see people’s auras… and it’s a curse.

by A10A10A10

Yes, I can see people’s auras.

And I hate saying it so bluntly. It makes me sound like some hack psychic who fakes the ability as a means of exploitation and a paycheck. I’ve never made money from my ability. I’ve never taken advantage of it. And, until now, I’ve never spoken of it to anybody.

But I really do see them, and I’m starting to view it as more of a curse. I have a reason for typing this out and I assure you, there isn’t a happy ending.

Keep reading

proud

(because I couldn’t HELP myself, okay?)

Jack knew, though. He knew.

There hasn’t been a doubt in his mind. Every time he’s been down to Samwell, every time he watched from a corner in the kitchen as Bitty simultaneously baked muffins and batted away Holster’s interference and counseled the tadpoles on affairs of the heart, it’s been obvious. As much as Jack loves Bittle, this team loves him too. All of them love him.

It’s not just love, though. It’s just that Jack understands the love most. But there’s more to it. Another side to Bittle that he hasn’t been privileged to see, that he can’t see from his vantage point as a former captain and now-boyfriend.

Jack gets his first glimpse of it when the tadpole – Whiskey, his name is – comes in and asks Bittle about his wrist shot. Two years ago, a year ago even, Bittle would have turned to Jack and said, “Gosh, I’m not sure I can – better ask the master.” This time, Bittle out-and-out forgets Jack’s in the room. He picks up a spatula and uses it as a prop to explain launch angles from the stick blade, and Whiskey watches with rapt attention. It’s the look on Whiskey’s face that strikes Jack. He’s never looked at Bittle like that; he’s never had cause to. But Whiskey does.

Keep reading

“i was gonna say getting stoned in my basement, but–”

and so get stoned they did, the end.

what would be enough

for straight historians to admit that queer people existed before 1950?

letters between two women can make clear, undeniable reference to what we would now call romantic love, and they just say “female friendships were more affectionate back then”

if it’s two men, they say “men were more comfortable expressing their emotions back then”

an AFAB person could spend his entire life living as a man, even when seemingly nobody is paying a huge amount of attention to him, and they call him “a woman disguised as a man to have more opportunities”

possibly the most insulting thing is when they say “these people wouldn’t even have understood what you’re talking about.” as if it really is a new idea. as if we’d have been alien to our own ancestors

or when they say “that’s just the slander of later historians” as if there’s no worse suggestion than being queer

I’m starting to think nothing will ever be enough

Season 4 complaints

I’ve seen some people posting about how season 4 just ignored all the development in season 3 and yada yada so I decided to make a post about my view on the most popular complaints.

  • “Shiro’s headache and the whole it must be a clone theory was totally put aside because now he pilots Black again!”


Shiro going back to being the black paladin wasn’t him just saying “well let’s try this again just because” and the black lion going “one time is not enough but TWO times hell yeah u my paladin”

No.

The team was in danger, Keith was away and was constantly showing signs that he would end up leaving the team. Another thing, Shiro had to convince Black to let him pilot it.

My point is: Black would not let the paladins fucking die if it could do something to save them. After letting Shiro (or clone Shiro) pilot it Keith decided he was going to leave and BUM there’s no return now and Shiro (or clone Shiro) had to be the black paladin.

Besides, if the clone builds connections with the team and loves them as much real Shiro it will be 1000000 times more heartbreaking to show real Shiro coming back.

  • “Lance’s and Keith’s relationship development was completely thrown away!”


Those kids are at a war. That’s what they’re doing in space, they’re fighting a war. You guys really think Keith (the guys who’s been fighting with all his strength the whole time, who has put his friends in danger just for the possibility of attacking Lotor, who trains more than anyone) is going to focus more on a crush we are not even sure he really has than on the fight against the Galra?

Voltron is not a show about two boys finding more about themselves and slowly falling in love with each other. Their relationship is a SUBPLOT, let the main plot run its course for God’s sake.

  • “Lance’s character development was ignored and now he’s back to the way he was in season 1!!”


Lance didn’t really open up for the team about his insecurities. He had one good talk with Keith, who left, and that’s it. Lance may be self-centered but he’s not self-centered enough to put his problems above the war they’re fighting. The whole thing about Lance’s character is that he hides his insecurities behind a mask of confidence and jokes.

Moreover, being insecure doesn’t mean being sad all the fucking time. He genuinely enjoyed being an actor and doing performances and flying around so let the boy be happy.

He never stopped being a flirt either.

  • “Lotor’s generals would not turn on him like that!”


We don’t know that. In fact, we know close to nothing about Lotor’s relationship with his generals.

As much as I love the idea of all the characters getting good development I know that’s not really possible. The show is not about Lotor and his generals, is about team voltron.

Besides, we might get some more information in the future, just like how it was done with Zarkon’s backstory.

  • “Keith leaving the team ruined the dynamic season 3 built!”


Firstly, Keith never wanted to be the leader and after the talk he had with Lance it was obvious he would not claim Red back when Shiro came back. Secondly, the Blade kind of represents a family to him in a sense, they’re a connection to his past. With Shiro being back and Red having a good pilot, Keith saw the possibility of helping team Voltron and the Blade at the same time. He took the opportunity.

In season 3, Keith wasn’t the leader because he wanted to, he was the leader because he had to. Now he can do something he really wants to do instead of being stuck in a position he doesn’t consider his own. Be happy for the guy.

  • “Lotor has barely been introduced as a main antagonist and is already having a redemption arc!”


Lotor’s intentions were very different from Zarkon’s intentions. He wasn’t after Voltron like crazy, trying to destroy the Lions or get them for himself. Lotor had a very specific plan and just used his position as the new leader of the Galra empire to to help him with it.

The talk he wants to have is not a “Wow I’m suddenly a good guy”. Lotor’s is an enemy for the Galra now and if wants his plan to succeed he needs allies. My enemy’s enemy is my best friend. Team voltron kind of has a debt to Lotor now that he literally saved everyone so he has an advantage.

Lotor doesn’t want to become a hero, he just wants his plan to work.


That’s it. Might do a part 2 later.

Why are all my fandoms going crazy right now??

- Skam is freaking out (with good reason) about rumors about the American adaptation, and still in general chaos because of the end of the show and season 4

- Voltron’s about to get a new season and its incessant ship wars are still going

- Malec is broken up in the show (and I don’t even watch shadowhunters, I just liked the books! Seriously it’s like secondhand fandom stress here)

- Supergirl and CW in general are getting all kinds of new content about some crossover thing that’s happening in like two months, which of course fires up all the karamel shippers vs. anti drama

- Chaol’s book is coming out in SJM land, and people are either excited for their fave or (like me) even more stressed about TOG 7

- Carry On is doing fine but that’s like the miracle fandom anyway… seriously there’s like never any drama? I love it so much

- Doctor Who!!! Need I say more? (I’m so flipping excited!!!!!!!)

- In a Heartbeat was released, and it didn’t! let everyone down (go watch it seriously!!)

I’m probably forgetting a million things but like… I can’t handle this right now seriously

EDIT: How could I forget Yuri On Ice??? Like… I don’t really know what’s going on there anymore but I just really want another season

Victor and Yuuri – A Relationship Without Labels

There’s a lot of emphasis put on the idea of Yuuri and Victor having a relationship devoid of labels in-series yet we as fans continue to apply them to their relationship. And while this isn’t a bad thing, I would just like to take a look at how, without labels, the bond between these two is so much more than we could ever explain by boxing it in with labels.

Some of the first words we hear used for these two are “coach” and “student”. While this is absolutely part of their bond, and an important part at that, it already doesn’t encompass everything, even when they first started applying it. There’s a history behind them, even if Victor was less personally involved in it.

