loving self loathing

I wonder if you ever felt like I abandoned you….  
If you ever thought I should have fought for you…

The truth of it is I never left.  
I’m still here.  
And I do fight for you - every single day.   
Not to win you…. not to trap you or cage you…  
But for your happiness.

I wage war on myself day in and day out for you.  
Tearing strips off myself, swallowing hatred and tears….  
So if you hate me because I abandoned you…. don’t worry…  
….. I hate myself for it too…
—  Ranata Suzuki

I just wanted to let u girls know that I’m a real emotional bitch…..a crier….a screamer…….I love self loathing AND pretending nothing’s wrong……an emotional bitch who lives for sadness……

You are so selfish! You only think about yourself! You disgust me.
— 

My parents, when I do something for my sake that they don’t percive as necessary.

Why is it wrong for me to care for and love myself? I always hated myself. I was full of self loathe. I always used to place my needs last, after yours. I gave and gave and gave. You took everything and gave nothing in return. I was ashamed no matter what I did. Self care, for me, was forbidden. You didn’t care if I had my reasons. I was always and only supposed to do what was going to benefit you. I am finally learning to love myself and I am learning to take care of myself, as a love-worthy human, and my future. It’s late but it’s not too late. You need to stop shaming me for this. You need to stop destroying me. I am important.

I am important.

Reasons I think Vader would be able to successfully hide his son from the Emperor at his Mustafar Castle of Dramatic Self-Loathing:

  1. Palpatine probably never visits him there, bc when you’re the Emperor’s lap dog he doesn’t come to you, you go to him.
  2. Anakin/Vader definitely inspires intense personal loyalty bordering on a cult-like following in those who work for him, so I doubt his butler or any other staff would say anything.
  3. It gives me license for all the weird Vader-Luke father-son fluff I want, and what other reason do I need, really.

You wish that things will eventually get better. You hope that one day you’re not that sad anymore. But sweetheart, listen, you can’t just lay in bed or stay in your room all day while hoping things will get better just like that.

Honey, you need to put some effort to make it happen.

Dress up, go to the park, breathe some fresh air, look at the pretty flowers, catch the butterflies. Let your inner you feel free from after all this time locking yourself away.

Dress up, go to the library, pick a novel, spend hours there, bring your brain to places, let the words inspire you. Let your minds be free after being stressed all these time.

Dress up, go out there, this big bad world isn’t that big bad after all if you find something good for you in it. Let yourself free in this big bad world. Distract yourself from the sadness you’ve tangled to, let go of the things that’ll let you down, spread that beautiful smile of yours, give your eyes a break from flowing tears by seeing new beautiful things.

— 

Give yourself a break honey, you’ve been through a lot. You deserve so much in this world (sitiiiinrhlz)

Originally posted by lazypacific

His love is a blanket
that warms and covers
her cold heart.

Shivering in self-loathing,
she never expected someone
who is so eager to melt the ice
that surrounded her whole being.

—  ma.c.a // Love Overwhelmed Hate
you spend years
reciting to yourself
all of the things
you hate
about who you are
and trying to hide them
from anyone
who gets too close
  
then suddenly
someone walks
into your life
and wants to love
the ugliest parts
of you
  
and you love them back
harder than you knew
you could
but still
you’re terrified
that they will find something
too horrible
for them to see past
and they
like everyone else
will leave
and out of fear
you will crash
and burn
and shatter your fragile heart
  
my darling
do not doubt their love
don’t sabotage
your happiness
because not everyone
has seen
what they see in you
don’t push them away
because you’re afraid
that they’re just bound
to leave
anyway
  
you’ve got to take a chance
and believe that you
are worth loving
that you are worth
sticking around for
  
and maybe letting them
love you
will teach you a thing or two
about loving yourself

100 Ways to Say “I Love You.”

Number Nine: “I saved a piece for you.”

Trigger Warnings: major anxiety attacks, self-harm, and mention of eating disorder.

Summary:

Yuuri fought his battles alone until he met Viktor.

OR

It’s midnight and this is over 2000 words. Enjoy. :)

Also this is a coninutation of Number Eight!

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