Hello. I’m here. I’ve been here all along. I’ve been waiting for you since the beginning of our time, hoping and wishing that maybe you’ll come around. I don’t know how much longer I can wait… but I’m here now.
Fair warning, I’m slightly drunk while writing this. It’s
Carrie Fisher’s birthday. She would have been 61. I love and miss you Space
Mom. I went to Concord Mills today to get Christmas presents for my friends.
While at the Books-A-Million, I found Carrie’s book, “Postcards from the Edge,”
and even Debbie Reynold’s book, “Make ‘Em Laugh.” I’m so happy! I’ve been
looking for “Postcards from the Edge,” for months and I finally found it, and
on Carrie’s birthday no less! I feel like she’s watching over me.
I have one of
her other books, “The Princess Diarist,” that I bought just a few days after
she passed away. I had decided to wait until her birthday to read it. That’s
how I found myself in the bathtub with the book, a large stuffed-crust cheese
pizza, and 1\4 a bottle of vodka tonight. It’s been a good time.
I miss her so
much and it hurts every day that she’s gone but I know that she’s still here
with us. Here in our hearts and minds. She’s still here in her books and movies
and interviews. She’s here with us forever. She is with us in every middle
finger. In every weird hairdo. In every white dress. She’s in every French bulldog
and every can of Coca-Cola. She’s in every sparkle. In every star and galaxy. She’s
in Alderaan, and always remember: Alderaan is out there somewhere.
I don’t know what i did to deserve you. I always think of my life prior to you. I was in a mentally abusive relationship before you. It left me broken, with no voice, left me feeling weak and unworthy. A year and a half later you found me. Trying to rediscover myself you helped me put the pieces back together. You didnt rush me when i was scared to voice my opinion. You sat there assuring me you wanted to know and listen as long as it took. Sometimes a few sentences took five or ten minutes but it helped me. I am almost all of myself now with your help. Im so grateful. You have a bold and passionate heart and i am so lucky to have your love wrap me up all day long. Im so excited to become your wife. There is no one i could whole heartily say that to. My whole heart belongs to you.