A history that you could use the words “idol” and “fan” to describe. You could definitely say that this is where their relationship started, but while these words also fit, they miss out on what that relationship is like from Victor’s point of view. Their bond blooms into so much more and describing it in this way would be a disservice to their development.

You could also say that they are “fellow skaters” and “competitors”. And this is both true and important, but you miss out on the personal aspect to their relationship and leave it at the level of their professions. And this personal relationship really started growing as far back as the banquet.

The first words you could possibly use to describe this instant connection might be “inspiration” or “hope”. Those words imply a lot, a depth of emotion and investment in each other that goes beyond what even words could describe, but it removes them from each other at the same time. Because these words could also apply to a distant relationship, one that isn’t as intimate as theirs is.

When they started to get to know each other, this personal intimacy bloomed into “friends”. This word is actually incredibly deep, because friends don’t only have to be someone you get to know only on the surface. Friends can be the people closest to you, and the bond can also go beyond just humans. It can easily be your deepest-rooted connections. I also believe that friendship is the key to a strong and long-lasting love relationship.

A love relationship that could be described by various different names, such as “lovers”, “boyfriends”, “fiancés”, or even “husbands”, if you look at the direction they’re headed. But if we look back over the list we’ve already been through, we can clearly see that these words are lacking. These words can be used to describe their romantic love, but it doesn’t touch on any other aspect of their relationship including the deep bond they share as two human beings.

So in the end, I feel the best words to describe what they are to each other is simply “Yuuri and Victor”. The words Yuuri says to Victor on the beach, that he wants Victor to be Victor and not some other label, doesn’t only apply to Victor’s identity – it applies to the relationship shared between the two of them. They’re not just coach/student, idol/fan, fellow skaters, each other’s inspirations, friends, or even lovers.

Because while they may be all of them at the same time, they’re also so much more.

anonymous asked:

I loved "the team try to assume things about neil"!!!! Are you going to write more? I'd love to read more! Anyways, love your writing, stay healthy and have fun writing whatever you want!! 💜💜

I’ve got a couple more asks about this, so there definitely going to be more in the future. Here’s part 2/?

  • Dan has to know how many girls Neil has kissed now that the game’s revealed he’s kissed more than one
  • So she says “Neil Josten has only kissed two girls.”
  • Neil says “Wrong.”
  • Andrew’s eyes are on him even more
  • The team is shocked
  • Neil adds “And I don’t know how many, so counting up like this isn’t going to get you an answer.”
  • Allison insists “I’m calling bullshit. One girl, maybe. But there is no way you’ve kissed so many you lost count. We all saw how smooth you were with Marissa.”
  • But they weren’t all there
  • And they remember that as Andrew asks “Who the fuck is Marissa?”
  • Andrew isn’t jealous
  • He’s annoyed by the number of leftover lies and secrets
  • Nicky eagerly shows off his Neil knowledge and fills Andrew in
  • “She’s a cheerleader who tried to flirt with Neil. I got secondhand embarrassment when he turned her down. It was harsh.”
  • Neil argues “There was no point pretending I’d call her.”
  • Matt asks “Have you ever called anyone?”
  • Neil is offended by the question
  • But like, also, he’s only called his mom, Wymack, and Andrew
  • Andrew asks “What would she want with you?”
  • He means it as a dig and as a genuine question because at that point did Neil even talk about anything other than exy?
  • Neil says “Rumour has it I’m interesting.”
  • Andrew says “So is a trainwreck.”

I’m really loving the theme lately with big budget film and TV projects in the ‘nerds and nostalgia’ genre having White Male Entitlement as the villain

like

Mad Max asked who killed the world

their answer was 'toxic masculinity’

Jessica Jones answered with 'rape culture’

and Star Wars threw in 'entitled, privileged white dudes with nostalgiaboners for eras of extreme oppression for everyone else’

could we ask for a more accurate unholy trinity, or a better group to be putting this shit on blast??

FEYSAND BABY RANT

Alright guys we all know that it’s coming, after the Bone Carver looked like a mini Rhys when Feyre met with him. We know what to expect- that they will have a little boy that looks like Rhys… but like lets fucking discuss this- Rhysand’s entire family was murdered, and he had absolutely no one. After pining for Feyre for a year or two and having them finally fall in love, finally have her completely as his and he as hers… he finally belongs somewhere. Like he can finally be rooted. And now, he’ll have a little boy and possibly more children, and I just cannot even fathom the love he will have for that child. The fact that it came from him, and his mate… the fact that it is his child, his very own to love and protect and train…. Rhysand will be whole. Every single piece of his life will have fallen into place. Oh my god.

10

Perry Cox and Bob Kelso: Synchronized Grumps

How to become a good student (again) 4: Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband, cause I’m about to drop the p-bomb:

That’s right… p…p…pro…

PROCRASTINATION!

I know. I know. The moment has come, man. Procrastination has cost me so many hours of my life that I will never get back and I guess it’s the same for you.
Here’s a bit of a secret - the first three posts so far? They were actually also about procrastination. Specifically, they were about WHY you or I might procrastinate.
1. Because you’re overwhelmed by choices
2. Because, goddamnit, it’s HARD to to start
3. Because you have a screwed up relationship with studying

Now, in this post, we will be tying these threads together by looking at the WHAT and the HOW. You’ve examined the roots, you’ve gotten rid of the pesky little bugs living down there, so… WHAT is procrastination really and HOW do you defeat it and actually start studying?

Procrastinaton, for me, is a state of mind, a surround sound and most of all: a place - it’s LIMBO. It’s physically being unable to do something. Being caught in a web (very often the world wide one). Drowning in water. Being pulled apart, gaining momentum, losing control, cotton in my ears, the heat of shame in my chest, a thousand voices in my mind that I try to silence.

“You should be -”
“You have to -”
“You must -”

“Do something, do something, do something, anything, anything, anything, anything”
“You loser, you can’t even -”
“YOU USED TO BE GREAT and now you’re just-”

I hate myself while doing it. I feel horrible. I feel useless.
But at the same time, at the very bottom of my mind, there is something that I’ve refused to acknowledge for the longest time: a sense of pleasure.
Why
do I feel this weird sense of pleasure when I procrastinate? Why do I feel pleasure when I know I’m sabotaging my future through inaction? When I’m digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave? When I hate myself at the same time? Why do I procrastinate at all? Is it because of that underlying ironic pleasure?

Well, to find the answer to those questions, we first need to ask ourselves a bigger one: what is the OPPOSITE of limbo? If limbo is being caught in the middle of nowhere, floating, glitching, slowly imploding, then what is the opposite?
I’d say it’s movement, direction and action - you being in charge and moving things along, having agency, being alive and powerful and energetic and hot. I’d say it’s FLOW.

When I was a child, I had little to no problem syncing in and out of flow. It just came to me like second nature and I LOVED it. I loved the way my brain buzzed and I completely forgot about my surroundings. I loved disappearing into ideas, books, stories, video games, homework, a teacher’s lesson, a friend’s story, my own projects. I went in and out as I pleased and could turn it on and off like a light switch. It was so. much. fun. and I was so, so lucky to have had the privilege of such a talent.

Back then, I used to ache and hunger for a challenge. Things were smooth and easy and fun, but I wanted MORE - harder exercises, deeper questions, more challenging teachers. When I told my father about that, he smiled and said

“Be happy. You have put so much work into this. This is the moment it’s all paying off - you’ve turned and turned and turned your wheel and now it’s running smoothly along the street without even noticing how uneven the ground is.”

He was right, of course, but as time went on, I became more and dissatisfied with my smooth little wheel and started to procrastinate more and more. Why? And, again: where does the pleasure at procrastinating come from?

I’d argue that there are two main factors and one huge reason:

FACTOR 1: The wheel didn’t deliver on its promises

I already mentioned this in the very first post, but basically: disillusionment. I loved working hard, but I also expected it to pay off at some point. However, apart from the occasional pat on the head from a teacher or my parents’ smiles, there wasn’t all that much to be gained. There were no harder exercises, no special treatments, no big revelations - even university, my very last bastion of hope turned out to be a glorified bouncy castle.
I was just bored and the work I put into it wasn’t worth the outcome anymore. The system had failed me.

FACTOR 2: Suddenly, there were a lot of wheels

It is easy to glorify my younger self, but, really, child-me had it a lot easier.
Child-me only had one wheel to spin (school) and as I grew older, I realized that there were, well, many other wheels I had neglected.
I had a lot of catching up to do in areas like empathy, charisma, self-confidence and self-worth outside of academia, humour and fashion. And when I left school, there were even MORE wheels: suddenly, I also had to keep my job, my apartment, my much more complicated social life, my manifold hobbies and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule going.
I wasn’t prepared for this abundance of wheels. I’d grown up thinking that as long as I could keep the one wheel I was good at spinning (academia), I’d be juuuuust dandy. Well, I was wrong and I realized that, once again the system had failed me.

If only I’d had better teachers. If only I’d listened to the good ones. If only I’d worked the problem earlier. If only I was part of a better system that would recognize and foster my talents. Who knows how much I could achieve? Who knows how much I could have ALREADY achieved?

And that’s where the pleasure of procrastination comes from.
It is defiance. It is rebellion. It is a big “FUCK YOU” to the system that failed me. It is a “Look at me! I’m operating outside the system and I’m STILL getting semi-good grades. I don’t need any of you. I don’t need any of this. I’m playing by MY rules. I’m getting shit done MY way. Because YOUR way disappointed me. Because I am FREE.”

If, at this point, you’re starting to feel sorry for me (or yourself for being in a similar situation) …that’s exactly the problem. There’s really no way to say this nicely, so here we go:

PROCRASTINATION IS NO MORE AND NO LESS THAN A GLORIFIED VICTIM COMPLEX.

Let me explain.
When you procrastinate, doesn’t it feel like you HAVE TO do things? Like you’re being FORCED to do something? Like you’re POWERLESS? Like you’re STUCK? Like you’re SUFFERING? Like you’re AT THE MERCY of your negative thoughts, the system or you’re conscience? Like you’re being WHIPPED AROUND? Like you crave recognition of your SUFFERING? Like you don’t have a choice except RUNNING AWAY and not facing what you’re FORCED to face?

All of these thoughts and emotions put you in the position of a sufferer - a victim.

You see yourself as a victim of the system, the school, the state, the assignment you should be working on. You deliver yourself unto their power. You submit to a simple dichotomy: I HAVE to do this or I SHOULD FEEL like shit.
I HAVE to do this, so I MUST suffer and accept the infringement of my freedom.

Well, let me tell you something that just about changed my life when I fully, deeply and profoundly realized the truth behind these words:

YOU 
DON’T 
HAVE
TO 
DO 
SHIT. 


…or a bit more eloquently put:

You’re the one in control.

No, honestly. You are. 

If you wanted to, you could throw it all into the wind, take the next train to nowhere and see where life takes you. But do you want to do that? 
And, the even bigger question: why do you feel SO powerless that this small, stupid act of rebellion against The System is enough to intoxicate you SO much that you keep coming back to suckle on its sweet, sweet bitter nectar?

It’s because you feel trapped. It’s because you feel lost. 
It’s because you feel like you have so much potential and it’s all going to FUCKING waste and if somebody were to just give you a FUCKING hand you could really show everybody just how much you can FUCKING do and-

-let me stop you right there and let me ask you 4 questions:

QUESTION 1)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are …but what’s the use of your intelligence if you can’t use it to improve your own life?

If you’re anything like me, you find it very easy and rewarding to help other people with their problems. You easily see the roots of problems and the ways that conflicts could be resolved. You’re an excellent trouble-shooter and a strategist in video games and for your friends… but what about your own life? Why do you ACCEPT playing the role of the victim in your own life?

Why do you accept this suffering?

Long story short: because you’ve grown used to it.

You’ve forgotten what it feels like to make active choices, to exert your full agency and to take full responsibility for whatever mess might come of it. Leading me to…

Question 2)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but what’s the use of your intelligence if you don’t take anything seriously?

Be honest: when was the last time you took anything seriously and gave it your all? …no? Nothing?


Well, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you know the neat excuse of “eh, I was just winging it, but if I REALLY tried-” and do you know what that is? It’s cowardice and it’s self-victimization.

I know I’m coming on very strong.
But the truth is this: I know this. I know this because I’ve been living this. I’ve been living a second-hand life that I allowed to be ruled by “the system” and guilt and made-up obligations …and I almost lost myself in the process.

Maybe you can realize it with me: It’s some time ago, I wake up in the middle of the night and randomly feel like taking an IQ test online. I’m still half-asleep, I roll onto my stomach, I don’t even sit up, I meander my way through the questions. Shit. I realize that time is running out and I haven’t even finished ¾ of the questions! I panick. I feel guilty. I finally sit up. I start trying harder. I’m getting faster and faster - faster than I ever thought possible. And despite 5 minutes of good effort - 
I fail. Hard.
And as I sit there in my dark room, my unbelievably sucky result glowing on the screen of my mobile phone and I look out of the window, I realize: this has been my life for the past 5 years. Winging stuff at not even 50% of my capacity and being hurt by the results. Honestly, when WAS the last time I took anything really seriously? 

The next day, I get 8 hours of sleep, sit down in front of my laptop with a bottle of water, search for the most professional IQ test I can find and concentrate from the very beginning. I score 30 points higher. 

Let me repeat that: I scored 30 points higher on an IQ test because I actually tried. Magical things can happen if you take stuff seriously.

Leading us to

Question 3)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but when was the last time your intelligence has brought you joy?

Maybe you’re familiar with the phrase “The burnt child dreads the fire”? When I thought back on my academic progress in the last years, I realized that there really hadn’t been much joy anywhere. Pretty much everything had sucked. 

Big time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to invest my energy into something that didn’t yield any good results … right?

Wrong. My lack of good results was only an indicator for the real problem: my lack of effort.
The simple truth is this: 
We are smart. We enjoy doing what we are good at. We enjoy hard mental work, REGARDLESS of the results.
But once I started to focus too much on the results and thought it was all about having a great CV and min-maxing my grades… I just didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t allow myself to have fun anymore. To disappear into a world of thoughts like I used to as a child. To invest way too much time into a project, to have an absolute BLAST creating something complex and outstanding and super cool. 

Bringing us to…

Question 4) 
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but can you really create something extraordinary?

See that’s the thing: when I was a child, I didn’t just take school seriously.
I wanted to go the extra mile. 
And honestly? That was the whole secret. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just special but mind-blowingly special. It’s not like I knew I had it in me, but rather that I wanted grow to have more and more in me and I knew that the only way to do that was to challenge myself again and again.
That’s the difference between viewing your intelligence and your capabilities as stagnant or growing. There is no joy and no truth in regarding yourself as stagnant - the best of violin players started out sounding like a dying cat and the best athletes kept stumbling. If you want to create and become something extraordinary, you need to know that it will not happen overnight. You need to know that it will be a slow, hard and challenging hike up a hill and the only thing that keeps you climbing is your willingness to go the extra mile so you can see the view become more and more beautiful.

The real pleasure of studying is not getting good results and bragging rights - that’s just a cool side-effect. The real pleasure of studying is studying and that means working and knowing that working gets you one step ahead one step at a time.

So HOW can you change? HOW can you regain control? How can you consciously go from limbo to flow?
First of all:

1) RECLAIM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOUR PASSION

The first thing I tell myself in the morning is “My life is in my hands.”
That’s not always an easy sentence to start with, especially if I haven’t slept well or if I’m sick or in the middle of a fight or an existential crisis or just crabby.
But it’s always true. It’s MY life and it’s my responsibility to make the best of it. 

One poem in particular has really helped me, so who knows, maybe it’ll help some of you guys as well:

The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– Malcolm O. Varner

If you want to find pleasure in studying again, you need to embrace your own passion.
I know it’s a lot “cooler” to be indifferent towards studying, to procrastinate, to do it almost out of spite and at the last minute. But is it really?
No one wins. It’s not rewarding. It’s not fulfilling. You’ll have forgotten it in a week. It just sucks for everyone involved. Love what you do. Love it like you would a lover. Be considerate, be tender and be patient.
It must not feel like an obligation. It must feel like a passion - a fiery want for new horizons, mentals fireworks and lightbulb moments. It must come from yourself, from your bowels, your fibres, your blood - not from some ominous outside force. 

“I have to do this.” -> “I want to do this!”
“I’m losing time. There is so much I have to do, I want to be done with this already.” -> “I want to give this my time. This is absolutely worth it. I really want to be doing this right now.”
“Be fast. Be faster.” -> “Slow down. Be patient. Cherish this moment.”
“This is hard. I hate it. I hate it so much.” -> “This is challenging. I love it. I love it so much.”
“I can make this perfect, it has to be perfect! I could give this my all, I can give this my all. If I’m not giving this my all, I’m a complete and utter failure. Better not try at all rather than screwing it up. Again.”   -> “This is a work-in-progress, just like anything else. I am sure I can improve it bit by bit, by devoting some of my time to it. Even if I don’t get very far today, I’m sure the experience will pay off in the long run and I might find some unrelated ideas for other projects!”

You must go from this:

To that:

2) MAKE ACTIVE CHOICES.

(Like, maybe make the choice NOT to wear that speedo)

Because that’s really what it comes down to in the end: CHOICE. Nobody actively chooses to procrastinate. Procrastination is the absence of choice. 

Years of little to no success make you feel like your choices don’t matter -> you feel like you cannot influence anything -> you might as well not try -> you procrastinate.
But here’s the thing: your choices DO matter (DITCH that speedo!) and you must regain that trust in yourself.

We NEED to be able to make choices about their own lives. It makes us feel powerful and like we are truly alive.
It makes us feel like we are, you guessed it, in the flow.

Now, of course it’d be nice if I told you “Make conscious choices sweaty <3 ;*” and you’d go out and do it and that was it. But, truth be told, it’s hella hard to get there and it will take you at least a year of constant effort.
For me, this year meant constantly asking myself “Wait, do I REALLY want to do this right now?” and establishing a neat rule for all media consumption that goes “Always enrichment, never escape”. But, as I said, that’s a work-in-progress and something that you will have to work on in your own time and at your own pace.
Luckily, I found a shortcut :D

Now, the shortcut does not replace the year of constant effort, mind you, but it can help to make it a lot easier:

THE STUDY ROOM

What’s the “Study Room”? Well…
You might have been wondering what the title “Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself” is all about. This was my thought process:

  • 1) I want to get from limbo to flow
  • 2) And I want studying to feel like a reward in and of itself
  • 3) And it’d be nice if I could concentrate on just spinning one wheel at a time, so I can really lose myself in it
  • 4) I also want it to be a conscious choice, so I can train my decision-making process
  • ….
  • ….but how?
  • …”fake it till you make it” or what, haha?
  • ….I guess what that really means is that you have to act like you’re already there until you’re there?
  • …so, like, you have to artifically induce naturalness?
  • …haha, wouldn’t it be neat if I could do that and “transform” into my “study-form” like the Avatar or a magical girl or a superhero or something?
  • …..
  • …wait. Wait. WAIT. What if I COULD?
  • What if there was a “me” that was specifically always in the flow and already loves and is good at studying and which I only access whenever I want to study?
  • So I create a new “me”, so that, over time, we can become one again and I can change into that “me” whenever I want?
  • …cool.
  • …but how?
  • I could always go to a special place, but that would limit me whenever that place wasn’t availabe.
  • …buuuuuut…..
  • …..what if it was a place I could ALWAYS access?
  • what if it was a place in my MIND?
  • ….
  • …..holy SHIT.

And that’s how the “Study Room” was born. Below, I will detail the journey to my personal “study room”, but I wager that everybody’s study room will look a little different depending on what makes you feel most comfortable, rational and “in the flow”.

STEP 1 - DETACH FROM LIMBO

Close your eyes. Lean back.
Do it with me now. Consider this your tutorial. Bring yourself to a screeching halt, throw an anchor into the the ground of the stormy sea, pull the brakes, just - stop. Stop. Slow down.
Close your eyes, lean back, keep your eyes closed for a good minute - god, how long a minute can be, right?- and feel your breathing consciously, slowly, feel how you are alive and full of hunger, feel how your heart beats, feel how much tension has built up inside of you, how much energy has been stored and how much you actually ache to do something meaningful. Feel it. Keep your eyes closed until you feel it. Then, come back to me.

STEP 2 - BECOME AWARE OF REALITY

I don’t know if you’ll need this step, but I live very much inside my head and limbo just makes that effect even stronger. So, I like to remind myself of my physicality, of my spatial realness, of my ability to perceive and interact with the world in this step. I re-connect with the world and it slows me down even more - it’s a bit like hooking myself into this world, so limbo can’t claim me so easily.
I drink a glass of water, I eat a carrot, I touch a cold tile, I feel the texture of a pillow, I play with my own hair - if I’m in public, like in a library, I usually just brush over my lips or grip the table unobtrusively. It’s a small step, one that usually doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds, but it’s one that has helped me a lot.

(When I’m really caught up in limbo, I usually lie down on the floor in my room. That works wonders)

STEP 3 - ENTER YOUR STUDY PLACE

At this point, I close my eyes again and visualize. I enter another world, the world of studying in my mind.

STEP 3A - THE DOOR

My eyes are still closed and imagine a dark, circular room: this is the entrance to my Study Room ™. I stand in the middle of the room - there is one door right in front of me, two to my left and two to my right. I have no idea what’s behind those other doors or why my imagination has conjured up a room like that, but hey, it works and here we are.
I gather all my concentration and repeat “My life is in my hands. I take on the responsibility for my own life. I WANT to learn. I CHOOSE this.” to myself. Then, I consciously choose to walk in only one direction, channeling all my thoughts into a straight line: towards the door right in front of me. I enter through it - somehow, I never have to actually open it, so it might be more like an open doorway?

STEP 3B - THE WATER

I step through the door and find myself in a space filled with water. I have absolutely no trouble breathing and I can easily swim, turn, glide and spiral like a dolphin. The water washes the last remnants of limbo off me, I feel my tensions washing away, my mind waking up, the wheel starting to move, my chest feeling lighter, my heart feeling hotter, my breathing going slow and steady. I swim in this liminal space for as long as I need to, I revel, I breathe, I wallow, I luxuriate until I feel ready to emerge from the water.
(wonder what psychologists would say about this little ritual - is it a literal re-birth? is this the womb? who knows? it works and that’s good enough for me right now …now that I think about it, that beach scene from Gravity might have been an inspiration. Man, I loved that movie already, but that ending?? Aaaaanyway, moving on…)

STEP 3C - THE WORLD

Then, I swim upwards and emerge from the water, head-first. The sun is warm and shines on my head and I step out of the water with bare feet, toes curling around grass and my lungs breathing in fresh forest air. Somewhere, a bird is singing, white clouds are languidly drifting by, all is warm, comfortable and good. I sit down on a giant mushroom by a tree (hey, don’t ask me, I don’t know), take a last deep breath and put pen to paper.
At this point, I open my eyes in the real world. I am completely relaxed, a thousand miles away from limbo, in another dimension even, calm and happy to engage with questions and wonders.

I’m in the flow.

In this world, I am a different me. A “study-me”.
In time, this me and I will merge again and we have already merged quite a bit. My walk through the Study Room process has become faster and faster and I am quite certain that, in time, it won’t take longer than a fraction of a second and it will seem like I can switch my flow on and off again like I used to. My study wheel is rolling again.

But if yours isn’t just yet, then …this is it. This is how, this is why and this is the very moment I re-connect with my “study values”, my passion and my agency, again and again and I choose to do it. Again. And again.


It is, really, all about choice.

And that’s the advantage I have over the old me. The old me studied because I didn’t know anything else and because I thought that I had to. 
The me right now chooses to study because I want to. And that makes it ten times more effective, more freeing and more fun.

So run wild, enjoy, actively enter that world of studying in your head, no matter what yours might look like (rain? palm trees? other planet? go bonkers!), it’s about choosing this and wanting this. It is about YOU saying “Yes, there are other interesting things and wheels out there, but right here, right now, I want this, nothing else and I will give it all of myself for as long as I want to.”

As you might have guessed by the gifs, I really recommend watching Free! Iwatobi Swim Club if you’re interested in overcoming procrastination.
(I swear I’m not sponsored by KyoAni, but for all their other shortcomings, their characters always have amazing character arcs when it comes to professionalism and passions) Both Rin and Haru are caught in their own versions of limbo and following Rin’s journey in Season 1 and Haru’s journey in Season 2 really helped me realize a lot of things about my own life and about how I dealt with passion, talent and my career.

The last part of this series will include a Q&A, so if there is something you didn’t quite understand or are unsure about, something you’d like to add or recommend to others, something you’d like me to explain in more detail or demonstrate through other examples, please, just write me a message (my inbox is absolutely open!) and I will answer it in Part 5 :)

Thank you for coming along on this ride! I hope some of my thoughts could help you and please, do let me know if my methods work for you - I’d love to know! :D 

Your life is in your hands,

-studyinstyle

Kagami, Luka, and the Love Square

(spoilers obviously)

Also, just had to get it out there.

Kagami

Thoughts: 

  • She is bae honestly. Adrien proving he has a type; bad-ass, spunky Asian girls who can intimidate and/or kick his ass.
  • I think this is where angst comes in since unlike Marinette’s other rivals (Chloe, Lila), I can see her genuinely liking Kagami, and them getting along well together. And if she sees how Adrien and her might be drawn together because of their similar backgrounds, I can see her backing off as a sign of character development in wanting to be Adrien’s friend first and foremost. But at the same time, her heartbreak may also potentially cause her to be akumatized. 

  • Kagami means ‘Mirror’. From what we’ve seen of her she seems to be a foil to Marinette, really similar in appearance, but opposing in temperament. Where Marinette is clumsy (whenever she’s not LB), Kagami is lithe. Where she is expressive, Kagami is reserved. 

HCs: 

  • I can see her being bi, getting a mild crush on Marinette and also Adrien?  mean who wouldn’t have crushes on them? At the same time, I can see her being a wingwoman to both Adrien and Marinette. Go on and join the club! Alya’s president. 
  • She probably got the last spot at the fencing school and this is where she and Adrien probably become close.

  • I BELIEVE WHOLEHEARTEDLY IN THE HEADCANON THAT ADRIEN IS A WEABOO. KAGAMI IS HIS NEW ANIME BUDDY. BUT HE KEEPS ON WANTING TO TALK ABOUT SHOUJO AND MAGICAL GIRL ANIMES (Ouran High School Host Club, Sailor Moon), while Kagami just wants to talk about Shonen. THE CONFLICT. 

Speculations: 

  • I hope she gets the Peacock Miraculous, but that would mean working with HawkMoth, so it would be interesting to see how that would play out. Maybe she has a family secret relating to the Miraculous? Kwami (Quantic Kami) and Akuma are Japanese words. Maybe the whole lore and the first LB and CN started in Japan?

Luka

Thoughts:

  •  PLEASE LET HIM BE PUNK GOTH, PLEASE LET HIM BE PUNK GOTH. Please let him be the ‘bad boy’ to counter Adrien’s golden prince.
  • And to be fair, maybe Marinette mistakes him initially for Chat Noir just like how Adrien initially thought Kagami could be LB.

  • Probably outwardly flirty, but just overall a good-natured guy. I read somewhere that Luka means ‘bright one’ in Russian while Adrien could mean ‘dark one’, so I could see the two being foils like Kagami and Marinette. Adrien’s the golden boy on the outside while hiding a lot of deep sadness inside. Despite him smiling a lot, he holds himself back. Meanwhile, Luka could have a dark color scheme but act with much more freedom in his emotions, and is a really funny guy, creating a sort of image gap.

HCs:

  • I headcanon that Luka does parkour, has dark hair like Juleka, and has a sweet tooth. I’m pretty sure he’ll also have a good heart, since that part is what will likely attract Marinette (besides his possible resemblance to Chat Noir *cough cough*)
  • Maybe he and Marinette will have a meetcute, where he saves her or she saves him, and from then on gets a sort of admiration for her. He sort of flirts with her, but Marinette knows how to deflect it when it’s not Adrien, so they have this sort of easy going relationship. 
  • ADRIEN GETS SO JEALOUS. But he doesn’t really realize it at first. At first he’s maybe envious of Luka’s carefree personality, and also about the openness Marinette displays with Luka when he’s just a relatively newcomer, meanwhile it took a bit more time for Marinette to open up to him (from his perspective). Then he gets a bit uneasy because what if Marinette thinks Luka’s Chat Noir? But that shouldn’t be a problem for him right, since it’ll help protect his secret identity, but still WHAT IS THIS PAINFUL FEELING IN HIS CHEST? 
  • LIKE I AM SO READY FOR JEALOUS ADRIEN LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE. We’ve already seen jealousy on him as Chat Noir, but I think it won’t be as outwardly apparent as when he’s Adrien, so from Marinette’s perspective, Adrien really just thinks of her as a friend, and then ANGST, because what if this development is what pushes her to try to give up on Adrien?

Speculation:

  • I kinda think this is how we get the Marichat balcony scene. They’ll grow closer and Marinette drops the bomb that she likes someone, and our poor oblivious boy automatically assumes it must be Luka. There’s that weird hurting feeling in his chest again, but whatever, Marinette’s his good friend, someone he treasures, of course he’ll help her get with the guy of her dreams. Matchmaker Adrien appears again, but this will inevitably hurt Marinette more, I mean can you imagine your crush blatantly pushing you towards another guy? (It hurts Adrien too, but he still can’t tell why.)
  • Since Luka’s going to be part of S3, I have this theory that he’ll be the one to succeed HawkMoth’s miraculous. I mean if Master Fu can pass his on to Nino, so can Gabe to another younger wielder, once he’s redeemed. That would be my dream team to be honest, Marinette, Adrien, Alya, Nino, Chloe, Kagami, and Luka to defeat a greater threat than HawkMoth (because I’m sure something more sinister will be coming for them). Tbh this theory is mostly me wanting Kagami and Luka to have their own miraculouses. 

Marinette & Adrien

  • No wonder they both can’t tell the other is their partner, despite all of the obvious proof literally right in front of them. From Riposte alone, Adrien thinks and knows about Marinette’s clumsiness. He can’t reconcile that with LB’s gracefulness. There’s no possible way LB could be clumsy. Meanwhile, we know also from the same episode that Marinette thinks Chat Noir is a natural-born flirt. Even until now, she probably still hasn’t realized (or is in full-denial mode) that she is his only one. She can’t reconcile that at all with her image of Adrien as a perfect prince. This season will probably focus more on the two of them seeing the flaws of their idealized loves, in order for them to see the truth that was there all along. 
  • This is a headcanon of mine that has no basis, but I think Adrien unconsciously tries to act like a perfect prince in front of Marinette. He rarely lets his Chat Noir out around her as compared to others like Nino, and even Chloe. Maybe it has something to do with how they got off on the wrong start, so he doesn’t want her to ever have a bad opinion of him ever again, so despite wanting to act more casual and friendly around her, he still reserves a bit of himself because her opinion really matters to him. So this is maybe where Marichat interaction can help, and one which I’m really excited for this season, since the both of them can act like they want to around each other as friends without the unexpected burden of expectations. 

Rude and Missunderstood.

I CAN LIKE MISHA COLLINS AS AN HUMAN AND ACTOR WITHOUT BEING ONE OF HIS MINIONS.

Shocking right?

Here have a seat and lean back.

Originally posted by blurryfandoms

Very recently i got heavily missunderstood, and i’m making this post so it won’t happen again.

I asked someone if their blog is real . Because it was so full of hate against this actor named Misha Collins.

Originally posted by magnificent-winged-beast

This guy right here, and I bet when you are one of the anti misha people then you even share the same look on your face right now, congrats.

Listen… I love JENSEN and i love JARED. And yes i love MISHA too.

But i don’t follow him around like a dog, i don’t kiss the ground where hes walking on.

AND i also don’t do this with J2.

I fight for all of them, i fight against the hate that all of those three get and Misha gets more hate then J2 and thats a fact.

And it’s so fucking unfair, i have seen blogs and people that wish that he would die, a man with two children and wife.

This is so sick and it’s so not okay.

About the Misha minions, MISHA ISNT THE ONLY ONE WITH MINIONS.

Shocking again, right ?

The people who only love J2 hate on Misha. And the people who love all of them hate back against the anti Misha people.

The way you support J2 is the same way that Misha’s people support him.

Minions and bitchy people are EVERYWHERE.

It is such a useless fight, don’t like someone?

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

Originally posted by jarpad

What you do when you hate someone so badly and make a whole tumblr Blog about it then you are not better as those highschool bullies.

Cyberbullying is a serious subject, and thats exactly what you do with Hate Blogs and Hate tweets and Hate comments.

You want to be a bully ? You love spreading hate ?

THEN JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME AND DON’T REPLY TO THIS.


Originally posted by frozen-delight

To all of the lovely people who support me and love J2M .

Originally posted by idjitlovespie

Leave

Originally posted by ohstylesno

This was a request from @ashgrayily! Thank you so much, this was an interesting one. Hope you all enjoy. xx - L

The story about Y/N and Harry’s on-and-off again relationship.

Warnings: Mention of smut

Word Count: 2,201

Keep reading

Guys, the more I read this second statement, the more it really gets me mad. From start to finish, It is regurgitated bullshit. The time periods of discussion don’t even match and the language is scripted and manufactured. And you know what I’m still not over this Camila/Dinah situation. On December 14th, we had Dinah’s completely random dedication to Camila, clearly foreshadowing something major would happen in regards to Camila’s future in the group, but establishing and reiterating her friendship and love for C. Then two days later, on December 16th, we’ve got Dinah’s snapchat stories beside the stage while Camila was performing ‘Bad Things’. Now just look how fucking proud she is, she’s practically in tears. When Camila came off stage from performing, she went straight into Dinah’s arms. Thats the most genuine thing between any of the girls I think I have ever seen. Then 3 days later, we get this fabricated statement riddled with lies. So now, were into September 2017 and we haven’t yet publicly seen any interaction between Dinah or Camila. So I’d love for someone to tell me exactly what happened during December 17,18,19 for the girls to end up as they are now in our current situation.

How fucking blind do their team think we are?

“Is Star over Marco?”

Another post to answer to the considerable amount of Asks on the subject I’m going to get: I don’t know. It looks like Star has gotten closer to Tom again, to a still not completely clear extent, and she tells Eclipsa that “it’s not like that anymore”,

but at the same time she reacts to Marco’s return in an unusual way, as if she was bothered and confused by it. Their whole talk while going down the castle’s stairs has a thick cloud of awkwardness looming over.

Even her reaction to Marco telling her about his break up was uncharacteristic for Star, someone who’s usually rather empathetic. 

Could this behavior be justified just by Marco’s lack of a heads up? Or is it possible that Star was startled by the “mixed signals” Marco’s return in her life like that gave her? Is it possible that she was trying to get over it, over the crush, not because her feelings changed again (granted that I’m sure there’s still a great deal of confusion surrounding Marco in her heart, accepting that she has a crush doesn’t mean suddenly being able to see everything with complete clarity!), but because she was trying to focus on her life on Mewni, because all her failures and experiences convinced her that she needs to focus on the present, on doing all she can right now, the best she can?

And as far as she thought this didn’t include Marco, who was supposed to be “out” from her life. Not as in “we’ll never see eachother again”, that’s absurd and dismissed by Star herself in Scent Of A Hoodie, but as in “our lives aren’t going to be constantly intertwined as much anymore”.

It almost looks like as if at first Star was trying to keep some distance between Marco and herself, possibly not because that’s what she truly wanted, but because she felt that was the best way not to fall back into all the confusion and emotional pain that she experienced during the past season. Clearly that didn’t last long at all, since experiencing some of the good ol’ times with her best bestie in the universe made her cave in and drop the curtain that she apparently tried to put between the two of them. 

So where is all of this going? I don’t know, but as things are now, and until eventually proved wrong, I’m going to think that Star got caught in the crossfire of her feelings and her desire to mature, and that she’s just, once again, confused, not jumping from one crush to another.
What I can say is that having an episode revolving around Star “remembering” that Marco is her best friend before anything else, and that she loves having fun with him more than anything else, right after a scene where the importance of friendship even in romantic relationship was implied looks at least a tiny bit done on purpose…

How to remove a Wayne safely - Batmom x Batfam

My nephew got a tick on him today and, you know, there’s a way to remove them fully, like you can’t just tear them off or the head is gonna stay ? Well, it gave me a stupid idea. Hope you’ll like it.

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

_______________________________________________

Some mornings, you had obligations. You had to wake up early.

When you and Bruce got married, you took the place of second CEO at Wayne Enterprise, to relieve your husband of a bit of the weight of it all. To make things easier on his end…To allow him to, sometimes, sleep more than three hours a night.  

You did it gladly. 

One morning every two days, more if Bruce was injured, you’d wake up early in the morning to go take care of the family business (when Bruce asked you if you could help, you felt like he genuinely fully trusted you…he trusted you with his parents’ empire, which meant a lot). 

Your Bruce both loved and hated it. Loved it because it meant that he could take a well deserve rest, hated it because it also meant that he’d wake up alone in the bed and oh he loathed that more than anything. He lived for those days were neither him nor you had anything to do, and could just cuddle your way to 5 pm haha. 

He also hated it because, since you monitored the bat computer every nights, you also needed your sleep and…he just hated the fact that your “obligations” toward him and his enterprise made you wake up. 

You wouldn’t have it any other way though, anything to allow your Broosh to rest, to recuperate and such. He wasn’t getting any younger and needed those peaceful time…Of course it was even better when you could both be lazy in your bed but, life wasn’t always like that. 

This morning, your faithful alarm clock, aka Alfred Pennyworth, came into your room to wake you up and…it was difficult. 

Last night, Bruce and your boys came back around 8 am, and of course you stayed up with them, monitoring the bat computer. And when you and Bruce finally got to bed…Well, you needed each others before sleeping and you both collapsed after a heated love making session, exhausted. Now, barely two hours later, you had to wake up and your entire body was sore and screaming for more sleep and…Uh, Alfred was having none of it. 

-Lady (Y/N), you need to wake up. 

-I am awake…

You said in a weak voice, bringing the blanket up to your nose. 

Bruce didn’t even budge, his arms around you, his face nuzzling your hair. Contrary to popular belief, once he was truly asleep, Bruce was very difficult to wake up and there could be a very loud metal concert next to him and he wouldn’t even hear it, too deep in his slumber. 

And right now, as you and Alfred talked aloud next to him, and you shifted in his arms…Well, he didn’t even move one inch. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

LAMP, au where everyone is born with wings distinctive to their personality but can only fly after meeting their soulmate (can be platonic if you want), fluff please!!!

**This got so ridiculously long, and I am so, so ridiculously pleased. This is 2,760 words. How did this happen? 

Warnings: Small amount of swearing, some angst but I couldn’t resist a fluffy ending, lots of tears shed

This is poly sanders, Romantically involved because I’m a sucker for romance**


It happened when Virgil was born. There was a problem with the birth and he had to have surgery done, resulting in the loss of his wings.

“What did they look like?” He used to ask his mother. She’d tell him how soft they were, how dark they were, the color of the night sky dipped in the ocean. How beautiful they could have become. After awhile, he asked less and less sad to hear about what could have been and what would never be, and by the time he was ten he had come to hate the mere mention of his non-existent wings.

All of the adults pitied him, all of the children teased him.

Virgil was teased for it, of course he was, all throughout school. All the other children had wings, all the other children would find their Soulmates.

Soulmates.

It was bitter on his tongue.

Another tragedy all the winged beings encompassed themselves with.

Everyone had a Soulmate.

‘You probably don’t even have a Soulmate. That’s why they took your wings away.’

At first, he denied it. He wanted so desperately to fit in. He told them, he did have a Soulmate, and his Soulmate would be the most beautiful person ever. They’d tease him. They’d laugh at him. They’d tell him he was wrong.

He’d never have a Soulmate.

And he grew to hate them, too.

He grew to hate his non-existent Soulmate. The reason he was teased. The reason he was mocked. The reason he was alone.

Virgil would never have a Soulmate.

~

It was years after he had graduated high school that he met another with very similar thinking to his own.

They had run into each other on the street. An accident, really. Virgil hadn’t been looking where he was walking, hood pulled up and eyes cast down, and had collided with a man as he turned the corner.

Logan, he’d soon learn, hadn’t been watching his steps either; nose buried in some book more important than his steps.

Virgil was sarcastic and bitter, Logan was frozen, frowning at his wings.

“Do I know you?” He asked finally, as Virgil stepped past.

“Nope.”

“You sure?”

“Yes?”

“It’s just….” He shivered.

“I don’t care.”

Two years later, and they were happily living together as a couple.

Logan had similar thoughts to Virgil when it came to Soulmates.

“I don’t want my love to be determined by “pre-existing forces”. I should be allowed to decide for myself who I live the rest of my life with.”

Semi-similar to Virgil at least- Logan’s view point wasn’t stemmed from years of self-loathing and teasing.

“Good thing you got me then,” Virgil would say, smirking. After all, they loved each other, but Logan couldn’t fly.

He once said that his wings felt odd whenever Anxiety was around. Lighter almost, but said his heart felt that way too and then the conversation would usually lead into the “emotions” territory, which both men were terrible with.

But, they knew they loved each other, and that’s all they needed.

~

“I…. I met my Soulmate today.”

Virgil immediately dropped his phone to the couch, eyes wide for a split second before falling flat and empty.

“Oh.”

“Yeah…. It was… odd. My wings,” He glanced behind him, flexing out the gray feathered appendages so they brushed the ceiling and then folded them back and frowned, “I felt…. they fluttered. All on their own. It was like air was-”

“Yeah, I get it,” Virgil cut him off. Logan snapped his mouth shut.

Virgil didn’t like talking about his own wings, yes, but he seemed to live through Logan. Always asking to feel the otherswings, to groom them. He’d ask for Logan to tell him how they felt in the wind, how it felt to sleep, how it felt to have them pet…. He may not remember having his own wings, but he did seem to miss them.

“I’ll take you flying one day,” Logan told him one night as they curled together in a hammock, his left wing draped over them. “I’ll carry you in the sky with me in the night. Just you and me.”

“If you’re flying you’ll have your Soulmate,” Virgil had pointed out bitterly, a word very accurate to anytime he discussed Soulmates.

“Sure. I’ll find them, but I don’t need a Soulmate. I have you, and you’re all I want.”

“Look, just get on with it already.” Virgil’s words snapped Logan from his thoughts.

“Get on with what?” He asked in confusion, not an emotion he particularly liked, but one he found himself dealing with often when it came to his boyfriend. For someone who didn’t like feelings, Virgil had quite a few of them.

“You’re leaving, right? You’ve discovered your real Soulmate, you’ve realized being with me is foolish and you’re going to go be with them, right?” He wasn’t looking at Logan now, simply staring at his lap. His tone was emotionless.

“Hey,” Logan’s tone was sharp. He immediately walked over and sat beside the other. “Virgil,” He picked up the others hand and got no resistance. “Yes, I’ve found a Soulmate, but that means nothing. I’m interested, I suppose that’s the pull of the soulbond, but I would never, ever leave you. It’s you’ve I’ve fallen in love with Virgil, and it’s you who I’ve chosen to spend the rest of my life with, soulbond be damned.”

Virgil couldn’t stop himself, “Don’t say that.” He sniffled, “I know the power of a soulbond.” He didn’t, obviously, but he had been told, “I know it’s nearly impossible to resist. I don’t…. I don’t want you to hurt, because you’ve ignored them, I-….”

Logan reached out and lifted the others head, his own eyes meeting Virgil’s watery own.

“I just don’t want you to leave me-” His voice cracked at the end, and Logan was holding him then. Whispering soft sweet nothings and promises he would never break.

He would never leave Virgil. He could never leave Virgil.

If he could, he would give his own soul to him.

~

Through lots of talking, and after many months, Logan began happily dating his Soulmate, Patton. Whom, he’d come to find, was not his only Soulmate.

“Who knew you were so high-maintenance,” Virgil joked when he found out.

“It’s very upsetting,” Logan had frowned.

“How so? We not enough for you now?” It was a joke, but Logan always took Virgil’s self-depreciating humor seriously. Some small part of Virgil was thankful for that.

“You shouldn’t measure yourself out like that. Virgil, you’re greater than you know.” He kissed the others head, “And, I was referring to the fact that I still am unable to carry you through the skies.”

“Hm, well I’m still holding you to that, so get on that “finding your other Soulmate and/or Soulmates” thing.”

Logan smiled.

“Yes dear.”

After about three months of Patton and Logan being together, Virgil finally met the famed “Heart”.

Virgil never understood why Logan referred to him like that. Yes, Logan gushed (though, he wouldn’t admit to it) about the other and his emotional state of every second of every day, and how open he was about his feelings, but the nickname was still out of place.

Then, Virgil saw him.

His wings, large, red, and shimmering, were the shape of a heart when extended to full length. A large extension of the man himself.

It took merely three weeks for Virgil to fall head-over-heels for the other man, but he never said a word. This was Logan’s Soulmate- Virgil didn’t belong anywhere in that mix.

So, he kept his distance. He stayed out of the confusion that was Soulmates. Especially, Soulmates that weren’t his.

Puppy love, he called it. He was sure it’d pass.

It didn’t.

Everyday, it seemed his affections grew, until one day he confessed his feelings to Logan, apologizing over and over about butting in where he doesn’t belong, about getting in the way of his and Patton’s soulbond.

“Virgil,” Logan had said, “Virgil it’s okay. You can’t help who you love, anymore than I can. Love is okay, Virgil. You’re the one who taught me that. It’s okay.”

And a day later, Virgil had more than he could have hoped as he sat inbetween his partner of so many years, and his partner of seven minutes.

Patton had, or so he said, loved Virgil since the day they met.

Virgil said Patton was just being dramatic.

Patton only ruffled his wings in reply.

~

“Why don’t you understand, I have no control over this?” Logan ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“You said you did! You said you’d never leave me! That you chose me!” Virgil yelled back, tears streaming down his face.

“I can’t choose who my Soulmates are, it’s not my fault!” Logan shot back, raising his voice in frustration more than anger.

He had met his Soulmate. Apparently, he had only two. He had all but flown (literally, he had to restrain himself) when he had run into a young man hurrying out of the local town hall, the two running hard into each other, but Logan having leaped back (okay, maybe he had kinda flown) so he didn’t fall.

Logan could finally fly.

He had flown home immediately to tell Virgil, who had been ecstatic to learn Logan had found his other Soulmate. Getting to know Patton and understand Soulbond’s better had really opened his mind and allowed him to see past what years of pain had done to him.

A week later, Logan was already dating Roman, and that’s when things got rocky.

Roman was all Logan talked about. Roman was all Logan thought about. Roman was all Logan cared about.

Then Pat.

Patton met Roman.

Lo and behold, Roman was his final Soulmate as well, and he had soared with love, high into the sky.

Roman had a third Soulmate, though, as Virgil had been told he still couldn’t fly.

And now, two months later, Virgil was done. He had been hoping, he had been hoping so hard things could work.

But his love wasn’t even close to enough when it came to soulbonds. They would always be more. They would always be better. And they would always be…. not him.

He knew he loved Logan and Patton. He knew they loved him, too. Though his mind liked to say it was lies, he had put all his faith and hope into their love and he would trust them with it.

It was hard though.

He wanted to believe the others loved him. He wanted to be enough for them. But, it was obvious now that he wasn’t. He’d never compare to their souls. He’d never compare to what they had.

Not him.

Not the wingless, soulless nobody.

Not Virgil.

Which lead to now. When Virgil had declared their relationship over. When he said he was leaving.

“You said you understood that I was with them! If you didn’t like that I was with them, why didn’t you say something?!” Logan fumed.

“BECAUSE THEY’RE YOUR SOULMATES!”

Virgil screamed, and the tears fell.

Everything was silent.

“Because, I could never, ever make you choose. Because, I know that you could never choose me over your soulbond.”

“What do you know about Soulmates?” The words left his mouth in rage, and died immediately in the battle.

It didn’t matter.

Their damage was done.

Virgil sobbed and covered his mouth with his hand.

“Virgil, I didn’t mean it-”

He was gone. Out the door like lightning, and tears falling like rain.

He wouldn’t know, but Logan immediately called Patton, and both took to the skies to look for him.

Hard to find one man in a city though, however hard they looked.

He managed to make his way towards the center of the city, twisting through streets until he was sure he had to be in another Country, walking for long, long hours he never wanted to end. He didn’t want to go back and face what had happened He didn’t want to face the reality he had been thrust into.

Why couldn’t he just have a soulbond like everyone else? Why couldn’t he have been normal?

“Hey!”

He fell backwards as another person collided with him.

He kept his gaze on the ground as the other lept backwards into the air.

Another person to rub it in his face how alone he was.

“You!”

Suddenly, hands were holding his face, and making him look upwards into the face of one of the handsomest men he knew. Though, to be fair he was, had been, dating the other two.

“You’re- why are you crying? Are you hurt?! Is my first act upon finding my true love only to hurt them?! Oh, how tragic! How dismal! How utterly horrific of me! I must-”

“Let go of me,” He pushed the other off and scrubbed at his eyes with his hands, “you didn’t do nothin’. I’m fine.”

“Well, that’s one relief,” The other sighed, but then he knelt down and was brushing the hair from Virgil’s face, “But, when I find out whoever it was that hurt my Soulmate, they won’t be so happy.”

Virgil chuckled bitterly, the salty tears finding the corners of his lips as if to remind him he needed to be sad.

“Don’t know if you’ve noticed buddy,” He motioned to his back, “But, I’m afraid you have the wrong guy.”

“Nonsense!” He jumped at how loud the other became, “It was your touch that brought me flight, thus it is your final soul that is bound to mine!”

Virgil scowled at the ground, “Look. I don’t have a soul, so it can’t be me. Just leave me alone!”

His pursuer stayed silent. He crouched down in front of Virgil and brushed the hair, once more, from his eyes.

“I don’t know what’s befallen you in life to make the sun so dark in your eyes, and I can’t take those filters away, but allow me to help, and I can brighten the sun tenfold until all you can see is its beauty.”

And it was all Virgil needed.

He had lived, all his life, every waking moment, believing he was soulless. That he couldn’t be anybodies. He couldn’t, wasn’t, like others. And suddenly, this man swoops in and tells him he has a soul. Further yet, that it has a mate.

And he’s sobbing again, and he’s being held and whispered, too. Told that everything would be okay.

He hears, vaguely, the other mention carrying him in flight to Virgil’s home, but he turns him down.

Logan, his first love, currently one of his only, had promised him his first flight. And now, he may never ever get it, but he wouldn’t destroy that promise. He held it dear, closer to his heart than his soul, and he couldn’t give it away.

“Okay, let me call for my others, and they can come help, okay?”

Virgil didn’t understand, but he nodded anyways.

A few short minutes later, he heard it.

A loud clap as shoes met pavement, and then he was being barreled into and pulled from his supposed Soulmate into new arms.

“Virgil, Virge, thank God, thank God,” Someone wept, “I was so worried, so scared, I didn’t- I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

It was Logan.

It was Logan that was holding him.

He clutched tightly to his shirt.

It was Logan who came for him.

Soulbond be damned.

It was Logan he loved.

It was Patton he loved.

His heart wrenched.

….This was it. What he didn’t understand before.

A solebond hurt.

A solebond hurt so much.

He may not love him now, but he knew. He knew he’d love him later.

He knew he’d love his soulmate- this man he had met only an hour earlier.

Had he known, he would have recognized this feeling many years ago, when he first met Logan.

~

“Thank you.”

He’d say, as he leaned into Logan’s chest, wind ruffling his hair as they flew across the stars.

Roman was twirling through clouds, attempting to be Peter Pan and discovering that clouds are, infact, made of water.

Patton was connecting stars with his flight pattern, creating large dogs, and fluffy cats in the sky.

“I always keep my promises.”